Feel It
by EmZ2009
Summary: Naomi and Emily meet on a dinner date with their boyfriends at one of their flats. What happens when too much wine is consumed?
1. Chapter 1

**Feel it**

**So this is what you get when Emily (me) finishes work at 1, has nothing to do for the rest of the day apart from drink tea ( which I think ive drunk too much off cause I feel ill) and doesn't have a girlfriend to keep her entertained because she started work AT 1….so instead of being lazy I thought id use my spare time being productive, or hoping to be productive, when really this is a load of shit and ive wasted my time when I could have watched misfits….or something else. **

**Anyhoo, not saying this is going to turn into a full length story with my undivided attention….may even be a one – shot depending on reviews. I have a lot going on at the moment (apart from today! Before you say lol) lots of police exams and training, and also working at the grand Argos, which I have used slightly in this story hehe….its taking over my life already! Nooo!**

**The title of this story may change, so be aware of that if you can't find it later on! **

**Cool, so im going to shut up now and let you 'ave a read….i don't own skins, although I am contemplating an armed robbery….but that's for another day…**

Naomi slams her fist on the radio in frustration when she hears the forth Christmas song of the day, once was when she was browsing through the Argos catalogue in the store, the second time was on the phone of a fellow customer while she was queuing to pay for her goods and the other times were on her own radio positioned in her kitchen, she felt betrayed by it, fucking thing playing Christmas songs when it wasn't even December. Naomi hates how the recession has practically ruined Christmas; making the run up to it a painful rush to ensure she has enough money to buy everyone she knows, or everyone she feels deserves, a present. she had only just recently moved out of her mothers house, at the age of 22 she felt like she was pushing the boundaries of it being acceptable for her still to live there without looking like one of those childen who seem incapable of leaving their parents shadows, therefore turning into a mirror image of them, wearing the same clothes and having the same horrible hair cut. It made Naomi cringe at the thought of becoming a mirror image of her mum Gina. Don't get her wrong, she's a good mum and Naomi knows she has probably picked up plenty of traits from her, but looking like her and wearing some of the things she wears, well, that's just not acceptable by Naomi's standards. Even if during college she did have a similar hair cut, Naomi has made sure now to grow it long.

The sound of bells cut through her radio bringing Naomi out of her daze, followed by the squeaky voice of Mariah Carey.

"No! Fuck off!" She screams slamming her fist even harder on the radio, panicking slightly when she see's the blue lighted screen flicker slightly before continuing playing the Christmas song. Naomi slumps her shoulders in relief, deciding just to minimise the volume and begin her house work, well flat work. Opening the cupboard in the hallway she removed the Hoover, grabbing the nozzle smiling proudly at her self when Hetty the Hoover came rolling out. Naomi would never admit that she brought the Hoover, when ever any one asked she would claim that it was left behind by the old owners, Naomi Campbell didn't do pink, this was the only occasion when she did. But no one else had to know that, not even Cook.

Plugging Hetty in she began to make her way around the flat, pausing quickly to run into the kitchen to turn the radio back up once the screeching voice of Mariah Carey had stopped. Glancing at the clock positioned above the cooker she took note of the time, realising she had only half and hour before Cook arrived home and demanded they started drinking. They had a dinner date with his best friend JJ, she didn't really want to go but being Cooks girlfriend and after the week she has just had, anything involving alcohol was good enough for her.

;;

She stood by the entrance to her living room, hands on her hips, with a proud smile on her lips. The flat isn't much, plain cream walls, slightly darker shaded carpets, a few pictures put up on the walls, some of her family and others of her and Cook. She's not the sentimental type, isn't really into any of the cliché bollocks and neither is Cook. She likes that about him, he gets her, knows she isn't your typical kind of girlfriend needing constant attention. Naomi likes her space; Cook always teases her about it even though she can see the worry etched across his face when she loses herself in her thoughts. "Come back to me" he'd say whilst wrapping his big protective arms around her waist, resting his forehead on her shoulder.

"Sorry" she'd mumble leaning back into the embrace, smiling at his warmth.

He'd squeeze her tightly "Where'd ya go?"

Turning around in the embrace "No where important" she'd vaguely reply kissing him on the lips before burying her head in the crook of his neck. Allowing him to have this one moment where he could protect her.

Naomi moved back into the kitchen, hearing yet another Christmas song playing, sighing she looks at the clock. 45 minutes it had taken her to Hoover the whole flat, he was late.

She opened the cupboard above the radio, retrieving two wine glasses and placing them on the kitchen side. Hearing the front door open and click shut, followed by a grunting noise she doesn't even turn around to know its Cook.

"You're late"

"Yeah soz babe, Dick of a boss decided ta 'ave a word with me before I left" He explains putting down his bag by the door, dropping his car keys on the table by the door and making his way into the kitchen. Naomi turns around when she feels his presence in the kitchen, smiling when she see's him. He still manages to make her heart flutter, even now after two years. She fell for his jack the lad attitude, she liked the way he just didn't give a fuck, lived each moment as if it was his last. She use to call him the walking cliché when they first met. She loved his cocky grin and the sound of his laugh. They were never bored. Always found something to keep themselves entertained, whether it was a cheep night at Cooks uncle keiths pub or a random drive, where they usually ended up finding a secluded spot to fuck. Naomi loved the adrenaline; it was her only excuse for allowing Cook to persuade her into doing it.

"Ere grabbed a bottle on ma way 'ome" Cook chimes in waving the bottle of red in front of her face. She smiles pleased that she could still read him, taking the bottle from his hands and walking over to the already laid out wine glasses whilst Cook went to take a shower.

"What time have we got to be there tonight?" Naomi yelled through the flat.

"Seven!"

Glancing at the clock she saw that she only had an hour to get ready, grabbing her now filled wine glass she rushed into her bedroom only to run straight back to grab the bottle. If there is one thing that Cook has been a bad influence on it's the amount of alcohol they both intake a week.

;;

"Oh tequila its make me 'appy!" Cook sung with one arm wrapped around Naomi while the other waved around in the air. They both stumbled along the road, Naomi was beginning to regret the four tequila shots Cook had blackmailed her into drinking, however the forfeit was not an option, that area was an exit _NOT_ and entrance.

"You sure JJ isn't going to be upset about us turning up slightly pissed?"

"Nah babe, he knows you're with me init" Cook answers as if that's explanation enough "Plus his missus enjoys a good old drink from wat ive 'erd"

Naomi stops slightly taking in the new information causing Cook to swing round from his arm still being wrapped around her "Missus? JJ has a girlfriend?"

Cook laughs which irritates her slightly "Yeah babe I told ya that"

"No you didn't!" she scowls, her voice laced with anger. "God she's going to think I'm an alcoholic!"

"Nah babe, besides what bou me? I'm fucked too"

"Cook she probably doesn't expect any different" Naomi says storming past Cook on the pavement, sobering up slightly from the anger pulsating through her veins. She hates, _HATES, _looking a fool in front of someone she doesn't know. She knows she isn't going to have full control of what is going to be coming out of her mouth tonight, has learnt that from the other times she's turned up somewhere drunk.

;;

Naomi takes Cooks hand in hers once they've reached JJ's flat, she plasters a fake smile on her face and gives Cook one last look, knows he understands what it means '_this isn't over you prick, but for now you act like a nice lil boyfriend'_

The door swings open.

"Jaykins my man!" Cook howls throwing himself at the helpless boy, bringing him into a bone crushing hug before releasing him and entering the flat. Leaving Naomi and JJ by the front door, she shakes her head embarrassed, while the colour returns to JJ's cheeks.

JJ smiles "Hello Naomi"

"Hey Jay" she replies walking forward slightly and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Is he drunk?" he asks gesturing inside to where Cook has just gone. She can hear his voice inside, he always talks so much louder when he's drunk, she normally doesn't notice because she's at the same level of drunkness but after their slight row she's sobered up considerably but not enough.

She gives JJ a sympathetic smile "We both are slightly, I didn't realise we would be meeting your girlfriend tonight"

Naomi see's the way JJ's face lights up from her mentioning his girlfriend. She thinks its rather cute, wonders who could possibly put up with his mood swings and locked on behaviour. She must be a saint, she concludes.

"She's just in the kitchen finishing off Dinner" JJ explains "I can't wait for you to meet her, she's lovely"

Naomi notices that they are still stood by the front door, she smiles laughing internally that JJ's social skills are still lacking in some areas, she doesn't want to be rude like Cook and just barge in but her alcohol coat is wearing thin. She clears her throat shuffling awkwardly on her feet waiting for him to pick up the hint, after a few more seconds of an awkward silence she finally gives in.

"JJ not to be rude but can I come in?"

She see's him jump at the question, muttering to himself as he nods and steps out of the way to let her in. she tries to stifle a laugh but it escapes before her hand reaches her mouth. She gives him a sympathetic look before heading into the living room area, following the sound of her obnoxious boyfriends voice. She stops at the kitchen's entrance seeing the form of Cook bouncing up and down as he tells an animated story to who she presumes to be JJ's girlfriend but Cook is blocking her from view.

Naomi waits patiently by the door, leaning slightly on the frame. She can just make out the faint sound of the radio playing in the background over Cooks loud voice. Its another Christmas song, she rolls her eyes dramatically and lets out a puff of air, this alerts the others to her presence.

"Babe!" Cook almost yells "Come ere and meet JJ's girlfriend she's mint!"

Naomi doesn't really know what happens, she cant explain it. She see's a flash of red, then her eyes focus on brown ones that are only merely a few feet away from her. They suck her in. everything around her blurs away, Cooks voice, the sound of JJ's foot steps approaching them and the hum of the Christmas song playing in the back ground. She can feel her heart thumping in her chest and the hairs all over her body stand up on end. She feels freezing on the outside but warm inside.

Cook breaks her line of vision with his hand, bringing her out of her trance.

"Wha?" she croaks, seeing Cooks disbelieving expression before glancing back round to the girl who's staring at her intently. "Sorry….erm its nice to meet you….." Naomi says reaching her hand out, glancing at Cook desperately to remind her of the name.

"Emily" he hisses at her.

"…Emily" she finishes; her hand still held out while she waits desperately for Emily to take her hand and not be offended. Naomi looks at her hand hovering in the air; she doesn't want to meet Emily's questioning eyes. She doesn't know what came over her. She hates not having control, and as soon as she looked into the red heads eyes she lost all control.

JJ shuffles closer to Emily his hand reaching out for her shoulder "Emily?" He asks worry clear in his voice.

Naomi chances a look at the red head, seeing her snap out of her line of thought and grasp Naomi's outstretched hand.

"It n-nice to meet you Naomi" the husky voice stutters, causing Naomi's heart to lose its rhythm and a spark of electricity to rush up her arm. She rips her hand away from the red heads, trying to cover it by itching her head. She feels a blush creep its way up her neck, she begins to itch her head more furiously turning her attention to Cook who's watching Emily and JJ interact. He then smirks at her, she flips him off and instantly regrets it because she now has no where else to focus her attention on without seeming rude. She looks back towards the brown eyes; see's them staring at her instantly. They lock again. She can see JJ and Cook moving either side of them, deep in a pointless conversation. Emily's smiling at her, she feels her lips involuntarily smiling back. Her body is confusing her, but she also likes the way it feels.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" Emily asks her; Naomi's surprised she even heard her over the boy's conversation. Its as if all her senses are automatically tuned into the stranger stood in front of her. She doesn't trust her voice so she just nods in response. Emily quickly turns away and begins rummaging through all the cupboards suddenly forgetting where JJ keeps his wine glasses even though she's used them countless times before.

Naomi makes a move towards Emily, turning slightly so she can squeeze past the still talking boys. She spots Emily struggling to reach the wine glasses which are placed on the top shelf of the cupboard taunting Emily's shortness. She see's Emily let out a huff. Walking up behind the red head Naomi reaches up and scoop's two wine glasses from the top shelf; then repeats the action to get two more, all while trying to ignore the smell of Emily's scent, it's a beautiful smell, reminds Naomi of happy days filled with sunshine and laughter. She pauses when she feels her breast brush against Emily's shoulder, her thin t-shirt providing limited protection against the red head.

Emily turns to her, a surprised look on her face. Naomi clears her throat placing the glasses beside the others and steps away.

"Red or white?" Emily says a little louder this time so Naomi can hear, they're closer to the radio now which for once is not playing a Christmas song.

Naomi clears her throat "Red please"

"Good choice" Emily chuckles pouring her and Naomi a glass "JJ, Cook would you like a glass?" she asks, reminded them both of the boys presence.

Cook brings his arm around Naomi, kissing her on the forehead "'ell yeah!"

Stupid question to ask Cook, Naomi thinks while JJ declines the offer. His arm suddenly feels weird around her shoulder, not as nice and comforting as it normally does. She feels like he's pimping her; she brushes it off her shoulder, tries to cover it up as if it was making her feel weighed down. She see's the flash of hurt hover over Cook's face, feels momentarily guilty knowing hes going to associate her brushing off to the earlier argument when really she forgot about that the moment she entered the kitchen and focussed her eyes on Emily.

Naomi takes Cook's hand instead, see's the smile of gratitude as she takes a sip of wine. Glancing quickly at Emily to her frowning at their joined hands before excusing herself to the bathroom taking her full glance with her.

She notices that when Emily returns, her glass is empty.

;;

Emily serves dinner. There's a tense feeling in the atmosphere but Naomi is sure that only her and Emily can feel it. The table is only small, just enough room for four people to sit around, not enough room underneath for their legs not to brush. Naomi rolls her eyes because of course Emily is sat opposite her and Cook beside her. She wished so much that it would be Cook.

Naomi barely talks during dinner, tries to disguise it by constantly having her mouth full, answering JJ's questions as best she can. For once she's grateful that Cook has such a big mouth, he clouds her anxiousness.

Emily speaks a little, Naomi tries not to watch the way her mouth moves, her funny lip shape or the pimple that forms on her right cheek when she smiles brightly.

Cook places his hand on her thigh as he continues to listen to Emily talk and spoon another bit of the spaghetti bolognaise Emily made into his mouth. She smiles as she see's a bit of food splashed on his cheek, he's such a kid some times she thinks, reaching forward wiping the bit of sauce off of him then wiping it on her napkin beside her plate.

She turns her attention back on Emily, she diverts her eyes straight away watching her prod her dinner with her fork. "So Cook" Emily begins "How did you and Naomi meet?"

Naomi raises her eyebrows at this, wasn't expecting Emily to ask that.

He laughs and Naomi cringes at the sight of the massacred food in his mouth. "Well…..was quite funny actually…..i tried to chat er up at a bar n she flipped me off…..didnt even get ta finish ma sentence did I babe?"

JJ laughs "I believe that alright"

Naomi chuckles taking a sip from her wine, trying to ignore Emily's eyes burning her face "Thought I was another cheap shag, I soon put him straight"

"Made me chase 'er for months!" he exclaimed, JJ raise his eyebrows in shock.

"I'm surprised you actually chased her for that long, n-no offense Naomi, but Cook normally has the attention span of a three year old"

"Still has" she joked

"So what made you finally give in Naomi?" Emily asks her directly, Naomi tries not to look so taken back by this, tries to cover it with a smile but knows that her eyes give her away completely.

She turns to look at Cook; see's him looking at her expectantly.

"Guess I just fell for his charm after all" she smiles as he leans forward and gives her a kiss.

;;

Naomi is relieved when dinner is finally over and the tension in the atmosphere is lifted. Her and Emily did the dishes while Cook and JJ played on his XBOX 360, Call of Duty Black Ops to be precise. Naomi doesn't really know what all the hype is about, its just another stupid game encouraging kids to blow things up. Laughs at herself when she remembers the Christmas papered one sat underneath her bed for Cook back at home. Sometimes she feels like she's dating a kid, which is very perverted, but no kid would do what Cook does or say some of the things he does either.

Emily laughs as she brings another plate out of the washing up bowl placing it on the dryer for Naomi to dry. "That must have been embarrassing! I think I would have died!"

Naomi nods "Yep, he then went on to say that apparently my pubic hair looks a lot like my mothers…..I've shaved ever since"

They both break down in hysterics; Emily bends her knees leaving her hands in the sink as she crouches down in laughter "Oh god"

"It wasn't a pleasant image….couldn't look at my mum for a long time after that, kept picturing her naked with pubes"

"Like a mirror image of yourself" Emily joked in a sing song voice, Naomi gave her a slight punch on the arm and Emily gave her a slight nudge back as they giggled glancing at each other. Wonders if they are flirting.

Naomi felt more relaxed in her presence, knew it was a lot to do with the ever increasing amounts of wine she was consuming, she had lost count of how many she had had, three maybe four. She loved how they both seemed to have a lot in common.

The laughter finally died down, Naomi finished drying off the last plate and placed it with the others on the side. Her attention was drawn to the radio as The Pogues – fairytale of Christmas was playing on the radio, she didn't get too angry by this. This was probably the only Christmas song she could tolerate. She loved how it wasn't your typical sappy Christmas song, reminded her a lot of her and Cooks relationship.

"You scumbag you maggot you cheap lousy faggot" she found herself quietly singing, blushing furiously when she heard Emily giggling standing merely a few inches away from her grabbing the plates and placing them in the cupboard. She grabbed her wine taking a large swig.

"Happy Christmas you ass I pray God it's our last" Emily chimed in.

Naomi raised her eyebrows slightly shocked

"wow, your voice aint that bad"

"You sound shocked"

"Slightly" Naomi confessed taking another sip, watching Emily turn around from putting the plates away picking up her own glass and taking a swig.

"Why?" she asks licking the wine of her lips, Naomi tries not to watch.

She clears her throat "Cause you've got such a husky voice"

Emily raises an eyebrow at this; they pause for a second as the boys cheer in the other room, clearly finally won a round after loosing loads.

"Suppose its better than having a lisp" Emily murmurs.

"A lisp?" she questions, knows she shouldn't be nosy but can't help but be anything but nosy with Emily. She finds herself wanting to know more.

Emily clears her throat brushing away a strand of hair from her face "My twin, she has a horrible lisp"

Naomi tries to stop her mouth from dropping to the ground, fails. Emily chuckles at her expression. "You're a twin?" she finds it hard to comprehend their being two versions of Emily in the world, wonders if the other has the same affect on her. Would make her feel a lot better to know it isn't just Emily. Maybe it's the red hair or the soft brown eyes? Cooks eyes have never had this affect on her.

"Yeah, she's a loud obnoxious slag who thinks I belong in her shadow" Emily explains, she could make out the slight quiver in her tone when she said that, knows that there is something more too the twins relationship.

"So she's nothing like you then"

Emily smiles such a genuine smile that it makes Naomi's heart flutter. She brings her hand up to clutch her chest, masking the action with a cough. Taking a large gulp of wine realising she's finished the glass. She can feel the affects of the alcohol, knows that she can't justify her actions if she were to do anything silly. See's herself glancing at Emily's lips as they curl into a smile that reaches her eyes and beyond. It makes her feel warm and soon she's returning the smile.

Emily grabs the bottle that's beside her, filling her own glass up before moving and filling up Naomi's. Her eyes are sparkling now, knows she should stop Emily from giving her a full glass, doesn't.

"Thanks, no one's ever said that before"

Naomi scoffs "What, not even JJ?" Emily shakes her head in reply; see's the small glint of sadness in Emily's eyes.

JJ's a fool, Naomi thinks.

;;

They all end up in the living room later, Naomi glances at the clock, squints her eyes trying to focus. She's definitely drunk, stops trying to make the three clocks blend in together to make one and reads the time off them all. Ten o clock, should start to think of going home she thinks, but then Cook comes bundling in the room with Emily in tow demanding they all play a game of Monopoly.

She agrees straight away, even though she's utterly pissed and quite clearly slurring her words, but the thought of leaving Emily so soon is a horrible option.

She's totally out of control of her feelings now, she hates it.

;;

Emily throws her money in frustration, Naomi does the same.

"Why do you boys always feel the need to dominate the board?" Emily groans as she tries her hardest not to admit bankruptcy.

"That is kind of the point of the game, you pay for as many places as you can, providing you don't over spend so that you have enough for charges such as income tax or if you land on someone else's area or if you go to jail, because the chance of your rolling a double is…"

Emily raises her hand abruptly covering JJ's mouth "I get it JJ"

JJ sways slightly from the action, that's when Naomi notices the glass of wine in his hand. She didn't know he drunk, remembers Cook telling her that he doesn't, mixes with his meds funny. Realisation hits her and she glares at Cook who has his drunk eyes raking over her body, she knows instantly what he wants. Flips him off again for what seems like the hundredth time that night.

"Babe are you okay?" Naomi hears Emily's worried voice. Watches as Emily notices the wine, her eyes widen as she feels JJ's forehead with her palm. Naomi doesn't really know what she's checking for, he just needs a glass of water and a lay down but then again she has no idea just how many glasses of wine he has had.

JJ tries to stand, stumbling slightly as he rushes to the bathroom. Emily follows a few seconds behind him giving Naomi an apologetic look which Naomi brushes off with her hand, almost kind of, giving Emily permission to follow him. Watches her leave, tries to ignore the way her hips sway.

Naomi glares at Cook, he raises his hands in mock defence "He better be okay you tosser!"

"Jaykins is 'ard babe, no need to worry" he laughs off, taking JJ's glass from the floor and downing it. It irritates her that he doesn't seem to think of others at all sometimes.

She waits patiently for Emily to return, ignoring Cook and his sex eyes. Wonders if they should leave. Emily returns a few minutes later stating that JJ is going to have a lie down, jokes that he is probably out for the night, Naomi tries not to smile at that, just wishes Cook will follow suite. Fills his glass up with more wine knowing that he normally passes out when he's drunk, tries not to feel guilty.

;;

Emily and Naomi end up beating Cook, Naomi wins and Emily sacrifices her riches in order to help. Cook has no idea that they have been stealing money from the bank the whole time; it makes her laugh at how naïve he is. They laugh and continue drinking, Emily and Naomi talk about random stuff but there is one question that is bugging Naomi, she slurs it as soon as she thinks it.

"So how did you and JJ meet?"

Emily licks her lips clean after taking another sip, glancing at Cook who had turned his attention back to the Xbox. Naomi can see his eyes drooping, thankful that his sex eyes have vanished, hes so drunk she doubts he would be able to get it up anyway.

"We met at Uni, i use to see him a lot in the library and one day we got talking. He was really sweet, offered to carry my books and stuff"

"You sap" Naomi joked

Emily blushes slightly "yeah I know im an old romantic"

"It's cute" Naomi says, her eyes widening in shock once she realised she hadn't just thought that. Fuck. The silence continues for an unbearable amount of time, she's thankful that Cook didn't hear, or did but didn't care as he just grunted in frustration at the computer. They both reach for their glasses, Naomi swaying and Emily hiccupping as they each take a large swig.

;;

The Xbox has been turned off now; the radio is still playing in the kitchen the silence making it float through to the living room, Naomi's thankful it isn't a Christmas song, shes so drunk she would of definitely chucked it out the window. Cooks loud snores are the only other noise in the room, clearly he wasn't very interested in what they had been talking about before. Emily had just brushed off her earlier comment, Naomi was thankful for it, she had no idea of what she could of said to explain it.

"Would you like a top up?" Emily slurs, the bottle shaking in her hands as she goes to pour some into Naomi's glass but she covers it with her hand just in time.

"No thanks, I think ive had enough"

Emily nods plonking the bottle back on the carpet with a thud. "God I'm drunk"

Naomi chuckles nodding her head in agreement glancing over at her boyfriend who is now snoring with his gob wide open. Attractive.

"At least we drunk the boys under the table"

"To women!" Emily declares raising her glass in the air, it only stays there for a second before it comes crashing down, her wine spills slightly on the monopoly board, she chuckles making an 'oops' noise. Naomi finds it adorable.

They're eyes lock again, Cook's snoring fades out as does the song playing on the radio. Naomi didn't realise how close they were, or when Emily moved. Emily's body isn't facing her, its turned towards the monopoly board, she's on her knees leaning over it her shirt has slightly risen. Naomi's eyes scan her body, she's so drunk she doesn't care that she is clearly perving on her. Her eyes rake back up to Emily's face; she feels a burning sensation between her thighs, blames it on the alcohol and not the way Emily's ass looks in the dim light shinning from the lamps in the room. Her eyes meet Emily's again and she feels herself getting even more turn on when she see's her biting her bottom lip between her teeth.

That does it for her and she feels herself moving forward, she surprised though when she's met half way. She feels Emily's arms wrap around her instantly, drawing her in, she scratches her nails down the length of Emily's black hearing her hiss into the kiss. Her lips feel so warm and inviting, the taste of red wine on her lips. Naomi wants more. She brushes her tongue against Emily lips, doesn't have to wait for permission as Emily's tongue darts out of her mouth and massages Naomi's. She lets out a moan, as she pulls Emily closer; they're both on their knees almost moulded into one another. Naomi feels her hands come into contact with bare skin, remembering that Emily's shirt had ridden up. Her skins feels so soft, she wants the time to caress it but her need and desire is making her movement rushed, that and the alcohol in her blood stream. Emily lets out a moan as Naomi kisses down the length of her neck all the way back up to her lips. Emily grabs the back of Naomi hair pulling her head back exposing her neck, she quickly places her lips against the exposed skin, kissing and biting, relishing the smell of the blonde.

A loud snore breaks them apart, Naomi darts back wincing when her back comes into contact with the couch. She turns to see her Boyfriend still fast asleep, she's relieved, her mind is racing she cant comprehend what is happening. Turning back towards Emily she see's the worried expression on her face.

"erm…" Naomi begins only to be silenced by Emily's lips. The red head breaks the kiss, moving away only millimetres her breath hot on Naomi's face.

"Don't think Naomi" she commands and Naomi surrender immediately, re-connecting their lips only for Emily to break them apart a second time "Not here"

Naomi watches dumb founded as Emily gets to her feet, she wonders for a moment how Emily did it so gracefully, knows it wont be the same for her. She watches Emily's hips sway away from her, Emily swings round with a sexy smirk on her face "are you coming?" she purrs.

Naomi doesn't need asking twice, taking her last swig out of her glass she stumbles up and follows Emily. Not looking back to where Cook is sleeping or glancing down the hall to where JJ is sleeping and doesn't even notice that the radio is playing yet another Christmas song.

She follows Emily through a door only to find herself slammed up against it moments later. Emily's mouth is hot on hers, Naomi already knows what she wants, wanted it the moment her hands touched Emily's bare flesh. She backs the red head up against the wall, taking control. She grabs the bottom of Emily's shirt, ripping all the buttons off as she opens it, Emily doesn't care when she see's the hunger in Naomi's eyes as her black lacy bra is revealed. She wore it for JJ, but now, she's wearing it for Naomi. She steps forward so her back is off the wall; she plays with Naomi's attention, teasing her as she allows the shirt to fall from her shoulders and down to the ground. She's never felt so sexy before.

Naomi bites her lips trying to suppress a moan just from looking at Emily "I'm going to fuck you so hard" she growls, surprising herself at how confident that sounded.

She slams Emily back against the wall, her hands moving to touch every inch of Emily's exposed flesh; she wants to do so many things at once, kiss every part of her, touch every part and bite every part. She wants Emily's trousers off but also wants her bra off, wishes in that moment that she could magic more arms or click her fingers and for Emily to be naked.

Emily rips her t-shirt up and over her head before she has even made a decision. Her hands are fast and before Naomi know's it her bra has fallen to the ground and Emily has backed her up against the sink, her hands groping her tits, toying with her nipples. Naomi rolls her head back when Emily's lips and tongue being to play with her nipples. She's never felt so alive.

She unclips Emily's bra on her first attempt, she would feel smug if it wasn't for Emily biting her nipple, sucking it between her lips. She see's Emily's perky tits bouncing slightly, she takes one in her palm, feeling the warmth in her hand, her thump playing with her nipple feeling it go hard. She's so turned on she can feel that her knickers are already drenched. Their lips meet and Naomi begins to frantically undo Emily' jeans while Emily tries to slide down her jeggins. Before Naomi even realises they are both naked, she not sure which one of them gave way but they are now laying on top of each other on the bathroom floor, the cold tiles are sticking to her sweaty back but Naomi likes the feeling, she feels like she's going to burst into flames at how turned on she is. Emily begins to kiss her way down Naomi's chest, taking each of her nipples into her mouth, swirling her tongue around them before carrying on her descent kissing a trail down Naomi's stomach. She tries not to buck her hips in suspense for what she knows is Emily's main aim; she knows Emily is teasing her, wants Emily to know how its feels but she's so close to where she wants it she grabs a hand full of Emily's red locks instead pushing her down slightly. Emily obeys and before she knows it she feels Emily's hands scooping her ass so that she can bring her cunt closer to her mouth. Naomi moans as soon as she feels the first lick from Emily's tongue, covers her mouth with her free hand worried that she will wake JJ who is just in the room next door. Emily licks her wet folds getting harder and harder with each moan that escapes Naomi's mouth. She inserts a finger, feeling the warmth of Naomi's core. Naomi bucks her hips wanting for her to go faster and harder.

"Fuck….Emily…..fuck shit"

Emily responds by inserting another finger, another flick of her tongue and Naomi knows it won't be long. It is going to be the fastest she's ever cum in her life. But then a thought occurs to her, its stuns her momentarily, she wants Emily to feel what she's feeling. She _wants_ Emily to cum _with _her.

She pulls Emily up towards her, ignoring the confused and surprised look on the red heads face. She brings her up so they are level and kneeling in front of one another. Naomi smirks at Emily bringing their lips together and allowing her hand to trail down Emily's side, allowing the heat radiating from Emily's core to guide her hands to where she knows Emily so desperately wants it. She moans when she feels how wet Emily is, how wet she is for _her. _

"You're so wet" Naomi says between a kiss, feeling her fingers rub against her wet folds before she plunges two fingers deep inside her. Emily moans against her lips, Naomi grabs one of Emily's hands with her free one, guiding it to where she needs it so desperately. Emily clocks on to what Naomi wants and returns her hand to finish off what she started.

They pound into each other with their hands, their lips connected. Their free hands wrapped around the other as their bodies slip against each other from their coats of sweat. "Shit Nai…..urgh fuck me" Emily moans causing Naomi to go faster and harder.

Naomi knows she's close, can feel herself tensing from every thrust Emily makes, she digs her nails into Emily's back as her breathing gets quick, she closes her eyes as she feels herself coming to the edge. Emily must sense she's close because she curls her fingers inside of Naomi pushing her over the edge. Naomi tightens her grip on Emily as she thrusts her hips into her riding out her orgasm, she moans so loud as Emily does the same in her ear. Her body is tingling as she tries to regain her breath; she glances into Emily's eyes and sees her trying to do the same.

_We came at the same time_, Naomi thinks before bringing Emily into a kiss. Neither of them say anything, they just lay down on the bathroom floor in a tangle of limbs, both of them suddenly feeling very tired as the alcohol takes it toll. Naomi doesn't know which one of them falls asleep first, all she knows is she blacked out with a smile on her face.

She's not going to think. Not now anyway and that's okay, because for now, she's just going to feel it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Why hello again. So apparently having girlfriendless afternoons and evenings are terribly boring, However as a result of this boredom and all of your fantastic reviews, alerts and favourites i've blasted out another chapter to this not-sure-where-its-going story :D But seriously though it is mostly down to all your fabulous reviews, so give yourselves a pat on the back because you have pushed and shoved me to write another chapter! Lol **

**Some changes to note...actually not really changes they are just some facts to help you understand. Ive decided that Naomi is a police officer; thought that i could use some of my own experiences in that field rather than making her have a job i have no clue about, however the people i use in this aren't EXACTLY like the ones ive come across nor do i use names of people i have dealt with, they will be completely fictional but similar in a few aspects okay? Just dont want to get in trouble lol **

**So i said a few facts but apparently theres just one... lol its been a long day! **

**If your happy with this chapter and wanna read more then give us a review! Only takes a second and will spur me to use my girlfriendless time more productively rather than watching hilarious clips on youtube **

**I do not own skins and i hope there aren't too many mistakes!**

I got no regret right now (I'm feeling this)  
The air is so cold and low (I'm feeling this)  
Let me go in her room (I'm feeling this)  
{I love all the things you do / {I wanna take off her clothes (I'm feeling this)  
Show me the way to bed (I'm feeling this)  
Show me the way you move (I'm feeling this)  
Fuck it, it's such a blur (I'm feeling this)  
I love all the things you do (I'm feeling this)

- Blink182 - feeling this

"It's not fucking funny Jack!" Naomi hisses at her laughing colleague just within punching distance beside her.

Naomi watches him with a scowl trying to control his laughter. She let out a huff watching her breath disappear in the frosty temperature.

"Yes it is, that girl had you on the floor from a flick! No one has ever taken you down that easily!"

Naomi rolled her eyes wrapping her hi-visual jacket around her "Yeah well…..I'm just a bit distracted" she replies rubbing her bruised arm from the last arrest they just made, the girl wasn't any stronger than her, just somehow managed to get the upper hand because Naomi wasn't focussed.

"Noted" Jack replied, his laughter finally stopping as he focussed his attention back on the passing public in front of them. They were on patrol in Leister square; they were having to keep up a high police presence to prevent any offences from being committed in the area such as theft, drug dealings and fake food sales. Naomi found it ridiculous, there was no way that from them standing around in the freezing cold freezing their nipples off that they were going to stop any crimes from taking place, she didn't even think she could move if she saw one taking place right in front of her, she was frozen. That and her mind was constantly else where. Emily, fucking Emily.

Naomi can hardly remember anything from that night, but of course, the one thing she can remember is the amazing fuck she endured in the toilet of Emily's boyfriends flat. But not with her boyfriend of two years, oh no, with Emily herself, the beautiful amazing red head who has been on her mind constantly ever since. The _GIRL_ that changed _everything_ the moment she laid eyes on her.

Jack clears his throat from beside her, bringing Naomi out of her red coma. "Wanna tell me what's going on?"

She can't, doesn't even know what the fuck is going on herself. Plus she can't speak to him while he's in that powerful uniform, feels like she's being interrogated, she should be, she's been bad. She's betrayed the person she's meant to be in love with, the one person who's helped her through so much these past few years and been her rock.

"I'm fine" she deadpans, knows he knows not to push further. They've been working together for a year now; Jack was Naomi's first partner since she started a year ago. She's still a probationer, got another year left, but only about a month left until she can start single patrols, wishes she was qualified now. She hates the horrible feeling she has in her gut, had it ever since that night, since the moment her lips first touched Emily's. She still has no control, even two days later she still has no control over her emotions or her mind or daydreams. They all resolve around the red head; the way her hips swayed, the taste of her lips on her and the smell of her hair. The way her eyes were just full of lust and want, the way she made Naomi feel like the sexiest girl on the planet.

She feels a headache start; all these thoughts making it hard for her to focus on anything, or even sleep at night. Hates the confused and worried look on Cooks face when she's up pacing the flat at three in the morning. But she just can't lay with him when she knows she's betrayed him.

"So…..it's meant to snow tonight" Jack says, completely changing the subject, Naomi smiles chuckling slightly nudging him with his shoulder. She's thankful that he knows her so well.

Naomi goes to answer when she's interrupted

"_Yankie Echo 025 this is control over"_

She looks at Jack rolling her eyes "Yankie Echo 025 receiving over"

"_We've got a reported assault outside the MacDonald's on the edge of Leister Square can you assist? Over"_

They lock eyes, smirks covering faces, the adrenaline already pumping through their bodies. "On our way, over" Naomi finishes as they begin to jog away from the Odeon cinema towards MacDonalds. Naomi's thankful for the distraction and the fact that her body is finally warming up slightly from the jog they are having to do as they near the location and see are crowd of people forming out front.

She loves this part of her job. The authority and power, one of the reasons she joined. That and to help people, just like the poor girl clutching her bleeding nose outside the entrance to the fast food restaurant. Naomi glances at Jack who nods at her to attend to the girl while he goes to question the crowd to find out who the attacker is. It's a cover and contact manoeuvre that they use a lot, Naomi attends to the victim but keeps an eye on Jack at the same time in case he needs assistance. Prefers it when he does, she loves being able to show others that just because she is a girl does not mean she cant get them flat out on the ground, with a little help from her hand cuffs and cs spray.

Naomi's taking notes from the girl who's sobbing uncontrollably, she's trying not to roll her eyes at how dramatic the girl is being. Naomi's confused state of mind isn't helping her sympathetic side, but her mind is else where because she just saw a flash of red, from her own fucking pocket book, of course that had to be red, just like the blood pouring out the girls nose and the red hair of the girls friend standing beside her giving her a comforting squeeze on the arm.

Naomi's fucked, she thinks, if even blood is reminding her of Emily.

;;

Naomi's standing outside the door, raising her hands every now and then in an attempt to knock on the door, doesn't really know why she's hesitating. Probably because she's nervous about coming clean about her feelings and what happened the other night. She's still in her police uniform, didn't give herself a chance to get changed before she left the station and headed straight over here. Ignoring Jack questioning gaze.

She been ticking off reasons on the way as to why it's a bad idea to voice the torment that she's been going through. Because if she voices it to someone else then it really did happen and she cant pretend that it didn't.

Naomi hopes that Emily is going through the same trouble, curses her if she isn't. Prays that she is, doesn't want to think that she is looking into this far more than the red head. What if it was just a shag? What if she didn't feel the connection? Is she the same with JJ as she was before that night?

Fuck she needed answers and now. She knocks on the door, taking in a deep breath, arranging her uniform as if she's on duty but she merely needs a distraction. She hears the door open.

"Oh officer, are we back to do another strip search already?" The smirking form of Effy says from the doorway.

"Fuck off"

Effy moves from the door way motioning for Naomi to enter.

"You look like shit" Effy comments as she follows Naomi into the kitchen.

Naomi sits down placing her head in her hands, ringing her fingers through her blonde locks "Thanks for the vote of confidence Ef"

"Pleasure, now what do I owe this visit?"

"You say that as if I never visit"

"True…but I didn't see you at all this past weekend and that's unusual, did we have a nice cosy weekend with the boyfriend?" Effy teases.

Naomi winces at the suggestion, if fucking only she thinks. "Yeah it was nice" she says glancing at the clock behind her. 6 o clock, Cook would be home now wondering where she is.

Effy sits forward, the noise of the necklace she's wearing tapping the table bringing Naomi's attention back round to Effy. "What?" she asks, hating how accusing Effy's stare has become. It makes her feel uncomfortable, she's the police officer, she shouldn't feel intimidated.

"You looked away when you said that"

"So?" Naomi asked incredulously, her eyebrows raised. She tries not to sound bitchy.

Effy sits back squinting at Naomi as she tries to read her, gives up after a few minutes. Walks to the fridge and retrieves two beers plonking one in front of Naomi and opens the other for herself before sitting back down.

Naomi stares at the beer in front of her as if its gold, she doesn't want to look at Effy, the guilt is too much. She blurts it out anyway.

"I slept with someone else"

Effy's eyes widen in shock, her mouth falling to the floor as Naomi scrunches her eyes shut when she hears Effy burst out laughing before it turns into a coughing fit.

Silence fills the room. She feels completely uncomfortable as she shuffles in her seat, her gaze falling anywhere but to the girl sat in front of her.

"With who? When?"

"At JJ's Friday night" Naomi almost whispers, tears stabbing at the back of her eyes as she fiddles with her jacket trying to control her breathing.

"oh Nai you didn't….you slept with JJ? But doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

Naomi's eyes shoot up at the suggestion as she lunges forward to Effy's worried expression, placing her hand over hers.

"I didn't sleep with JJ you twat!" she almost shouts, laughs as she watches the relief flood over the girls face.

Effy lets out a sharp breath "Then who the fuck did you sleep with?"

Naomi looks away again, knows she might as well say it, wishes Effy would get over the initial shock of thinking she had slept with JJ and realise there was only one person left.

"I slept with his girlfriend" She blurts out, thinks that if she crushes her eyes together anymore then they will become permanently moulded together.

The silence continues for a lot longer than Naomi anticipated, thought she might at least here a gasp or a burst of laughter, or even for Effy not to believe her. But there's nothing, she thinks that's worse. She opens one of her eyes, thinking that its best to see the disappointment with only one eye so that its hurts less. But when she finally opens her eye she has to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing. Effy is sat there with her eyebrows raised and her gob on the table in front of her, her eyes look dazed. Naomi clears her throat as she brings the beer to her mouth, acting as a shield. She see's Effy snap out of it, shaking her head violently, even slapping her face slightly.

They stare at each other for a few more minutes, Naomi knows that Effy is trying to see whether she is joking. She isn't, so Naomi keeps her gaze stern.

Effy looks away "Wow...thats...i mean i didnt expect that" she stutters. Naomi hates it, she knows that Effy has never been one for words, use to hardly speak any, but when she did they use to hit home. She knows it's worse that Effy is lost for words, means she's really been out of character.

"I know its awful, and i know i have no excuse, but it just kind of happened!" Naomi blurts out, her hands trying to emphasis everything that she is saying, knows they dont do her justice. She's usually good with fighting her corner, not anymore, not when she has no control.

"No" Effy says leaning forward this time and taking Naomi's hands in her own "I mean I'm not going to lie, i didnt expect you to say that, i thought i would have been the first one to do something like that not you" Naomi raises her eyebrows at this "I mean sleeping with a girl"

"Love the way you can try and make light of this disastrous situation Ef"

Naomi tries not to sound defeated; hates the way this constant worrying and guilt is making her exhausted. She doesnt know what to do.

"Well someone should" Effy pipes up, taking a swig of her beer before slamming it back down on the table. She stands from her chair mumbling something about needing something to help relax them before shuffling around the kitchen. Naomi ignores her vibrating phone, knows its Cook ringing to find out where she is. Effy turns back around with a happy look on her face, holding a spliff in her other hand. Naomi raises an eyebrow at her questioningly.

"Ef you do realise that i am professionally obliged to arrest you right now? That's a class B drug!"

"Oh stop wanking on Naomi, you know more than i do that you need this!" she retorts, sitting back down in her seat bringing the spliff to her lips before bringing a lighter to the other end. Naomi watches as she lights it and instantly misses the days back in college when they use to sit on the green smoking and giggling for the rest of the day without a care in the world. She didnt have any boyfriends back then or boyfriends best mates with sexy girlfriends that just drove her crazy.

They walk out into the back garden, Naomi feels the cold instantly but Effy doesnt seem to even flinch despite her wearing the thinnest jumper Naomi has ever seen. They share the spliff in silence, Naomi knows that she hasnt got another drugs test for a few months so decides to take the risk. She needs something desperately to stop her mind from driving her crazy.

Its completely dark out by the time one of them talks.

"You seem stressed" Effy states, Naomi rolls her eyes. Well of corse she's fucking stressed "I don't understand what the big hoo harr is about Nai, so you fucked someone else and that someone else so happened to be a girl...so what? It happens"

"It doesnt just happen Ef, how can you be so blasé about it!"

Effy turns from where she is now sitting on the floor, Naomi knows shes done it to study her.

"Tell me more" Effy just plainly asks, Naomi knows what she means but just needs her to clarify encase she's wrong and tells her vulnerable things about herself that she need not.

"What do you mean?"

"How it happened, how you felt, stuff like that"

Naomi explains, she explains about the pull Emily seemed to have on her. How as soon as they locked eyes everything around them seemed to disappear. Like they were in some fucked up cliche romantic movie where they just _belonged _together. That all she can think about now is red, and emily and gorgeous thighs, lips, hair, eyes and so on. How she can't look at Cook without comparing him to her, how the guilt is ripping her to shreds because nothing would have changed had they not of gone to JJ's that night, had they not of had sex and fallen asleep tangled together naked. Effy nods the whole way through, Naomi's surprised that she hasnt got a note pad out taking notes so that she can come to a satisfied conclusion of the mental disease that she is suffering from. Naomi wants to tell her that it was just a shag; a mistake that she only made because she was fucked off her mind, but she can't say that because in reality she doesnt know. Doesnt know how she would react if she saw her again, whether that hold would still be there, waiting. Naomi lets out a long breath once she's finished glad that she has finally been able to let it all off her chest. She waits anxiously for Effy's diagnosis.

"What happened when you woke up in the morning?"

She didnt expect her to ask that. Naomi thinks back to when she awoke.

_The first thing that Naomi realises is that her heads banging and that she's shaking. Shaking from the cold, but theres also something else because the shaking is slightly more violent then usual. She opens her eyes, closing them quickly when the room around her is spinning. She brings her hand up to her temple, massaging them slightly before attempting to open her eyes again. Thats when her eyes focus on brown. Those beautiful brown orbs that sucked her in last night that are sucking her in again this morning...or what she thinks is morning. Although this time they don't look so lust driven, they look worried and almost scared. Naomi brings her arms up slightly, leaning on her elbows as she lifts her body up; ignoring the banging protests from her head. Emily looks away as the red locks fall around her face; she looks smaller this morning, the confidence radiating off her the night before long gone. Naomi cringes._

"_Just thought i should wake you before the boys get up" Emily says. Her voice is weak, no more than a whisper. Naomi nods not trusting her voice not to betray her weakness. She goes to stand when she realises that she's naked. Her skins is stuck to the freezing cold floor and a mere blanket is saving her from loosing all her dignity. She clutches the blanket to her chest; images from last night come flooding back into her mind. Emily bare centre just millimetres from her face as she plunges her tongue deep inside her, Emily moaning her name in a way that screamed pure pleasure. Naomi shakes her head trying to rid her mind of such thoughts; shes confused, doesnt know whether to believe the images. Turns her head to meet Emily's gaze, see's the guilt almost immediately to know its true._

"_My...my clothes?" Naomi croaks, her heads banging so bad._

"_They're just beside you in a pile" Emily responds, her voice thick with tiredness. She's crouched down beside Naomi, her knee brought to her chest for comfort. She looks so fucking small._

_Silence fills the bathroom, Naomi's not sure what time it is, knows that its early because the sun is only just starting to shine through the bathroom window._

_Naomi fiddles with her t-shirt from the night before, wonders whether Emily is waiting for her to say anything._

"_You okay?" She knows its pathetic, its clear that the poor girl in front of her is torn up about what happened last night. But naomi cant help but feel her heart thumping in her chest, doesnt want Emily to say it was a mistake, doesnt know why it would hurt so much._

_Emily doesnt answer, won't even make eye contact with her anymore. "I know this is probably going to sound ridiculous but do you mind?" Naomi says gesturing with her clothes that she needs to get dressed. Emily blushes slightly, which Naomi finds adorable, before nodding and leaving the bathroom for her to get dressed. Naomi hates hearing the door close behind her._

_;;_

_Naomi leaves the bathroom after a few extra minutes of encouragement in front of the mirror. She's completely on edge, her head ache has taken a back seat, shes far to distracted to concentrate on the pain. Doesnt know how to act, what to say or what to do. The flat seems completely silent apart from a few snores coming from the lounge. She recognises them instantly, their Cooks. Thats when the guilt hits. Hits like a thousand bullets to the chest, she didnt think it would happen this quick. She walks into the living room and see's him. All scrunched up in the chair, his knees pushes right up against his chest, his face slapped against one of them causing his face to be squished slightly. He looks so innocent like a china doll on display, Naomi wishes that she wasnt the one to smash him, drop him so recklessly on the floor, even if it isnt now, she knows he will break eventually._

"_Fuck" she silently curses before turning around heading back into the hallway before seeing Emily standing in the kitchen doorway with a similar look on her face. She looks so destroyed; Naomi wishes she wasnt the cause of such destruction. Wants so badly to reach out and stroke her cheek and give her some words of comfort, she doesnt know what to say. Knows that her eyes look completely helpless._

_They lock eyes, messages being passed between them. Brown and blue begging desperately for answers to what happened last night, what it meant, if anything. Naomi knows there was an undeniable connection that had nothing do with the alcohol. But the desperate look in the brown eyes in front of her is too much, she doesnt know what to do or what to say. She's surprised though when Emily breaks the contact._

_Theres nothing to say. It was a mistake._

_She woke Cook up shortly after that. Kept the tears at bay until they got home and she could escape too the bathroom. His questions left unanswered._

"What does this mean then?"

"Thats a loaded question Ef, with answers i just don't have" Naomi answers.

Effy chuckles "Okay thats true, ill re-word it. How do YOU feel about it? And be honest you know i can tell if your lying"

Naomi takes a long swig from her beer, closing her eyes for a moment seeing Emily's broken eyes staring straight at her, seeing her for who she is and not the facade she puts up.

"I'm terrified, i feel like ive stepped over a line that i can't go back on. I've opened new doors that can't be closed, ive betrayed Cook and i just can't stop punishing myself for it"

"You made a mistake Nai"

"Yeah but i don't regret it; I'm glad it happened i just dont know why"

Effy is silent for a few moments.

"You fancy her"

Naomi sits up straight, her ears almost standing to attention. She's surprised by that statement, it's never registered in her mind. She doesn't like the idea, It means too much.

"I'm not gay" She simply says, is surprised when her voice doesn't hold as much venom then she intended it too. Doesn't want to fancy anyone else when her eyes should just be for Cook. Cook, her boyfriend, that's waiting idly for her at home. Fuck.

Ignores when her phone goes off again.

Effy scoffs "When were you one about labels?" takes a swig of her beer.

"I'm not"

"Then it doesn't matter"

"I cheated Ef!" Naomi almost shouts, shooting her hands forward for emphasis almost knocking her beer over.

Effy smirks "Does Cook know?"

Naomi falls into herself feeling ashamed "No" she whispers.

"I wouldn't worry; I bet he'd be ecstatic if you told him"

Naomi shakes her head "He's not like that anymore" She says wishing more than ever he was. She use to be so glad that he'd grown out of his immature ways, even the eye fucking had stopped. Hates herself for feeling so happy about it, hates herself for becoming what he no longer is. A dull throbbing is beginning to form in her chest, it makes her feel sick.

Effy can see the turmoil the girl in front of her is going through. She's tried to make light of the situation, knows that really, to her, its nothing to really get worried about. But this is Naomi, she knows she likes control, some form of path laid out in front of her, even if its only a few steps. This is big and feels pathetic about the only solution she can come up with "Lets go out"

Naomi looks up from her suddenly interesting beer "Ef it's a Monday night"

"Student night" Effy responds, using her eye brows to help support that the idea is brilliant, fuck if it's a school day, when did they ever stick to conventional nights out. She smiles at Naomi, watching her take a large gulp of her beer.

Naomi scoffs rolling her eyes "Fuck it, the damage is done. No point in mulling over it"

Effy raises her beer "lets drink to that sister" they tap beers before both chugging them down.

"Let's just not talk about it ye?" Naomi asks, her eyes

"Ok" Effy nods.

Naomi lets out a sigh, looking around for a new subject while spinning her beer around on the table "it's meant to snow later…."

;;

It didn't snow. Even at 2am outside the club while Naomi was having a smoke. The bitter cold biting at her skins, the dress Effy had given her to wear and the countless units of alcohol consumed did little to protect her. Naomi sways slightly in the wind, she tries to mask her unbalance by flicking her cigarette butt to the ground, she goes to stomp on it with her heels but the wind embarrassingly moves it away just before. She thinks of Cook, wonders how he's feeling. The phone call she made before getting ready to go out had been very brief. She was surprised when he didn't put up any fight about her going on, wondered if there was a football match on he wanted to see or a night out he already had planned. Hates the way that just after two days of being distant she doesn't know what her boyfriend is doing. Wishes he has put up more of a fight, that he wasn't making this distance business easy for her.

She wonders where Effy is, wonders if she's still dry humping the incredible hulk on the dancefloor. Turns making her way back into the club, the bass of the music hitting her skin before she's even got through the door. She smiles, wants to forget, will forget just for tonight.

;;

Naomi find Effy on her own, dancing to the music with her hands in the air, her hips sway in rhythm to the music. She looks so content, so sure of herself. Naomi can see the circle of men around her, their eyes hungry. Knows that whoever Effy chooses tonight should relish every moment they have with her, because it wont be long until she chucks them out. She only has one use of them. Naomi downs her drink, that shes sure is half vodka, and joins Effy on the dance floor.

They dance, accept drinks brought for them by strangers and tease the ever growing circle of men around them. Naomi likes the power, the _control_. she's feeling every emotion apart from anger, however knows that will change if the stupid DJ plays the Christmas songs hes been threatening all night.

She doesn't think of Cook, doesn't like the way her stomach flips and makes her feel ill when she does.

;;

They stumble over to the bar, clutching each other laughing at how drunk they both are. Effy orders 6 shots of tequila and lines up three in front of Naomi, the others in front of herself. She gives Naomi a challenging stare, Naomi's too gone to let down a challenge. She nods eyeing up her shots, spreading her legs as if preparing herself for the concept of loosing her balance. They begin. Naomi cringes as the tequila hits the back of her throat but gulps it down anyway, grabbing the next shot doing the same. By the last ones shes swallowing as much as she can to ensure the alcohol stays down. She was a second away from winning, she slams her fists on the bar in frustration, scrunching her eyes shut trying to ignore the wave of dizziness.

"Impressive" a voice says from beside her, it's got a horrible lisp, Naomi wants to make a snide comment but is cut short when a flash of red catches her eye. Her heart freezes in her chest.

"Katie" Effy nods as she stands coolly resting her weight on the bar.

"Effy" the girl Naomi now believes to be called Katie says. Naomi cant help but scan the girl with her eyes, shes the fucking spitting image of Emily, its an obvious conclusion to draw that its her twin if she wasn't so fucking drunk.

Naomi balances herself before reaching her hand out towards Katie "I'm Naomi" she says.

Katie just looks at her outstretched hand as if she's mad "Yeah alright, nice to meet you _Naomi_"

She retreats her outstretched hand. She looks at it confused before glancing up at Effy to see her smirking, rolling her eyes she turns her attention back to the bar in an attempt to get another drink, not that she needs one.

"Who you here with then Katie?" Effy asks still smirking at the blonde. Naomi knows what she's trying to get at, is surprised she hasn't thought of the possibility herself, shit.

Katie answer nonchalantly "Oh just some mates and Emily"

Naomi scrunches her eyes shut, her breathing stopping as her heart drops to her stomach. Of fucking course. She feels sick, her stomach churning at the thought of being confronted by Emily and everyone finding out that she's a cheater, a betrayer. Her vision is blurred as she spins around forgetting about the drink she's waiting for, startling Katie who looks at her like shes just grown two heads and mumbles something about needing the toilet. Effy's still wearing that amused expression on her face.

;;

Naomi stumbles into the toilets, ignoring the weird looks she gets from a couple of girls who are re-applying another layer of make up. She walks straight into a toilet cubical and slams the door shut, she closes the toilet lip and sits down. Resting her head in her hands. She needs to go, knows that she's out of control, knows that once again she won't be able to control her actions, knows the consequences aren't worth paying for, has already betrayed Cook enough. She thinks of him at home, wrapped up in bed with the cute worried expression on his face that only she ever sees. Feels her heart ache.

She's got to leave, is _going_ to leave.

She stands are quickly, her hand rushing to her forehead while the other helps to steady her on the cubical wall; she waits for the dizzy spell to pass before nodding her head, agreeing with herself that this is a good idea.

The cubical door slams against the frame; she walks out adjusting her far too short dress making sure its covering her properly. She hears someone clear their throat in front of her; she looks up scowling ready to give whoever it is the best evil she's worked on in ages when her eyes see red. Her eyes scan the girl's frame, her hearts thumping in her chest as she audibly gulps. The frame of the girl is different to the one standing at the bar earlier, its thinner wearing a figure hugging black dress and has less make up on, she looks, _beautiful._

"Naomi" the shocked voice of Emily whispers. Naomi looks into her eyes; see's that they are slightly droopy and bloodshot, just like they were _that_ night. She's hammered, they both are.

There's no control, Naomi thinks as she walks up to Emily and crushes their lips together. That holds still there, the one that just seems to crash them together, as if they are magnets.

Naomi doesn't question it nor does she think of Cook, not when Emily's kissing fiercely back, not when Emily is then backing her into the cubicle she just came front, not when she slams Emily back against the closed cubicle door or when she's hoisting Emily's dress up to her waist, pushing her knickers aside and plunging her fingers deep inside her wet core. She doesn't think when she feels Emily's nails scraping down back, digging into her flesh, or when Emily's moaning her names placing wet kisses along her neck and jaw line begging her to go harder and faster.

Naomi winces when she feels the bog roll holder stab into her back, she looks up to see Emily's outstretched arms that just pushed her back, she's shocked, worried that Emily is wanting her to stop but when her eyes register the look on Emily's face its shows her that she wants her to do anything but stop. Her eyes are screaming hunger. Naomi licks her lips, there already missing the warm sensation of the red heads. Emily stands there, her arms spread out either side of her, resting on the cubicle walls, her weight is only on one of her legs making her body tilt slightly to the side. Naomi watches in ore at the sexy creature in front of her, her core is throbbing. Emily stands up straight once she knows she has the blonde's full attention. She takes a step forward bringing bother hands around her back, her eyes never leaving Naomi's as her arms pull something down, to which Naomi later realises to be a zip. She smirks at the blonde before allowing her dress to fall to the floor, Naomi's surprised that her legs don't give way there and then as she takes in the red heads matching black set.

"You're so fucking sexy" Naomi purrs still routed to the spot, Emily's eyes gleam at her words.

"Show me how fucking sexy" Emily's husky voice dares her.

Naomi can hear her mind screaming at her to escape, to push Emily aside and run from the toilet back home to the arms of her boyfriend, where she's meant to be. But her heart, her heart is telling her that this isn't wrong, that she just _belongs _here with Emily. She just wishes it wasn't a club toilet, that Naomi is actually surprised is well kept for Bristol, but that's what makes it all the more exciting, the fact that they could get caught.

She fucks her hard, watches the sweat dripping from Emily's neck as her hair goes an even darker shade of red as it sticks, see's the way Emily's eyes roll to the back of her head when she feels her pussy clamp around her fingers.

"Fuck" Emily says breathlessly as her breathing slows and her eyes focus back on Naomi. She can see the glint of worry back in them then, the same worry that Naomi saw the morning after they first shagged. But she can also see surprise, maybe this whole situation is affecting her the same way, Naomi hopes it is.

Emily smiles at her, her sexy demeanour returning as she pushes Naomi back until she falls onto the toilet, Emily falls to her knee's, her hands slowly, painfully, moving their way up Naomi's legs until they reach high on her thighs. The red head grips her knickers pulling them down past her knees until she has them in her hands. Emily throws her knickers over her back, and begins kissing her way up where her hands have just gone, Naomi tilts her head back, bringing her chest forward, feeling Emily's hands hoisting her dress up, mentally thanking Effy's choice, glad she didn't wear the jeans she had opted for. The sensation of the red heads lips making their way round to her inner thigh is driving her crazy, she can already image the feeling of her lips where she wants them, has the memory of Friday night still fresh in her mind.

"Emily, please…..just….fuck me" Naomi moans, as her hands go through the red locks of the girl inches away from her centre.

Emily gives Naomi what she wants, she strokes the blonds wet folds with her tongue. Feels Naomi buck her hips. "Fuck you taste so good" she says into Naomi's pussy, the vibrations of Emily's voice sending wonderful sensations through her.

Emily enters two fingers, ignoring the sounds of people entering the toilet, she knows their all hammered, their slurring their words and giggling over nothing, she isn't even worried that it could be Katie with her mates, doesn't care if her twin was to find her with her head between Naomi's legs. She has no control around the blond, she just _wants _her, might even _need _her. Its like she's a rechargeable battery, she needs to be charged every so often and Naomi is the charger.

She hears Naomi moan; her fingers gripping the back of her head a little too hard but the pain turns her on even more. She scratches down the sides of Naomi's inner thigh, hearing her hiss slightly. It's almost as if she needs this too live, like a vampire needs blood, it's scary but exciting.

Naomi arches her back as Emily licks her in time to her pumping fingers; Emily snakes her free hand up the blonds torso, further up to a point where she is caressing the girls clothed tit. She wishes more than anything that she had taken the time to remove or simple lower Naomi's dress so that she could feel them, the perfect perky tits that she remembers putting in her mouth, sucking and licking just two nights ago. Ignores the guilt that fills her; there's no time for that right now, not when she has this gorgeous blond quivering at her every touch.

"Jesus...uh I'm so close" Naomi almost growls as she locks one of her hands around the bog roll holder; her knuckles turning white, she feels like if she lets go she'll take off.

She cums hard, harder then she has ever before. It takes her longer to recover and when she does she sits more upright suddenly feeling vulnerable having Emily sat between her legs, her alcohol inspired confidence seems to spill from her suddenly. She thinks it's done the same for Emily too, her eyes are shinning with the same slight glint of worry she saw earlier. She doesn't know what to do or say; she simply leans forward placing a soft kiss on the red heads forehead, Emily closes her eyes at the contact taking in a deep breath. "Dont think just feel" Naomi whispers just loud enough for her to hear.

;;

Naomi finally walks out of the bathroom half an hour later than when she went in. She tries not to walk with a bounce in her step or a massive smile on her face, knows the happy feeling is only momentary before she realises that she has to go home, back to her innocent boyfriend who has done nothing but love her and care for her. She doesn't see Effy leaning against the wall near the toilets, doesn't realise that she watched the both of them enter the toilet and not come out, doesn't realise that she _knows _what just happened in the toilet.

"You're having an affair" Effy says cooly, laughing slightly when Naomi jumps out of her skin, clutching her chest trying to catch her breath.

Naomi regains her composure "That's impossible"

"Why?"

"Because neither me nor Emily are married!"

"Just a slight technicality; and sometimes you and Cook act like a married couple so it counts"

The mention of Cook bursts Naomi's happy bubble. Shit, not only has she cheated on him, but now, she's done it more than once. She feels like utter crap. Effy see's Naomi's sudden change in demeanour and suggests they leave.

Naomi doesn't see Emily again. Hopes that she doesn't see her again, even though her eyes involuntarily search for her.

"Yup definitely an affair" Effy mumbles as they leave.

;;

Naomi showers before she gets into bed with Cook, doesn't want him to even suspect her infidelity. She lays on the bed with her back to him, cringes when she feels him roll over and wrap his arm around her waist, kissing her shoulder and muttering that he hopes she had a good night.

A single tear falls down her cheek when all she can think about is red.


	3. Chapter 3

**Howdy! **

**Managed to find a couple of hours of spare time to blast this chapter out! Thank you so much for all of your reviews, favourites and alerts! Seriously each and every one of them made me smile! To a point where my girlfriend was wondering why i was smiling like a Cheshire cat! (she doesn't know i write, hence why its sometimes difficult for me to update!) but seriously once again you've managed to claw another chapter out of me! I wanted to start writing as soon as i could but me being the clumsy blonde that i can sometimes be, i spilled tea all over my laptop that was already struggling to hold itself together after three years of abuse at uni, so now when i turn it on it just beeps at me...pfft FML!**

**Not sure if anyone noticed my school boy error last chapter but I did say that Naomi and Jack were policing in Leister Square then miraculously had Naomi clubbing in Bristol later on that night…..fail. They are based in London because that's where im from….or near….the only times ive been to Bristol were when ive driven through or around it to get to uni. **

**I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! I ended up being a lot busier than i first thought...PLUS...i revised my ass off for that police exam which resulted in me giving this story a back seat BUT of course it HAD to snow the day of my exam thus making it impossible for me to get there for it...was not a happy bunny because i could have been UPDATING!**

**So anyway i do have a few ideas for this story, what id**_** like**_** to see happen and what i **_**could**_** make happen. I want to explore Cook and Naomi's relationship a bit more and of course Naomi and Emily's, delve a bit deeper into each of their stories...but im shit at following plans (as my girlfriend will tell you) so lets just see where it goes.**

**Will try to update sooner this time, drop me a review to help inspire my ass into gear! I love hearing what you have to say...any ideas are welcome!**

**Hope you all have a fantastic new year!**

**Sorry about any disgusting mistakes!**

**Emz x**

Naomi let her feet dangle off the edge of the wall, below sat the river thames, she brought her almost neglected fag to her lips, taking a large toke before dropping her arm back down to her lap, her legs swinging slightly more dramatically then she had intended. She looked on into the distance, the warm orange glow of the rising sun indicating to her that it was dawn, she'd been out all night. She let out a sigh, her back slouching as she watched her breath float off into the night sky. She wasn't sure what time it was, had lost track of any form of time the moment she locked eyes with the flamed haired beauty that was Emily. She'd tried her hardest this time to resist her; to form some kind of barrier, made herself constantly occupied in conversation with whoever she was with, mainly Effy, made sure they were in a different room, even found herself ducking and diving to avoid eye contact but it failed, just like she had expected it too. She decided to leave, to try and lessen the speed of the spades that were already digging her grave but even that failed her because of course she was met by the beautiful goddess. Her perfectly moulded body sucked Naomi's eyes in seconds, Naomi wasn't ashamed to stand there eye fucking Emily, it felt wrong for her to stand there and not. The smirk that had fallen upon Emily's lips made her inner thighs throb; she could already picture in her mind what she wanted to do to her, where she wanted her hands to touch and her lips to caress.

They fucked in the alleyway behind the club. It was hot, wrong and powerful. Naomi felt the all too familiar feeling of guilt flood her body as soon as she watched Emily walk away, her eyes betraying the feeling as they focussed on the sway of her hips. It invaded her; made her feel dirty but at the same time it made her feel alive. More than she had in her whole twenty two years.

She felt burned by the red head; her entire body was tingling from where her fingers had trailed so seductively across her skin. She brought her hands out in front of her, her drunken eyes trying to focus. She wanted so badly to be met with arms and hands that weren't familiar, anything to explain why she was behaving this way, but she was met with her pale slim arms only one of them had a dark, black mark drawn vertically down it. Naomi squinted her drunken eyes, the dim morning light only just giving her enough vision to make out the numbers and the name at the end. Fuck, when had Emily managed to do that? She dropped her arms quickly to her side, lolling her head back her eyes finding the beautiful London sky, begging for answers to questions she just didn't understand.

She didn't want to go home; couldn't allow Cook to wrap his protective arms around her and patiently wait for her to open up. He'd noticed her constant partying, she wanted to think that it was because she felt too guilty to stay at home but really she was hoping to catch a glimpse of red. Emily was like a drug to her, she loved the high, she was addicted.

Another puff of smoke filled the air; Naomi could feel the goosebumps on her arms beginning to form. The small skimpy blue dress that she had borrowed from Effy was giving her limited warmth, her alcohol coat was wearing off, her sense of control was returning. She hated this bit.

"Naoms!" She hears a familiar voice say from behind her, Naomi smiled. Watched as the girl clumsily fumbled her way onto the wall, Naomi placed her hand on the brunettes shoulder not wanting her to fall fully forward and into the Thames, no matter how funny that would actually be. Effy caught her breath "Been fucking looking for you everywhere!"

Naomi tried not to look guilty "Sorry got a bit distrac-"

"Yeah I gathered" Effy cut in with an amused expression on her face as she brought her own fag to her lips.

She tried not to look too confused "What do you mean?"

Effy chuckled "Well in my hunt to find you I found Katie doing the same for Emily, it didn't take me long to put two and two together"

A blush spread like wild fire across Naomi's face as she looked across the Thames, the lights of the London sky line giving her a moment to compose herself. The London Eye looked rather beautiful tonight. "Shit" she muttered, shaking her head as an image of Cook invaded her mind. It hurt.

Effy placed a reassuring hand on top of Naomi's, she could feel the blonde trembling beneath her touch. "You okay?" The blonde scoffed; for such an intuitive person, she could ask some awful questions. "Yeah okay, stupid question. Just talk to me"

"I fucked her in the alleyway behind the club" Naomi bluntly says, she knows its going to get a reaction out of Effy purely because she would always scrutinise the brunette for being dirty and doing it in such horrible places, hypocrite, she was such a fucking hypocrite.

Effy was silent until "How was it?" Naomi could sense the amusement in her voice, she wanted to snap at her for it, scream at the brunette to be anything but understanding but the flashback that entered her mind in that moment of Emily biting her ear as her hands gripped furiously at her shoulders betrayed her.

Naomi fought the muscles in her face that was trying to make her smile "Fucking awesome" she failed. Effy's smile that was returned was infectious; Naomi tried to reason with her heart that it was the alcohol that was making them behave this way, that really, had Effy of been sober she would have smacked her around the head, it was just the moment, the beautiful sunrise and the silence of a quiet London that was making this okay.

The brunette laughed and placed her hand on top of hers "It'll be okay" Naomi just simple nodded, no point in voicing words that she didn't believe in. Effy rummaged beside herself before revealing a can of beer, placing it in the blondes hands with a reassuring eye brow raise before opening her own and downing almost half the contents. Naomi followed suite, having control again was boring, and besides, she didn't have work for a few hours yet.

;;

"So you wanted to play the Xbox" Naomi said gesturing to a guy in his early twenties "But you also wanted to play the Xbox" gesturing to another who was sat only millimetres away from her but beside the other guy "So you got into an argument which ended in you punching him?" Naomi tried to keep the astonished tint to her voice as she tried to clear up the facts as to why these two ADULTS got into a fight which resulted in the police being rung.

One of the boys bolted forward from his slouched position on the chair, his hair all rough and untidy, his clothes looked like they were hand me downs from at least three generations "Yeah but he like, fucking, shouldn't have been in my room!"

"So you punched him?" Naomi tried to clarify, her eyes catching Jacks smirking form standing behind the two grown boys on the couch. She glared at him, clenching her fists together to prevent her middle fingers from erecting in his direction.

Boy 1 seemed flabbergasted that Naomi had asked such a question "Course I fucking his 'em!"

"You do realise that's assault?" Jack interjected from behind the boys on the couch in his cover position.

Boy 2 smirked as boy 1 flew his hands up in frustration "He fucking deserved it dint he!"

"did I fuck!"

"Look!" Naomi said interrupting the two boys "Whether or not he deserved it is irrelevant!" Turning to boy 1 "You still intentionally applied force on him without his consent!"

Boy 1 visibly begins to worry, his eyes just scream panic it's the first fact Naomi takes in to know that the boy already regrets his actions, Naomi likes it when its this easy, when just her uniformed scares the shit out of these so called hard asses. Even though Naomi knows, that Jack knows, they aren't going to arrest boy 1 it doesn't mean they weren't going to bathe in the power for a few extra moments. Discretion, Naomi uses it a lot, she knows when its stupid to arrest someone and when it isn't. In this case, it is stupid, it wouldn't benefit anyone. It would cause her to spend at least another hour at work taking the boy through the custody proceedings then writing up a case when she could be at home, with her feet up drinking a nice glass of wine, hair of the dog after the night she just had. That and the fact she hasn't slept yet makes a case like this all the more irritating. If not slightly amusing when witnessing boy1 squirm.

"I didn't, like, mean to hurt 'im" Regret, the second emotion she was counting on seeing the boy feel. This was a sorry case and a complete waste of time. It frustrated the blonde as she let out a long breath, her back curving to form the slouch of the arm chair behind her. Jacks smirking form still in her eye line as she takes in the sorry forms in front of her.

;;

"What a fucking waste of time" Naomi screeches once she's shut her door to the car, her back slamming dramatically into the car seat as jack secures his seat belt, turning on the car engine.

He laughs "Yeah but did you see his fucking face when you mentioned about assault? Priceless"

Naomi turns to face him "Why was I, yet again, left to sort out that situation?" One of her eye brows raised as her eyes questioned him.

He smirked "You took up the contact position"

She scoffed turning her body back round to face the front of the car "Fuck off, you blatantly do that on purpose wait for me to engage with them first just so you can sneak round the back of them and perve"

"I do not fucking perve" He says revving the engine a bit too aggressively, the wheels spinning as they take off down the road. Naomi's phone begins to vibrate in her pocket. She brings it out, her eyes squinting at the screen as she makes out her bests friends name,

"Especially when its women" Naomi mumbles, receiving a chuckle as she brings the phone to her ear "Hello?"

"Hey muff muncher" Naomi winces as she hears the brunette's voice, she steals a quick glance at Jack, relieved when she see's him engrossed in his driving, she presses the volume keys on the side of her phone as she slides down her chair. "So I have a message from lover boy that you must return home on time this evening" Effy's mocking tone not going un-noticed by the blonde.

"Why didn't he just ring me himself?"

"He had to rush off into work; he only just had enough time to ask me over"

"You're coming over?"

Naomi hears her laugh down the phone "Don't sound too excited"

"Sorry, why has he invited you over though?"

"Well apparently he wants us all to hang out like old times, feeling a bit neglected probably"

Guilt, its there again.

"Right" Naomi says pressing her lips tightly together as she tries to repress the horrible thoughts of a lonely cook from her mind, the cars passing by her giving her a momentary distraction, that and Jacks humming. "I'll make sure I'm home" Naomi clarifys.

"Good, TTFN" Effy jokes when the line goes dead. Naomi brings the phone away from her face, resting in her lap as her eyes catch a glimpse of red. Her whole body swings round, her arm flying out clinging onto Jacks car seat as she tries to stretch her body as far as physically possible. It was definitely red hair, but the body connected with it wasn't right, it didn't have that cute body shape.

She can still feel the red heads number burned onto her skin; as soon as she got home this morning she had made sure to put it in her phone, made herself feel slightly better by putting it under a different name, _Kathryn_, thought that it might ease temptation. Her finger had been hovering over the send button of a few texts she had dared type up but each time she'd convinced herself with reasons as to why she shouldn't text the red head. That all the times that they had met had been by chance and that if this whole thing was fate, even though she hated thinking like that, that they would meet again.

She huffs and turns back round, slumping back in her chair catching a glimpse of Jacks confused eyes before turning back to look at him more directly.

"What?"

Jack appears slightly taken back, he shakes his head "Oh i don't know, i thought that perhaps with you turning quicker than the speed of light that you perhaps saw something...i don't know...like a crime?"

Shit, maybe that did look a bit crazy. She didn't think, her body reacts in ways even she didn't recognise when it came to the red head.

"Oh, i thought i saw someone i knew" Naomi brushes off, waving her hand in the direction of the back of the police car.

Jack howls with laughter "Must have been someone important because i know for a fact if that had been me walking down the street you probably wouldn't have even flinched"

"I don't give a shit about you" she's joking, knows Jack can sense the amused tone.

"Bitch"

"Shut the fuck up and drive"

;;

Turns out she ended up staying an extra hour after work processing a known drug user for being in possession of yet _again_ a class A controlled drug. It irritated Naomi that these people never seemed to learn, yeah fair enough its horrible having an addiction, she was experiencing one herself, but spending 24 hours in a cell seemed to her the most boring thing ever. However she did sometimes enjoy watching what ways the prisoners tried to pass the time, not when they passed the time having a fiddle with themselves when they clearly _know_ there are cameras in the room.

Naomi parked round the corner to her and Cooks flat, cursing to herself as yet again someone had taken her allocated parking space, she recognised the car but couldn't for the life of her remember from where. Walking round to the front of the apartment block Naomi noticed that all of the flat lights were on, another wave of irritation filled her, it was a pet hate of hers, Cook knew she hated it when he left the light on in unoccupied rooms, talk about damaging the environment. Huffing she made her way in side, a cold wind catching her just as she walks inside, wrapping her black Met police jacket around her she enters the life.

;;

When she enters the flat the atmosphere feels weird, she can hear music coming from the living room and the sound of more than one persons laughter.

"Shit" she says quietly, trying her hardest to click the front door closed as silently as possible. She's only just now remembering Effy's phone call from earlier telling her to be home on time. She really isn't in the mood to socialise tonight.

"Babe, it that you?" Cooks masculine voice calls from the living room, the light pouring into the hallway where Naomi is standing when Cook comes wailing in, a happy grin on his face and a beer can in his hand. Naomi wonders how many of these he's had already tonight. His argument when drinking early was always _"its six o clock sumwer in da world innit"_

"Hey" Naomi greets as Cook wraps his strong arms around her, she breathes in his aftershave a warm fuzzy feeling filling her stomach. She's always loved that smell, but it doesn't give her the same home feeling anymore. "Sorry i'm late, wankers trying to take up all my time as per usual"

"Don't stress bou' it babe, alls good"

Naomi smiles relieved he isn't mad, knows it probably has something to do with the amount of alcohol in his blood stream.

"You wanna beer?" He slurs slightly.

"No thanks babe"

Naomi enters the living room, the smell of smoke and wine filling her nostrils. She spots a smirking Effy propped on the edge of the arm chair, a fag hanging lazily from her hand. She looks to cool, she just has a cool factor always had, Naomi's always been too school for cool. "Is that your car parked in my spot biarch?" Naomi jokes, plucking the fag from her finger tips and bringing it to her lips.

"That would be my car" A voice says from behind Naomi startling her "Cook said it was okay for me to park there, i did say to him what about you but he seemed to think that you had a better chance at this time of night finding a parking space near than i did, i knew i should have..." JJ blabbered on, it was just a blur of words to Naomi as her eyes focused on the mute red head sat next to the nervous boy. Their eyes connecting, Naomi could see the anxiety and lust, it made her breath hitch. Fuck she looked beautiful and so small, a complete opposite to the way she was the other night, her powerful presence was nowhere to be seen. She hated it when she looked so weak, but it still didn't stop the blondes heart from racing, her brow furrowing with sweat and her mouth suddenly becoming dry. Still that same effect.

Naomi turned her gaze glaring at Effy who was still smirking with her legs crossed now stroking the head of Freddie who had sat down in the armchair she was propped on. She narrowed her eyes at Effy, a silent argument going on between them.

_N-_ _You fucking knew you bitch! and i'm all clowned up in this fucking police uniform!_

_E- She's probably creaming over it_

_N- You're disgusting!_

_E- Ha!_

"Cook!" Naomi screams through the living room door, startling JJ out of his rambling.

"Yeah?" He answers from the kitchen.

Looking Effy directly in the eye "I'll take that beer"

;;

Its a weird feeling, Naomi thinks as she sips her beer watching Emily interacting with Effy and Cook, she feels like she's taken an E or drunk a whole crate of red bulls. Just having Emily near brings out the high in her, the feeling of happiness. Her heart is pounding in her chest, even makes it difficult for her to hear JJ's latest ramble, her eyes perve on Emily's form from a far, her breath catching in her throat when Emily's eyes connect with hers and flashbacks of their previous encounters splash into her mind making her choke on her beers or cough on a intake of smoke. She hates it when Effy or Cook smokes in the flat, knows that the smell will be there for days after wards but she _needs _something to calm her nerves, knows really that she needs something to keep her hands occupied so they don't reach out and stroke the red heads beautiful soft cheeks.

Hates feeling so on edge but she can feel the control seeping from her already. Wonders whether Emily feels the same, wonders how shes not cold just wearing that crop top and skinny jeans, wonders if her skin is burning with want and the desire to feel her touch.

They don't really talk, just both voice comments every now and then when its needed but their eyes stay connect for as long as possible before it looks weird. she doesn't need to look at Effy to know she can see everything that is going on, Cooks protective arm around her is enough to let her know that he doesn't suspect anything, knows that Effy will warn her if things become too obvious. Hates doing it right under his nose, but she cant control her eyes, or her lips, or her hands, or the hairs standing up on the back of her neck or her heart thumping in her chest.

They don't talk for most of the night, not directly until they both accidently find themselves in the kitchen at the same time.

Naomi tries not to let her breath catch too hard in her throat, knows that she'll end up choking and looking a fool. Her eyes drag across Emily's form, the way the red heads purple crop top hugs her body in all the right places and her skinny jeans show all the right curves on her legs. Hates the way her tongue runs over her lips as if shes about to jump her prey. Emily smirks at her, walking into the kitchen placing an empty beer can on the kitchen side before turning back to face the blonde. Naomi cant get enouh of the girls funny lip shape, wants to kiss it.

"Just came to get another beer, that okay?" Her husky voice asks.

Naomi holds onto the kitchen side, worried that her legs will give way from beneath her "C-c-ourse its okay"

Emily nods, making her way towards the blonde, brushing past her, mere inches separating them as Emily opens the fridge next to her, she relishes the feeling of the cold air that falls upon her skins, wonders why their isn't steam coming from her arms. The red head pauses at the fried, opening the beer can right in front of it, tipping her head back as she takes giant swigs. Naomi thinks that she knows what shes doing, knows that the blondes eyes are burning at the skin of her neck, a warm feeling erupting in her lower stomach as she watches the muscles in Emily's neck work away. She's so fucking turned on right now she just wants to rip the beer can from the red heads hand and push her up against the fridge and fuck her until she's screaming her name. Fuck JJ, Fuck Cook and fuck Effy and Freddie.

She doesn't realise that Emily has stopped drinking, closed the fridge and turned to face her. Knows she must have a completely dazed expression on her face after that hallucination.

"I didn't know you were a copper" Her eyes rake up and down Naomi's body. It makes her feel exposed, almost naked.

Naomi tried to get the confidence back in her "There's a lot you don't know about me"

Emily smiles a sweet smile at that almost makes the blonde crumble "I'd like to get to know you" She replies shyly, her fringe falling over her face as she lowers her head slightly. Naomi's hand shoots about before she's really thought about it, thought about where they are and who could possibly see them, the humming of conversation coming from the living room gives the blonde enough confidence to know no one is coming. She watches the red heads eyes sparkle as she tucks the stray piece of fringe away. She's so beautiful.

"I'd like that too" Naomi whispers so quietly that she's almost shocked Emily even heard her.

Naomi can feel the familiar pull towards Emily, that magnectic feeling she gets almost saying that they just _belong_ together and its against every rule made that they aren't. She doesn't know she's done it until she's so close to the flamed haired girl that their noses are brushing at their lips are caressing. Naomi's lost all control in that moment, Know's Emily has too when she feels the petite hands lifting up her tucked in shirt, moaning when she feels the soft skin stroking her abdomen.

"I need you now" Emily purrs causing an instant reaction to happen in the blondes knickers. She pulls away breathing heavily, startled slightly when she hears Cooks howling laughter. She glances back into Emily eyes, worried that the horrible scared tint would suddenly appear like it always normally does when one of them remember that they are in fact in a 'loving' relationship, shes relieved when its not there.

Naomi moves quickly, not moving from in front of Emily, she manages to twist her body so that she can open the fridge and glance inside. Once she's taking note of the lack of beer she grabs Emily's hand and pulls her through the flat, grabbing her car keys from the hall way table "Were going to get some more beer, were almost out!" she shouts, hearing a few cheers from the boys, the burning stare making its way through the living room door from Effy.

;;

They stumble into the lift, their lips never leaving one anothers. She hears Emily yelp slightly in pain from as the lift walls hits her back. Naomi moves back slightly wanting to ask if she's alright but doesn't get a chance as the red head threads her hand through the blondes locks and brings their lips together. She hears the voice of the lift "_going down" _Hopes that the lift can read her mind and take them straight to the bottom floor without stopping on any levels; knows that if any of her neighbours see her in this compromising position they are sure to tell Cook of her unfaithfulness.

Naomi's startles when shes pushes gently away from the red head. She's confused, wonders whether Emily is changing her mind. Their still close enough so their foreheads can rest together, their breathing ragged.

"We shouldn't be doing this" Emily says, the blonde holds in her scoff because she makes it seem like this is the first time that they have lost control around one another, the images of behind the club, in the club toilets and on Emily's boyfriends toilet floor floods her mind. She searches Emily's face for a sign that she's joking, can see that her face is serious but her eyes are betraying her, she can see the desire in them, like tiny flames.

She pulls back never the less "You want to stop?"

"No" she answers quickly, her eyes almost scared "I just thought that maybe one of us should voice it"

Naomi laughs into the kiss, slightly guilty that it wasn't her that voiced it.

;;

Naomi moans in ecstasy ignoring the steering wheel prodding her in the back as she rides Emilys fingers. She doesn't care that what they are doing is public indecency. Doesn't care that the risk of them getting caught is high, that the risk of them getting caught by their boyfriends is ridiculously high because they didn't even have time to start the car because they were already clawing at each others clothes before Naomi had been able to open the car door. All they had managed to do was make it into the front seat and close the door.

"Fuck...right there" Naomi moans tilting her head upwards, as Emily pounds into her, the sweat from their bodies causing the car to steam up, the movements of their bodies causing the car to rock. Emily bites at her nipple before sucking and licking it. The red heads fringe is sticking to her fore head, her breathing is short and quick, her eyes raking over every inch of the blondes body that's squirming on top of her.

Naomi wonders for a second how they are going to cover this up, the smell of sex is just over whelming, their lips swollen from all the sucking and nipping, she doesn't know if Cook is going to believe in yet _another_ difficult prisoner thats managed to scratch her entire back from top to bottom. Wishes he was still the naive boy he was all those years back in college.

Emily sucks on her pulse point bringing her back, her fingers curling in all the right places inside her. She's never felt so alive, not even whens she's chasing a criminal and the adrenaline is pumping away in her body, this moment is just so much more. Every nerve in her body is alive and picking up every touch, kiss, caress from Emily.

She opens her thighs a little wider, allowing Emily all the access and space she needs to manoeuvre her talented hands to bring the blonde to her climax. She knows she's close can feel the waves of pleasure floating through her body. She feels as if her heart is swelling in her chest, wonders how its not crushing all her other vital organs, wishes that Emily could see the affect she is having on her. Wants to know what this affect is because she really doesn't know what it is, has always thought the feelings she has been experiencing were want, lust, desire just because she was doing something she knew she shouldn't, tasting the forbidden fruit. But in this moment, feeling the waves of pleasure and looking deep into the red head eyes she realises that there's something more, something she's never felt before and she doesn't know what it is, all she knows is that she feels content with it, happy and warm.

Naomi is tipped over the edge, her hands clinging onto Emily sweaty flesh as she rides out her orgasm, her mouth allowing moans of pleasure to escape. Once she finally lands and looks at the sexy red head between her thighs the want and desire returns almost immediately. She wants to make Emily feel the way she just did, the high she just experienced as if she was drug up to her eye balls. Naomi manoeuvres them both onto the back seat of her car, spreading the red head legs wide she dives down, seeing just in time as Emily closes her eyes in anticipation.

;;

Naomi pulls up in front of the apartment block, she looks up at the windows of her flat, just like she does every time she comes home. She can see Cook and JJ dancing around like fools, can see the shadow of Effy laughing. Hates that what she and Emily are doing could destroy that happy picture, hates thinking that if all of this come out Cook and JJ might never step foot anywhere near her again.

"Don't think" Emily says from beside her, her voice making that warm feeling return. Naomi smiles looking down at their joined hands resting on the gear stick. Wonders how long they can go on for without thinking, she hates not knowing whats going on, is always one to want answers.

Naomi takes a deep breath ""

A burst of laughter comes from beside the blonde causing her to blush, it did sound like she was talking a different language just then. "What was that?"

She clears her throat this time trying to calm her nerves "I was wondering" inhale "if maybe you wanted to get a drink sometime?" exhale "Coffee?"

A warm smile graces Emily's features "I'd love too"

"Great, when?" Naomi asks trying to control the smile fighting its way onto her lips. She wants to act cool, wishes she could extract some of Effy's cool mysteriousness onto herself.

"I'll let you know when I'm free"

Not the response the blonde was hoping for, her mind races with reasons as to why the red head might be busy, comes up with none, she knows nothing about what Emily does in her spare time or if she even has a job. All she knows is that shes unbelievably hot and gives her great sex and also has a twin, a horrible slightly plumper twin that doesn't seem to like her at all.

"O-ok"

"Which means you'll have to use that number i gave you rather than staring at it all day wondering whether its okay to text or not" Emily cheekily states as she opens the car door and hops out carrying the new crate of beers they just purchased. Maybe it was her that she saw this morning in the police car after all, she thinks, even though she knows its impossible, she can't mistake that ass anywhere, closing the door and locking it as quickly as she can, wonders if they can sneak in a quick snogging session in the lift on the way up.

**Apparently' perve' isn't a word according to Microsoft...fools! Get down with the youth already!**

**So yeah, drop us a review.**

**Much love.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Who's seen the new skins 5 trailer? Anyone else wish that generation 2 used that idea? Naomi and Emily falling through the air, completely naked gazing lovingly into each others eyes? Then the drama that happened in the series unfolds as they begin to pick up speed plummeting to the earth? That would have been AMAZING!...fucking E4.**

**I'm currently nursing a hangover and thought you all deserved an update for the fantastic inspiring reviews I got! Seriously guys I can't thank you enough, and just to show you how much they inspire me you have below an almost 9000 word chapter!...i have no idea where it came from, my fingers just couldn't stop tapping away. **

**I said last chapter that I wanted to explore Naomi and Emily's separate stories so I've done that in this chapter. Given you a bit of back ground on them both that will help the story along and help you to understand them individually….i hope lol. From some of the reviews a lot of you were excited to see them actually hold a conversation! Here you go then!**

**Hope you all had a great New year, I had a blast. Ended the night pissed out of my face in the highest of heels trying to break into my twin's flat. Not the greatest of starts to the New Year but it was hilarious. I'm still covered in bruises even now.**

**By the way the street name in this is fake; I'm shit with street names. I'm just one of those people that hope their sense of direction is on form.**

**I have read through this; but I have to hook my glasses in my hair slightly to stop them from falling off. Seriously if you saw me you would crack up. So I might have missed a few. Sorry.**

**Hope you enjoy this. Will try and update soon.**

**Emz x**

Naomi shuffled nervously outside her childhood home; the door was still painted the same bright summer colour completely contrasting the horrible cold weather of winter. She raised her hand up slowly, her mind racing with reasons as to why she was currently stood outside her mothers house in the middle of the day when she had only just visited her a few weeks ago.

Her flat had been too quiet; Cook had left for work early this morning, giving her a loving kiss on the top of her fake sleeping form. It gave her a horrible feeling, one she hasn't been able to shift all day. He had paused, stood beside their bed just staring at her. She didn't open her eyes, tried her hardest to keep her breathing even. His gaze was burning her skin, making her feel tainted, it just made the guilt even worse. There was no denying that he hadn't noticed her strange behaviour, it was only a matter of time before he questioned her about it. Its why she had to get out of the flat, that and all the annoying Christmas tunes that were playing twice as much now it was nearing Christmas eve.

She took in a deep breath, her hand raised ready to knock. She knew her mum was going to ask her why she had come over, didn't want to lie but she knew she had too. Didn't want to say that she was just trying to find a way to rid herself of the butterflies flying around in her belly, not the good happy butterflies that she gets when she see's Emily. The horrible ones where she knows that something bad is going to happen and soon, like around six when Cook gets home from work.

She shakes her head frustrated, she's being ridiculous. Why should it seem bizarre her popping over to see her mum for a few hours? She knocks and steps back, leaning her weight on one foot, picking her nails trying to seem as casual as she can when really she is totally on edge.

The door bursts open and Naomi tries her hardest not to laugh at her mothers wide eyes and general appearance. Shes wearing a thin cream fabric top with a blue flowery design all around the edges with a pair of pale blue jeans on her bottom half. She scrunches her mouth shut as one burst of laughter almost makes it from her lips, all her mother needs now is a spliff and a large green field with daisies and of coarse a camper van and she'd be set.

She's about to comment but is stunned silent when her mother dramatically runs out of the house, her arms flailing beside her as she looks up into the sky, her expression shocked but also dazed, kind of like pandoras back in college.

"Mum what the fuck are you doing?" Naomi asks with an amused tone, watching her mother astonished.

"Oh just checking that the sky isn't falling or that pigs haven't finally learnt how to fly" she replies in a sing song voice.

Naomi rolls her eyes chuckling slightly "And why would you check for that?"

Gina smiles at her daughter walking towards her so that they are facing one another "Because this is the SECOND visit that I have gotten in a month, something must be wrong!"

She scoffs trying to hide the fact that Gina Campbell is bloody right "What? that's ridiculous I was just bored sat at home and fancied a cup of your horrible tea that's all"

Naomi knew that her mum wasn't fooled, the squinty eye look she got before Gina turned and made her way inside said exactly that "Very well, come on in"

She followed her mum into the house, the familiar smell of her childhood home filled her nostrils straight away. It made her feel warm, comfortable, exactly what she was hoping for when the idea first popped into her head. Being at home was just driving her mad; she'd been playing with the piece of paper that she had written Emily's number down on for hours. It was in her jean pocket right now, burning her, Naomi was surprised there wasn't a large orange glow coming from her pocket making it obvious to her mother that the piece of paper held the number of a girl she was having an affair with. Although it wasn't really an affair, Effy's constant nagging that it was, even though neither of them were married, was making it difficult for her not to believe her. It made it sound dirty.

"I'm so glad you came to visit, your bastard of a step dad is nursing off a hangover after knocking back almost half a bottle of whisky just because I forced him to watch the Note Book. Unromantic twat"

Naomi giggled whilst taking a seat at the same old kitchen table she use to when she was a teenager "Only half a bottle? I'm disappointed in him, he use to be able to put away a lot more than that"

Kieran's groaning form entered the kitchen at that moment right on time; he was still the scruffy Irish man Naomi remembers him to be back in college just with a slightly bigger belly and more grey hairs. She laughs at him, he was clearly feeling rough. She heard her mother tutting behind her, could already picture her shaking head and disapproving eyes.

"Don't encourage him"

Naomi knew not to take sides when it came to Gina and Kieran; she had made that mistake once before. It wasn't even a serious argument; her mum and Kieran were arguing over who washed up the dishes more. Naomi simply said that she _thought_ it could have been Kieran only because she had seem him doing it more, god was that a mistake, her mum refused to cook her dinner for a week. It was a horrible week for a teenager who's mother refused to buy a microwave. No teenager is meant to _actually _cook a meal.

Kieran grunted as his back hit the wooden chair; his eyes falling on Naomi. They say a silent hello to one another before both being handed a cup of herbal tea by Gina.

"So how's work and everything?"

Naomi sighs, it's the usual question that every parent asks their child, she can answer the work part. It's the same old answer she gives every time "Yeah works good, still trying to help the hopeless losers of today" it's the everything part that she cant answer because really, she has no idea. Everything she thought she knew has been turned upside down, just from one look, one beautiful fucking smile.

"I don't know why you became a copper sometimes" Gina said taking a seat at the four seater table.

"Because I want to help people mum, give something back to the community"

"You do realise that they are preventing us from protesting for whats right, such as Fox hunting" Gina says, Naomi can see the look on her mothers eyes, the one where once she gets onto her protesting theirs no stopping her. The rolling of Kierans eyes would suggest hes thinking the same, but Naomi needs the distraction.

She laughs "Mum you've already banned fox hunting"

"There are still people out there that do it, those bloody royals think they can get away with everything. Now they are trying to give us rules on how to protest, absolutely ridiculous!"

"Mum, chaining yourself to the gate of the House of Commons isn't what they like to call 'peaceful' protesting. Your obstructing the MP's from getting in to do their jobs"

"If discussing pointless new laws and legislations to make our lives just that little bit more of a struggle is their job then they should all be killed!"

"MUM!"

"GINA!"

Gina rolls her eyes "Okay maybe that was a little bit extreme"

Naomi scoffs "just a little" glancing at Kieran shaking his head. Clearly he's use to her outbursts, Naomi didn't think she'd been away for that long.

"They should still be hurt a little bit" Gina continues nodding her head more to herself. Naomi knows that Gina would never hurt a fly, is actually quite hilarious hearing a comment like that come from her mouth, but still, just in case, plus being a officer of the metropolitan police, she should say something. Even though she knows back in her teenager years she would have laughed and probably agreed, even strapped herself to the gates of the House of Commons. "So anyway lets not waste anymore times talking about those twats" she always has the best ways of putting things "How's you and James?" Fuck. Just an honest question that just reminds Naomi of the 'everything' part of Gina's earlier question.

Emily, its all she can fucking think about now. Her mother mentions her boyfriends name and all she can think about is the flamed haired girl that's changed _everything. _The piece of paper in her pocket holding the forbidden digits to her version of the forbidden fruit burns in her pocket. She shuffles uncomfortably under her mothers innocent gaze; wants to try and change the subject, say anything that will cover up the reason why its taken her so long to answer such a simple question. She cant think of anything, she sighs just in time as her mothers eyes change from their casual look to one of worry.

"Kieran dear would you bugger off for a bit?" Gina suddenly says, Naomi's eye shoot up not wanting Kieran to leave because she knows that her mum is then going to ask her even more questions, questions for answers she just doesn't have.

Doesn't want to think about what Gina would say when she finds out that she's been unfaithful to Cook. Doesn't want to see that disappointed expression flood her mothers face.

Naomi begins to panic, looking around her old kitchen for anything to take away the intense atmosphere that's taken over it since Kieran grunted his way out of the kitchen. "Are you and Cook going through a rough patch dear?"

Rough patch? Is that what this is called?

Naomi knows theres no point in being vague with her mum, lying to her and telling her everything is okay. She's paused for too long now, too long for her to just shrug and say its all alright.

"Have you ever…" she starts before sighing wishing that the words she was saying expressed exactly what her hearts feeling in that moment "have you ever felt like you've been picked up, taken from everything you know, everything you thought you knew and just thrown" Naomi pauses taking a nervous gulp, hating feeling so vulnerable "and everything around you is flying around as well and just when you thought you had everything figured out, it all lands in different places and in different orders and you realise in that moment that you knew nothing, nothing at all?"

It felt good. Getting that off her chest, the weight pressing down on her shoulders doesn't feel so heavy, just like when she told Effy. That stupid old saying along the lines of its better to share the load than take it all on yourself, it makes sense in that moment. Her mum just smiles, that warm Gina smile that only she can pull off.

"Did that even make sense?" Naomi chuckles shaking her head, wiping her aching face with her hands.

Gina nods bringing her cup of herbal tea up to her lips. Naomi cringes as she looks down to her own, she hates it when it gets too cold. Doesn't see the point in drinking it, that's one of the differences between her and her mother; Gina doesn't mind luke warm tea, she hates it.

"Things always happen for a reason sweet heart"

Naomi rolls her eyes "Oh mum please don't go all hippified on me now"

Her mum shakes her head still smiling "You might be right, everything I've ever told you could be complete hippy bollocks, but it could also be right" she pauses reaching over taking Naomi's hands in hers, turning them around, Naomi's about to pull away thinking that she's about to read her palms but she just squeezes them with that intense look in her eyes and Naomi knows she's about to say something that will stick in her mind for a while "The people who make us happy are never the people we expect. So when you find someone, you've got to treasure them"

It hurts, but it also makes her smile because in a way, her mother has just told her, in her odd hippy way that she's going to support her no matter what.

"Thanks Mum" she croaks, tears pricking at the backs of her eyes as the number in her pocket gets hotter. She knows its not as simple as that, people could get hurt even herself, maybe even Emily and she doesn't want that. But the reassurance is there and that's all that matters right now.

Gina nods standing up taking her empty cup and Naomi's still full cup to the sink "Just make sure you make the right decision dear"

Oh you just said a mouthful mother.

;;

Standing outside with a fag rolling around her fingers, Naomi looks at the piece of paper baring Emily's number in her free hand while her phone shared the other. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, releasing short puffs of air as she tried to think of a simple text to send the red head. Anything to make her sound slightly interested but laid back at the same time, but what if Emily thought she was taking this whole cheating thing lightly? That it was just a simple fling for her? What if it was a simple fling for Emily and she was thinking far to into this? What if she was just another girl in a long list of flings Emily was having? JJ wasn't exactly the greatest catch, she knew Emily could do so much better. Fuck, now she's just being a bitch.

Their conversation from last night in the kitchen floated into her mind.

_"I didn't know you were a copper" Her eyes rake up and down Naomi's body. It makes her feel exposed, almost naked._

_Naomi tried to get the confidence back in her "There's a lot you don't know about me"_

_Emily smiles a sweet smile at that almost makes the blonde crumble "I'd like to get to know you" She replies shyly, her fringe falling over her face as she lowers her head slightly. Naomi's hand shoots about before she's really thought about it, thought about where they are and who could possibly see them, the humming of conversation coming from the living room gives the blonde enough confidence to know no one is coming. She watches the red heads eyes sparkle as she tucks the stray piece of fringe away. She's so beautiful._

_"I'd like that too" Naomi whispers so quietly that she's almost shocked Emily even heard_ her.

Fuck it, she said she wanted to get to know her.

She began typing away a simple text, something to just break the ice. Her heart began thumping as she clicked send, her mind already cursing her because its now official that _she_ was the one to start the texting between them, even though Emily gave her number first she was the one to send the first text. Fuck sake AND she was now going to be hovering over her phone like a lost puppy until Emily replied IF she even replied.

The text was simple.

**Hey it's Naomi, finally kicked my ass into gear and used you're number lol I was wondering if you're still up for coffee? X**

The kiss at the end had been deleted a few times; she didn't know whether it was appropriate. It's silly really, usually you contemplate that idea when you first take a acquaintances number, when you're getting to the stages of forming a friendship. What she had with Emily was more of a friendship really, seriously, they had kissed, snogged, fucked in the most inappropriate places, her mouth had been on areas of Emily's body that she would never have dreamed of going with anyone else, and here she was debating whether to put a fucking kiss at the end of the text?

"Fucks sake" she muttered bringing her shaky hand holding the fag to her mouth. Her eyes every so often glancing at her phone, its only been a second. She fucking knew this would happen.

;;

Naomi kicked her front door shut, her body shaking from the sub zero temperatures outside. She rubbed her hands together as she walked around the warm apartment, light left on in every room, Christmas songs playing in the back ground. The smell of mince floats through the flat and Naomi momentarily panics when her hungry stomach finally connects with her brain registering that the only one who could be producing such a fine smell is Cook, and he cant cook for shit.

"Babe? Are you fucking cooking?" she says her walk picking up pace as she makes her way into the kitchen. Abruptly stopping when she see's Cook stood in the kitchen, his bare ass hanging out of the back of the cooking apron he's wearing. She cant help but laugh "Are you fucking naked?"

He turns around howling with laughter a massive grin on his face that's just infectious "I'm the naked chef init!" he beams, his arms out stretching either side of him. Naomi's slightly glad that his fireman is covered by the rubber fabric of his apron. Not sure how she would feel seeing it just yet. But he does have a sweet ass, she cant deny that.

The fact that Emily hasn't replied to her text, after almost an hour doesn't help her mind or her heart when confronted with a naked Cook. She feels angry at herself for sending the text, making herself vulnerable to being knocked back by Emily, especially If that guilty look she sometimes wears after they have fucked has resurfaced to the extreme.

She smiles at him walking over leaning up on her tip toes to place a kiss on his lips. The slight stubble on his top lip almost makes her want to sneeze; it's a big difference to the red heads smooth tasty lips. But she's decided not to think of her right now, or tonight for that matter. She walks away, heading back over to the table seeing a bottle of red and two wine glasses sat either side, she smiles, that was one thing her and Cook had in common, the love for wine. It was many of their wine tasting journeys that brought them together in the end.

After pouring herself a glass and Cook she walked back over to him, leaning up against the side by the cooker while he stirred and sung along to the song playing; she recognised it straight away, always reminded her of college, sat on the green with the gang and a spliff hanging out of her mouth. She was usually either laying on Effy or Cook as they laid upon one another. JJ would soon join in and so would Freddie and Pandora. They were just a bundle of limbs. She wanted to go back to those days, where no body else had an influence on her.

They sung the chorus together, jumping around trying to dance while he slapped her ass with a spatula and she tried not to spill her red wine all down herself.

"_Look outside the raincoats coming, say oh_

_Look outside the raincoats coming, say oh_

_Ay ay ay ay! Ay ay ay!"_

In this moment it felt good, good just being with him. Like they use to be before, before she laid eyes on the girl that turned her life upside down. They dance around the table, well until Cook jumped on the table jumping up and down before doing some sort of flip off, his apron lifting up showing Naomi more than she was hoping to see so soon, but she didn't care.

Cook grabbed her by the hands, twirling her around, lifting her up and dropping her almost to the floor before bringing her back up. Their faces inches apart, their breathing heavy. Naomi looked into his eyes, searching. Searching for that spark that made her fall in love with him, the cheeky glint that rubbed off on her and caused her to do stupid silly immature things, the things that made her feel alive.

She couldn't find it. It was gone.

She could feel her eyes begin to fill with unshed tears, her heart hurting because she didn't want to leave him. Didn't want to just throw away the years that they have spent together, the memories that they have created, the life that they could have. It fucking hurt.

"I love you" He murmurs, their faces still inches apart.

Naomi wonders whether a knife to the heart would have hurt less than those three words "I love you too" she whispers back, because she does just not as much as she use too, she's not even sure how she loves him any more.

He smiles as he closes the gap between them, their lips brushing together as his tongue licks her bottom lip. She grants it access; allowing their tongues to massage against each other, it doesn't feel wrong, how could it they've been doing this for years, but it doesn't feel of anything either. She wishes it did, wishes that every time she closes her eyes she didn't see Emily's staring back.

Emily, the girl who still has not text her back. The one who said to HER that she wanted to get to know her, the one that in all of this, kissed HER first, well that's what she likes to believe even though they did technically meet half way. She likes to think she would have stopped herself if she had had the whole way to travel, yeah she would have. So it is Emily's fault, plus she shouldn't have been on her knee's leaning over that monopoly board right in front of her where she could perve on that perfect ass.

"Babe?" Cook asks once he's broken the kiss and she hasn't responded.

She shakes her head, cringing slightly when she feels her wine spill over the edge of her glass and onto her hand "S-sorry babe, what did you say?"

"I said dinners up"

;;

They sit eating dinner in front of the tv in silence, only the noise of Mock of the Week playing through the TV and Cooks random bursts of laughter bring Naomi out of her day dream.

"So what made you decide to cook dinner tonight?" she asks scouping a load of spaghetti bolognaise into her mouth. She wasn't surprised when she had seen he'd cooked that, it was after all a favourite dish of hers. A classic.

He tries to talk through a mouthful of food before swallowing and trying again "Well I noticed ya been stressed lately so I wanted ta do summat nice for ya"

Naomi smiles, watching as he eats, slouched over his tray as if he hasn't just said the sweetest thing in a while. She leans sideways placing a small chaste kiss on his cheek, her way of saying thank you. He doesn't comment it, knows he shouldn't. Since Naomi has gotten home hes experienced the most amount of affection from her than he has in a while. Hes not going to cock it all up with some boyish comment about her being a sap, if anything, hes relieved she's being a sap.

He hangs onto the moment, claws onto the moment almost.

"I miss you"

It sounds so weak, Naomi wants to smack him for sounding so weak. Hates herself for making him so weak, he was always so powerful before, never let anything break him, now for the first time since all the troubles with his mother, shes starting to see the cracks and all because of her.

She places her hand on his cheek "I'm right here" she knows that if he looks into her eyes he'll see the truth, shes not there anymore.

"You've been so far yano, an I though if I just left ya too it you'd eventually come back" Cook moves the unfinished dinners off their laps, placing them on the coffee table just in front of them. Swinging back round he takes both of her hands in his, his eyes desperate. Naomi tries to ignore the horrible butterflies flying around in her stomach again. "I know sumtimes ya work can be 'ard, and trust me I hate it when those bastards rough you up, but theres only so much I can do if ya don't chat to me babe"

She lets out a deep breath, her body feeling shaky. Hates this feeling, wishes the fucking butterflies would just leave.

"Im sorry" she mutters, looking down to her lap, no longer being able to handle his intense stair. Its in that moment that she wishes the old Cook back, the Jack the Lad that didn't care whether she was okay or not. He really would be perfect in this situation. "I guess things at work have been pretty hard on me lately" she lies, it just slips out. But she cant take the hopeful look on his face any more.

He smiles and she feels her heart break. Decides in that moment that shes going to try, try for him and their future. Is foolish to throw away such a perfect relationship.

Its ironic really that in that moment her phone vibrates from the kitchen table. Its ironic how her heart beat increases and her breathing stops. She grabs both their wine glasses giving him a peck on the cheek before excusing herself and trying her best to causally walk out of the lounge. Once out of view she full on sprints into the kitchen, her knees banging on the wood, she doesn't even notice the pain as she reads the name flashing on the screen. Fuck, shes ringing, her heart momentarily stops.

She shakily brings the phone up to her ear.

"Hey"

"Hey, sorry for ringing so late" Emily answers, her husky voice sending shivers down Naomi's spine. Fuck, there's that effect.

"Tis okay"

"Its just I thought it was better than sending a text seeing as I failed to reply straight away" It's thoughtful, Naomi likes that. Takes away a lot of the theories she conjured up earlier outside her mums.

"Seriously its okay, I know how hectic life can get sometimes trust me" Naomi reassures, she doesn't know whether there is a hidden meaning behind that, whether she meant work or the effect this beautiful red bombshell has had on her life.

Emily laughs on the other line, god it sounds so good to Naomi's ears "That's good. Anyway the reason for me calling is simple really, I'd like to take you up on that offer"

"The coffee offer?" Naomi asks

"Was there another?"

Naomi blushes, her mind going in over drive thinking about all the other offers she'd love to make. "No no, just that one" she glances through the kitchen doorway, relieved when she see's Cook now laid back on the couch still naked but with the apron covering his bits. She smiles, he does look rather cute. "When would you like to take up this offer?"

She doesn't miss a beat "Tomorrow? That is if you aren't busy being all Hot Fuzz?"

Naomi bursts out at that, its lucky, she only just saw that movie otherwise she wouldn't have known what on earth Emily was talking about. "I'll have you know I am slightly more professional than them" she defends.

Emily sniggers and Naomi wishes she could witness her cute little button nose as she does "Only slightly aye?"

They were flirting; she felt like a teenager again. "I have my limits and I'm only re- acting Hot Fuzz for the morning really, I finish at one"

"Do you know the coffee shop on the corner of Yale street?"

Naomi racks her brains before an image of the coffee shop enters her head "Yeah I know the one"

"Shall we say meet there at two?"

"Sounds perfect"

"Brilliant, I look forward to getting to know you" Naomi can already image the smile on her face, if hers is anything to go by.

"You too"

"Oh and Naomi" Emily suddenly pipes up.

Naomi frowns confused "Yeah?"

"Well done for actually using my number, I'm impressed I thought it would've taken you longer"

"Fuck off" she jokes.

"See you tomorrow"

"You too"

Naomi looks at her phone for a few more moments; wishing that Emily's name was still on her screen. She even goes to her received calls just to see it; her smile is beginning to hurt her mouth, her mind is already racing with potential outfits. Its stupid really she knows she going to have to go in her police uniform; theres no way she can get home, changed and back out in time to meet Emily. She cant be late, wont allow herself to be. Plus from the way Emily's eyes were eye fucking her last time, she doubts she minds the uniform. The only problem with that means that if any trouble occurs while shes around she's the first person people approach. She doesn't want tomorrows date; hold on, NOT date to be interrupted. Tomorrow is anything but a date, they are just getting to know each other.

She squeals as quietly as she can, placing her phone back down on the kitchen table before skipping back into the living room with two filled glasses of wine.

;;

Naomi hovers outside the coffee shop; bouncing on her heels as she breaths into her hands trying to warm them up. She'd planned to go home in the end and change, but of course she'd ended up staying even later after work. She tried to make her uniform look less obvious. Opted for the black jacket rather than the high visual jacket she usually has to wear when on patrol.

Jack had been subject to her mood swings all morning, it ranged from extreme excitement to irritation and fear. She felt sorry for him.

She looked to her right seeing the pathway she assumed Emily would be using to get to the coffee shop clear. She breathed out heavily, fuck, maybe she'd been stood up. She glanced at her wrist watch seeing that Emily only had a few more moments to get there on time. She cant be too keen.

"Hey" A voice speaks up from beside her causing her to jump.

Naomi brings one of her hands up to her mouth to stop herself from screaming "Fuck! You scared me!"

"Sorry officer" Emily winks, opening up the shop door signalling for Naomi to go in "Shall we?" Naomi takes in the cheeky red heads appearance, a long green carky jacket with cream fluff around the hood, her hair down and wavy with a cute dark blue beanie, Jeggings and grey boots topping off the outfit. Makes her wish even more she had a chance to get home and change. She looks so dam adorable all wrapped up.

They get their drinks and grab a table at the far end of the shop; Naomi suggests the table in the corner using her uniform as an excuse for them to hide from prying eyes when in reality she just wants the red head all to herself. They sit for a few minutes in silence, both taking random sips from their drinks to make them look like they aren't just sitting there in an awkward silence.

"My favourite colour is red" Naomi suddenly blurts out, the silence making her feel uncomfortable.

"Sorry?"

"You said you wanted to get to know me, so my favourite colour is red, whats yours?" Naomi cringes at the way the conversation she just started is similar to those started by kids on their first day of school.

Emily smirks at the blonde, nodding as if accepting the challenge. "My favourite colour is blue" she confirms "Whats you favourite number mines 12?"

"6" Naomi pauses for a moment trying to think up the next question trying to keep their fire round alive "Who's your favourite band?"

Emily makes her mouth into an O shape as she takes in a sharp breath "oooo that's too tricky there are far too many great bands out there"

She smiles nodding at Emily's answer, she didn't have a direct answer either "I know what you mean but im really digging Mumford and Sons at the moment"

"Oh definitely they're a great band, they were voted best band to go see in concert"

"it makes sense, What about Paramore?"

Emily leans forward in her chair, Naomi loves the look of pure devotion in Emily's eyes as she speaks about the band "I fucking love Paramore!"

"I policed their event when they played at the O2, their biggest concert in the UK to date. I was very chuffed!"

"You lucky bitch" the red head says punching the blondes arm slightly "I tried my hardest to get tickets to that but they were sold out in a flash!"

"Ha! Didn't need a ticket, I got _paid_ to watch them"

Emily sits back in her chair chuckling and shaking her head, her arms crossed over her chest muttering 'jammy bitch'

They talk for ages about favourite bands and celebrities. Its just silly talk; Emily says that Katie keeps her up to date with all the celebrity gossip and if she doesn't tell someone else all the useless information she gathers would just seep from her ears and nose. They laugh, heads just missing one another.

The laughter dies down after a while, both feeling comfortable, legs brushing under the table causing Naomi's heart to stop every time, their eyes stealing glances.

Naomi keeps trying to convince herself that this is just a friendly drink their sharing, only her heart doesn't agree with her head.

"If there was one place you could visit in the world where would it be?" Naomi asks surprised when Emily answers straight away.

"New Zealand" She says it with such determination, Naomi knows she must have thought about this before. She raises her eyebrow as her mind races to where New Zealand is; other side of the world. She doesn't know why, but the idea of Emily wanting to visit such a far away place spurs a number of question in her mind, wonders whether there is more depth to why she would want to go their.

Naomi looks at her intently "Why?"

"It's beautiful there. My dad use to show me pictures from when he and mum went their when they were younger. Before me and Katie. Its just got those beautiful views where you just stand their feeling alive, you know where you take in that sharp breath because what you see has taken your breath away?" The way Emily's eyes sparkle as she talks about New Zealand, the passion, it makes Naomi want to grab her hand and drag her to the airport, but she knows it isn't her place. "Ive wanted to go there for years, ever since I was a little girl" Emily continues.

"Why don't you go then?"

Emily smiles sweetly at the blonde "I haven't had the chance nor the money to afford to go, It's a dream"

And dreams sometimes come true, Naomi thinks. She doesn't know why JJ hasn't taken her there yet, she doubts he must have seen the wanting expression on Emily's face, because if he had, he would have taken her there in a heartbeat.

Emily chuckes to herself as she pulls her passport out of her handbag; Naomi gasps as she takes in the small red booklet.

"You carry your passport with you?" She tries not to snatch it from the red heads hands, she desperately wants to see the picture inside. Emily doesn't even try to stop her "Isn't that a bit dangerous, you know, encase you loose it or something?"

"I'm careful" Emily replies with a content smile, her eyes watching the blonde flick the passport pages to the back few "It's just encase I have to leave the country quickly, its silly really I probably never will" A small blush creeps up the redheads neck, adorable.

Naomi smirks as she takes in the small passport picture of Emily; she can tell from the colour of Emily's hair that the picture wasn't recent. She looked so young in the photo, slightly chubbier. "How old are you in the photo?"

"That was taken five years ago" Emily confirms. Naomi brings her gaze back down to the photo, her thumb brushing over Emily's 17 year old face. She looks beautiful in the picture; Naomi doesn't doubt that the younger version of Emily wouldn't of had the same affect as the gorgeous one sat in front of her now. Naomi notes that her hair is a different colour.

Naomi turns the passport round in her hand, wanting to show Emily what she's talking about, which is slightly ridiculous because Emily is clearly going to know what she looks like in the picture, especially if she carries it around all the time. "When did you decide to dye your hair red? Its brown in the picture"

Emily nods, brining her Coffee to her lips. "I fancied a change, well, needed a change"

"Why?" Naomi says turning the passport back round in her hands, placing it down on the table top before taking a sip from her coffee.

Emily tries to ignore the way her heart swells at the fact that Naomi is actually taking an interest in something so small as her changing the colour of her hair. It never seemed like such a big deal to anyone else but to her it was a check point in her life. "I wanted something that belonged to me that made me stand out"

Naomi nods in understanding leaning forward resting her head in her hands "to stand out from Katie?" she asks.

The red head nods.

"Well if its any consolation, when we bumped into you both at the club the other night I knew straight away that Katie wasn't you, even though she has clearly copied you and dyed her hair red"

Naomi can feel the happy butterflies beginning to fly around in her stomach when she see's Emily's eyes light up from what she's just said. Wishes she could think of a million other things to say just to see that sparkle.

They gaze into each others eyes for a longer time than what is acceptable for friends; Naomi doesn't think, Emily doesn't think.

They're not sure who but one of them reaches their hand across first and Naomi only registers where her hand is when she see's it entwined with Emily's, above the table for everyone to see. They're in their bubble again; no one else matters for now. Naomi's plan of stopping this madness is gone, was stupid to even think it was possible. Friends hold hands all the time; Naomi is sure of it, but then again they are usually adolescent teenagers on a shopping trip.

Emily breaks the silence. "What about you? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Naomi leans back, her hand still connected with Emily's as she shakes her head "No and my dad fucked off when I was young; I can't even really remember what he looks like, all I can remember is the last thing he ever said to me" Naomi's eyes widen slightly in shock; doesn't know where that came from, she usually just thinks the last bit, or lies completely, says she doesn't know her dad at all.

Emily bites her lip in the cutest way Naomi thinks is even possible, she leans forward and hesitantly asks "What did he say? You don't have to tell me if you don't want too"

She hasn't ever told anyone this, not even Cook, she wishes her mouth would allow her mind time to think but the words come tumbling out before she even has a chance to register them "I was really young, pretending to be asleep as you do at that age. I didn't really know what was going on, he always came into my room and gave me a kiss goodnight on the forehead so I thought he was just doing that. But then I heard him crying silently, I wanted to open my eyes and give him a hug but id already been pretending to be asleep for too long" she pauses taking a deep breath, her shoulders shaking slightly.

Emily squeezes her hand as Naomi remembers all the good summers back when she was younger, her and her father would go on random adventures into the woods on a Sunday while her mum stayed at home cooking the Sunday roast. He'd swing her around his head and they'd laugh until her little belly would hurt and he'd carry her on his shoulders when she could no longer keep up with him. Those were the moments when she wished she hadn't taken them for granted. But then again, she never knew he was going to leave. Even when he was sat in her room that night before he left. Her heart hurts, a whole different kind of pain. Longing and disappointment.

If she couldn't even trust the people that were meant to love her unconditionally, how was she meant to fully love someone else? She always knew Cook loved her more than she loved him, she didn't let herself love him fully, wouldn't.

Emily stays quiet not wanting to disturb the blondes thought process. The quiet hum of the coffee shop is all she can hear as she waits patiently.

Naomi starts after a few moments "he said, one word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love. I love you Naomi and I will never really leave you, but this is something I have to do"

Emily puffs out some air from her mouth, her eyebrows raised as she leans back slightly "That's a deep thing to say to a young child"

The blonde laughs "Yeah, hence why I didn't realise he was leaving, I think had he of said that too me now I would have known, or thought he was dying" she jokes slightly at the end, her mouth shaping into a smile.

"He never came back?"

"Nope" she answers, the anger towards her dad returning as she images all the night she use to stay up waiting, or when she use to sit outside her mums door listening to her silent sobs. That was a very lonely time for her; her dad had caused her the weight and pain of life when he left; no amount of love could have helped her then. Its why she had been so hesitant when getting into a relationship with Cook, she could feel herself falling for him, his charming smile and his hideous gestures. She could see her dad in him when he calmed down and showed her his real self. Maybe she was silly to claw onto that. Naomi shakes her head "Fuck this has got depressing, come on lets get out of here" she says slapping her palms on the table getting up from her seat leaving a startled red head.

;;

They walk along the river Thames, past the spot that her and Effy were sat smoking the previous morning. She smiled to herself as she thought about the way she was feeling then; her body racked with guilt, her skin still tingling from Emily's touch.

She was surprised that she hadn't thought about it before, usually around Emily it was all she could think about, sex, sex with Emily. It worries her; she was clinging onto the hope that it was just a body thing. No relationship, no worries. It was nice not having that attachment, she wonders now if it was a silly idea going for Coffee with Emily, she didn't want an emotional attachment as well.

The red head hums beside her, her body tucked away from Naomi's perving eyes. She's starting to hate that jacket.

Their arms brush against one another each time one of them looses their rhythm, Naomi's doing it on purpose but she has to clench her fist when she feels her hand opening and stretching to take Emily's. They can't be reckless here, anyone could see them.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, it makes her heart jump at the thought of Cook calling her. She glances quickly at Emily who is staring intently at Naomi's trouser pocket, that worry glint showing. Naomi gulps nervously as she retrieves her phone, her fingers thumbling with the buttons, almost dropping it. It's a number she doesn't recognise.

"Hello?"

"is Emily there?" A croaky voice with a lisp asks; Naomi frowns.

"I'm sorry, who is this?"

"Its Katie her twin" The voice says with a 'duh' tone. The clogs tick in Naomi's brain as an image of the older chubbier twin fills her mind. She glances at Emily who is watching her, realising they have stopped walking. She goes to pass the phone but stops herself.

"How did you get my number?" She asks. She hears a laugh on the other line recognises it straight away, Effy. Since when were they that bummy that they actually hung out? At the club Effy made it sound like they were merely acquaintances? Katie mumbles what Naomi had already realised and she passes the phone to Emily muttering that it was Katie. Emily's adorable confused brow almost makes Naomi hang up and pin her against the Thames wall.

She walks on a bit, leaning her body against the wall lighting a fag. She watches Emily talking on the phone, her little mouth talking at the speed of lightning, never seen her talk so fast, is probably the only way the poor girl can get a word in edgeways with Katie. She watches Emily loll her head back and let out a throaty laugh, Naomi gulps at the skin suddenly exposed, her lips and tongue wanting to taste the bare flesh so desperately. She finds herself looking around for somewhere private; see's an alley way running along one of the shops; a smirk falls onto her face as she remembers the last alley way her and Emily found themselves down. Emily in that skimpy dress, it just showed off her cleverage and ass perfectly, Naomi had been practically drooling all night. She was fucking glad Emily followed her out of the club; she would have been frustrated for days otherwise. She pulls her eyes away from the alley way, no she thinks, she's in control of herself. Has full control of her body and emotions.

She hears Emily let out a deep breath as she throws her finished fag to the ground.

"That was Katie" Naomi raises her eyebrows in amusement, Emily shakes her head scoffing "Sorry yeah, you already knew that"

They begin on a gentle walk. Emily handing Naomi back her phone, her fingers lingering on Naomi just that little big longer than expected.

"What did she want?"

Emily takes a moment but when she finally does talk Naomi picks up on the amused tint to her voice "Her and Effy, who by the way I didn't realise were so close, have decided that we should all go to a place called Gobblers End this weekend, have you ever been there?"

Naomi rolls her eyes laughing "God, it's a place we use to go like every year when we were teenagers. When we couldn't always get into the clubs we use to go there and have our own 'camping party'" Naomi says using air quotations.

Suddenly the idea of Emily, tents, drugs, booze and Boyfriends enters her mind. Sounds familiar just a different setting. She gets hot just thinking about the things they could potentially get up to. Not involving the boys, just to clear that up.

"Sounds like fun, I wish my friends were like that" Emily says "Mine and Katies friends were always more like her, they always wanted to go shopping or to fashion shows, wasn't really my thing"

"What is your kind of thing?" Naomi presses.

"I dunno, mainly everything Katie doesn't like. I like to go clubbing but I also enjoy staying in with a glass of wine and a good book. I like the majority of outdoor activities like Kayaking, Rock climbing, snow boarding and surfing, Katie hates any form of exercise with the risk of her getting even getting the slightest bit of dirt on her" Emily giggles infectiously, their shoulders brush together and their hands skim one another, Naomi's heart thumps in her chest, the happy butterflies flying around bumping into the walls of her stomach. Naomi thinks about all the adventure holidays they could go on, watching Emily's sexy ass as she climbs a high rock.

"Sounds like my kind of girl" Naomi jokes, but she instantly regrets it. She doesn't even know where that came from, couldn't have made her self sound any more gay. My kind of girl? She doesn't have a kind of girl! Emily bites her lip, Naomi wonders if she's trying to stop herself from commenting on what just slipped from the blondes mouth. She feels herself begin to sweat her eyes looking round for any possible way out, anything to let them both forget what she just said. Doesn't want Emily to think that she was referring to herself as gay, she has a boyfriend. Fuck, say something!

It's a blessing in disguise when she hears her phone ringing in her hand. She brings the phone to her ear not even bothering to read who was calling.

"H-hello?" she croaks, turning slightly from Emily trying to hide the blush creeping its way onto her face.

"Alrite babe?"

Cook, she hates the lump that forms in her throat when she hears his voice. She murmurs a reply that she's surprised Cook even heard.

"Did ya get a call from JJ's missus's twin?"

How does Cook know of Katie? Fuck sakes she's clearly been distant. She answers. "Yeah, well she rang to talk to Emily but I go the memo"

Cook laughs "Cool idea init? Effy said we could all use a good get away"

"That's very thoughtful of her" Naomi replies sarcastically, now after her previous comment passing her lips she starting to wonder whether this weekend is a good idea, she wracks her brain for ways out, excuses she could use. Knows Effy would out smart every one.

"Init, look when ya home? Fort we could watch a movie together, you've got a long shift tomoz aint ya?" Cook asks and it makes Naomi's heart melt, she feels sorry for him, clearly trying to scrounge as much time with her as possible. Suddenly she realises it's a way out from this awkward situation with Emily.

"Be home as soon as I can" She answers before hearing Cook do a cheer and hanging up. She turns to Emily, her eyes gazing into the beautiful brown orbs. The wind blowing through her hair, her little button nose red from the cold weather. Wonders why she hasn't felt the coldness yet, probably has something to do with the red head making her hot all the time. "Sorry, ive got to go. But this was fun" Naomi says, their earlier awkwardness forgotten. She see's Emily deflate slightly before she tries to cover it up.

"Yeah, ive had a lovely time" cute smile firmly in place. Naomi reaches forward out of reflex and removes a piece of unrulely hair from Emily's face. Her hand freezes beside the red heads face as her mind catches up with what she just done. Her skin burns from the contact of her cheek, she wants to stroke it, heck even lean forward and kiss it but she doesn't. She retracts her hand and kicks at the floor sheepishly. She hates this part, saying goodbye to Emily. "We'll have to do this again" Emily says, her eyes sparkling.

"Definetly" Naomi smiles, placing her hands in her pocket to stop them from doing anything more stupid. Maybe she doesn't have as much control as she thought. "If we survive this weekend" she jokes, but then thinks that there a lot more meaning behind that statement than she meant.

Fuck, Emily in a tent, drunk and looking gorgeous. Her drunk and out of control, with both their boyfriends near by.

Yeah, IF they survives this weekend.

**Bam, there you go. Let me know what you think.**

**Its near Christmas for them so its going to be cold. That means they are gonna try and find heat not just from the camp fire….;) wonder if JJ will b in the middle?**

**Will try and update soon, but help, inspire my ass!**


	5. Chapter 5

**It's a pleasure to receive your mouse click.**

**I in no way suggest that driving while stoned is a good idea OR doing hand brake turns unless you are experience of trained or…in an abandoned car park….i am guilty of that. Its fucking fun but drains your tyres and can result in your hubcaps exploding….**

**Day 1 of Gobblers End.**

**This chapter has been re-written about three times, i just couldnt get it to work.**

**Mistakes are all mine.**

Naomi let out a long puff, watching the smoke from her parted lips float up into the sky. She shifted her weight to her other foot, resting her back against the rusty grey car.

"Fuck sake, how long have you been coming to this place? And you can't remember the fucking way?" An angry Katie yelled from the rolled down window of the back seat.

"Actually we use to get lost every year, out of every time we have driven here we've gotten lost 80% of the time, the times we haven't I believe were flukes" JJ's bent over form said; his eyes squinting to focus on the map thrown across the cars bonnet. Cook's unhelpful form stood beside him, a fag hanging from his lips as he guessed random names for the muddy road they were currently driving down.

Naomi felt her legs shake as she let out another long breath; her mind racing. She couldn't decide whether the nervousness was because they were lost or because of the red head currently swaying her hips, her finger trailing along the car walking towards her, missing the trailer Freddie had attached to the back of the car. She stood up making her weight even between both feet, her fag hanging loosely in her hand, her eyes fixated on the sway of the dark haired girls hips, the way her thighs tensed with every step.

She began fiddling with the fabric of her top, diverting her gaze trying not to burn herself with the fag. The ground where her eyes could see was then filled with two feet clad with black pumps.

Looking up she placed her fag back in her mouth, her eyes raking up the body of the girl stood a few inches away from her before resting on her brown eyes. She swallowed hard.

Her dreams had been filled with nothing but Emily. Every scenario of what could blast this sexy little affair right out of the water; splashing in everyone's faces, including their boyfriends. It made her nervous, it made her hot.

She licked her lips watching a smirk form its way on the girls face, she leaned forward and Naomi was sure she could already smell the girls distinctive scent. Their playfulness had come back; the atmosphere wasn't relaxed not like it was the last time they met that day in the café. The atmosphere was tense, alive and colourful. The girl in front of her plucked the cigarette perched between her lips, moving it painfully slowly back towards her own, before bumming the end, taking a giant toke.

Naomi was jealous of the fag getting to taste those lips so freely and openly. Emily was teasing her; making her mad for her. She was even jealous of the fucking smoke passing through Emily's parted lips.

"Babe, BABE!"

She jolted round to the front of the car "W-what?"

Cook's bewildered face was looking at her over the top of JJ's leant over form on the bonnet. She cleared her throat nodding, turning back to glance at the flamed haired girl who was just stood smirking knowing exactly what affect she was having on the blonde.

_What goes around comes around._

She walked towards the others making sure her hips swayed with more emphasis, before reaching JJ's form, bending down resting her head in her bent arms ensuring her ass was sticking out. Perfect, she hadn't done that in years. Usually scrutinised the girls that did; allowed herself this one exception, she wasn't a hypocrite, no.

"Right through my predictions I believe us to be on this B road here; it appears to be the right length seeing as we have been travelling down it now for approximately ten minutes…" The curly haired boy carried on but all of Naomi's focus had drifted to the red heads reflection on the window, the way she was biting her lip and her eyes kept glancing quickly at her bum. _There's that sexy feeling again_ she thought, the same feeling teenage girls got when a boy finally noticed them.

"So what ya think then babe?" Cook said with his arm resting on JJ's shoulders. Naomi began to panic her eyes flicking down to the map, all the blue and red roads looking the same.

"Were here" Effy's form said from directly in front of her on the other side of the car, her finger pointing to the map, her eyes fixed on the blonde with a knowing look. She blushed pushing herself off the car clearing her throat, glad that the boys who's faces were now inches away from the map hadn't picked up on her embarrassment. She turned on her heels giving the brunette one of her best Campbell glares before walking towards the back of the car, pinching her fag from Emily's lips on the way, trying not to let the happy butterflies in her stomach make her reach out and stroke the adorable surpised look off the red heads face.

She brought the smoke to her lips; letting them suck extra hard on the end. Her mind racing when she thought about Emily's lips on them only seconds later, is it weird that the thought makes her wet?

Poised at the back of the car, her eyes took in the trailer behind. Everything inside was sheltered by a red cover, she tried to make out all the different shapes and sizes of the objects below. She hadn't seen them putting anything on the trailer, thought they were just going to put their bags in there, but from seeing Katies cramped form in the back surrounded by bags said otherwise.

"What the fuck is in there?" She asked letting out a breath, pointing at the trailer with her fag butt before chucking it away. Turning her head to breath out the rest of the smoke.

Freddies form was stood leaning against the open back door on the other side of the car, one of his legs propped up against the inside of the car. "That my dear, is everything we will need to loose our minds for the weekend" he coolly said.

"L-loose our minds?" she stuttered, glancing back down at the trailer. She'd already lost her mind numerous times this past month and that was by accident. This by the sounds of it was on purpose and it made her nervous.

Freddie removed himself from between the door and car, walking over to Naomi with a smirk plucking the spliff from between his lips and outstretching his hand towards the blonde. Naomi pondered it for a moment, staring at the spliff as if he was holding out a gun to her.

"Leave your morals back in Bristol for the weekend Nai"

Her heart hammered in her chest; her mind racing, eyes searching his face for signs to suggest her knew, knew fucking everything. His face just held a mischief expression. She relaxed letting out the breath she was holding, her shoulders lowering.

She didn't have a drugs test anytime soon at work. She let a lopsided smile fall on her lips, taking the spliff from his outstretched hand, taking a long toke. The taste and smell taking her back years, to the park where they use to go with a cheap bottle of voddy and a tin of spliffs. They'd sit there all afternoon soaking in the suns rays in a comfortable silence, only breaking it to speak of a memory or to throw an insult. They were just a huddle of limbs, all resting on one another for comfort.

They had no morals back then, they were just fearless teenagers.

She was going to be a fearless teenager for the weekend.

Freddie nodded his approval; as the others folded up the map and began settling back inside the car.

;;

She drove along with the window wound down; the winter suns rays falling on her face as she turned the steering wheel following the directions Effy was giving her. The others in the back singing along to Naomi's CD of Mumford and Sons, she joined in between tokes and listening to orders. Cooks face appearing in her wing mirror as he hung out of the window howling at the top of his lungs, reminded her a bit of a dog.

A content huge smile falls on her face. The weed making her feel relaxed and free.

She glanced through her rear view mirror spotting Emily's face, her eyes sparkling as she rested her neck on the back of her seat. Her eyes closed. Naomi wanted to know what the dark haired girl was thinking about, whether her mind was swirling with the same thoughts as she. Her lips twitched with the aching need to taste the exposed flesh. Fuck even with this girl barely doing anything the blondes body was reacting with pure want and desire. She flicked the butt out the window.s

"Right…NAI RIGHT!" Effy bellowed from beside her.

Her eyes flashed back to the front of the car, her vision just catching the road Effy was talking about. Her squad car mode came in, her mind and body over confidence because of the toxins in her blood.

She turned the steering wheel violently full lock to right, removing her left hand to slam the hand break fully up, the tires screeched as Katie and Emily screamed while JJ's eyes popped out and Cook howled with excitement. She let go of the hand break and hovered her hands over the steering wheel allowing the wheels to unravel, she had to give It a bit of a tug in the other direction at the end. Her breathing heavy her body tense.

It was slick, perfect and fucking awesome.

The car was silent, she glanced at Effy seeing her mouth open and her eyes wide, her arms stretched out either side of her holding onto anything she could find. They're eyes locked before they both burst out laughting.

"Fucking hell Nai!" Effy said between laughs, punching the blonde knocking her into her car door.

Cook came round putting his head between two front car seats, grabbing her head and giving her a forceful kiss on the cheek "Fuckin' ace babe!"

"Are you fucking joking?" Katies angry voice sounded from the back, looking through the rear view mirror Naomi had to bite her lips from laughing at the site of the shaken girl "We almost fucking died!"

Emily rolled her eyes with a smile shaking her head "Chill out Katie, You have all your body parts, you'll live"

"Bitch"

"Ive done it a million times Katie, Your in safe hands"

"Not while you're fucking stoned!"

She didn't listen, not when Emily was throwing her such a sexy look.

;;

They curved the car behind a bush, disconnected the trailer and began up a wooden trail. The familarities of the trail began flooding back to Naomi, everything looked the same, all the tree's in the same places standing tall. Most of them still had their leaves, others were still clutching to what they had left meaning that there was enough light shining to the ground for them to spot the campsite they usually stopped at.

Cook and Freddie were in front of them; their faces slightly red from having to pull the trailer, her boyfriend's trousers were beginning to fall down from his waist making him walk like a penguin. She laughed looking down at the ground seeing her beat up converses stepping against the dried floor of the wood. She felt a warm presence beside her, cocking her head to the side she noticed the red hair, her heart picking up speed as their hands brushed past each other.

They walked a bit further before the boys plonked the trailer down, their breathing heavy as they both stretched out their backs. Naomi saw the log that took four of them to carry placed by a circle of rocks that they used to contain their fire. She began making her way over their, her eyes looking in her peripheral vision to see if the red head was following her. Her heart was almost doubling its normal beats when she noticed that she was.

They both sat down on the log, their knee's brushing. Silence fell upon them not a comfortable one, a hot deafening silence. Naomi looked around her mind searching for something to say, she wanted to ask what the dark haired girl did for a living. Had been wondering ever since picking the girl and her boyfriend up from their flat, it was a lot fancier than her and Cooks.

"Just ask me"

Naomi looked at her bewildered "What?"

"I can see your lips twitching"

"They were not twitching" she retorted, the blush creeping up her face was contradicting her.

The dark haired girl stayed silent. Naomi watched as Emily bent down beside her out of Naomi's view. She hear the familiar noise of a zip being undone before she saw two bottle of beer brought back up to rest on the girls lap. Emily extended her hand offering the blonde one before opening her own bottle cap with her teeth. The blonde shuddered wondering how the girls teeth could withstand the pressure before meekly offering her own bottle for her to undo. Emily laughed, rolling her eyes before placing the bottle in her mouth, biting hard until the cap popped off. She then sucked on the bottle cap, Naomi watched the way the red head lips slid off the cap before she placed the bottle back in her hands then the cap. Naomi gulped suddenly feeling hot, returning her gaze to the camp site in time to see Effy and Katie pilling the tents up.

"Fine, I was wondering….what you do for a living?"

Emily laughed rolling her eyes "That old chestnut"

"What's wrong with asking you what you do?"

"Because people always assume that what you do sums you up"

"Rubbish" Naomi scoffs, thinking that had the red head known her before she became a police officer she would have been just as shocked as everyone else when she announced she had gotten the job.

"Okay" Emily says challengingly turning her body to fully face Naomi on the trunk "I'm a sky diving instructor"

Naomi's mouth almost hits the floor. She wasn't expecting that,

"Christ, really?"

"No" she giggles, Naomi's face turns into a scowl "I'm a pilot for British airways"

Naomi leans forward intrigued "You mean you fly those massive jumbo jets?" takes a sip of her beer.

"No"

"What do you fly then?"

"Nothing" giggles.

"You're not a pilot are you?" plonking her beer on her lap slightly frustrated but also liking the playfulness of the conversation.

Emily shakes her head "No"

Naomi sighs "Are you going to tell me what you do?"

"Yes….but on the point I was trying to make, you were surprised when you thought I was one of them, why?" Emily asks, squinting her eyes telling the blonde to mind her answer.

"Well…..you just seem…a bit….small" Emily eyes widen "Not that im saying you couldn't do those jobs" hands held out in front of her for protection against the red head "…but controlling a jumbo….well….even im not sure I could do that"

The red head stiffen's her shoulders, turning her nose up in the air. Naomi finds it terribly cute. "Charming"

"Oh come on, you think you could fly one of them"

Emily turns to her seriously, her eyes suddenly sparkling "I think you could do anything if you put your mind too it"

With that she got up, swaying her hips yet again taking a sip from her beer leaving the blonde still no wiser to what she did then before.

She huffed bringing her bottle to her lips, slumping her shoulders where she sat. _Jammy bitch _Naomi thought, her eyes fixated on the girls ass as she bent down to pick up her tent. _Fucking hell._

;;

Later on they all sat around the camp fire, there tents were all laid in a circle around the fire trying to collect heat to keep them warm during the night. Naomi was certain, with the way they were all going, that they were just going to pass out from being completely trashed.

She was sat on the log against this time with Cook, his arm wrapped protectively around her as he laughed and took random swigs from his beer. She was currently nursing a spliff, doing a two toke pass with Effy who was sat on a plastic bag on the floor beside her staring intently at the fire. The brunette always said it fascinated her, how powerful it was, how from a single touch it could leave you scarred for life. Naomi thought it reminded her of a certain someone, how her life will never be the same again now she's burnt herself.

Emily sat across from the fire, the orange glow reflecting against her pale face, her eyes fixated on the fire sometimes they lift up the glance at the blonde and every time they do Naomi feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand.

She's not sure when it happened, when the atmosphere changed to a more charged one. Its probably all the drugs and drinks she had already from only being there for a few hours. Her minds racing, her body feels like its got far to much energy, the spliff is clearling having the opposite affect on her rather than the usual relaxed feeling it gives her.

Glancing around she notices the trailer the boys were pulling earlier still untouched behind the put up tents. She takes a toke then points in the direction of the trailer.

"Whats in the trailer?"

Freddie suddenly sits up right from his slouched position next to Effy, it reminds Naomi of a dog whos owner has just whistled to it.

"Ah shit yeah forgot about all that stuff. JJ, Cook come on lets set it all up" He says wiping down his baggy jeans standing.

Cook stands up from beside Naomi giving her a peck on the forehead "What's in it?" she asks trying to look at all their faces for a reaction.

None of them answer so Naomi runs up quickly, just in time for when Freddie whips the red cover off. Her eyes focus on the large objects and many wires that were hidden underneath. Her brows furrow.

"A Hi-fi system?"

JJ nodded his head furiously while the others had shit eating grins plastered on their faces.

"Hate to burst your bubbles but there aren't any plug sockets out here?" Naomi said gesturing with her free and bottled hand.

"Tell er JJ" Cook says with his hands in his pockets rolling on the balls of his feet.

JJ steps forward.

"At university I had a whole module investigating the different types of ways that you could find power to run different systems that rely wholly on electricity…." He blabbered on. She didn't pay attention to what he was saying was too interest in that absolute joyful expression the boy had on his face when he spoke about what he and his fellow students had discovered at uni. She realised why in that moment he was friends with Cook, he was almost like an anchor for the boy, kept him grounded when she couldn't or when she wasn't near to keep him grounded.

"Impressive JJ" Effy says from beside the blonde.

Naomi shakes herself out of the daydream, trying her hardest to piece bits of what JJ just said into her mind. All she remembered hearing was Hi Fi, solar power and electricity.

The boys had all moved around the trailer removing different pieces of equipment. Naomi took note of the long wires of different coloured lights that Cook had picks out and wrapped around one of his arms while the other two picked up the Hi Fi system and were dragging it towards the camp fire.

"We could always try and get the car down here and use its electricity if this doesn't work?" JJ said struggling with one of the speakers using his knee to keep it up right.

Emily's laughing form came to his side, taking one of the speakers corners "Only if you want to walk home once the battery has been run dead?"

"Or petrol has run out" Naomi joined in. They both locked eyes, goofy smiles on their faces. Naomi didn't want to think too much into it but she always thought they were on the same wave length than all the others. Tuned to one another, probably because all her sense had come alive since being in the red heads presence.

"I'll do the lights" Katies staggering form said, Naomi wasn't even sure if it was possible to walk so fast in heels.

Emily stood upright from plonking the speaker down laughing and shaking her head before turning towards the blonde "This could get painful"

"Why?"

"She's a fucking perfectionist; you should see her with the Christmas tree lights every year"

An image floats into the blondes mind, Emily in her knickers with a Christmas hat on trying to place the angel on top of the decorated Christmas tree. It sends a warm shiver down the blondes spin as she imagines herself coming up behind her, taking the angel out of her struggling hands before placing it on top herself. A similar occurance to when they first met back in JJ's flat when Emily couldn't reach the wine glasses. It makes her hot.

;;

Katie actually didn't do a bad job, the majority of the camp site that surrounded them was lit up by different colour lights giving there little area that warm homely feeling. Naomi knew that they werent going to do her any favours when she got more pissed, the white and blue lights kept merging into one another when ever she turned her head too quickly to seek out Emily's form leaving her dizzy and disorientated. It was that battery affect again, when the blonde hadn't seen the red heads form for a long period of time her eyes sought her out without consoling the rest of her body.

;;

Everything starts to go slow motion by Naomi's sixth drink and forth spliff. Her mind doesn't process everything that she's seeing or thinking not like it normally does. She knows shes probably obviously eye fucking Emily in front of everyone, hopes that they are all far too pissed to notice her dribbling away in the corner.

Emily and Effy got up some time ago dancing away next to the fire, Naomi tries not to notice how close they are dancing or the way Effy's arm seems to wrap around the red heads petite waste. She gulps hard and tries to advert her gaze but every time she hears the intoxicating giggle come from Emily's throat her eyes dart back. She knows Effy is only teasing her, trying to get a rise out of her and fuck it if she's going to let it show. If only her facial expressions would follow that plan.

She tries to focus on JJ trying to heat up a tin of beans on the fire, laughing when she see's him burn his finger resulting him going into a full lock on mode of every swear word under the sun. Emily rushes to his side to try and calm him down and Naomi takes the opotunity to throw daggers at Effy when she's sure she can see them. Effy just raises her eyebrows flicking her tongue on her lips before waddling off to embrace Freddie in a full on kiss. Bitch.

Naomi gets up frustrated finally deciding that she needs some peace and quiet for the moment, just so her mind can catch up with everything she's thinking. Like how much she wants to feel the red heads lips against hers or their bodies pressed up against one another. The instant feeling of happiness floods her as she catches eyes with Emily. She feels alive but her control is limited and she knows she's starting to seep into dangerous territory. Decides that she definitely needs some time to herself.

She walks off quickly when she knows that no one is watching, slips between some bushes cringing when she hears some sticks and leaves crush underneath her feet. She picks up her pace; she walks for what she believes to be a couple of minutes before a small stream flowing quietly stops her. She sits down by the edge holding her head in her hands, taking in a deep breath looking up at the sky through the break in the tree's.

She tries to put images in her mind of her and Cook back when she was happy in the relationship, back when she couldn't think of anything better than being in his arms. Finds It doesn't help. She downs the rest of her bottle of beer in her hands, throwing it into the stream watching it roll down, cursing herself for being such a reckless young adult but it's the way she feels in that moment and it kind of fits for her.

"Fuck am I gonna do" she mumbles back into her hands.

She hears a twig break from behind her and she swirls round standing up, almost falling over from her light headedness.

"Don't think" the small husky voice replies and Naomi has to squint her eyes in order to see the smaller girls form. She lets out a long sigh, of corse its fucking Emily. A very drunk stoned looking Emily.

"And how long can we keep doing that for?" Naomi wishes that she didn't voice her worry, can see the red heads look falter as her eyes scream desperation and clear worry herself.

Emily looks to the floor and Naomi thinks she's blown it, blown everything that's been happening between them.

Emily shakes her head "I don't know Naomi" she answers, and the way she says her name almost makes the blondes heart jump out of her chest. She looks up and Naomi can see the intensity in her eyes "But I can't stop"

Naomi closes the gap between them taking the red heads cheeks in her hands "Neither can I" she says before crushing their lips together.

;;

Naomi pulls up her trousers trying her hardest to get her drunk hands to co-operate with her mind and do up her trouser buttons as her eyes watch Emily trying to put her bra back on. She feels slightly upset when she watches the red heads perfect breasts get covered up, wished she'd allowed her tongue to play with them a little bit long.

Once their both dressed they stand awkwardly in front of one another, its strange Naomi thinks, they don't normally do this, one of them usually has somewhere to be or something to do. Right now neither has an excuse because they are both on the same trip with the same people….both here with their boyfriends.

Naomi doesn't think she really thought this through.

Emily stands their awkwardly looking at anything but the girl stood right in front of her. Naomi wonders if she feels just as dirty, whether she's got the same thoughts going through her mind. What now? What the fuck happens now?

Emily breaks the silence and Naomi hates how unsure she sounds. "I suppose we should get back?"

She nods not trusting her voice, she cant place how she feels watching Emily turn away. She feels numb and dirty, not because of Emily's touch but because she's not sure how shes going to act around Cook. When she see's his excited expression, when he talks animatedly about a time him JJ and Freddie once got chased out of a bar for trying to chat up a guys fiancé or when he puts a protective arm around her shoulder.

Emily's still walking away and she cant stand it. Cant fucking handle all these fucking emotions on her own anymore. "Emily" she says and she knows she sounds desperate. The red head spins on her heels and Naomi wonders whether she was waiting and hoping for her to say something.

"Yeah?" Her voice is croaky and Naomi doesn't know whether the red head is on the brink of tears.

The silence is deafening, all that she can hear is the leaves in the wind and the random weird snapping of twigs. She doesn't know what to say, cant even put what she's feeling into words all she knows is that she doesn't want Emily to leave, doesn't want to have to pretend that everything is alright any more when its clearly not. She doesn't want to have to face the many question rolling around in her mind, what are you doing? Are you gay? Whats Cook going to say?

She can feel herself breaking, the hard Campbell exterior rotting away every minutes she's in the red heads presence. She dealt with worse situations, had to pick up dead bodies off of the road side, been in the middle of a fight between two young boys even had a knife pulled on her but compared to this situation, she'd rather be in one of the others.

Emily walks towards her and takes the blondes shaking hands in her own, she lowers her gaze slightly so she is staring intently into Naomi's eyes. "I get it Naomi. Just be brave" she says punctuating each word with a tug.

"How can you be so strong?" she mumbles as a tear breaks free and rolls down her cheek.

"Because I have to be and so do you"

Naomi nods breaking one of her hands free to wipe away the escaped tear, taking in a deep breath feeling her chest rise before releasing it. She needs another drink otherwise she knows she wont be able to sleep tonight.

They walk back to the camp holding hands, Naomi tries not to imagine them holding hands while doing normal things like shopping or going to the cinema. Tries to image the hand she's holding is Cooks, but its just never _felt _like Emily's does right now. Doesn't make her feel like there is an electrical current running though her arm.

They break their hold as they enter the camp site, no one really noticed they were gone. Apart from Effy of corse who has that obnoxious grin on her face.

Naomi sits on the log as Emily goes into one of the tents. Katies dancing away with JJ and Freddie while Cook and Effy are perched on the edge of the trailer taking it in turns to have a puff of spliff. She opens a bottle of beer taking a sip before closing her eyes, her mind creating a mantra as she tries to control her emotions.

_Don't think_

_Don't think_

_Don't think _

**Will try to reply to reviews this time round. Sorry if this is short im pretty beat after a hard day of training.**

**Day 2 will be up as soon as I can. Got my exam rescheduled for next Sunday so I will be busy revising this week. **

**Quick shout out to 'inside im dancing' – thank you for putting a shout out for this story its only fair I do the same. If you haven't read their story 'They Will Never Have Yesterday' go do it now! It's a great start to what I hope is going to be an interesting storyline. She's a first time writer so give her some support.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello to all! Thank you thank you thank you for all the amazing reviews, **

**So that glass of wine turned into a few; plus my writing was interrupted by a phone call saying that one of my best friends was missing. Not cool! So I'm sorry if any of this doesn't make sense or if it doesn't flow properly. I did have a plan that I was trying to follow but Naomily always seem to have a life of their own. I didn't want to stop it where I did but I've got to go out and help search. I'm going to punch the twat when I find him!**

**I'm going to the skins tour in London tomorrow night! Actually rather excited! If you're going I hope you have a great night! I'll be the mad drunk chick dancing like Pandora!**

**Sorry about the mistakes!**

**Much love!**

* * *

Chapter 6.

_there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
its still a little hard to say what's going on_

there's still a little bit of your ghost your witness  
there's still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed  
you step a little closer each day  
that I can't say what's going on

She watches her walking away; the cheeky smile on the red heads face as she turns her head, her hair swinging round as she hops and skips away from the blonde. It makes Naomi's heart swell, her body jolting forward wanting to lessen the ever increasing distance between her and Emily.

Emily's laugher floats around the forest; it makes Naomi laugh as she picks up her speed watching Emily's force twist and twirl around the tree's and bushes.

Naomi doesn't think she's ever looked so beautiful before, not even when she was naked panting underneath her. This look is just so natural, so fucking painfully beautiful Naomi just wants to clutch a hold of it. Wishes she'd brought her camera on this trip just so she could capture this moment.

The sunshine is falling upon Emily's bright red hair making it look even brighter. She twirls in front of the blonde her arms swinging round this time. She looks so happy, her smile is reaching her eyes. She's gorgeous, Naomi just wants to touch her, tell her that she fucking needs her.

Wants to tell her to stop moving away every time she gets close; its frustrating, it makes the pressure of pure want on her chest grow every time.

She picks up her pace, her eyes not looking where she's going. She trips her feet getting tangled on a couple of twigs on the floor. She falls to the ground looking up through the leaves that she's just caused to fly all around her in time to see Emily pull herself up on to a branch of a tree.

"Come on Naoms, keep up" Emily says though her smile, swinging her legs.

She gets up ignoring her protesting back or her aching knee's. She wipes her face with her mittens brushing down her jeans as she springs forward into a sprint up to the tree that Emily is now climbing. She grabs hold of the branch the red head was sitting before pulling up her body weight wrapping her legs around the wood then rolling her body round until she's now sitting in the same position Emily was a second a go.

Emily giggles her laughter seeming so much further away now. It makes Naomi's heart ache, her body moving before her mind has even registered what she's doing. She begins to climb ignoring the fact that she's absolutely terrified of heights. It doesn't matter; she needs to get to Emily. Has the feeling she will always follow Emily, whether she will go.

Every time she gets close Naomi feels like she's falling away.

"Em slow down" she says breathlessly trying to pull her body weight up. Her footing slipping slightly on a wet branch "Fuck"

She swears she can feel the tree swaying in the wind; she knows they much be reaching the top the trunk it getting smaller and the branches thinner but Emily still feels like fucking miles away from her. All she wants to do is just feel her smooth skin, taste her lips, doesn't really under stand why she keeps moving away.

She hears Emily burst out laughing "Come on Naomi, its fucking beautiful up here!" Naomi cant decide whether Emily is high from the drugs or high from adrenaline. She just wants to get them both down safely now, just wants to have the red head in her grasp encase she falls.

Naomi can hear the faint calling of her name. Frowns as she realises its Cooks, she panics doesn't want him to get her, doesn't want him to catch her. He'll question what she's doing up here, up here following the red head. The red head that's stolen her fucking heart.

The calling is getting louder.

"Emily!" She calls desperately "He's going to fucking get me!"

She begins to climb faster, the tree never seems to be fucking peeking. She can hear his yelling and the red heads laughter, its making her head spin her vision go blurry. "Em" she says faintly and weakly before everything goes fuzzy and she can't see anything. She lets go.

She can feel herself falling, feel the wind zooming past her ears, her stomach is flipping as she free falls. She scrunches her eyes shut, she cant stand watching Emily's form get smaller and smaller. She fucking failed; she let her down.

It doesn't hurt as much as she thought it would, it never does. She knows she's hit the floor her the thud and the horrible crunch. She opens her eyes and see's everyone standing around her, Cooks got a worried but knowing expression on his face. Katie looks venomous. She see's two figures to her right opposite Cook, see's them holding hands, then they walk into the light and her heart fucking stops when her eyes lock with the brown orbs. Emily.

She gasps as JJ's curly hair comes into the light, he's smirking at her shaking his head. She follows his arm down to where its connect with Emily's, their hands intertwined, it makes her feel sick. She looks at Emily but her expression is just spiteful, like this whole thing was just a game. She can feel and hear her heart thumping, wishes Emily would just come forward and rip the fucking useless thing out of her chest. This hurts. She looks to Effy for help but she's just stood their with her usual fucking smirk with her arms folding across her chest with Freddie stood meekly behind her.

They all fucking know, they were all in on the fucking mind fuck.

She turns to Cook, she tries to speak but she can't. her throat is dry and even if she could speak she doesn't know what she would say. His eyes are destroyed but what makes it worse is they look worried, worried because she's just falling from god knows how high.

He lets out a sigh while he rubs his eyes; when he looks at her again she knows he's close to tears. It makes her heart break.

She lets the tears fall as she manages out a raspy worthless apology "I'm sorry"

"What's the fucking difference; nothing good ever stays with me" his voice breaks at the end. Naomi tries to move her arms to let him know she is here but her body just feels like lead. She just watches helplessly as he breaks down, the strong boy she always knew him to be just crumbles in front of her. She glances around at everyone else but they just look angry and fucking disappointed.

Effy steps forward crouching down as if she's going to whisper. Her face is hard, emotionless. "Look what you've fucking done. You don't deserve him, you've destroyed him"

She lets out a cry "I'm sorry I didn't mean to. I couldn't help it"

Effy scoffs "Emily could help it" she says and Naomi glances at Emily seeing her snogging the face off of JJ. She wants to scream; fucking yell in her face until she explains to her what the fuck she's doing. It fucking hurts watching her, feels like her whole body is being electrocuted. She knows she deserves the pain, she's just destroyed the one person that's ever loved her, for what? Nothing, a fucking game.

"We're better off without you" Effy says looking back at her.

"W-what?" Naomi tries to say between tears but she's cut off by Effy's hand covering her mouth and nose. Her eyes widen in shock; she tries to lift her hands but they just wont move, she doesn't know whether their broken or if they've just simply fallen off. She looks to Cook, hes still crying but he's watching.

Why isn't he helping her? Why aren't any of them helping her? Why isn't Emily helping her?

She stops trying to move her body, stops trying to fight for air.

Her vision goes blurry, her chest throbs. The last thing she see's is Emily's horrible smirk and her and JJ's joined hands.

;;

Naomi bolts up right clutching her chest, she's breathing heavily as she wipes away furiously at her face.

"Fuck babe you alright?" Cooks form shoots up beside her causing her to flinch and move away. "Hey shhh its jus' me"

She looks around seeing every one else's forms around the burning embers of the fire, the morning sunshine falling on their bodies. She glances around furiously seeing Effy walking back from between some bushes with Emily carrying some wood. She looks at Cook and see's his startled expression and the pure worry in his eyes, the same kind of worry she saw on his face in her dream.

_Fuck dream, it was just a fucking dream._

"Babe?" He says again touching her gently on the arm.

"Sorry babe had a nightmare" she says catching her breath, everything still feels so surreal.

He laughs "Fucking 'ell babe"

Naomi blushes smiling sheepishly squeezing Cooks hand with her own while her eyes fall on Emily's form as she bends down to put the arm fall of logs by the burnt out fire. She feels confused; wonders whether the guilt is starting to get too much as Cook gives her a kiss on the forehead while asking her what she wants for breakfast.

She can hear the faint sound of music playing in the background; She cranks her neck trying to see past Cook's now standing form to see JJ crouched down by the speakers, a blue iPod in his hands. She wraps her sleeping bag around her, the cool winter morning stinging her skin. She waits to see what song he puts on.

She watches him smile up at Emily who has walked over to him, she places her hand on his shoulder.

"I thought that seeing as it's Christmas in a few days we could use some festive music. Naomi cringes and feels herself already getting irritated but Emily's laugh fills her ears and she feels herself relaxing slightly. Coldplay begins to play though the speakers and she remembers this being the only Christmas song she actually tolerated. It's not like those cheesy cliché ones, this one makes her thing of Christmas more than the others, its more real, more like hers.

Finds herself singing along, smiles as her heart tugs when Emily joins in. They're eyes connect and Naomi tries not to allow the words to actually hold any meaning.

Neither of them notice Katie watching them, seeing everything.

;;

After a horrible tin of all day breakfast Naomi find's herself rustling through the irritating small tree's with the horribly low branches in search of more fire wood. Stupid JJ had made a suggestion of lighting a fire to keep them all warm during the day but the fire wood that Emily and Effy had brought back was damp. Naomi wonders whether Effy did it on purpose; she keeps looking at her in a funny way, her eyes shouting a thousand things, a thousand questions that she wants answers to, she just doesn't have those fucking answers yet.

Effy walks up beside her with a armful of logs, she juggles them with one arm while she picks up a few from the top extending her arm nodding her head at her. Naomi shakes her head and furrows her brows confused.

The brunette lets out a sigh shaking her head "Take some of the wood Nai"

"Oh right sorry" Naomi quickly out stretches her arms allowing Effy to lay the branches on them.

"Mind somewhere else aye" she smirks.

Naomi shakes her head turning around trying to focus all her attention on the woodland floor, on anything but the nosey brunette next to her, clearly knowing what the blonde was trying to do.

"Oh come on Nai! Tell me whats going on!" Effy begged, Naomi couldn't help but think how ironic it was hearing the girl beg. Wondered whether she still had the same best friend that she had back in college, wonders whether she preferred the mute one.

"I think I liked it better when you were mute" Naomi concludes.

"Me too, I could fucking read you better back then"

They laugh.

"What's changed?"

"You" Effy says walking to stand right in front of the blonde, their piles of logs separating them "That and I'm…..i dunno…..happy" she blushes.

Naomi tries to stop the smile from forming on her lips, remembers how much Effy use to struggle with her own feelings back in college so she just focussed all her attention on the blonde. They'd had many arguments in the past, many of them involving Naomi yelling at Effy to keep out of her business and to focus on her own, but that was usually after Effy had delivered a punch line that just spun the blonde's world around. They still come along, but its rare.

Naomi's not sure she could handle one of her punch lines right now.

"You don't know how happy I am for you to say that" Naomi admits.

Naomi swears she can see the faint features of a blush taking over the brunette; see's how vulnerable her eyes look, she knows Effy's scared can see it with the way she bites her bottom lip and takes in a shaky breath. She knows the feeling, is feeling it right this moment when she thinks of the red head and everything that has been going on between them.

Effy bites her lip as she twirls slightly on one of her feet "Thanks Nai, you've been a fucking great friend these past years which is why I _need _and _want_ to help you through this"

Naomi feels the spot light move back onto her, she sighs throwing the wood in her palms to the floor. Effy follow suite and they plonk themselves a few feet away against a large tree, both removing their cigarettes before lighting them and falling into a comfortable silence, only Naomi doesn't feel comfortable, her mind racing and a pressure forming on her chest.

"Come on then, what's going on?" Effy says nudging her with her knee.

She sighs "That's a good question, I honestly have no idea"

"Okay" Effy says shuffling her position to face the blonde "Then explain to me, tell me how you feel"

She takes a deep breath, the pressure on her chest making it hard for her to breath. Wonders whether if she doesn't release all the unanswered questions and wondering thoughts she'll just self combust.

"When I'm around her I loose control. Every rational thought in my mind just vanishes and I just react in the moment. I almost forget the consequences of my actions until its too late. Then the guilt fucking hits me and I feel so fucking shit that I can hardly function or look at Cook. I could fucking cry every minute, every time I see the love in his eyes I just want to let go, but I cant, and all I can do is…..feel it" she takes in a shaky breath, tears pricking at the backs of her eyes. The pressure less.

She doesn't look at Effy, doesn't want to see her reaction.

"Does Cook know?"

"Fuck course he doesn't fucking know!" Naomi spits.

"Does he suspect anything?"

"He knows something's wrong" she answers, picking at the weeds on the floor. Feels like a school kid being interrogated by a teacher asking them why they didn't do their homework.

Effy merely nods, silence envelopes them. All that can be heard is the rustling of leaves and the singing of birds.

"You know its going to come out sooner or later"

"I can't let that happen"

The feeling of pure anxiety hits Naomi; she can't let that happen, won't let that happen. His broken face falls upon her closed eye lids, his glazed expressionless eyes. It fucking hurts to think of it, she never wants to see that look in his eyes, the same look he use to wear when she first met him all those years ago.

She feels the warmth of Effy's hand covering her fagless one. She smiles bringing the fag to her mouth, inhaling. Her mind swirling and spiralling, images of Cook and Emily blurring into one another. She needs to think, no matter how many times her and Emily say they shouldn't, its time.

"What are you afraid of?" Naomi wonders how she even heard the brunette beside her, she said it so softly.

_Everything_

"I'm scared of loosing everything; destroying everything that I have around me" she takes in a fierce breath "I need to stop running from my life and work out what's clearly not making me happy"

"Are you happy with Cook?"

"I thought I was"

Effy stands, the noise from her movement startles Naomi out of her daze.

"You need to talk to her otherwise you're going to drive yourself mad"

The thought scares Naomi, the endless possibilities.

"What if I don't like what she says?"

Effy looks at her intently "You mean what if she rejects you?"

She shrugs "What if she doesn't?"

It's the brown haired girls turn to shrug. Naomi watches her walk over to her abandoned logs, scrunching them all together turning back to face the blonde.

"On the contrary I don't think your running from your life, I think you're finally embracing it" she says before turning to leave.

The punch line successfully delivered.

;;

Naomi sits watching the group interact with a glazed expression, her heart twitches every time Emily speaks, every time the mesmerising husky noise of the red heads voice leaves her kissable lips. Her lips still burn from the night before, the taste of the red heads core still fresh.

Cooks arm vibrates on her back as he laughs at JJ's locked on ramble after Katie accidently flashed one of her boobs taking off her hoody. The fire providing a lot more heat than they anticipated with the extra helping of the natural suns rays.

She watches Emily, watches the way she fidgets when she knows the blonde is staring, wonders if she gets the same burning sensation that she does. She looks away every time their eyes connect, the vulnerability and suffocating glow making her wince away. Wishes she was stronger.

Effy keeps sending her meaningful looks, they're almost daring. The stare evokes feelings within her, scaredness, anxiety, adrenaline, nervousness, need and helplessness.

She doesn't know who she is any more, feels so disconnected from her own fucking body. Doesn't have that ice cold fearless internal feeling anymore, she's opened her heart without even noticing.

She shrugs Cooks arm off her shoulder, he looks startled but relaxes once she states she just needs the loo. She tries to walk off but finds herself running, knows it probably looked desperate but doesn't care.

The pressure on her chest is growing,

Every fucking word and sentence spoken between them both flies through her mind. Every smile and laugh the red head has ever made, its then masked with Cooks hurt and devastated expression. She feels fucking faint, her heads throbbing.

Her feet keep carrying her and she feels just like she did in her dream only this time she's not running to Emily she's running from her.

She stops by a lake; she looks around startled at how out of place it is. Its not a man made lake, clearly been made from the massive downpour they've had recently; but it looks oddly clear. She wonders whether she's now one of those lost travellers that walk for endless days before hallucinating about water and creating a beautiful lake for them to drink from, it feels surreal. Kind of like everything she's been experiencing recently.

She plonks herself down by the waters edge, her head still feeling a hundred times heavier than it really should. She feels boiling.

She removes her shoes and her socks, rolling up her jeans to just below her knees. She bites her bottom lip slowly lowering her legs into the water cringing when she feels how cold it is. She doesn't stop though; it feels good despite being slightly painful.

Once her feet have got use to the water, or when they have become so cold they have gone numb she beings to think. She begins to do the one thing her and Emily have both been saying not to since day one of they're supposed affair.

The image of the first time she saw her flashes through her mind, they way everything just stopped, just fucking slowed down. Like everyone in the world should have just stopped what they were doing and looked at that moment shared between them. Her heart flutters now just from thinking about it; she should have known from that moment that things were going to change.

Like a chemical reaction; you can't reverse it. It's happened, she's just going to have to deal with it.

How? That what causes her the most bother. The not knowing.

She tries to picture how she felt with Cook before, remembers that she felt content, safe. But nothing compared to the intensity she feels with Emily. The down side of the 'thing' with Emily is that she feels unsafe, she feels completely and utterly exposed.

Cook was her shield, her knight in fucking shiny armour, he could never harm her. Emily was almost the polar opposite, she could destroy her.

That's why she couldn't leave Cook. He was her anchor, she couldn't image not being near him or knowing where he was or what he was doing. She's too use to it, everything with Emily was too wild, too unknown.

Emily fucking Fitch could be the death of her, they'd barely spoken or gotten to know each other. She daren't think what she would be like if they ever did. If she ever found out what the red head enjoys, the cute little habits she has or even what she does for a living.

Its better she doesn't know she concludes.

;;

She doesn't know how long she sits there with her feet dangling in the water resting her weight on her outstretched arms behind her, arching her neck back allowing the suns rays to land on her pale skin.

She decided not to think for a while, convinces herself she's doing it for her and not Emily.

A rustling behind her brings her out of her relaxed state, she instantly tenses. Doesn't turn around, doesn't want to see who it is.

Cant decide who she _wants _it to be and who she _hopes_ it to be.

"Babe?"

His voice makes her stomach flutter, but in the horrible guilty way yet at that same time it makes her feel warm and safe. She hates the contradicting feelings she keeps having.

She turns around and gives him a warm smile, he looks relieved when he see's her presence is okay. She wants to wrap him in her arms in that moment, hates herself for making him doubt himself. He walks up to her slowly, his hands in his trouser pockets before he comes to a stop beside her looking out to the lake.

"You always find the best spots" He says. Naomi notices he seems hesitant, she wants to tell him that she gets it from her dad, from when he use to take her on adventures, wants to explain it like she did to Emily, wonders why she can never share that part of herself with him. She always put it down to making herself too vulnerable but now shes told Emily she doesn't think the excuse counts.

"Sit with me" she states kicking the water slightly seeing the ripples go off in all directions before fading. Wonders if that's the same affect she's making with her life, shes making an impact on everyone around her, Emily, Cook, JJ and Effy. Emily's probably doing the same with her ripples.

He hesitates again for a moment, his eyes never leaving the lake in front of him before he descends and thuds himself down by her side, he shuffles about slightly knocking into her. He was always so careless. She tries to see what he's doing but realises once she hears the splash of his feet entering the cold water, he does wince or even make any noise to suggest the water is too cold like it was for her. Wonders if she's made him as numb as she's made herself.

The silence between them is too much. They both stare out upon the picturesque lake.

She hears him take a deep breath, she closes her eyes embracing herself.

"D'ya know why I fell in love wiv ya?" he asks, the words make Naomi's hairs all stand on their ends. She shakes her head, he must feel her doing so or see it in his peripheral vision because he doesn't turn his head. He continues "You were so different from all the ova chicks, I could tell that straight away, you just a'd this presence abou' ya. I knew if I eva managed to bag ya it wouldn't be straight forward, but that was cool becoz I knew, I knew ya were special"

She gulps, doesn't even stop the tears from escaping or the small sobs.

"I fell in love wiv ya quirkyness, ya beaming smile, ya beautiful big eyes and your laugh. Ya fucking beautiful Miss Campbell from ya head to ya toes, I even find ya first thing in the morning look flawless" he laughs and she smiles through her tears.

A silent tear falls down his cheek. It breaks her as her tears begin to blur her vision.

"You were always so fucking clever, I dint always understand wat the fuck ya were always saying" He looks at her in that moment "You taught me a lotta things blondie, how to be patient and polite. How ta not be so overbearing that I smother ya. How to be strong yet how to be weak at the same time"

She wipes her eyes trying to stop herself from completely letting go. She rests her hand on his shoulder as he lets out a small sob. Feels his chest rise as he tries to compose himself.

He turns to face the water again.

"I know ya like ya space, I always let ya go knowing that at some point you'll come back, that you'll find ya way 'ome and I don't usually worry"

He shudders and Naomi feels the vibrations on her hand. She covers her mouth with her free hand trying to stop a sob.

"But im scared" He looks at her, his tear stained cheeks and emotional eyes search her face. She knows he's looking for answer, knows he's not going to find any. "I dunno if you're gonna find ya way 'ome this time blondie"

"I'm here" she croaks, although she doesn't believe herself. She remembers the scenario she told her mom. The one about being thrown and everything around her is flying and falling in different places, everything's changing without her wanting it too. Feels like that right now, that everything is happening so fucking fast she can't grab hold of anything.

She can't really feel Cook sitting in front of her even though he is merely centre metres away.

Hates the lonely feeling; like she's falling in the abyss.

"Let me help blondie" he asks with a shaky voice, sniffing.

She can't handle this, as much as the words are at the tip of her tongue she can't. She isn't ready for everything to be out in the open, that and she doesn't want to destroy everything with Emily. She can't break that hold just yet.

She isn't ready.

She isn't ready for a life without Cook. It would change everything, make everything different.

It would be like an evening without stars….without a moon. Or a sunrise without the sun. It wouldn't fit, not yet, she doesn't even know if that's what she wants.

She says the only thing she can think of. Decides that maybe her and Emily's catch phrase is the best option for that moment.

_Don't think, don't fucking think anymore._

"I love you"

He smiles and Naomi notices his eyes lighten up a bit. It makes her heart swell, she knows she shouldn't have said that but she hates seeing him so weak. She taught him to be weak but not this weak, not this small.

They kiss, and it feels nice. It makes her feel normal as their tongues massage each others. She tries not to think of Emily, or compare the way Cook and her both kiss differently. Tries to ignore the image of Emily behind her closed eye lids. This is Cooks moment.

They fall back onto the woodland floor, their feet still dangling in the water.

It feels desperate, like he's clinging onto any form of acknowledgment that they are going to be okay and in that moment Naomi wants to give him that acknowledgement. She feels she owes it to him, owes it to him for betraying him.

They don't go any further and Naomi is thankful for that, he seems to know that this is a fragile moment. They both lay together, Naomi snuggled into Cooks side as they look up through the branches on the tree's. She feels slightly better from just having Cook beside her. Knows that if it was Emily she would feel like she's on some kind of drug where every rational thought would exit her mind.

She's not sure which one of them falls asleep first, but she drifts off with a last image of Emily smiling at her. It confuses her but she decides to ignore it.

;;

She woken up from Cook stirring underneath her; she groggerly opens her eyes, the harsh sunlight making her shut them abruptly before opening them one at a time. Slowly raising her head taking in Cooks sleepy smiling form. She leans forward giving him a small kiss on the lips before her ears pick up to the noise of voices and the rustling of bushes.

"There you two fucking are!" Katies screeching voice sounds from the distance "Thought you two had fucking got lost or something!"

Naomi smiles wiping her eyes.

"Sweet you found a lake" Freddies stoned form says from beside Effy.

Naomi glances at the gang stood in front of her, the bunch of misfits that make there group. "Kinda stumbled upon it" She sleepily answers.

She glances at Emily and wishes she hadn't. The way the red head is just _staring_ at her, it makes her feel nervous. Like shes analysing the situation she's just found the blonde and Cook in.

"Swim anyone?" Effy asks walking forward glancing at everyone around her.

Naomi grabs the chance of a distraction. "Fuck yeah!" she answers standing, pulling her top up and over her shoulders trying to ignore the December chill hitting her skins.

She runs and jumps of the lakes edge, the water hits her like daggers but she accepts the pain. Anything to distract her from the intense gaze from Emily, or to stop herself from having thoughts she knows would already go against her new found strength to stop what ever is going on between her and the red head.

As she resurfaces she received a face fall of water from another body hitting the waters surface. She coughs and splutters wiping at her face, when she opens her eyes she see's Effy's smirking face come out of the water. "Dick"

"Too easy"

"BELLLLLYYYY FLLLOOOOPPP!" Cook howls as he does a massive run up from the edge, in the air he stretches his body out horizontally. Naomi waits for the impact.

SMACK

She laughs as Freddie claps from the water beside her.

"That must have fucking hurt!" He says.

Naomi watches as JJ and Emily jump in next, she tries not to laugh at how feminine JJ seems as he does it. One of his hands covering his nose as they other flutters beside him.

All that's left is Katie.

"Come on Katie! Sun won't shine forever!" She yells to the slightly chubbier red head.

Katie looks at her as if she's made, her hands placed by her hips "As if I'm getting in that! My underwear is fucking designer!"

"Waste of money if no one see's it" Naomi retorts just as she's grabbed from the water and chucked back in by Cook "Fucker!"

;;

They all wrestle in the water, some how it turns into a game of boys vs girls, of corse the boys instantly have the upper hand, for starters they have shorter hair and don't get a funny reaction every time their skin touches the red heads.

Naomi's hand accidently brushes against the red heads chest; she instantly blushed snatching her hand back.

Shes fucking addicted though, after she's had a touch she finds herself doing anything she can to touch the red head. Has no idea that Emily is actually doing the same thing.

They both keep making excuses.

Neither of them notice Katie watching them again.

;;

Back at the campsite, dripping wet and getting increasingly cold Naomi walks around her tent huffing once she gets to the front.

"How long is he gonna be babe?" She asks referring to JJ getting changed in her tent. She doesn't know why he couldn't do it in his.

Cooks stops from putting his jeans on by the burnt out fire "I dunno babe, just share with Emilio"

Her eyes widen at his suggestion.

"Yeah you can share with me Naoms" her husky voice agrees. Naomi hates the way she visibly shakes at the use of her new nickname. She hesitates; looking at Cook pleading with him to make up an excuse, suggest that she go behind the bushes to change but of course nothing comes.

She walks towards the other tent, her clothes piled in her hands. She nods at Emily's standing form before ducking straight into the tent. Her heart's thumping away in her chest, she feels on edge, doesn't know which way to face or whether to dry and use the sleeping bags to cover herself. Knows its ridiculous the red head has seen more of her body than her own boyfriend.

Emily crawls in the entrance, she smiles at the blonde causing the happy butterflies to erupt in her stomach, she turns around and zips up the tents entrance.

_All alone again._

She thinks as Emily turns back around.

They stare at each other and Naomi hates the way her body is reacting, they way it just feels like it's on fire, like every nerve in her body has suddenly come alive and its waiting for the red heads touch.

_Stop staring at her lips._

_Stop staring at her hungry eyes_

_Stop moving forward_

_Stop fucking wanting her_

**Sexy time in the next chapter. **

**Just curious to know how many people are reading this; so give us a review even if its just to say 'I'm reading this!"**

**On with the search I go!**


	7. Chapter 7

**If I could marry you all, I would! Fuck bigamy, it should be allowed for me. You are all great. In fact you're more than great you're fucking marvellous! Each and every one of your reviews put the biggest smile on my face and made my week amazing. That was all from you guys giving me a few minutes of your day to tell me that you were liking/loving my story and had I not of had such an epic spontaneous weekend I would have uploaded this sooner. I'm always telling people that just one small gesture can turn someone's day upside down, hopefully turning a shit one into an amazing one, so thank you! I send snogs to you all (and yes my snogs do include tongues!)**

**This chapter was not as long as I had hoped it would be. I'm not sure if you guys are loving the long chapters or would prefer shorter ones? Let me know?**

**It would have been longer but my girlfriends Grandma died last night so I'm off to stay at hers to make sure she sleeps okay seeing as we were on the phone to one another most of the night so I'm pretty beat.**

**Again thank you so much for all the reviews, alerts and favourites. You seriously succeeded in inspiring my ass this time. **

**All mistakes are mine, because I'm awful at spotting them.**

**Skins is not mine, but if it was, I would have erased Sophia and Giant-Not-Naomi from the script.**

**Here's your sexy time… (Make sure you are not sat beside any children or your parents….or elderly relatives for that matter…)**

Feel It Chapter 7

_It's such a sweet feeling  
The feeling I get  
Close the door, make no noise, keep it a secret  
I can't help thinking  
We've only just met_

I can feel heartache  
Comin' my way  
Feels so right, the way you are  
Come here and kiss me  
I can't help thinking  
This isn't okay

But I'm lost in you, I'm lost in you  
But I'm lost in you, I'm lost in you

There's that feeling again; Naomi remembers it from the first time she saw Emily all those weeks ago in JJ's kitchen, the way everything around them seems to slow and you can hear everything, fucking everything. The murmur of the others conversations outside, the wind brushing past the leaves in the tree's and the way the red head in front of her is taking such deep breaths.

Naomi's eyes fall on her chest, the way her breasts are moving up and down and her stomach is tensing and relaxing. She licks her lips, scrunching the sleeping bag beneath her with her fists. She knows its useless, knows that tensing her body and clutching anything with her grip isn't going to stop the inevitable, She's going to kiss her, she's going to fuck her.

"I'm going to kiss you"

Emily takes in a shaky breath, nodding; her eyes raking over Naomi's complete body. She's taking her in as if trying to store the image in her mind, Naomi feels like an honoured piece of art and is thankful the red head hasn't moved or shown any incline that she didn't want what she's about to do.

She slowly begins to move forward her arms tensing holding up her body weight, it's a difficult battle for them, the emotions coursing through the blondes nerves just want them to turn to jelly at the thought of having Emily's lips on hers again.

The sleeping bag and roll mat beneath her bent knees as she leans forward using her thigh muscles to reach the red head. Emily doesn't move, waits for the blonde to reach her, until she's only millimetres away and can feel the blonde's breath on her lips. That's when she closes the distance, clutching Naomi's cheeks with her hands brining their lips together.

Her ear are perked and ready to pick up on any noises that will indicate that someone is heading for their tent, even though they're all so close to one another and she can hear Katie moaning in the other tent about their being ants running around her sleeping bag. It's a distraction, one that's hopefully going to distract everyone.

Their lips make the usually smacking sounds, they're breathing is strained as their hands roam each other's bodies trying to get them as close together as possible.

Emily lets out a slight moan as Naomi finally gives in and shoves her tongue rubbing against the red heads.

Her ears pick up the sound of the hi-fi unit's volume being turned up; Naomi silently thanks the person that did it, feels slightly guilty if its Cook and its enabling her to bite the red heads lip as she scratches down her back.

"I cant stand it" she says into a kiss "I" kiss "fucking" kiss "Can't"

"It's okay" Emily says between a kiss licking her lips, its so innocent yet it still makes Naomi almost jump on her again.

She scrunches her eyes shut when she feels her own bra-clad breasts brush up against Emily's, the wave of pure desire erupts throughout her body, flowing down from her mind all the way to her already wet cunt. She wants the red head to feel what's happening to her, was hoping that she was experiencing the same effect, the same mind blowing uncontrollable effect.

Naomi kisses along Emily's jawline leaving a trail of where she's been, moving all the way round to her ear. Nipping the lobe sucking it; she always thought the fiery haired girls ear lobs were adorable, she wants to make sure they know they're appreciated.

Emily growls almost causing another eruption to go off in the blonde pants, a hand grips the back of her head, the nails of the slender fingers digging into Naomi's skins. Emily's desperate, she wants it, she fucking _needs _it.

She grabs the blonde's hand that's stroking the skin surrounding her bra cup; taking it recklessly and demanding it goes to where she needs it. Hearing Naomi gasp when she touches her knickers, the seeping moisture that was not from the lakes water but from the red heads core.

"Please" she groaned "I fucking need this"

How could she refuse the sex bomb that was panting underneath her after that? The pure need and desperation in her voice was enough to make Naomi come in that moment, even just from a brush from the paler girls thigh against her clit. This was different, completely different, with Cook when she wanked him off or gave him head she felt bored, constantly thinking about when she was going to get her release. This, this was so much more than taking turns, Naomi was apart of Emily, she was apart of the experience, not just the machine.

She pulled her knickers to the side of her clit and plunged her ready fingers deep inside her. Emily let out a strangled moan, grasping the sleeping bags underneath her as her chest furiously rose and fell.

"Shh" Naomi said, her ears trying to pick up the scent of where the others were, but the red head kept on panting and moaning every time the blonde pushed her fingers deeper and allowed her thump to brush against her clit. "Fuck, we're gonna get caught" Naomi hissed trying to act responsible but in return all it did was turn her on even more, making her movements more exaggerated and more electrifying.

The sight before Naomi is breathtaking, Emily's chest with a layer of swear, her heart necklace defining the muscles as her hand clamps over her mouth to surprise another moan as Naomi curls her fingers slightly making the waves of pleasure more intense.

Naomi bends back the red heads left bra cup revealing her erect nipple; she doesn't even hesitate before she has it between her teeth, allowing her tongue to tease it making it so much harder.

Her eyes rake over the flamed haired girl's body drinking in the image of her perfectly moulded body. Her toned stomach tensing as she thrusts her hips into Naomi's hand. Naomi bites her bottom lip trying to stop herself from muttering sexy words to the red head; knows that the way she wants to express them their little sex bubble would be burst in a heart beat and she doesn't want that. She doesn't want to miss seeing Emily cum, doesn't want to miss feeling Emily cum.

She watches as Emily takes her index finger between her teeth, seeing her mouth clamping down on her hand as she scrunches her eyes shut.

Naomi can hear Cook laughing, then hears him mumble something before she swears she hears him say her name. It makes her heart beat fast and her hand thrust harder, it makes her eyes feast on Emily's body desperately. She needs to fucking see this, it's the only way she'll be able to breath after this. She needs her drug, that pure ecstasy in the red head's flawless eyes as she goes over the edge.

"I'm gonna….." Emily whispers the tip of her finger still being bitten by her teeth.

"Let me see" Naomi hears herself asking.

Emily looks at her and Naomi can see a mixture of shock and pure adoration. It hurts her heart but in a totally good way; this moment is precious and she wants the mental image to be perfect in her mind.

The red head looks her deep in the eyes and Naomi fucking swears she can see everything, every last fucking fibre of her being its that intense.

"What are you doing to me?" Emily asks as her eyes roll back.

Naomi knows it's a rhetorical question because Emily must know she doesn't have an answer. Is sure that her eyes scream exactly the same question every time they lock with one another.

She flicks her thumb across her clit, curling her fingers as she thrusts in slight harder, knows if she does it any harder she'd break her. Emily's finger nails dig into her back, she hisses as she takes Emily's bare breast back into her mouth. She knows Emily's close, can feel her walls tensing around her fingers as her legs clamp around her back.

It doesn't take long until Naomi see's it, is witness to the red head falling over the edge. If it was possible for bright lights to shine out of her eyes in that moment then they would have been the fucking brightest.

"Nai?"

The voice was foreign and not of the person she thought would be talking to her in that moment.

That's when she froze, releasing her wet fingers from the tense red head below her.

"Nai?" the voice asked as it begun unzipping the tent.

"Shit" Emily cursed as she began furiously trying to get up, covering her bra less tit flicking the cup back over as Naomi did the only thing she thought was possible, she got as far away from the red head as possible.

It was fucking useless though, the tent stunk of sex, that beautiful smell of Emily turned on.

"Nai?"

Effy's head poked through the gap in the tent, her eyes fell upon Naomi instantly.

"What the fuck are you doi….oh" she does the fucking smirk "Hello Emily" turns her attention back around to the shameless blonde "I'll give you a few more minutes to actually get dressed…..or to calm down" she joked as she exited the tent re-sipping the entrance. "They won't be long Emily was showing Naomi some her clothes" Naomi hears as the brunette walks off.

She doesn't know where to look, that was a fucking close call, it could have been someone worse.

It's the shaky and accusing voice that pulls Naomi out of her trance.

"She knows?"

"She won't tell anyone" Naomi knows its not the answer to the question just asked but she knows it would be the next.

Emily eyes widen in shock as she pulls a t-shirt over her head, her movements rushed.

"How did she find out?" It's demanding and it makes Naomi flinch slightly.

Honesty is the best fucking policy she thinks, there's already too many lies swimming around them.

"I told her"

Emily pauses trying to pull her jeans up to her bum "What? Why?"

Why? Fucking why? Because she was going to explode if she didn't tell someone, because this is so out of character for her that she doesn't even know herself any more? Because she's going to destroy the one boy that has ever made her feel special?

"I needed too" it's weak and Naomi hates the sound of her own voice.

"It was reckless Naomi" Emily says as she moves onto her knees to do up her flies.

It angers Naomi; almost as if she's trying to refer to Naomi as some kind of regular cheater "And you don't think this whole thing is?" she says gesturing around the tent as if that explains what she's referring too.

"You don't think I've needed someone to talk too about this whole mess?" Emily hisses at her. That hurt, actually fucking stabbed harder than a knife if that's even possible. She's just been referred to as a mess.

"Don't you dare sit there and make this out to be my entire fault!" Naomi spits seeing the effect of her words on Emily, she physically flinches at them.

Naomi throws a jumper over her head as well as a pair of thick joggers before turning back around to the shivering red head. Her body is screaming at her to reach out and take the girl in her arms but not this time, this time her mind wins, the control is fully present.

She lets out a sigh "You can talk to me, not right now though" she says unzipping the tent, her anger pulsating through her body. She wants to shake the red head and demand she take the 'mess' remark back, doesn't fully understand why it infuriates her so much but it just does.

She exits the tent and only just hears the faint "Sorry" said by the red head.

Everything's so fucking blown out of the water now. There's only one option left.

Facing the fucking music.

;;

The atmosphere is tense and Naomi feels that every movement she makes is making such a massive impact on everyone around her. Emily hasn't even met her eyes, wont fucking look at her and it makes her mad because really? In the words of her boyfriend it takes two to tango!

Effy has sensed the fragilness of the situation; Naomi knew she was desperate to throw in some jokes every now and then to piss the blonde off, she grateful she isn't. Doesn't think she could take them right now. Wishes more than anything that the almighty Stonem could inflict her with one of her verbal punches so that she could know what the fuck she was suppose to do.

Alcohol seems to be the answer right now though, as she takes a swig out of a bottle of red. She knows its freezing as the suns setting through the tree's making the fire look all that more powerful. Reminds her of her heart, how much its burning at the moment, destroying everything in its core.

Cook sits down beside her "Here babe 'ave sum of this" he says holding out a pill with his tongue.

She gladly accepts, bringing him in for a kiss, ignoring the burning sensation on her face no doubt from the flame haired girl's eyes. Watch this mess now!

The music behind her is soft and annoying, completely contradicting the way she is feeling. It infuriates her even more.

"Can we please play something a bit hardcore rather than this pansy shit?" she demands grabbing's every ones attention.

Effy stands suddenly from her place in front of the fire "I know exactly the piece"

Naomi waits in anticipation hoping that Effy's reading skills were fully intact this evening; she waits for the music and for the pill to kick in. She knows it wont take long for the drugs, especially when she's feeling so fucking open to being mad tonight.

The baseline starts and it grabs the blondes attention instantly, she needs something spontaneous and outrageous to pull her from her mood. It starts off building up, building up to what Naomi hopes to be one heck of a drop, See's Effy in the corner of her eyes turning up the base before she feel's the drop. Not just from the music but the drugs.

"Now that is what I'm fucking talking about!" She says jumping up downing almost half her bottle of wine, dancing around the fire seeing a blurred Effy, Freddie and Cook joining her.

She doesn't mind Cook grinding up against her. Whats a little more mess to add to the pile? Fuck Emily!

The lights flashing around her are mesmerising; they all blur into one looking like a giant shooting star. Naomi knows she needs to tell herself that she isn't imaging them, that they are just the lights JJ and Katie put up around the camp. Talking about Katie, she's been quiet today/tonight.

Naomi locks eyes with her and the look she gets just lets her know. The red head/ slightly purple haired girl is sat down with her legs crossed her back straight with the most stern expression she has ever seen, hasn't even seen that kind of expression on a police officer or an angry teacher that yelled at her all those years ago at primary school.

It makes Naomi feel uneasy; like she's looking at her for who she fucking is, like she's just fucked her sister in the tent only half an hour ago. Its intense; but she's not going to let it stop her, not even Katie fucking Fitch can stop her from releasing herself tonight.

The smell of the fucking red head that only sat a few metres away from her was intoxicating her, every scent her nostrils took in seemed to manage to provoke them into changing, making them smell of strawberry's and summer days instead.

She turned her attention away from Katie, away from her accusing stair and began to focus her attention on the hardening boy behind her. She'd already lost control, lost her fucking mind in fact. It didn't matter any more and she sure as hell didn't care what the vulnerable looking red head sat beside her boyfriend thought either. She was right; this whole fucking thing was reckless, and uncontrollable and fucking glorious…..fuck, how could she not see that?

;;

Naomi made her way through the woods, brushing furiously at some unruly branches as she made her way, her eyes squinting trying to find the perfect spot for her to unleash her alcohol pee. Jokes to herself that she'd be shocked if her piss wasn't fluorescent green from the amount of alcohol she has drunk tonight.

"This will do" she slurs, patting the tree beside her, giving it a slight nod before pulling down her joggers. Placing her wine bottle by the tree, slightly out of the way so she does add to the wine with her own liquid.

She lets out small moan as she feels herself release the ever pressuring piss that's been demanding to be released for the past hour. Effy's been playing DJ all night and some of the tunes have had Naomi dancing and swaying like a mad women, her hands flung above her head in totally fearlessness.

Once she's finished she stands, doing a little shake chuckling to herself before pulling her joggers back up only to be startled by a form standing merely metres in front of her.

"Fucking hell" she screeches at the sullen looking form.

"I'm sorry" the husky voice says, Naomi can take in the way the red head form looks so vulnerable and so empty. It makes all of Naomi's previous anger just flow from her body, she sighs but doesn't say anything. "I'm sorry I'm just scared"

Naomi takes her gaze off the floor and lets it fall on the tender girl "I'm scared too" she says so gently; afraid that any harsh words would knock the girl in front of her over, she takes a few steps in Emily's direction feeling herself being pulled by an invincible force.

"Naomi what's happening here?" Emily says gesturing with her hands between them, the ever shortening distance as Naomi keeps stepping closer, it makes it easier for her to see the desperation in the brown pools, makes Naomi feel less scared because she can see a mirror image of her own desperation.

Naomi smiles, her right hand moving forward taking the red heads left "I was kind of hoping you had the answer to that"

"I'm clueless"

"Me too"

Emily smiles taking the last step keeping them apart, only she doesn't go for a kiss she simply wraps her arms around the blondes shoulders bringing her into a hug. Resting her head on Naomi's chest; hearing her hammering heartbeat knowing that hers is the same, surprised it hasn't broken out of her chest yet, knows its fucking close though.

"We can't keep ignoring what's happening" Naomi states into the night air, Emily can feel her throat vibrating above her head. She takes a deep breath taking in the blondes distinctive scent; she knows she's right. "Its not fair for us or….our bloody boyfriends"

Emily pulls away looking at the blonde directly in the eye. Her fucking blue eyes look so flawless and breath taking; its one of the features that drew her in instantly. Should have known she was doomed. "Can we just walk for a bit?...lets stay in this world for a bit longer then face the real one when we get back tomorrow"

Naomi nods walking over to pick up her bottle of wine before heading back over and joining their hands together; it was one of the things she hated about being in a relationship with Cook, holding hands, always felt like he was trying to own her, but with Emily it felt nice. She wanted people to know, fuck, she actually would be proud if she had Emily on her arm. Fuck.

They walk though the woods holding hands, Naomi alcohol coat is still in full swing but she can feel the red head trembling beside her. Takes off her hoody, glad that the red head had the bottle in her hand at the time, Emily looks at her so innocently, her eyebrows raised, she looks so perfect and adorable in that moment with the moon light reflecting off her gorgeous red hair. Naomi wants to touch the skin but is stopped when she see's the small girls teeth chattering. "Here" she says handing over her hoody.

"No, what about you?" Emily asks alarmed looking at the blondes black crop top. Taking in a sneaky perve seeing the way it hugs the girls abs perfectly.

Naomi smiles "I'm fine, got my alcohol coat on" she says taking the bottle of wine out of Emily's hand to help encourage her to put on the hoody.

Once Emily has put the hoody on they carry on walking taking it in turns to take swigs out the bottle until they come to the lake they were swimming in earlier. Naomi didn't think it was possibly, but it looks even more beautiful in the moon light. Reminds her of the Disney Movie her and her dad use to watch when she was little, The Swan Princess. Knows that Cook would laugh in her face if she told him that was her favourite Disney movie, the hardcore ice queen can be soft sometimes, even as a child.

"This is a lovely place" Emily states beside her, no longer shaking. Their hands are still entwined, Naomi wishes they didn't have to let go, wishes she could hold the red heads hand forever.

"Reminds me of my dad" she says smiling at the scenery. Emily turns to her, making sure their hands are still joined. The motion reminds her of when Effy did it back in her garden trying to read the blonde, she wonders if that's what Emily is trying to do. Makes her feel slightly uneasy and open.

The genuine smile on Emily's face makes her relax though "Tell me about him" she gently asks.

Naomi feels the warm butterflies fly, not just at the faultless girls next to her but at the image that passes at the back of her eyes. Of her father smiling.

"He was a carpenter, was fucking amazing at it, my mum would always argue about him destroying the rain forests as if he was soul handily doing it but he would always argue that it was okay because he was using the wood for a good reason, making them into beautiful things and he really did"

"What did he make?"

Naomi laughs "Oh god everything, rocking chairs, tables, benches, wardrobes and beds they were beautiful, the designs and features of them were down to perfection. I think that practically everything in our house was made by him at one point"

"Do you have anything left?"

Naomi looked down at the waters surface "Mum wanted to get rid of everything, I managed to stop her, make her keep a few things"

"You do seem the very persuasive type"

The blonde giggled "Now I am, then I was just a kid so I used my crying skills to the max, seriously you would have given me what ever I wanted if you had hear my wailing"

They both laughed, Naomi gripped the smaller girls hand slightly tighter, their shoulders brushed together.

"Do you look like him?"

She nods "Some of my dad and mums old friends that still visit say I look a lot like him. My eyes apparently and sometimes my personality. He could be a stubborn bugger when he wanted to as well, which is probably why he never came back"

"God it must have been hard growing up"

"It was to begin with but things got easier, they had too, once my mum stopped crying and got her act together"

"She's very brave"

Naomi smiles "I was so fucking proud of her; at one point I didn't think I was ever going to get my mum back. She came back with flying colours"

"I'd love to meet her"

The blonde glanced at her quickly, shocked that her neck didn't disagree with the sharp movement. "You'd think she's crazy"

Emily giggles "Best way to be I think no boundaries"

"You're not crazy Emily" Naomi confirms even though the red head wasn't asking her too.

"No?" She asks glancing at their joined hands. An image of Cook flashes behind her eyes, just like the one of her father. It deflates her a little but she won't let the guilt ruin this moment. Maybe they were crazy, but that's okay for now.

"We can be crazy together" Naomi states with a warm smile seeing the twinkle in Emily's eye come back.

The silence falls upon them for a few minutes, Naomi allows it, doesn't want to destroy the surreal feeling around her.

"What about your family?"

Naomi notices that the question makes the red head hide into herself; she see's the slight pain at the mention of them. Naomi wants to know more, has to know more, if something's bothering her she wants to help.

"There's nothing really to tell, my dad owns a string of gyms all over London. You might have heard of them 'Don't get fit, get Fitched?"

Naomi bursts out laughing just as she takes a swig of wine "sorry" she blushes "I'm a member of one of them actually, how ironic"

"Yeah, he's really enthusiastic about fitness. It can be quite annoying, even the slightest bit of a belly and he's showing us to the gym" Naomi would automatically make a comment about how perfect Emily's body is, but the smile on her face suggests that she's not bitter about it at all, even thinks the red head seems grateful of her dads freaky fitness obsession. "My mum runs a wedding planners service, she's really good at that too, Katie models all the wedding dresses, is in her fucking element if you ask me. Then there's my pervy little brother, he's just finishing his first year at uni"

Naomi laughs picturing Katie swinging around in a wedding dress, fluttering her big eye lashes pushing her chest out further than the point of what is comfortable. Is probably the best job she can even image for the girl; especially seeing as all she's packed for this camping trip is heels basically. But then a thought occurs to the blonde.

"What about you?"

Emily looks at her confused "What about me?"

"What do you do for a living?" Naomi isn't surprised to see the red head scoff; it's almost the same reaction as when she asked before "You still haven't told me"

"I'm a lawyer" The red head answers bluntly.

Naomi swears in that moment that her cunt instantly gets wet, just the thought of Emily in an expensive suit with a stern expression on her face defending the wrongly accused, Gina would be proud.

"I'm impressed"

"I'm not a lawyer Naomi" she smirks.

Confused "What? Why did you tell me you were?"

"I wanted to see if you could picture me as one….did you?"

Naomi blushes slightly, fidgeting slightly to make her wet pants slightly more comfortable "Yeah, you'd make a good one"

"Then maybe I should become one" she says triumphantly standing up pulling the blonde up with her. She really does amaze her sometimes, but her attitude is infectious. And her reasoning actually seems logical.

Naomi stumbles slightly "Do you think I could work for the Metropolitan Police C0-19 Unit?" she asks, she'd always wondered if she could.

"What unit is that?" Emily asks confused, bending down to retrieved the wine bottle, taking a swig keeping her eyes focussed on the blonde.

"Firearms unit"

A sexy glint fills the girls eyes "Definitely"

Naomi decides in that moment that she is going to submit the idle application sat in her top draw at home in on Monday. Had been arguing with herself all this time about whether she could cope or even do the job itself, but from having the red head stood in front of her say she could with such determination makes her realise that what Emily said yesterday was right. She could do anything she puts her mind too.

They walk off hand in hand, giggling and pushing each other slightly. Naomi forgets that she is still no the wiser to what Emily does for a living.

;;

Neither of them see Katie's figure in the darkness, or the anger in her eyes after the words and gestures she's just witnessed.

Words are swords. Boom. Point.

;;

The next day and with a slight hangover, they all load up Effy's beaten car.

Naomi tries to ignore the way Katie has been staring at her so intently since they woke up that morning. The way she tenses her lips making them go into a straight line every time the blonde smiles at her.

It makes her feel uneasy and she tries to subtly tell Emily but it never works, someone always manages to get in the way or ask her an annoying pointless question like, where shall I put this bag? Or how long will it take us to get home?

Shes already feeling shit about the thought of not having Emily close anymore, even though they haven't exactly been by each others side the whole time she was still _there_.

They all pile in the car; Cook comes up between her, his smile infectious.

"Fucking great weekend aye babe?" he asks, his hand resting on her ass. She locks eyes with the red head sat in that back.

"Yeah, fucking great"

Katie looks away, her arms cross sat on the back seat between Emily and JJ. Naomi takes a massive gulp before giving Cook a peck on the cheek and getting into the car on the passenger side.

Secretly glad Effy said she would drive.

Effy starts to engine and Naomi sends her a worried glance. Effy looks in her rear view mirror straight at Katie and Naomi relieved that the girl clearly still has _some _of her mind reading powers. Or she just has fucking eyes because its clear Katie has been giving her evils all fucking morning.

She's terrified and hopes she just said something to insult her in her drunken state last night rather than the prospect that she actually fucking _knows_ and Naomi has no idea how reliable she is to keep it a secret from Cook or JJ.

Fuck.

**The fan is on and the shit is waiting.**

**Review?**

**By the way the track that makes Naomi dance like a crazy Pandora is –**

**Skrillex – Rock N Roll (Will Take You To The Mountains)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Wow, two updates in two days? Something must be wrong with me. Nah, obviously down to you amazing people doing such a good job at inspiring my ass and it's a hard one to inspire.**

**I dedicate this chapter to Merryhappy22 because I am terribly sorry that my story was the cause of your dinner getting burnt. Not cool, I can only apologise and give you this quick update as a treat :D**

**Now, lets leave the fan on and the shit waiting for a while. I don't know where the fuck this chapter came from. It just kinda flowed out of me.**

**Warning: Do not be near any relatives, parents, brothers or sister…or any children that you do not own for that matter and to Reddawg82 I promise you, you do not want to be at work for this! :P**

**Massive thankyou to everyone that reviewed. This is what happens when you do….**

**All mistakes are mine, I'm late going to the missus's so please excuse me.**

Feel it chapter 8

Naomi struggled through her front door with her hands full with bags; her suit case in one and Cook's bin bag of clothes in the other. She plonked the bags down by the entrance along with a long strained breath, her shoulders slumping as she took in her home. Although she didn't want to be home.

Cook pummelled past her with an arm full of sleeping bags and roll mats. He looked exhausted and definitely worse for wear. She prayed it was due to the amounts of alcohol and drugs he had consumed and not because of her.

She knew she was just trying to create a smoking mirror to give her a few more days before she truly needed to sit down and decide what she was going to do.

His worn out expression now stood in front of her was making her body ache.

Fuck thinking for now.

She placed her best Campbell smirk on her face "Mr Cook I really hope you aren't planning on leaving those there?" she said motioning to the camping things around his feet.

He raised his eyebrows looking like a child being scolded for running in their parents house with dirty shoes "But babe, we just got in"

"And we both have work in the morning so I don't want to spend MY evening cleaning when I should be relaxing" she stated making sure that her facial expressions kept the banter between them light.

"Love it when ya bossy" He chuckles picking up the camping equipment, shaking his head walking off into their bedroom.

The normalcy was such a relief; she wasn't sure she could handle things between them being awkward. Especially when she still had the niggling anxiety of Katie's death glares and her and Emily's conversation playing in the back of her mind. She needed Cook to be the same for now, just for a bit longer, she hopefully managed to salvage what they had during the camping trip, she _hoped_.

The bathroom door closing brought her out of her day dream, removing Katies face from behind her eyes. It made her shudder; she desperately needed to take her mind of everything red.

She shuffled around the flat trying to find things to do, huffing when she couldn't she made her way into the bedroom to deciding that getting her uniform and things ready for the morning would be the best course of action in that moment. Anything to stop the growing pressure in her chest as her heart fights with her mind trying to reply all the beautiful moments she shared with the crimson haired girl. The smile that falls upon her face completely contradict the way her heart hurts when she hears Cook humming innocently away in the bathroom.

"Fuck" she huffs out, pinching the top of her nose scrunching her eyes shut as her other hand seeks out the handle to her bedside draw looking for some paracetamol to prevent the impending headache she is in no doubt going to give herself tonight.

With her eyes still closed she snakes her hand inside the draw feeling various items to toss and forgotten things before her hand catches the edge of a piece of paper. Cursing she opens her eyes bringing her offended finger up for inspection, seeing the blood already seeping out of the cut. She brings it to her mouth sucking it, her eyes falling upon the offending article.

Her heart stops as she takes in her application. It instantly triggers the husky voice of her secret lover to run through her mind, making her shiver her pussy twitching.

_"I think you could do anything if you put your mind too it"_

Dam you are you bloody logic, she thinks as she picks up the application swearing that the title has become a lot more bold and defining, almost demanding her attention.

She goes through everything in her mind, every expectation and experience the job requires. There was always the possibility that she was moving too fast, she had only been in the police for a year and a bit, there was no way really that she had enough experience. She had been in two situations where firearms were being used; it terrified her but the adrenaline and sudden confidence was such a kick it was addictive. She knew in that moment that she wanted to joined the armed response unit but had always put it off thinking that they wouldn't give it to a rookie like herself, not yet anyway.

But now was the first time in about 6 months that the unit was recruiting; there was no definite answer to when they would be again.

She can almost hear Emily's husky voice as if she was stood right next to her talking.

"_Can you picture yourself doing it?"_

Yes, she answered in her mind.

"_Then fucking do it Naomi"_

Well every fucking thing else was a big mess in her life; it was all still flying around as if being chucked and landing in different places that she doubted her taking this small risk was going to make much of a difference. What's the worst that could happen? They say no, big deal.

"Alright babe?" Cooks voice says from the bedroom door causing her to jump and drop the application. "What's that?" He asks walking into the bedroom in just a towel, the bedroom light reflecting off his still wet body, his tattoos hugging his skin. Naomi looks at him wondering why she wasn't getting turned on like she always use to when the only thing that was covering his manhood was a flimsy towel. "Babe?"

"Ohhh" she says bending down to retrieve it "Nothing really, just an application form for the CO-19 Unit in the Met"

He huffs rubbing his forehead before placing his hands on both his hips, the gesture reminds her of Katie "Babe I thought we sorted this; I'm not comfortable about ya doing that"

The anger instantly floods her body "I never asked for your permission"

"It's not safe!" He says as if that justifies his stupid point of view.

"Being a fucking police officer isn't safe full stop!"

He holds his hands up in surrender before turning to look through the wardrobe "I'm not going to get into this with you"

Naomi feels herself deflate, knows that this behaviour of his isn't going to help fight his side of the battle with her heart "Why can't you just support me?"

His shoulders fall, his back still turned.

"I do support ya, I worry enough knowing that anything can 'appen to ya on the street without knowin that you are actually gonna make an effort to assist against fuckers with guns"

"I'm not a china doll I can look after myself"

"And ya not unbreakable either"

She slams the application back into the top draw before storming out of the room hating that his logic makes sense as well.

;;

They make up at some point during the night, its how they always use to make up during an argument that they slept on. The one pissed off would turn over and put their arm around the other, simple gesture, but its managed to solve many of their arguments. She was actually quite relieved when he didn't shrug her off; not because she didn't want him to be in a mood with her, because she didn't want the agro right now.

;;

She watches him as he sleeps when she's fully dressed in her uniform, both her hands resting on the door frame, one of them holding her hat.

The early morning sunshine shinning through the window on to his sleeping form, the birds chirping their usual happy morning song that complete contradict her inner turmoil.

He looks so fucking peaceful, so fucking fragile.

She grips the door frame harder as the form in the bed begins to change. The limbs on show getting smaller and thinner, the hips becoming more defined and the legs more feminine, long red hair taking over the short brown.

Her heart thumps in her chest as she takes in the beautiful form.

Waking up to that image every morning for the rest of her life would be perfect; she'd fucking join in with the happy bird's song .

The form changes again and she see's Cook, doesn't deny the content feeling she gets seeing him only its just not as powerful as the red heads.

_This is getting out of hand._

She thinks shaking her head, leaving.

;;

Days fly by. They seem surreal to her, like this isn't actually her life anymore. Feels like she's acting out who she should be and not who she actually is.

She hasn't heard from the red head. Isn't surprised that she hasn't really.

Thinks they crossed a line during the weekend away, a line that they can't go back on.

;;

A week later, on Christmas eve, Naomi finds herself fidgeting in her and Jacks designated police car. The week had been pretty uneventful on the police front; they'd only really nicked people for petty thefts. It wasn't until she had to tell off a small blonde girl for stealing a penny sweet (the parents did ask) that she suddenly caught light of how much her life would change if she were to follow her heart.

If she was with another girl how could she have children? She's always imagined children in her future; even if she had never told Cook that. She never really ever use to mention them being together forever, wasn't into all that cliché bullocks and Cook knew that. She cant even stand him putting his arm around her unless she's drunk for gods sake.

_What about a future with Emily?_

Fuck, she could see that.

Jack coughs beside her choking on his MacDonald's chips "Jesus I swear that chip had a large bit of pepper on" he says, Naomi laughs at the shade of red he's gone.

"You're such a pig"

"Says the girl eating a Big Mac Meal"

She looks down in her lap and…yeah there sits an empty Big Mac box.

"Yeah well….i didn't have any breakfast"

He laughs shaking his head taking a bite out of his Quarter pounder "I cannot see how you can function without breakfast; it's the most important meal of the day"

She tries to dodge the food catapulting out of his mouth. Men.

"God you sound like my mother" she rolls her eyes.

"Gina is a legend"

"Please don't encourage her" Naomi groans lolling her head back on the head rest.

"MILF" he jokes.

Her head shoots up almost knocking her half eaten chips off her lap "Please tell me you are joking!"

He shakes his head taking another large bite "She's a fine woman for her age"

Naomi keeps the shocked/disgusted look on her face as she turns to face the front.

Silence falls upon them, all that can be heard is the random people speaking through the radio and Jacks massacred burger slurping about in his mouth. Her mind, like normal, instantly thinks of the red head. Questions flashing through her mind, what is she doing, where is she? Is she struggling as much as me? Why hasn't she contacted me? Why haven't I contacted her?

She shakes her head pulling her hair out of her face "Tell me something interesting that will take my mind off the boredom that is tonight"

_Take my mind off Emily_

"Me and Beth are moving in together" Naomi can hear the happiness in his voice, she smiles a genuine smile. They'd been dancing around each other for a couple of months before they finally decided to go out, six months later here they are ready to take the plunge.

She wonders how long it would take her and Emily, rhetorically obviously, if they were dating to take the same plunge.

"That's great!"

She looks shocked "Really?"

Naomi frowns "Well…..yeah"

"Who are you and what have you done with Naomi Campbell?"

"What?"

He wipes his fingers, closing his burger box "Oh come on, a month ago you would have told me that I was rushing and that I should at least be with her for a year before I even _consider_ letting her move in with me"

She's stunned for a moment, her lips pursed ready to argue. She doesn't though because he's right. She grabs her coke and takes a swig

He takes her silence and hesitation to mean something else.

"Fucking hell has the Cookie Monster finally purposed?"

She chokes on the coke seeing it splutter all over the glove compartment; Jack laughs in the back ground pushing her slightly on the shoulder.

"No that's not it" he continues, she wipes her mixed spit off the car.

"Is it-"

"Stop trying to guess, because there's nothing to guess"

"Rubbish" he retorts

She grabs the burger box off his lap and hers placing it into the bag along with her half finished chips and drink "I'm going to throw these away" she says with a smirk on her face shaking her head as she gets out of the car.

The cool December chills hit her instantly, she grateful that she's only affected in a few areas that aren't being covered by her high visual jacket. The bin is only a couple of parking spaces away from the car so she takes her time walking there trying to allow Jack time to forget about trying to interrogate her. She's not sure who he would react to the news, or how she would even tell him.

"_I'm cheating on the Cookie Monster with the sexiest woman I have ever laid my eyes on, we've been having the most unbelievable sex, she makes me cum harder than I ever have in my life. I think I might be gay._

_I think I might be gay_

_I think I might be gay_

_Might be gay_

_Gay_

_Gay_

Her voice echo's in her mind. Double fuck.

A wobbling sensation in her pocket interrupts her walk to the bin. She thumbles with her free hand in her pocket trying to locate the annoying object; her heart beat instantly increasing when she realises its her phone.

_What else would have been vibrating in your pocket? A fucking vibrator?_

She throws the rubbish in the bin so she can allow herself to unlock the phone quicker. Ifs its possible her heart thumps even harder when she see's who the message is from.

**1 message from Emily**

She hesitates as the worrying kicks in, what if she wants to end this….affair? fucking Effy labelling what they have been doing. She clicks 'open' shutting her eyes for a few moments before plucking up the courage to open at least one so she can read the text.

Tries to ignore her mind telling her that she's a police officer not a quivering wreck.

**Hi. Can you meet me? X**

Naomi doesn't know why but the text just seems urgent; she turns to face the police car holding her colleague. Shit, she's got a least another three hours before her shift ends. She glances at her wrist watch, 23:30.

She types out the reply before even thinking how she's going to explain this to Jack.

**Sure. Where are you? X**

She jumps in the car slamming the car shut, Jack jolts up right thinking she's received a call but frowns when he looks at the radio in the car that would have picked up the same call.

"What's wrong blondie?"

She takes a deep breath "I need you to do me a favour?"

He doesn't even hesitate "What?"

"Remember that time when I covered for you because you and Beth were arguing?" He frowns and nods "I kinda need you to do the same for me"

"You and Cook have been arguing?"

She shakes her head "No, I just need to see someone. They might need help"

Her phone vibrates in her hand.

"Where are they?" he says starting the engine; the urgency in the blondes eyes doesn't make let him voice the niggling questions in the back of his mind. He's always liked Naomi, even fancied her since they started working together, but now that he has Beth she's become a sister to him. One that he would do anything for.

Naomi opens the text.

**I'm on the hill at Hampstead Heath x**

"Hampstead Heath" Naomi mutters sending a reply saying she'll be there in about 20 minutes. She's thankful they were close; otherwise it would look strange going half way across London to help a 'friend'

;;

It's horribly dark and spooky as Naomi walks down the pathway leading to the hill. It's almost completely silent, apart from her boots hiding the gravelled pavement and the wind rustling past the trees. It reminds her of Gobblers End, only this time she isn't wearing her alcohol shield and even though she's in her uniform she feels slightly vulnerable. Glad she took off her high visual jacket so she wasn't a walking target, put her black one on instead.

Jack told her he was going to wait for her and only answer calls that were within the area, that he'd also send her a message when she needed to get back. She was grateful; felt safer knowing he was close. He didn't question anything any more, not when she was fidgeting nervously in the car on the way over or when she quickly fired off a text to let Emily know she was there.

She scanned the hill, squinting her eyes trying to see the hair that always made her melt. It was impossible and would take her ages to find her if she didn't text her back soon. She contemplated rin-

Her phone vibrated in her hand.

**Emily is calling….**

"Hello?" she answered instantly, her heart thumping. How she hadn't had a heart attack yet she didn't know.

She could hear the girls faint breaths "I can see you" she teased.

Despite being scared shitless Naomi smiled "that's not fair"

"And whys that?" The red head teased.

"Because I'd like to see you too" she says turning in all different directions trying to catch a glimpse of the red head before huffing and resting her free hand on her hip.

"Then turn around" A voice said from behind her sending a chill down her spine. She whipped around her hand still held by her ear as she took in the girl stood just before her.

Fuck she looked gorgeous, wearing skinny jeans a black crop top with frilly bits and her hair down with her fringe pulled back in a quiff. Naomi felt her breath hitch and her mouth hit the ground.

Emily smiled clearly enjoying the blonde's reaction.

"Isn't it wrong for the police officer to perve?" she teased.

Naomi grinned "I think they'd let me off considering the circumstances" she said taking a few steps closer, ending the call.

"Oh really?"

"Yes" she answered with such determination. Her body was reacting on impulse, the same impulse that always drove her to the red head. She needed her, fucking craved her.

The red head didn't even get a chance to argue, Naomi slammed her lips against hers, wrapping her arms around her bringing her closer. Emily moaned into the kiss wrapping her arms around the blondes neck.

_She's worth it_

She thought fighting back her mind, deciding her heart could win this battle.

Their tongues massaged against one another, their hands roaming each other's bodies. Emily groaned frustrated by how many layers the blonde was wearing, covering her perfect body that deserved to be worshiped.

Naomi pulled back reluctantly, as much as she wanted to ravish the beautiful goddess before her she still wanted to keep things sane, knew if they just fucked each other right on that spot there was a risk of them getting caught and her getting fired, fucking the CO-19's.

"Walk with me" she asked holding out her hand to which Emily smiled gladly accepting.

They began their way up the hill holding hands, journeying off the path just before the trees. Walking through the high grass before they decided they were far enough from the path so no one could see them. They both sat down, Naomi made sure she could feel Emily beside her just to make sure she was real and this was all happening.

The clearing made it easy for the wind to reach them; bustling past their ears causing their hair to wave in the wind. It made Emily look breath taking in the moonlight.

She looked at the view of London before them; it was beautiful. Wondered whether this was like one of the moments Emily described to her back in the Café where you just take a shape intake of breath because what you see before you seems so surreal and beautiful completely hiding the destruction that is probably happening below.

She clears her throat glancing at the smaller girl who seems content with the view.

"Is everything okay Ems?"

Emily looks down at the grass by her feet "I needed to see you" she says honestly.

Naomi's slightly taken aback by her bluntness, feels the happy butterflies erupt in her stomach at the thought of the red head _needing _to see her. She squeezes her hand letting her know she's there.

She looks so vulnerable Naomi thinks. Emily turns to her, her eyes twinkling in the moonlight. "I missed you"

The blondes surprised she hasn't melted into a puddle on the grass. Feels truly cared for in that moment.

She brushes some unruly hair out of the red heads face with her other hand before resting it on her cheek. "I missed you too"

Naomi can see the unshed tears glistening in her eyes, it makes her heart ache. Clearing her questions from earlier have been answered. Yes Emily is going through the same thing, the same fucking turmoil.

See's the girl's bottom lip trembling, it causes tears to begin forming on the edges of her own eyes.

"Its so hard Naoms" she finally sobs "I can't stop fucking thinking about you and when I try its useless, everything reminds me of you, even toothpaste because Aquafresh has blue in it"

Naomi pulls the shorter girl in for a hug, placing her head by her chest as she rests her head on hers. Letting the tears fall from her eyes as she looks out onto the view of London.

"Nothings ever simple is it" Emily murmurs into her chest.

Naomi laughs "We can't be crazy AND simple. The two just don't go together"

The red head pulls back looking into her eyes and Naomi can see every emotion in them. The pain, defeat, vulnerability but also the determination and happiness.

"I'm feeling crazy Naomi"

Naomi nods because her voice doesn't work. Naomi knows what she's saying; can already feel her pussy getting aroused. Her grip tightens in the red heads, seeing the way her brown orbs keep glancing at her lips. Can feel her chest rising and falling from the heavy breaths she taking in as her mind goes through all the different scenarios in her head, all involving the same out come, the greatest relief.

"Come here" She says wrapping her hand around the fiery haired girls neck pulling her in and crashing their lips together. The force of Emily coming into her causes her body to fall over, knows that Emily probably had something to do with her weighing like an elephant. Feels her pussy tighten when she feels Emily breast with her hands deciding that the thin top needs to go. She needs her mouth clamped around at least one of them.

"Take this fucking jacket off" Emily growls into a kiss.

Naomi sits up her lips never leaving Emily's. She fights frantically with the zip finding herself also frustrated by the material stopping her skin from being in contact with Emily's. She quickly gets it off letting it fall behind her before grabbing the bottom of Emily's top pulling it up above her head. Emily raises her arms making it easier. Naomi pauses for a few moments allowing the moon light to bless the paler girl's body.

Her fucking pussy is throbbing from the sight.

Emily grabs her police shirt trying to patiently undo the buttons; Naomi crabs her cravat from around her neck and pulls it off flinging it behind her before helping the red head with the most frustrating button's she's ever come across. Finally they both try to recklessly pull the blondes top off only to be stopped from Naomi's utility belt. She quickly takes it off before seeing the glint of the moon light reflecting off her handcuffs.

An idea pops into her head, she licks her lips as she looks at the red head. A picture floods her mind, the red head quivering below her with her hands clamped behind her head panting and sweating. Her cunt is soaking now.

Emily smirks clearing picking up on what she's thinking "I don't think so somehow"

Naomi laughs "Why not?"

The red head crawls up kissing her way up to the blonde's lips, she bites her lip trying to surprise a moan at the sensation.

"Because" kiss "I think you'll find" kiss "I owe" kiss "You"

Naomi mind flashes with images of Emily in the tent, the exillerating feeling of the fact they could get caught, her pumping her fingers into the girls dripping cunt. Cant believe she wasn't more frustrated afterwards.

"Yes you do" Naomi said pulling back as the red head kissed down her belly towards her trousers. Undoing her flies, slipping them down her slender legs. The cold December chill didn't even bother the blonde, she was far too fucking turned on to feel anything.

Once Emily had removed her trousers she looked up biting her lip. It was fucking sexy. "Give me your handcuffs" she ordered. Naomi did as she was told, removing them from her utility belt handing them over to the red head.

Emily took both her hands, locking them each before kissing Naomi forcefully making her fall back onto the grass. Emily directed her hands so they were spread out above her head.

She was breathing heavily, could see her stomach rising and falling as the red head kissed her way down her body. Flicking back her bra cups taking her nipples individually into her mouth, biting, sucking and licking them.

Naomi moaned, wrapping her legs around the girls body sat between her legs wanting to feel her close to her throbbing core.

"Jesus Em"

"He can't help you" she joked. Gripping the edges of Naomi's knickers pulling them down seeing her wetness glinting in the moon light. She licked her lips, her tongue already pleading to be given its food. "I'm going to fuck you"

"Please" Naomi whimpered.

The sensation of when the red heads tongue hit her core was unbelievable. She wanted to grab at the girls head and shove her in deeper, she's never been so fucking turned on in her life. The red head strokes the girl's clit with her fingers, hearing her wetness as her tongue flicks simultaneously with her fingers.

Naomi bucked her hips her hands tensing in the handcuffs "Fucking hell"

"You like that baby?" Emily asked, letting her tongue flick against her clit.

"ergghhh yes"

"Do you want me inside you?"

"Please?"

Emily smirked letting her fingers rub a little harder "I can't hear you" she teased.

Naomi craned her neck looking at the red head directly "I want you inside me" she said before flopping her head back, scrunching her eyes shut when Emily finally obeyed plunging her fingers deep within the blonde.

She thrusted and flicked her thumb across the blondes core, her vagina becoming more and more turned on from Naomi's desperate moaning. She knew it wasn't long, could feel the girl's inner walls cramping around her fingers. The slightly shininess of the girls layer of sweat even turned her on, seeing the way her breasts had the same layer. She wanted to lick them, wanting to grope them.

"Fuck im gonna….."

"Let me see" Emily asked, her voice desperate just like Naomi's was in the tent. She needs to see the same thing, wants to see how she feels, wants to know how she feels, want's to fucking feel how she feels.

She bends her fingers in the blonde's cunts, can see Naomi desperately trying to stop herself from closing her eyes, bends her fingers again just as Naomi bucks her hips and flicks her thumb across her clit. See's Naomi go over the edge, witnesses the reaction in her eyes, the way her pupils dilate.

Watches the girls chest as she tries to regain her breathing control as she comes down from her high.

Emily retracts her fingers, looking at the liquid covering them. There an instant urge that she doesn't even question. Places the fingers in her mouth, sucking them getting all the juice off. Naomi watches her bringing her outstretched arms down to her stomach. Fuck she tastes good.

Naomi's phone vibrates in her discarded trouser pockets. She tries her best to retrieve the phone while her hands are still cuff. The light reflects against the blondes face, see's the way she flinches slightly.

"I have to go" Emily nods "Sorry but I am kind of on duty"

Emily kisses her gently "Its okay, I got what I needed"

Naomi fiddles with her utility belt retrieving the key from her pouch. She uncuffs herself and begins to get dressed. Emily watches as she puts her top back on herself, thanking the warmth it brings her.

Naomi stands buttoning up her shirt, struggling to put her cravat back on. Emily smirks and stands to help, as she fiddles with the annoying thing she can't help but notice the way the blonde is looking at her. With such adoration and affection. She pats the cravat once she's finally got it on, taking a step away as Naomi puts her utility belt around her waist.

Once they are both fully dressed the atmosphere suddenly becomes uncomfortable. The few feet separating them seems like miles.

Naomi's desperate to say something, anything to explain the way she's feeling. How she doesn't really want to leave the red head; how she really fucking cares about the red head, more than her own boyfriend right now. But she just looks so vulnerable, doesn't want to be the reason to break her and make this whole mess a lot worse.

"Emily….." she begins, Emily looks up hopeful, she chickens out "How are you getting home?"

Emily shakes her head "Its okay, the house party I was at was just down the road. I'll be alright, I better get back anyway otherwise Katie will have a nosebleed"

The name sends a shiver down the blondes back.

"Text me when you get there? So I know your safe?"

"Okay" The husky reply says.

The walk a little way down the path together until they have to go in different directions. The goodbye is awkward and seems completely silly because its almost like they are strangers, not as if the red head didn't just have her face in the blondes vagina.

Her minds racing with things to say but nothing comes. She nods and begin to turns off walking a few steps before turning around seeing the red head walking off.

"Emily!" she calls seeing the red head whip around, she takes a deep breath "Merry Christmas"

The red head smiles a genuine smile "Merry Christmas Naomi"

;;

Jack doesn't question her messy appearance when she gets back into the car, or the way her shirt has clearly been done up incorrectly. He wants her to come to him in her own time, knows she will only shut down if he doesn't.

;;

Naomi sleeps on the couch that night. Can't face being with Cook, has already planned to tell him that he was snoring too loudly. Its pathetic but she can be a good actress.

;;

She thinks about Emily none stop for the whole day, even at her mums as her and Cook play the happy couple, opening all the hideous presents that her Mum and Kieran got them on their shagging holiday abroad.

Puts on a fake smile while playing all the horrendous Christmas games Gina has conjured up over the years.

Has a little too much wine.

Ends up passing out a little near midnight wrapped up in Cooks arms.

Its not until the next day when Cooks at work that the real world hits back.

There a knock at the door and she hums all the way from the living room too it. Tripping slightly on one of Cooks discarded slippers before opening the door only to have her smirk wiped from her face.

It's the same death glare.

Its Katie fucking Fitch.

**Review? **

**Much Love.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Viruses are the most bastard things ever to be created in the cyber world! I mean come on, its just rude, especially if someone is on their third laptop of the year! Pfft! So anyway that is my excuse for why I haven't been able to update this sooner, fucking virus was causing me one heck of a dilemma that ive actually had to give the laptop that I 'borrowed' back so they can fix it. If they don't, I'm really not sure when I will be able to update this next. That sucks. **

**So I've had about 3-5 days of internet darkness and I miss some of the most major developments in the Naomily fanfiction world like The Game by Predators and Prey. I mean come on, they have Heather Hogan involved? That's just genius! But im totally onto that shit now so it's all good, well until my girlfriend has to surgically remove this laptop from my grasp, but that's for another day….:(**

**This chapter is pretty intense and really helps the story to move forward to where I've been wanting it to go right from the start. So peeps, you can read this in front of the elderly, young children and at work but NOT if you have violent tendencies. I just don't think it would be appropriate in a working environment or in front of elderly people for health reasons obviously…**

**On another note ive so got to get on this Twitter game, I think I do have an account so if you are on give me your addy? Is it addy? Or someone explain to me how to add people…I'm English its difficult…especially when something isn't facebook….(yes I know its American but still)**

**Anyway on with the chapter…..**

**As Hypes so perfectly put it – Fan meet shit and shit meet fan. Enjoy.**

**I do not own skins, But if I did, Naomily would NOT leave that lake ;p**

Feel It Chapter 9

Naomi's surprised that she's still standing; surely the mere force of Katie's scowl should have knocked her off balance. She grips the door tighter taking an audible gulp. Curses herself for allowing the older Fitch to make her feel weak. She's not like Emily; she won't let her walk all over her. She straightens her shoulders and takes a deep breath.

"Hello Katie" it's clear there's an undeniable undertone beneath the pleasantries.

Katie plasters on a fake smile "Naomi. Mind if I come in?"

The blonde's eyes rake up the girl's body, it's a tactic she's learnt over the years from the police. It helps you, can allow you to sum up a persons behaviour just from the items of clothing they are wearing. It seems ridiculous; obviously doesn't work if they are in fancy dress, but Naomi's almost certain its gotten her out of some sticky situations. Katie's hard to read though, her exterior is hard, sharp and to the point. Knows that the darker shaded red head probably went through her wardrobe this morning with the fine tooth pick trying to pick out the perfect outfit to confront the blonde. An excellent choice Naomi thinks; sums her up perfectly.

Sharpe pointed red heels; the heels themselves are at least 6 inches. Transparent black tights complemented with a tight black skirt. A dark purple crop top is placed underneath a, what appears to be lion fur, jacket. It's outrageous and would probably look hideous on anyone else but Katie just fucking pulls it off. That is not a comforting factor for Naomi.

It's decided then.

She's an unpredictable force.

And Naomi is going to have to ensure she picks her words well.

She steps out of the way of the door, swinging it so it's fully open placing her hands behind her back, leaning all her weight on them. Sickly smile is still stuck on her face "Sure. Come on in"

Katie nods and struts her way into the flat. Naomi cringes at the sound of her pointed heels coming into contact with her laminated flooring. Isn't sure whether she dares ask the girl to remove them, wonders whether it will make the impending situation with the unpredictable force any worse. Decides to grin and bear it.

They walk into the kitchen; can see Katie's eyes scanning over everything in her flat. Wonders whether Katie is doing is the same as she does, except with objects rather than clothing. Wants to ask what her conclusion is but doesn't, knows it will probably be either a sarcastic or bitchy answer.

They both come to a standstill in the kitchen, its awkward and Naomi is surprised the tense atmosphere isn't creating a thick foggy cloud to form in the kitchen. "Take a seat, would you like a cup of tea?"

"Sure" she answers as she takes a seat. Naomi turns around flicking on the kettle. Her mind racing with questions, wonders whether she should continue to stand up now that Katie is sitting down. It may give her some strength or make the situation worse?

_Fuck it; you have no idea why she is here. Shock horror she might just want to hang with you….fuck it. No she wouldn't. _

Katie's lisp startles her out of her trance "Haven't seen you around much since the camping trip"

She turns around her hands gripping the kitchen side "Been busy working" it's vague and she's aware of that. But since when do her and Katie ever sit down and have a conversation about their day to day lives? This whole fucking thing is just surreal.

A hum is the response she gets.

The kettle finally boils and Naomi retrieves two cups from the cupboard. Pops two tea bags in then gets the milk from the fridge wishing more than anything that the process to make tea was a lot longer. She's starting to get nervous, has decided that she's going to sit down, face whatever the fuck Katie has clearly come to tell her, will look her straight in the eye and put on her best poker face. She will not allow Katie to think she's stronger than her.

She places a cup in front of Katie hearing a mumbled "Thanks" she tightens her lips in response taking a seat in front of the twin, wishing more than anything that it was Emily sitting in front of her instead. Her mind instantly races with images of what they would get up to if the lighter shaded twin was there, most of the scenarios involve the table they are currently occupying. A smile breaks across her face at the thought of letting Katie aware of these thoughts, what she would love to do to her sister right where her hands are resting.

They sip their tea in silence, its fucking horrible and makes everything worse. Its almost a complete contrast to how she feels with Emily, she's terrified but in an actually bad terrified way. Not like the excited terrified.

Katie clears her throat and glances at the blonde. Her face isn't holding the menacing scowl anymore, Naomi takes the opportunity to take the upper hand.

"Look Katie, just spit out whatever you've come here to say. It's pretty obvious you haven't come round for tea and scones with me"

The dark haired girls seems slightly taken back by the blondes sudden request, she raises her eyebrows and blinks furiously for a few seconds before reacquainting her face with the scowl she was wearing when she first came in. Naomi tenses ready for the impact of her words, knows tonight isn't going to end well even if Katie doesn't end up knocking her physically for six, knows her words might.

When Katie does finally speak her voice is strong and determined.

"What is going on between you and my sister?"

"There is nothing going on between me and your sister"

It's a reflex answer, one she's practised saying a million times in front of the mirror encase Cook ever asked her. She hates lying, doesn't feel any better than the scummy people she locks up every day.

Katie bangs her right fist on the table causing Naomi to jump "Don't fucking lie to me Campbell!"

"I'm not"

"I fucking saw it! The way you were looking at her!"

Naomi tries to fight the fucking blush that creeps its way onto her face. Shuffles in her seat knowing that Katie has seen the way she's reacted to her accusation. This is why she fucking sucks at poker.

"Katie your mad, I have a boyfriend" it's pathetic.

She scoffs "That's what I thought. Then I saw the way she looks at you"

Naomi's eyes shoot up at that, it wasn't dripping with as much venom. Hates the way her heart jumps at the thought of Emily looking at her with the same desperation and desire and just fucking _need. _

"Fuck" Katie carries on slamming her back against the wooden chair looking away, clearly not impressed with how her last sentence affected the blonde "I was hoping I was seeing things" her focus is back on Naomi "You've got a fucking boyfriend Naomi!"

Naomi can feel the guilt that she's managed to keep away for days come flooding back into her body. The tears prod at the back of her eyes "I know" she says looking away feeling ashamed.

"You need to stay the fuck away from her!" Katie spits leaning forward in her chair.

It hurts, doesn't like someone else telling her to do something she's already been trying to do.

"Don't you fucking think ive already tried that!"

"Well try harder!"

"Fuck you Katie!" Naomi says leaning forward in her chair "Don't fucking sit there and judge me. It takes fucking two to tango!" again its pathetic, wishes her mind could work quicker under pressure.

Is surprised when she's met with a shocked expression on Katie's face.

"You've slept together?"

_…_

She doesn't know what to say, knows she waited too long to even think about denying it. Instead she stands, grabbing both their cups of tea and pours them into the sink, even though they are still half full and fairly warm, wants to gain the height advantage. She just needs to get away from the accusing eyes and gather herself so she doesn't let slip any more major details.

She hears the chair scrap on the kitchen flooring, the noise making her cringe and the hairs on the back of her neck stand. There goes the height advantage.

".." it's only a few metres away from her and laced with as much venom as Naomi thinks is humanly possible. She turns around bracing herself.

"That's easy for you to say. You're not the one experiencing any of this. It's the same for Emily. "

Katie's smile is sick "I'll fucking make it easy for her"

"Don't you dare threaten her!"

The red head lols her head back letting out a horrible laugh "She doesn't even fucking know I know. I just needed you to confirm it. Just from the mere fact that I know will stop her from seeing you. Especially if she knows what's good for her"

Every word makes the blonde shiver.

"You're just a stupid attention seeking bitch who's decided that her darling boyfriend just doesn't fulfil her disgusting dyke needs"

It hurts but the hurt is covered almost immediately by the sudden anger that pulsates through the blondes veins. She stands forward closing the distance between her and Katie; see's the flash of fear pass through the red heads eyes.

"" she says through clenched teeth, her hands ball up into fists "You know nothing about me so why don't you get off your high horse with your fake heels, fake tan, fake accessories and fake concern and go back to where you came from" Naomi retorts.

"Fake concern?"

"You don't give a flying fuck how this whole thing is affecting Emily. All you care about is what people will think if this was to ever come out"

Katie's posture changes from a confused stance to one that's regaining its strength.

"It's not going to come out"

"Why not?"

Naomi knows she wants exactly the same thing. That this whole ordeal with Emily never reaches anyone elses ears. Doesn't know how she would react or feel, isn't even sure whether her feelings for Emily would be the same without her being trapped in a supposed loving relationship with Cook. Everything would be different and she isn't sure if it would be for better or for worse.

"Because people would hate her!"

The blonde takes a step back in shock. The way Katie said that sentence wasn't with the venom she thought it would be, but was more sad and exasperated. Naomi tried to stop her body and mind for reacting in the way it does in that moment but she actually feels sorry for the meaner twin stood in front of her. After all she was stood in a world where there was no fair. The smoke of pollution was hammering at her windows, joined with it the hum of noisy traffic. The faces of the people she would always pass in town were filled with scowls and sad expressions because they'd clearly been at work sweating trying to reach their labourers needs just so they could walk away with the rotten minimum wage. Every item Naomi looked at in her kitchen she was force to pay an extra bit on top for because of the VAT tax the government had put on them. It was a dog eat dog world and Naomi wasn't a fool not to recognise that. But Katie's reasoning was unbelievable, this was the twenty first century and almost every other person she knew was gay or had experimented with someone of the same sex. It wasn't fucking new and yet Katie's face screamed that it was.

"Emily's a big girl she can take care of herself" Naomi tried to reason.

Katie shook her head and began to pace the kitchen "She isn't as strong as you think. This needs to end Naomi otherwise you'll destroy her and my whole fucking family!"

Confused "What has your family got to do with this?"

"Everything" she says not meeting Naomi's eyes, her voice not as strong as it was moments before.

Another spill of sorry overwhelmed the blonde making her see the red head in a different light. But the spiteful comment she said earlier resounds in her mind and the anger returns almost immediately. If this was such a dog eat dog world then Katie of all people should know that playing the sympathy card doesn't work, no matter how many times in movies it does.

"Not everything is about family Katie" Naomi replies shuffling over to the kitchen side, pulling out a draw letting the short spurt of happiness envelope her when she spots the small rectangular packet. Grabbing them she turned on her heels and made her way over to the back door, releasing the latch allowing the cool winter air to flow into the kitchen.

"What would you know? You don't have a fucking family, your fucking dad left you"

Naomi whips around "And what? Because my dad left me and my mum means that every wrong action or thing I say is justified? Grow up Katie" she says turning back around. Katie's immature playground antics weren't going to make this whole mess any clearer.

"Shit. I'm sorry" Katie said shaking her head pinching the bridge of her nose.

There goes the unpredictable force, Katie fucking I don't back down Fitch just said sorry for a spiteful below the belt comment. Naomi tries not to show how surprised she is. Some things clearly do change after years, even though the one times Naomi ever saw Katie was during a party and she was arguing with another girl because they both so happened to be wearing the same outfit. What do you expect really when the only really decent shop in Bristol is sadly New Look.

Naomi takes the moment with both hands and decides that she's already floating in a pool filled with lies, she doesn't need any more to keep up with and she's almost sure that Katie isn't going to be shouting this at the top of her lungs any time soon.

"Look Katie, I don't know what's going on. I'm not normally like this, I'm not gay" it's so trivial, so beyond her what she just said but she's not. Hasn't been for her whole twenty two years of life. So why now? "Me and Emily are no better than each other, we both have boyfriends-"

"Fiancé" Katie interrupts.

It makes Naomi stop immediately "What?"

"Fiancé. Emily and JJ are engaged"

She can't even explain the horrible feeling that floods her body, making every sense in her entire body just ache. Engaged? Emily never fucking said they were engaged? That she fucking agreed to spend the rest of her life with him. Fuck, FUCK. It's the first time Naomi every really comprehends how she's feeling but it's obvious now. She's fucking jealous, beyond jealous in fact. It's the one feeling she always said she would never feel because she always believed it destroyed relationships. Made one partner paranoid of the others behaviour and where abouts. Made them clingy and overbearing. She was never like that with Cook, ever.

The tears are back fighting to be released "When?" she croaks.

"He proposed to her yesterday"

"And she said yes?"

"Of course she fucking said yes, she loves him"

Naomi's surprised that three little words could cause her such pain. Make her heart feel likes its being ripped out of her body and thrown to the ground just so Katie can puncture it with her 6 inch daggers.

Katie takes the advantage.

"That's why you need to stop this Naomi. For yourself. She's clearly been playing you, wanting a bit of fun before she takes the plunge into married life"

What Katie was saying made sense, the logical side of her mind was telling her to agree but the illogical side was screaming, telling her it just wasn't true. You can't do the things they have been doing and accept that it didn't mean anything. You just couldn't.

"Okay. I'll leave her alone" she said as a lone tear fell down her cheek.

Naomi wasn't sure whether Katie believed her or not. The pure vulnerability and brokenness must have been enough for the darker red head because Naomi could hear the tapping of the girl's heels getting further and further away until the front door open and closed.

As soon as Naomi hears the beautiful sound indicating that Katie has left she bolts through the flat. Running into her living room almost catapulting herself over her couch to retrieve her mobile, as soon as the device is in her hands she quickly types out a text sending it immediately.

**I need to see you now x**

Her heart is hammering in her chest, her mind is racing with images and thoughts. Her skin is sweating just from pure anticipation and uneasiness. She doesn't want it to be true, fucking pleads with whatever she believes in for it not to be true. Isn't sure how she will react if it is because if Emily really has agreed to marry JJ then everything she's been feeling, every fucking lie she has told to Cook has been for nothing.

Not that she knew what outcome she wanted in the first place but at least they were both on the same page. It just makes everything so much worse now, makes _her_ feel even worse.

She fucked Emily on Hampstead heath hours before JJ supposedly purposed to Emily and she said yes? It just doesn't make sense.

Her phone vibrates.

**Okay where? X**

Naomi thinks about where they can meet; doesn't want her to come here. Wants to at least keep her flat disconnected from the red head. Especially if after they meet everything is going to turn to shit.

A series of speed texts happen. Clearly both perched at their phones ready.

**The café we first met up in x**

**Will it still be open? X**

**24 hours x**

**On my way x**

It makes Naomi heart flutter at how quick she is. She could have been doing anything in the moment that Naomi text and yet she's dropping everything to ensure she can get to the place the blonde is demanding her to be. Just wishes this time it wasn't for the reasons she's intending.

She grabs her coat and darts out the door.

;;

Naomi decided to walk to the café, didn't want to drive, didn't trust herself to concentrate on the road in front of her. She needed time to think, to process everything she had been told.

She wasn't going to come to any conclusions until she has spoken to Emily. Heard her side of the story, heard her defences for why she said yes. Which highlights a new question.

Why didn't she tell her? Why has she agreed to meet up when she's engaged?

It can't be true.

She's not sure at what part of the journey it begun to rain, but it feels nice, is surprised that steam isn't coming off of her how hot she's made herself from all the raging thoughts.

She's fucking nervous.

Absolutely terrified and not the good kind of terrified either

;;

She stands outside the café. The bright red hair of the girl she's grown to adore is shining brighter than any light within the café. She sat hovering over two cups of tea; picking at the paint on her own cup. It's a nervous habit of hers that Naomi has learnt, its adorable but right now its making her uncomfortable.

"What the fuck am I doing?" she asks to herself as she turns around facing away from the café, away from Emily.

This was all too much. She wasn't ready to face to truth, for Emily to tell her that yeah it was fun but we've got to move on now, see past this 'mess' fucking mess.

She takes a few foot steps away feeling the cover of the café roof no longer giving her cover allowing the rain to hit her vulnerable skin. She wanted to collapse, allow the tears she's been fighting ever since Katie said the words engagement just to fall. Get the worst over with. Knows she can't do that without confronting Emily because if this really is over, their whole fucking affair then she needs closure, needs Emily to say the fucking words otherwise she won't believe it.

"Naomi?"

That husky voice, the one that makes the happy butterflies erupt. Its always her, she always sense's when she's close. She turns around and meets the worried expression on her beautiful face. The girl looks exhausted.

"Naoms what are you doing out here? You're soaked!" Emily's worried voice says as she lets the café door close behind her.

Naomi already hates the way her beautiful voice doesn't give her the same affect that it normally does. The word engagement is hanging in the back of her mind making everything surrounding Emily wrong, like a night without stars or a lake without water. It doesn't make sense and probably never will.

She seems puzzled for a while, Naomi can see the sudden worry and anxiety fill the red head when she finally takes in the blondes appearance, the pure destroyed expression upon her face. "What's going on?" she asks taking a few more steps away from the café, the café cover just about covering her from the pounding rain.

Naomi always promised she wouldn't lie to Emily. There was no point, all she had to do was look into her eyes to know when she was lying.

"Tell me it isn't true"

Emily steps out into the rain. Naomi can already see how the few droplets are causing the red heads hair to stick to her face. "What?"

"Tell me she was lying"

Few more steps towards her so they are only a metre away "Who?" she croaks, her eyes telling the blonde that she knows who she is talking about just needs Naomi to say it.

"Katie"

"When did you speak to Katie?"

"She came round my flat tonight" Naomi replies fighting with all her might to stop the tears from spilling. She hasn't even confirmed anything yet, fucking man up.

Emily looks to the floor, picking at her nails. Her nervous habit makes Naomi nervous, it's ridiculous why the fuck is she nervous they've fucking fucked, shown each other every part of their bodies and watched each other as they have come and yet they are standing a metre apart feeling the most vulnerable they ever have. This can't be good "What did she say?"

"What do you think she told me?"

"I don't know"

"JUST FUCKING TELL ME EMILY!" Naomi pleads ignoring the way passerbyers are interrupted from their walks.

Emily flinches at her raised voice, closing her eyes. Naomi wonders if she's wishing that she would just vanish from right in front of her. Knows that all she has to do is say the words and Naomi will find a way to ignore all the hurt and pure brokenness to give the red head what she wants. Even though she doesn't believe for a minute that it's what the red head wants.

Emily sobs and its causes Naomi to break. She wants to walk over there and wrap her arms around the breaking red head but its apparently not her job. Emily has made sure of that.

"I can't" It's a pathetic whisper, all she can manage. Naomi doesn't want to get mad but she does. Wants to walk right up to the red head, shake her by the shoulders and demand she stops this madness. At least let them both get over the mess that they have created before either of them commits to anything else. I mean that's the polite thing to do right? Fucking hell she has no idea, she's never had an affair with a woman before.

Naomi can feel herself losing control, but it's different from the desire coma she usually puts herself in this times she's completely falling apart. Her reactions are going to be exasperated and probably unreasonable but Emily's already done that, hasn't she? Saying yes to JJ without even telling the blonde.

"You're engaged"

The two words linger in the atmosphere around them. All that can be heard is the beating of the rain on the pavement and the faint footsteps of others around them. It doesn't matter though, none of it matter and it gives the blonde a horrible feeling.

They were only standing a mere metre away from one another, but in that moment it could have been that they were two asteroids floating in the endless oblivion of space. And Naomi's not sure which one she would prefer to be in that moment, stood right here in front of the woman who has turned her life upside down for the past two months or an asteroid float with no course of direction?

Naomi swears that just from her saying those two words it caused the red head to react as if she just received two punches to the chest. She hasn't said anything, nor even tried to make eye contact with Naomi. She not sure whether she should take this as confirmation or ask her to verbalise it. Knows that if she was to leave now she would only make up excuses for it not to be true because she didn't hear the husky voice sound it.

She takes two steps forward making the metre reduce to only a few feet. She wants the red head to hear her words, fuck it, even _feel_ her words.

"Please tell me it isn't true Emily" Her voice is trembling.

Emily doesn't react.

Naomi's body reacts out of impulse as she bend forward reaching for Emily's left hand. Gripping her wrist she brings her arms forward making sure her hand is in her eye line.

It just sits there, happily perched on the red heads pale slim fingers. Naomi wonders if its purposely mocking her, teasing her showing her the hold it has on Emily. She wants to rip it from the red heads fingers and throw it as far as her arms will allow. Instead she reacts in a way she didn't think she would, she deflates. Lets out a long breath before letting her eyes fall back on the red heads face. Her eyes are glazed, she can see the wave of unshed tears ready to fall, her cheeks are already stained with the fallen tears. The rain hasn't helped either.

She should be freezing.

Doesn't feel anything.

Hates the way her hand feels like it's on fire just because it's touching the other girls skin. It's a reaction she's never been able to control, doesn't know why she should start now.

"So it's true then" she says letting go of her hand. Watching how its fall and the red head doesn't even attempt to stop it from hitting her thigh, wishes that this whole gesture didn't hold as much meaning as it does "Why didn't you just tell me?" Naomi pleads. Her bottom lip trembling as a stray tear gets loose.

Emily shakes her head taking in a breath "It all happened so fast"

"You mean that when he got down on one knee it didn't click?"

She doesn't want to be spiteful. Just feels that she needs to at least begin to re-build the walls Emily has so easily pulled down.

"I'm sorry"

It hurts

"Don't you dare say you're sorry" She doesn't say it again but keeps eye contact "What does this mean Emily?"

"It just complicates things slightly" Emily tries to reason.

Naomi scoffs "Complicates things? Emily come on, it makes everything we have been doing worse!"

Emily's face scrunches up as she sobs, even her desperate crying makes Naomi want to kiss her.

The silence fills them again, only the faint hum of a passing car engine can be heard.

Naomi continues "You can't marry him Emily"

The red head looks up, her eyes terrified yet hopeful "Why not?"

She wants to say because of me, because I care and if you agreed to marry him it would crush me, but she can't. It would mean to much, would make her even more vulnerable than she is now.

Fucking Katie was right; nothing's fucking fair. Not in this dog eat dog world. People will judge, not because they have an intelligent reason too but just because they don't agree, because if her and Emily were to embark on this adventure they would be different. No longer following the norm of society.

Its shit. Fucking horrible and Naomi cannot imagine a future where the flawless red head in front of her wasn't involved. Doesn't want to but isn't sure she has a choice.

She can already hear Effy in her mind, her smirking face and the shrugging of her shoulders while she takes a spliff to her lips _"Lifes a bitch"_

Wasn't it just.

Her body goes into auto pilot; she's had the confirmation she needs. Now she needs to process it.

"Thank you for coming to meet me tonight" she says sounding familiar to a robot, knows that if she doesn't she will completely break down. Become a sobbing wreck on the pavement, she's going to save whatever bit of dignity she has left. Owes it to herself to do that.

She's got a lot of thinking to do. If she doesn't, she'll go mad and probably destroy herself.

Emily tilts her head to the side, her face saying _'don't do this Naomi'_

Naomi's lips trembles as she loses the battle fighting back the tears, she lets them fall. Wishes she was strong enough to stop the red head from seeing her fall. "I h-hope you'll be happy"

"Naomi please"

She doesn't want to leave her here, in the rain at the place they first met out of choice. It seems completely ironic and painfully tragic but that's been the story of Naomi's life. Knows she needs to be strong, if not for herself.

If what Katie said is true then her walking away now would be what's best for Emily, even if it doesn't look or feel like it right now. She doesn't want to cause Emily any unnecessary pain.

She turns and begins to walk away, the rain pounding down even harder than it was before, she wonders if mother nature is witness to this devastation. She swings around before closing the gap between her and Emily crashing their lips together.

Naomi can feel how powerful the kiss it, it's so strong that she wonders whether a natural disaster is happening somewhere else in the world because of it. She'd brace the consequences. The tears leak from her eyes as she tries to manoeuvre her lips and tongue in sync while sobbing because she just isn't sure whether this kiss is a goodbye or see you later one.

Wishes she fucking knew.

She moves away from the red head, her lips instantly missing the warmth of hers. But she knows it's the right decision; leave her with a taste so she's wanting to come back for more. It's a thing her dad always taught her, but obviously not in the manner she just expressed it. They always want more, its almost like a need. You have to walk away no matter how much it hurts.

Naomi only just hopes Emily surrenders to that need.

She turns around and begins to walk but not without leaving the red head with one last comment her dad use to tell her. Knows it will make an impact, just like one of Effy's punch lines.

"If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it"

She walks away hearing the red head completely break down.

Hopes this is the right move. Prays it fucking it.

**Review?**

**Will reply to reviews this time round, if the laptop survives **


	10. Chapter 10

**I was going to say that this is a bit of a filler chapter but far too much happens for it to actually be a **_**filler **_**chapter. **

**I thankfully managed to get rid of my bastard virus, I say that but actually my sister took it to her work and 'apparently' the virus had vanished. I know bloody typical….and the story of my life.**

**I know I said I would reply to review but I thought an update would be better?**

**I'm really sorry it took me so long to update this, but the laptop was seriously playing up, the virus was stopping me from being able to upload word and everything else. So It was impossible to upload anything. God it was so frustrating.**

**Then to top things off my twin sister was taken into hospital with a serious kidney infection, so last week that's were I spent most of my time before and after work. **

**So it's been a stressful week or so.**

**Cheer me up? Let me know your still reading this? And ill try and get my mo-jo back into this story.**

**Btw just to let you know that ive noticed that FFN sometimes deletes swear words out of my stories, I don't know if anyone else has experienced that because last chapter someone said it didn't make sense, I then read it over and noticed that a swear word had been taking out resulting in it being slightly confusing so if that is the case, put a swear word there and bobs you uncle **

**I do not own skins, and all mistakes are mine**

**Emz x**

Feel it Chapter 10 – And then you.

_How my thoughts they spin me round_

_And how my thoughts they let me down_

_And how my dreams they spin me round_

_And how my dreams they let me down_

_Then there's you_

Everything is different, like completely different. It's almost as If her eyes are seeing things for what they really are, they no longer have the fluffy outer layer that just masked all the horrible things in the word. Now everything was bold, sharp and just so fucking real.

The rain was still hammering down, finally soaking her final layer of clothing buried underneath all her others. She didn't care though, no longer did she have the fairytale urge to grab an umbrella and start dancing in the rain, not right now, and she was sure it would be the same from now on, the rain just made her feel numb.

Her flimsy black pumps squelched in the puddles, bubbles forming on the fabric as her feet press down on the sponge like soles.

She didn't know where she was heading; couldn't go back to her apartment filled with pictures of her shattering relationship to Cook. She knew she'd crossed a line tonight, not in the physical way, because lets be honest she's crossed that line a month ago, couldn't even see that line anymore, but emotionally. She'd crossed an emotional line that she just she couldn't go back on.

Finding out that Emily was getting married killed her. More then she could ever imagine it would.

Naomi could feel herself getting angrier, the blood in her system starting to boil as she realised how foolish she's been acting. She's done the one thing she vowed never to do; she's made herself vulnerable and not even too her fucking boyfriend. To a red fire cracker that scolded her the first moment her eyes fell upon her skin.

Everything had changed; everything was so fucking different now. She didn't like it.

Every fucking step she took away from the sobbing red head seemed like it was crushing every last bit of her heart. She couldn't just stand there though, not while Emily was crumbling before her eyes, it was too painful and irritating to watch because she was hoping Emily would have been stronger, fucking _needed _for her to be stronger.

The cloud filled sky seemed to be getting lighter, the droplets of rain still fell in massive waves but the greeny tinge to the street she was walking down made her wonder whether a thunder storm was brewing. She wanted a thunder storm, wanted it to hammer down and scream, its exactly what she wanted to do yet she just couldn't. Couldn't find the strength of the voice to express such despair and loss.

No point in venting her emotions anyway, it wasn't going to change anything,

It wasn't going to make Emily say no.

Her feet carried her; her mind completely flooded with images and memories shared between her and the red head. In the kitchen in JJ's flat, his toilet floor. The ally way behind the club, the way her red hair fell in front of her eyes as she giggled because she was teasing the blonde about what she did for a living. The way her eyes sparkles and reflected the orange glow coming from the open fire, the way she panted beneath the blonde as she plunged her fingers deep inside of her.

She plonked herself down on a small wall at the foot of a unloved garden, her feet no longer able to keep her body up any longer, they ached and begged to be dried. She didn't move though, allowed the rain to carry on soaking her as she searched through her pockets for her cigarettes. A nicotine fix seeming the only slight bit of light at the end of this apparently long dark tunnel she's found herself walking down.

The feeling as the smoke plummeted down her lungs was oddly refreshing, it gave her some feeling of normalcy, some resemblance of her previous life. The life she's so carelessly and recklessly left behind, she wasn't even sure she wanted to leave it behind. But she wasn't a heartless bitch, she couldn't carry on with Cook not when she'd betrayed him so much.

Tears stung the back of her eyes as her face crumpled up into a sob.

No use in fighting it.

She broke down silently, allowing her shoulders to shake and her hands to grip the brick wall beneath her.

"Naomi?"

Her neck swings round so quickly she's surprised it doesn't cramp. Her eyes fall upon the figure of her worried mother. She furrows her brows looking at her surroundings, suddenly recognising the unloved garden to be her own. It makes her heart swell slightly that her body on autopilot brought her to her mum.

Gina's by herself in a flash upon seeing the broken expression on her daughters face. Her arm wraps protectively around Naomi's trembling shoulders, her clothes and hair starting to get wet from the never ending droplets of rain. "Naomi?"

Naomi's bottom lip trembles making it hard for her to speak "Mum" she croaks "I did bad"

She sounds like such a child, no longer to confident 22 year old she was.

Fucking Emily making her weak, destroying her slight allowance for love.

"Come inside dear, I'll get you all dry and make you a cupper" Gina says snaking her arm through Naomi's trying to use the muscles in her legs to hoist the sluggish blonde up from her sitting position. "Effy's inside as well, She can have a word with you while I fetch some towels"

Knowing Effy was inside filled the blonde with mixed feelings. She was happy to know her best friend was there, she always loved the fact that Effy and her mum got on so well, they use to go round at least once a week for one of Gina's outrageously flavoured tea but since Naomi became a police officer she's found herself with less free time to join them both. The down side to Effy being inside was the fact that she would be able to see _everything_, even though she joked the other day that she couldn't read the blonde any more she knew that with the way she was feeling even a blind person would be able to pick up on how destroyed she was.

Her feet used their last few ounces of energy to take the blonde inside the warmth of her childhood house, her mothers strong arms contributing to the speed of entry. Even the fucking smell of the house just made her want to lie on the floor in a ball like she always use to as a child when she was waiting for her father to return.

That wasn't going to help right now.

She was lead into the kitchen where she could see the back of Effy's head, her long wavy hair looked slightly damp. She wondered if the brunette had been caught by the sudden down pour as well.

Effy turned her head upon hearing Gina announce her arrival. Her smirk falls from her face once she takes in the drenched girl's appearance.

Naomi plonks herself down on the wooden chair, her mind instantly thankful that the chair was a lot more comfortable for her bum to sit on.

"Bad night?"

Naomi just scoffs resting her tired head in her hands.

"You found out then"

Her eyes shoot up at this "You knew?"

She nods.

"What the fuck Ef, why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugs her shoulders nonchantly "Because I didn't think you would believe me"

"Why not?" despite the fact Naomi knows she's probably right, even hearing from Katie wasn't declaration enough for her, she had to hear Emily say it for herself.

Effy tilts her head to the side "You know why"

Naomi slumps back in her chair, biting her lip nodding slightly. She didn't have the strength to fight with Effy or even get mad at her. She was too drained.

"How did you find out?" She asks,

"JJ called Freddie"

Of course, he was probably fucking ecstatic about Emily saying yes. She's been the only girl ever to say yes too him.

"Fuck" she said slumping her back against the chair once again, winging her fingers through her wet locks.

Effy sits forward in her chair, a fag pitched behind her right ear "Did she tell her yourself then?"

Naomi shakes her head "Katie came to my flat" she glances up at Effy "She knows"

Effy ignores what she says "Did Emily tell you herself"

The blonde straightens up in her chair "No, I kept telling her to just fucking say it but she didn't" she can feel the anger she previously felt begin to rise. Why couldn't she just say the words to her; it would hurt but it would be the closure she needed. Now she was just left scarred and confused.

Effy smiles, taking the fag perched behind her ear, placing it in her mouth muttering "Then that's something"

Naomi doesn't want to hear it, she shakes her head scoffing.

"What?" Effy says through a cloud of smoke, her hands slanted either side of her.

"Don't try and explain her actions"

Effy sits back in her chair, her cigarette perched at the end of her extended arm. Naomi takes the fag, taking a deep breath feeling the smoke rush to her lungs "I'm not"

Gina comes storming into the room balances a huge piles of towels in which Naomi is sure she only really needs one. Knows that her mum is probably panicking because Naomi has never turned up like this before, Naomi wishes she could let the smile of love for her mum to spread across her face to show her she's grateful for what she's doing but her muscles don't work.

The elder blondes take a towel from the top, hesitantly moving towards her tired daughter before cautiously beginning to dry Naomi's hair. In any other situation Naomi wouldn't dare let her mother do this, she wouldn't allow the feeling of incompetence to over whelm her, but right now she needs this, needs someone to look after her even if it is a bit ridiculous.

"Fuck the tea" Gina says startling Naomi. She drops the towel on the blondes shoulder as she shuffles over to one of the cupboards revelling one of the largest bottles of Vodka Naomi has ever seen "Kept this for a rainy day"

"Were you planning on surviving afterwards?"

Gina laughs plonking the large bottle on the table retrieving some glasses on the kitchen side "You're wound up tighter than anything I know, alcohol will help you to unwind"

"It won't help mum, just make everything blurry"

Effy opens the red lid "Then just forget for a while"

"I don't think I can"

Gina sets three shot glasses in a row on the table for Effy to fill "Fine, if you can't forget then we shall play a game"

"Why do I not like the sound of this?"

"Well it's the only way I'm going to find out what on earth is going on" Too true, Naomi thinks.

She grabs a filled shot glass "Okay, how do we play?"

"Its sort of like a guessing game. If I say something remotely true you have to take a shot. This way you wont have to tell me directly AND we get merry at the same time"

"This is ridiculous"

"Nonsense its fun" Gina says excitedly, it reminds Naomi of Panda. She downs a shot claiming its to warm up her liver before filling herself another one. Naomi now knows where she gets the alcohol tolerance from. "Right who's going first?" Gina asks glancing at Effy.

"Wait this isn't fair, surely I get to ask questions?"

Effy laughs "Give it a rest Naomi; you ask questions constantly as part of your job, surely you'd love a break?"

"Touché" Naomi says downing her shot claiming to be warming her own liver up. The vodka reminding her of the sweet taste she experienced on Emily's lips the night at the club.

Naomi shirts in her seat, her damp clothes making her whole body itch. She doesn't make a fuss, wants to use the fact that its not healthy to be sat in wet clothes to her advantage if the questioning gets too direct.

"You're the oldest, you go first" Effy smirks.

Gina shoots her a glare muttering something about her respecting her elders before settling her eyes on Naomi's nervous form. She had no idea why she was allowing this to happen, thought she would be a lot more afraid of letting her own mother know that she had been having sexual experiences with the fairer sex.

With a fucking flawless girl that could make drastic changes to your life just from her eyes.

It was probably because if there's one positive thing that's come out of this whole mess its that she's become fearless. She's had the worst out come of the entire affair, she's lost Emily.

Wasn't even sure she wanted Emily in the first place, but with this feeling in the pit of her stomach she did, did all along.

It doesn't matter if her mum knows, it won't change anything. Naomi is still Naomi, it doesn't make her gay and It doesn't make her straight. Her mum is the last person to try and label her.

"Keep these questions easy, at least until ive had a few shots" Naomi compromises; they both nod in agreement, each taking short glances at one another. Naomi can see the thoughts looming in their heads, the desperate questions wanting to escape.

Gina looks up into the corner of the room clearly trying to contemplate which question to ask "Okay easy first, let me think"

Naomi toys nervously with her full shot glass.

"Do you like strawberries or berries?"

Effy laughs while Naomi makes a confused expression "How am I meant to answer that?"

"Gina it's got to be a closed question, either yes or no"

Gina laughs shaking her head "Course, okay fuck this" Naomi raises her eyebrows at her mothers swearing "Have you been sleeping with someone other than Cook?"

Naomi chokes on her own spit while Effy chuckles yet again "How the fuck is that starting off easy?"

"Bored" Gina states eyeing Effy with an amused expression "Are you drinking or not?"

"Fuck it" she downs the shot. There's not really any point in beating around the bush. She might as well face this entire thing head on right? Gina's right.

Effy sits forward in her chair, twirling the liquid in her shot glass "You've felt the most alive you've felt your entire life since this all begun" Effy changes the game slightly by making a statement for Naomi to agree with, to which she does by taking another shot. The liquid burns down her throat causing her to cringe, feels it burn all down her wind pipe.

It's true and straight to the point as per usual with Effy. She has felt the most alive since being with Emily, everything has just been so bright and excited with the red head near. Now everything was boring and bland.

Gina pours her another shot "is the person you have been sleeping with a girl?"

The blondes eyes almost shoot out of their sockets, that was definitely a question she wasn't prepared to hear her mother ask, and so fucking flippantly either. She glances at Effy for support, receiving none. Her mums staring at her shot glass intently, her expression is hard to read.

She downs the shot waiting for the out burst from her mother, instead she's receives a smile.

"You're not mad?" its pathetic, Naomi knows that she wouldn't really care if her mother didn't agree, just wonders why she hasn't hit the roof asking why she feels the need to behave in such a way.

"Darling you should know better. Its not about the anatomy of the person you fall in love with, its who they are"

Naomi giggles feeling the pressure lessen slightly on her chest; she didn't realise how much having her mother's approval would affected her. She leans back on her chair "You're such a fucking cliché"

"I'm a nice cliché" Gina argues, before saying 'bottoms up' and downing her shot.

"You should take some tips Naoms, you're such a cynical cow" Effy joins in taking a shot. Naomi shoots her eyebrows up, since when was Effy not cynical? Hypocrite much? "You can't include me in this, I was born cynical, you became cynical" Effy clears.

You wouldn't think it but that was one of her punch lines and Naomi knew she was right. She use to be like her mother years ago, it all went to shit when her dad left her. Since that night it was almost like an instant change, she decided that nothing ever lasts.

Emily helped prove that theory.

Naomi takes another shot trying to erase the image of Emily playing in the back of her mind. She can feel the alcohol running wild in her blood stream, all the pretty colourful things begin to come into her vision, just like they did when she was high on Emily. It was nice, made her feel relaxed.

A fag appears in her eye line, she grabs it from the slim slender fingers fumbling to put it in her mouth before being granted with an already lit lighter. She puffs out the smoke seeing her mums face screw up as she tries to wave the smoke away from her face.

"Right Effy I believe your next" says Gina's strained voice.

Effy releases a huge puff of smoke, her eyes wearily eyeing the blonde "Do you regret any of it?"

She doesn't take the shot because although the guilt can completely crush her sometimes she's never once wished that she never met the red head. Even if she's somehow completely stomped all over her heart she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

This is the new fearless Naomi, the one that wants to stand out in a crowd rather than stand on the side lines looking in. That's the type of person every one wants to be right?

Fearless.

Naomi takes a shot just to try and calm down her racing thoughts. All these random thoughts that are making her want to spin around. Throw the table away and dance like the fearless person in the middle of the dance floor.

"What are you gonna do darling?" Gina's concerned voice asks, her eyes beaming with worry.

Naomi fills up her shot glass and downs it. Not sure how to answer. It's a big question.

Effy fills her shot glass up again "She needs to make a few changes"

_I need to end things with Cook _she thinks as she downs the other shot Effy just poured.

She stands up from her seat wobbling slightly putting out her fag, her still soggy clothes cling to her skin. The alcohol helps to make the uncomfortable feeling against her skin tolerable.

This has to be done, even if the out come isn't one she was hoping for.

"Hold on" Gina says standing up pulling Naomi back down onto her chair. She fills Naomi's shot glass and her own empty one before looking at Naomi fully "Do you love her?"

Love her. Love, love her. Love Emily.

It sounded so weird the word love. Didn't she need to fall out of love with Cook first? Did she love Cook? Had it been that this entire time she has confused love with friendship? Cook didn't make her feel the way Emily did. Didn't make her crazy but sane at the same time, make her want to do the most craziest things and sit back and relax comfortably in a chair. Make her want to shake them irritated and caress them at the same time. Make her thoughts race with flashing images of them. Her skin to tremble as their fingers traced restless circles, her veins pump extra blood to her heart because it was beating a hundred times a second because they were in the room. She never felt like that with Cook.

"You love her" Gina says with another brilliant smile. Downs her shot.

"I didn't say that"

"Dear, you didn't have to. Its written all over your face"

_Fuck, I love Emily. LOVE Emily. The girl that's just broken my heart._

Naomi pours herself another shot, this time it burns as it goes down her throat, she stands. "It doesn't matter, even if I did it wouldn't change anything"

It hurts to say the words but its true. Emily still chose to be with JJ, even if she didn't exactly voice it.

The pressure builds on her chest again.

"Where you going?" Effy asks standing as well.

"Home"

"Darling do you think that's wise? Why don't you stay here for tonight?" she turns to Effy "Maybe this game wasn't such a good idea"

"No it was" Naomi interjects "It's made me realise a few things, I can't keep running from the truth. I'm not happy and haven't been for a while"

Emily's voice resounds in her head.

_I think you could do anything if you put your mind to it._

Be brave Naomi Campbell.

;;

Gina and Effy reluctantly bid her fair well, the way she stumbled out of the front door probably didn't help their confidence. But she needed to do this, knew she had to do this to ensure that everything would at least get that little bit better.

She grabs her phone out of her pocket, the light drizzle from earlier has finally stopped therefore not adding to her already moist clothes. She looks up at the night sky seeing the darkness enveloping the stars, the same way it does the earth. She wishes she could be a star, shining brightly millions of miles away from any others, that way she couldn't get hurt, wouldn't have the trouble of being vulnerable to getting hurt.

The phones screen shines brightly in the darkness of the night, it blinds her for a moment and takes her at least a minute before her eyes adjust to the screen. The alcohol doing its job in making everything she needs to do that little bit harder but also easier at the same time.

Her heart stops in her chest when she see's a message from Emily.

Her thumb hovers over the button. She knows its either going to be pathetic or make everything so much harder and confusing.

**I'm sorry Ex**

Pathetic then. She's not even going to reply. Its not worth her unlimited texts.

;;

It takes her a few attempts to get her key in the key hole, she swears it keeps moving every time her key gets close. Fucking bastard of a key hole trying to contribute to her already crumbling life.

She makes a triumphant noise when she finally gets the door unlocked, she walks wearily into the apartment trying not to stumbles on Cooks abandoned slippers in the hallway. She can hear the low hum of the TV, some talk show is coming through the speakers, she can hear the laughter of the audience.

Walking into the living room she spots Cooks form laid out on the sofa. His head spins round once he hears her enter.

She takes a deep breath.

"Hey babe, wondered where ya got too. Fort ya would be at home when I got back yano" he says shuffling on the sofa. His face changes from relaxed to confused once he spy's her wet appearance.

"Cook we need to talk"

Its funny how five words can make an atmosphere in a room completely change.

His face turns into a frown but Naomi can already see the fear.

"Sure babe" he says shuffling up on the sofa to give her room to sit down. Really, she didn't want to be so close, not when she knew what was just at the tip of her tongue. Devastating words that she knew were going to destroy everything that she had taking years to build all around her/

"James, I don't think this is working"

He clears his throat "What do you mean?"

"I can't do this anymore" she chokes, the tears she was hoping wouldn't come, came smashing at the edges of her eyes. She wanted to be strong during this, she owed it to him to be strong and she was failing him in that as well.

He holds his head in his aching hands "I knew this was coming"

"I'm s-so sorry"

"Why didn't you just say this at the lake in the forest?"

His eyes are glistening with tears.

"I wasn't ready"

"So you just lied to me and told me that you loved me?" his voice raises making Naomi flinch. He was right; she had made this whole situation worse by reassuring him back at Gobblers end that everything was okay when it was anything but okay. I mean she fucked Emily less than an hour after reassuring him, what good person does that?

She didn't say anything, couldn't. There was nothing that she could say that would make this situation any better.

Might as well experience the rawness of it. She deserved every scar she got out of this.

"Look at me!" he demanded.

She hesitated before looking into his shattering brown eyes. He grabbed her hands making Naomi jolt from his hold "Tell me you don't love me, say it, and I will leave"

Everything seemed so calm, too calm. She knew there was a storm brewing within him. She just prayed he didn't erupt in front of her.

Tears poured down her cheeks. She felt horrible, hated the way she didn't feel like she was connected to her body.

"Say it Naomi!" he said through clenched teeth, his hands gripping hers slightly harder. He reminded her of herself, he sounded exactly the same way she did when she begged Emily to tell her, to say the words so that she could move on.

_I love JJ and I want to marry him. I want to be his wife._

She knew how horrible it was to wait.

He deserved better. He deserved the truth. Deserved her to say the words.

"I don't love you" She whispered.

He withdrew his hands.

And she was surprised how cold she felt afterwards. She daren't open her eyes and look at him, she couldn't bare to witness him fall apart. She heard him sniff before he stood.

She opened her eyes looking at his standing form. His cheeks were soaked with tears, she could see him trying to compose himself. She wanted him to say something, anything to let her know that he would be okay. She didn't want to loose him, not fully, she needed him to be there for her. She needed to see him after this, she couldn't imagine her life without him in it at all.

"I'm so sorry, Please don't leave completely. I cant bare the thought of never seeing you again" she sobbed, wiping her nose with her damp top.

He chuckled through his tears "It takes a lot more than you breaking my heart to get rid of me Campbell. Just give me time" he said.

He gave her a kiss to the forehead before leaving. The sound of the front door closing seemed so fucking final she hoped never to hear that sound again in her life. She doesn't even know how bad she would have felt had it of been Emily closing that door. Although, realistically Emily had already closed that door.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket trying to see what the time was, surprised when she saw yet another text from the red head. She screeched out annoyed, clenching her fists before hitting the sofa beneath her. She hated the way her heart beat got excited at the thought of Emily contacting her, hated the way everything just seemed that little bit alright when she knew that Emily had thought about her.

Emily had destroyed everything! Had changed everything in her life so carelessly!

Destroyed everything yet managed to keep everything perfect in her own life.

How the fuck was that fair?

Katie was right yet again, little miss unpredictable force, nothings fucking fair.

She opened the text.

**You were always the brave one. E x**

She wondered how Emily was feeling when she wrote that text. What she was doing, whether she was crying or smiling. Hoped she was feeling as broken and vulnerable as she was. Everything was out of the water now, the bubble that her and Emily had created was finally popped. Emily was right, she is the brave one right now, right now, because Naomi knows that Emily can be brave too. Naomi has seen slight snippets of the brave Emily, the suave Emily that can just sweep you off you feet in a matter of seconds.

That Emily did exist; she knew she did.

JJ was smothering that Emily, creating this weaker less happy form.

It wasn't right.

But Naomi didn't have the power to do anything about it. Emily had made it clear that she couldn't do anything to change it, otherwise she would have told her herself that she was engaged.

Naomi walked into her bedroom; her eyes still releasing tears. She walked towards her bedside cabinet, sitting on the edge of her bed opening the top draw. Her eyes instantly fall on the picture lying idle and covered in dust. The one picture that always set her heart off, the same picture that released the happy butterflies that Emily did.

Her father.

He looked so happy in the picture and she looked so young on his shoulders laughing as he tried to raise her as high as his arms would stretch. They were in their favourite place; a place they didn't know, one they had discovered and explored together. It was one of the few times that her mum tagged along and thank god she had brought a camera because Naomi was so glad she captured that moment.

A tear dropped on the photo causing her to lift her head to look at the ceiling, a reflex she had conjured up over the years to try and contain her tears.

She looked around her room, seeing the way the bed covers were still a mess from the way her and Cook had left them this morning.

Tonight was going to be new and weird because Cook wasn't going to be lying beside her. That terrified her. She had to keep reminding herself that he left because she wanted him too and not because he decided to randomly. She didn't want to feeling of fear and regret to fill her like it did when her father left. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep if it did.

She glanced at the text again on her phone. It was pathetic, but it also sounded desperate. If she didn't care so fucking much she wouldn't have found the need to reply, but it was because of one reason that she did.

She fucking loved her. She loved Emily Fitch.

Her fingers typed out a reply.

**I believe you can do anything that you put your mind too. Be brave and don't think. N x**

She puts her phone down not expecting a reply. She just hopes she takes the text in the way she intends it to be read.

If she can be fearless and reckless, then so can Emily fucking Fitch.

**Review? Let me know your still reading this, it will cheer me up.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I had to write a quick update for tonight because ive got **_**yet**_** another exam coming up next weekend that I need to revise for all this week, so I didn't want to leave you hanging with nothing. How nice of me.**

**Sorry for any mistakes I didn't have the chance to re read it, I hope its not too awful **

**Oh and btw I'm giving you a warning, do not operate heavy machinery, be in front of the elderly, at work or sat between your parents and Vangoghgurrl have a change of pants with you **

**Wish me luck for my exam final one! Oh yeahhhhh!**

**Emz xx**

Feel it chapter 11

Naomi holds the t-shirt up high, the images of the pig's faces stares back at her, she grins. Gina had made her this t-shirt for a protest they went to years a go. It was one of Naomi's first ever protests and she had been adamant that she looked the part. Her mum didn't complain, she loved the fact that Naomi was thinking of following in her foot steps to fight all of the injustice in the world, even if she was starting off small.

Gina's organisation that she was involved with had gotten wind of a company that were using live pigs to test their products on. She hadn't meant for Naomi to be hear but she was furious, it didn't help that Naomi was currently fascinated by the Winnie the Pooh stories; she couldn't bare the thought of little piglet getting hurt like that.

"Why would they do that to Piglet mummy?" Her innocent eyes asked as she wiped some snot from her nose.

Gina shuffles over to her young daughter crouching down so she's level "They just haven't been told that its wrong yet"

Naomi nods "Can we go tell them then mummy?"

She see's the pure determination etched across her daughters face.

"Yes we can"

And that's how it happened. There were funny pictures from her first protest, Naomi on her father shoulders with the classic Naomi scowl pointing her finger at the building while she holds her banner saying _"Don't hurt Piglet anymore!"_

She had wanted Piglets picture on her t-shirt but Gina has insisted on a real life pig, because it wasn't just Piglet getting hurt.

That was one of the best days of Naomi's life. She felt proud of herself because she was making a difference, voicing her opinion against something she believed was wrong. The shirt had swamped her, well it would have done, Gina had accidently ordered her a men's small, but she didn't let it dampen her mood she felt protected in it. It didn't matter what she looked like as long as she put her point across.

It was one of the best days she ever spent with her family. Her mum and dad were chuckling at her while she yelled at the people walking to work that morning.

Naomi hadn't felt so alive before, it strived her, pushed her towards a future where she wanted to help people or animals. It drove her to the police. It wasn't exactly the voice of opinion but it allowed her to help people by protecting them and risking her own life to save them.

She knows really that even though Gina has her moments where she bad mouths the police that really she is proud of what her daughter has become. She's helping others and that's always been the bottom line of everything that Gina has ever taught her.

It made Naomi feel happy and alive, that's all that matters.

Naomi lowers the shirt into the box sitting on the edge of her bed. She sighs as she see's all the books, DVD's and objects sat inside the box. It felt weird packing, storing all her things making the rooms around her feel empty and lonely.

She'd come to the conclusion that she would move out; it wasn't fair for her to make Cook. It was her decision to end the relationship, to break the heart of the boy that loved her beyond eternity. If she was going to make this a broken home then it was definitely going to be her to leave.

Thankfully Cook made sure he was out when she went round; she couldn't stand the look of despair on his face any longer. It fucking killed her to know that she was the reason behind it. He just looked so weak, so fucking defeated. She wanted to remind him of the man he was before her, the confident fearless man that didn't care and didn't need anyone.

All her camping stuff is still packed in the camping bags, she hadn't even gotten round to unpacking them. Cook has just shoved them in the cupboard out of her view, stupid man, he's lucky their not together otherwise he would have been receiving a slap to the back of the head when he got home.

She pulled her clothes from the bag, that cold damp smell fills her nostrils, it makes her wince but she's pulled back to the dirty hoody by a distinctive smell that just makes her heart race and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

Emily's smell. She closes her eyes trying to shake her head, anything to rid her mind of all the thoughts to do with the red head. It makes her feel warm but it also crushes her because she wants more than anything to just call her up and ask her to come see her just so she can pull her into an embrace and breath in her beautiful scent.

She hasn't heard anything from her, wonders how Emily can bare being away for so long. Its been two days since she was stood outside the café in the rain, two days since her whole world actually got turned up side down. As if she's in a snow globe and some child has just come up and shook her and everything in side. Two days of being single, it felt weird knowing that she no longer had a boyfriend. It was nice but also scary, it'd been so long since she was last on her own, yes she was surrounded by friends, but now she didn't have anyone to cuddle up to or kiss just because she could.

Well to be honest, she thought she did have someone, only they let her down.

Emily let her down.

She blinks her eyes furiously; she's promised herself she isn't going to cry anymore. She'd spent the last two days cooped up in her old bedroom back at Gina's crying, sleeping and eating. Doing only the basic things to keep herself alive and well. She didn't need sunlight or to have any other interaction with another human being, it wasn't until Effy and Gina came into her room and basically dragged her by the feet out of her room that she actually resurfaced back into the real world.

One thing she was proud of was the lack of alcohol she had drunk. She's only consumed a few glasses of wine the night she broke up with Cook. She just couldn't bare the way he took he, actually wished that he had blown up in her face and shouted at her demanding the reason why. She wasn't sure whether she felt worse purely because he still didn't know the real reason.

Maybe he was just a ticking bomb. He blow up at some point he had too, especially if that devastated expression was anything to go by.

Emily's face flashes behind her eyes again, it makes her lips twitch, they always react in the same way. Wanting to taste her mouth, feel her tongue slide around her own as she pins her body against her own.

She couldn't bare the thought that she might never be able to do that again. It would kill her, she _needed _Emily. Fucking _loved_ her for gods sake.

How could she tell Emily that now? Especially now she had so clearly chosen JJ.

Naomi looked around her empty bedroom, hating the vulnerable feeling she suddenly god. Hating not knowing what the future held for her, she's had it all planned out. Move in with Cook, become successful in her chosen career then when the time was right have kids and hope that he would propose to her.

Now her future seemed bleak and empty.

She glanced down at her pig shirt sitting idle in the box, she remembers the safe feeling she always got when she wore it. She always felt close to her dad and mum when she did.

"Fuck it" she mumbled as she grabbed it and threw it over her head. It wasn't as baggy as it use to be, even clung slightly around her waist and chest. She padded down the image on the front, looking in the mirror behind her smiling at the pigs happy form. They actually made a difference that day, they closed down the organisation when the police caught on that some of the experiments were actually illegal. It has been a good feeling when her dad came home with the new papers that night.

She walked over to her draws and began to fish all her clothes out and into a bag.

"Nai?" A voice sounds from behind her. She screams shooting round to come face to face with Effy's laughing form. Her hands resting on her stomach as she lolls her head back releashing a throaty laugh.

"Fucking hell Ef, do you mind?" she scowls.

"Oh my god, I'm not sure what's funnier. Watching you jump or that pig shirt?"

Naomi glances down, covering the image on her top with some of the underwear she has in her hands at the time. A blush falls upon her cheeks.

"Awww Naoms, its cute"

"Piss off" Naomi says with a smile as she plants the underwear in her hands in her bag. Effy skips over and flops herself down on the bed, watching Naomi as she packs.

She clears her throat "How are you feeling?"

Naomi knows a simple answer won't suffice for Effy right now. She wants to know how she's really feeling.

She stands up tall letting out a sigh "It all feels a bit surreal right now. I mean I was with him for two years, now suddenly he's gone and I actually really miss him"

"Figures. I would have been surprised if you didn't" She sits up on the bed "Do you still feel like you made the right decision?"

Naomi allows a weak smile to fall on her face "Yeah, its for the best. He deserves someone who loves him"

Effy nods "And Emily?"

Naomi tries to ignore the sharp pain in her chest at the sound of the girl's name. She just answers with a shrug of the shoulders; she knows that if she talks about the red head it will only open the flood gates. She needs to get strong again before she can explain how she really feels about her.

"Okay" Effy says standing up "I have a proposition for you?"

The blonde raises an eye brow "What?"

"Move in with me"

"What?"

"You heard me, move in with me?"

Naomi laughs "Why would I want to get in the way of your and Fr eddies shag fests?"

The brunette chuckles "We're not that bad. Plus he's not around all the time I barely see him during the week which is great but also boring. It would be nice to have some company?"

"You sure?"

"It's decided then" Effy says walking over to the window lighting a fag.

Naomi cant deny the excitement she gets when she actually starts to think deeply about the idea of moving in with her best friend. She cant deny that it wont be fun, they always managed to get themselves into the most bizarre and awkward situations. It was definetly going to be spontaneous and adventurous, just like it use to be with her dad.

She smiles and has a bounce in her step.

The futures finally starting to look slightly brighter.

;;

Living with Effy was actually surprisingly easy, they just work together. They take it in turns cooking for each other, washing up and loading and unloading the dishwasher. They sit together in the lounge in the evening when they are both exhausted from work and bitch about the bastards at work or the complete and utter idiots that Naomi deals with.

They sometimes share a bottle of vodka or Effy has a spliff while Naomi tries to get as far away from it as possible. Even finds herself standing outside the house in front of the living room window when Effy chases her with the spliff trying to get her to cave in. She won't, that one weekend was all she allowed herself with drugs. She couldn't loose her job as well as her previous life.

Two weeks passed by like a lightning bolt; the pain in her chest was still there only it had eased slightly as the days went by. Her alcohol consumption had increased, she wasn't surprised really, what did she expect when she was moving in with a walking brewery.

She hadn't heard a squeak from Emily, which was good and bad. It helped her to move on slightly, it was only her thoughts that made her fall down for a few moments before she dragged her ass back up. The bad part of it was it hurt like hell, her mind kept torturing her with images of Emily in a gorgeous white gown, her hair flowing down to her shoulders, her face holding the brightest smile as she walks down the isle and takes JJ's hand at the alter and all Naomi can do is watch and bite the inside of her cheeks.

The flashes of red she saw as she patrolled the streets of London were starting to drive her crazy, the way her heart beat would increase and her eyes move so fast she's surprised that hadn't ripped out of their sockets. Her mouth go dry as her mind tried to comprehend something to say to the red head that wasn't a lousy 'Hi hows you?'

"Fucking hell Nai get out of your head!" Effy says as she walks into the living room, throwing herself down beside the blonde, the spring in the sofa creak in distress "Its Friday night so were going out!"

Naomi groans "Eff I was just hoping for a quiet one tonight with my new girlfriend"

"What?"

Naomi retrieves something from down beside her on the floor "Effy meet Vodka, Vodka meet Effy" she says triumphantly.

"You're so fucking lame" the brunette says rolling her eyes.

"Rubbish am I, your just jealous because my partner doesn't answer me back, listens to everything I have to say AND makes me feel happy" Naomi argues, even goes as far as to stroke the bottle.

Effy laughs as she snatches the bottle taking a swig "We need to get you laid"

She shakes her head "Nope ive decided, no more sex for me it just complicates things"

"You telling me that if some hot chick or bloke came onto you tonight you wouldn't bring them back here and ride them silly?"

Naomi shakes her head "Nope" she squints her eyes "Are you telling me that you wouldn't?"

A smirk falls upon Effy's life "I just draw them in and let them see what they _could _be having. It drives them crazy because I'm just out of reach"

The blonde takes a swig "Your mean"

"I'm smart" she retorts

"Teach me?"

She knows she should be scared of the devilish grin that takes over the brunettes face, even the burn of the vodka as she takes a big swig doesn't stop the anxious butterflies that erupt in her stomach. She wants to be irresistible, flawless and tempting.

Doesn't reckon she's ready for anyone else to touch her just yet. Surely a bit of teasing won't hurt anyone?

;;

It's a couple of hours later and she's relatively drunk. Effy's slammed her in one of her tiny dresses claiming its her charm dress that always seems to pull in everyone's attention. Naomi cant help but feel slightly vulnerable, her boobs are higher and she's got more cleverage then she ever thought was possible. Katie would be proud she thinks as she tries to make her way across the living room of the house party they have managed to stumble across.

She see's eyes falling upon her skin, she can feel them because her hairs are reacting to each and every one of them. It makes a shiver run down her spine but she doesn't let it affect the way she's walking. She sways her hips making sure she puts each foot in front of the other in a perfect rhythm. As soon as she reaches the kitchen, which is actually quite a long walk in this mansion of a house, she see's Effys proud form.

"God I taught you well, even I wanted a piece just then"

Naomi takes the glass in Effy's out stretched hand giving her a wink before downing the contents, feeling the burn of the whiskey as it goes down her throat into her stomach.

"Fuck could have told me it was whisky"

The brunettes laugh "I thought the orange liquid would give that away. Not so elegant now!"

Naomi shakes her head patting her chest trying to allow the hot liquid to go down her chest. She looks around the kitchen seeing all the different kinds of alcohol spread across the kitchen sides, a smile spread across her face at the thought of all the dirty pints she will get to make tonight, She knows it wont take too much more before she's completely out of it.

She rushes over to the side grabbing two pint glasses, her hands poised either side of her as she tries to decide where to start.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Making us a dirty pint" She see's Effy lean back slightly "Don't you dare chicken out. I just walked through that lounge allowing myself to be everyone dirty fantasy so you can at least enjoy this drink with me"

Effy smirks "I never turn down a challenge"

Naomi begins, pouring all sorts of spirits into their glasses. Whisky, vodka, tequila and wine. Its only until she gets ¾ of the way that she decides it best to add a mixer, if not for their own sanity but for their livers lives.

"Who's house are we at anyway?"

"One of Tony's old friends, she use to come over a lot. Was a friend of Michelle"

"Tony's girlfriend Michelle?"

"Yeah"

Naomi hands Effy her pint smiling proudly. Effy takes in the slightly off putting coloured liquid in front of her. "What's in this?"

"A bit of everything. Now in three"

Effy continues to look at it "Don't look at it, don't think" she says the last part trying to ignore the way her belly does a flip when her mind replies the last two words in a husky voice instead.

The brunette looks at her determined before nodding.

They down their pints, Naomi wins.

;;

She dances in the middle of the living room on the makeshift dance floor with a group of people. Their all very touchy feely, even the girls and Naomi wonders whether Effy knew these people were like this. She loves the attention but she can't help but wish the girl in front of her was Emily. That her mousey blonde hair would go darker and that her far too skinny waist would transform into the curvy goddess that she just fucking loves and cant stop thinking about.

The girl moves in and brushes her lips against the blondes. Naomi scrunches her eyes shut and just tries to block the thoughts in the back of her mind that's trying to tell her that this is wrong because really its anything but wrong. She's single and trying to have a good time, so her mind and heart can just fuck off for a bit while herself and her liver have a good night.

Their lips crash back together, she pulls the girl closer and grinds her hips into hers as they dance to the beat of the music. She can hear a few wolf whistles around her but she chooses to ignore them.

It just doesn't make sense, why isn't this beautiful girl in front of her making her world turn upside down?

Maybe she isn't gay.

It's all confusing as fuck. She feels sick, hates the way she feels like she's betraying Emily because she was meant to be the only _girl _she got off with, touched and caressed.

Her head starts to spin so she removed her lips from the blondes and makes her apologises before making her way out of the living room. The rooms spinning so she grips the walls trying to keep herself vertical, her sexy suave has vanished as she stumbles out into the garden, thankful when she see's an abandoned packet of cigarette's laying on the garden table.

She snatches them and takes one out. Placing it on her lips before searching her pocketless dress for a lighter, knowing perfectly well that she hasn't got one.

As if god answers her prays a lit lighter appears in her eye. She chuckles before leaning forward with the fag, her eyes glued to the way the fag flickers and the tobacco in her fag begins to burn.

"You seem to be having a good night"

She's surprised she hasn't passed out just from hearing that voice. She turns her head with wide eyes, she's slightly nervous.

"Emily" she mumbles watching the red head clench her lips.

"That was quite a show in there" she spits, her voice dripping with venom. As she brings her own lit fag to her lips, taking a long puff. Naomi tries to keep her eyes away from the way her chest rises and falls or the way her eyes still have the same affect on her even after two weeks of being without them.

The composes herself, shaking herself away, trying to stop the alcohol from making her say anything stupid "Careful Emily, you almost sound jealous"

Naomi see's the way the words hit Emily, she flinches as takes a long breath through her nose. The happy butterflies erupt in her stomach just from having the girl so close to her, she fucking hates it because she just wants to shoved them back in their cage because she shouldn't feel happy about seeing her again. Seeing her flamed hair, her pale skin or flawless body and gorgeous eyes.

Fucking body and its involuntary reactions.

"Ive missed you" The red head whispers from beside her. It makes her heart break just that little bit more because she's had no idea what Naomi's been through these past few weeks. The fucking constant crying and feeling that nothing really matters anymore because she don't have any one to come home to and share her good new with, yeah she has Effy but when she's with Freddie its almost like she's putting salt in Naomi's wounds because he's always staring at her warily because he's trying to be loyal to his best friend.

"Don't Emily" Naomi says through clenched teeth. The tears are already stinging the backs of her eyes because she's actually been dying to hear something similar to that this whole time.

She steps forwards, she doesn't see her do it but she can hear her heels tap the concrete floor beneath them. She scrunches her eyes shut, trying to put a mantra in her mind that reminds her that having Emily this close will only complicate things more and the fucking fact that she is getting _married_.

"Naomi look at me" she pleads.

And Naomi gives her that one little thing. Only because if she doesn't open her eyes she's sure she'll fall over, her bodies swaying and she wishes she'd of know Emily was going to be here tonight because she wouldn't have drunk so much.

She stares into her brown orbs, see's them glazed over. Can see the fucking despair in them and she just doesn't under stand why because its Emily doing all this not her, she split up with her boyfriend didn't get engaged to him.

"I wish I could explain everything to you but you wouldn't understand. Things are complicated"

"I don't care what excuses you've got Emily" Naomi says, its not harsh but Naomi can still see the way Emily deflates.

A glass smashing in the kitchen brings Naomi out of her trance; she grabs Emily by the hand and begins to run down the garden. She loves the way Emily doesn't even hesitate in following her, doesn't question where their going or why they are going away from everyone else.

She fucking trusts her that's why.

Naomi brings them into a massive dark patch, carries on down the garden path wishing that their heels wouldn't make so much noise. She rounds the corner and goes behind a shed, once she's there she completely gives in. Her heart and mind are chanting another tune now, its encouragement and complete and utter desire.

She slams Emily back against the shed and smashes her lips against hers. Emily doesn't even hesitate to kiss back, wraps her hand up in the blondes hair drawing her closes. They massage their tongues together, gasping for air desperately clawing at each others bodies. It makes Naomi's heart hurt because she's got her so close yet she's still so fucking far away.

"Tell me you don't feel this" Naomi says as she pulls away, only for seconds later Emily growling at her and pulling her back in. course she fucking wants it, Naomi can already feel the increasing heat between her own legs just from the red head grabbing her bum and squeezing it.

It's the fucking need and pure desperation that turns her own the most. Like if they didn't do this right now then they would both undoubtedly be wet puddles on the floor.

She roughly palms the red heads breast in her hand, moaning into the kiss as Emily raises her knee in-between her thighs. Wonders if she can feel how wets she's already become.

"Yes" Her husky voice says through clenched teeth.

Naomi scratches down the red heads exposed back, her mind flashing with images of the red heads toned back. She hadn't gotten a change to see her in her dress properly. Her imagination would have to do for now.

"I'm going to make you feel it" she says, her hand going straight between Emily legs, feeling the hot moisture on her knickers. She grabs at them pulling them down slightly, she doesn't have the time nor the patients to pull them all the way down. She wants the red head to feel it, feel everything she's feeling, everything she wants her to feel.

She plummets her fingers deep inside the read head, hears the way she crushes her head backwards letting out a throaty moan. Naomi takes advantage of the exposed neck, kissing, licking and sucking. She cant get enough of the girls taste, cant help the way her own cunt gets wetter and wetter when she see's the slight glint of sweat on her fore head and chest.

Her fingers pump away; she can hear the liquid on the red heads pussy every time she pushes in harder and harder.

Emily's panting and saying her name. She knows the red head is making sure she's not too loud. Naomi didn't even think that JJ could be here tonight, knows it wouldn't go down too well if he found out that she was fucking his fiancé behind the shed. The risk of getting caught just spurs her on, she can feel Emily's cunt clenching around her fingers. She stokes her thumb across her clit loving the way it makes Emily whimper and hit the shed with her free fist.

She grabs Emily with her free hand, pulling her head back towards her crashing their lips together as she starts to grin against the red head. She wants to be close to her when she comes, need Emily to feel her close. Wants her to look into her eyes and just see how much she fucking loves her, how much she's been in absolute hell this past week.

"Naomi, fuck, I'm sorry, urgh god I'm close"

She presses harder on the girl's clit, curling her fingers deep inside her. She knows Emily likes it that way, especially if the way she's scratching all the way down her back is anything to go by. She makes her movement all the more exaggerated and feels the way her pussy clamps around her fingers one more time and Emily screams out her name.

She smiles as she rubs her through her orgasm.

She kisses the red head on the lips before removing her hands and taking a few steps back. Is so fucking turned on by the panting red head with her skirt lifted slightly too high, her body covered in a sheen of sweat.

Emily knows what she's doing, Naomi can see the sad realisation in her eyes.

She made her point.

She definitely felt it.

**Review?**


	12. Chapter 12

**I come baring a gift! A very long gift, one that I hope you will enjoy.**

**Thank you to everyone that has reviewed, alerted and favourite this fic. Seriously I never thought this would actually turn into a story, it was just meant to be a drunk one-shot. Its funny really. Also thank you to everyone that said good luck for my exam, I passed thank god! It was such a relief you have no idea! So snogs to you all!**

**Introducing two new characters, one being my favourite from the first gen, the other actually rather annoyed me but I needed a connection for my fav to be included….if that makes sense lol**

**WARNING: It does get rather sexual….have spare knickers at the ready.**

**I'm thinking about doing an Emily POV chapter? What do you guys think about that? Yes, no? maybe? Don't care? Lol Let me know, if I can enough people that want me to then I will. Think we need to get inside her head a little, find out why she's reluctant to get with our Naoms officially.**

**Plus I think we need a bit more from Jack….i actually kind of like him.**

**Twitter: Emz3009 – come over and join the fun chats. We're just one big happy family!**

**This is part of my wifey duties to Vangoghgurrl**

**I say fuck a lot…**

Feel It Chapter 12

It's surprising how much time can pass when you're trying to get over someone. Trying to make something of your life. Trying to become the small little girl on her father's shoulders screaming at the naughty people for doing wrong to the animals.

That's who she was, that's who she wanted to be.

Not the girl that allowed herself to be protected by a man. Not the girl that fell into the cliché lifestyle.

It's surprising how much your life can change after only a few months. Just one fucking glance into Emily fucking Fitch's eyes and that was all it took. She no longer had a loving boyfriend, a place she could truly call her home, friends that she could speak to about everything and anything or the days where she didn't feel completely guilty that it crippled her making even the smallest of tasks unbearable.

What did she have now?

A pull-out sofa bed in her best friend's unused room of her soon-to-be divorced parent's house.

It was rather fitting of her life at the moment. The devastation, despair and just utter brokenness that this house now represented, it just kinder fitted that Effy should ask her to stay. She could keep the emptiness company, yeah, she would be perfect company for it right now.

Naomi lets out a sigh as she takes a puff from her cigarette whilst perched on the edge of a hideous green garden bench plonked in the centre of Effy's garden. She looked around the garden noticing that almost every ornament stuck out like a sore thumb. A statue of a Buddha was sat on top of the garden wall that separated the wooden decking from the lawn, it was smiling at her, laughing. It always made her feel uncomfortable, wondered why Effy never found the time to move it, knew that in reality Effy probably liked the odd looking man. Wanted him to be sat their judging her.

She takes another drag, feeling the fag shake as it makes its way to her lips. She retracts her hands and stares at her long slender fingers, sees them trembling and knows it's not because of the cold.

It's the anxious feeling she's had since her life completely changed, since she left her home for the final time last week. It got worse when she saw Emily and fucked her up against the strangers shed.

She shakes her head.

Maybe that wasn't the right thing to do, maybe she should have thought about it first and shown her another way to 'feel it'. It hadn't deterred Emily, in fact, Naomi's sure it's made her worse. Emily texts asking for her almost every other day, and of course, Naomi goes to her. Fucks her where ever she is, does it so hard that the red head doesn't even have to ask her to go harder because she knows exactly how she likes it. Knows every spot that needs to be touch and when exactly to do it so it drives the girl crazy.

She's a drug to the blonde, one that she's fucking addicted to which makes it hard for her to see sense. She knows she shouldn't go, shouldn't give in so easily. Should demand that Emily dump JJ if she ever wants to feel her 'magic' fingers again, but she can't.

There are too many what ifs. That's what her life has been ever since her dad left. One big fucking what if.

Could she handle being the red heads dirty little secret?

It's an easy question with an easy answer had the opposing question not have been:

Could she handle not having the red head in her life at all?

Reminds her of her father, what he always use to say to her when she got greedy.

"_Now nai, you can't have both, its either one or the other" _

Fucking fair logic.

She wants to be that little girl again, the one with her life ahead of her. The optimism that use to flow out of her with every sentence she said. Not the cynical woman she's become, the one that almost instantly sees the worst in people, the one that makes assumptions before she's even had a conversation.

"Stop thinking" Effys form says leaning up against the kitchen door that leads out into the garden.

Naomi smiles, she become quite accustomed to Effys mysterious behaviour. The way she can saunter in and out of a room without even making a noise "Can't help it. Got too much time on my hands"

Effy nods agreeing as she walks over to the weirdly positioned bench. Swaying her arms either side of her "Suppose you would. No longer having a boyfriend n' all"

She plonks herself down next to the nodding blonde.

Effy holds out her fingers indicating for Naomi to place the almost finished cigarette in her hands. Naomi does, hating the fact that her hands are now free to fidget.

The brunette takes a deep breath closing her eyes. Naomi watches her, sees the way she just seems so at ease with everything, even when her and Freddie were going through the roughest patch ever she always seemed just so, calm. Naomi wishes she could be like that.

"Although" Effy begins with her eyes still closed "you wouldn't have thought it with your little affair you have going on"

"It's not an affair" Naomi argues.

She doesn't need to know that Naomi's become accustomed to calling it an affair.

"It will be soon"

The punch line causes Naomi to gulp. She knows Effy didn't say it nastily or had the intention to hurt her. She wanted to make her point, to voice a question in her own fucked up way, a question that's been playing on the blondes mind ever since she left Cook and carried on fucking Emily.

How long can this last for?

"I know" she weakly replies.

The silence fills the air; all Naomi can hear is the passing traffic on the road out front and the quiet calls of the retreating birds as they fly back to their nests before sun fall. The sky has a beautiful orange glow illuminating the house making it look warm and inviting. She wants to watch it for a bit longer before she allows the cold to win and make her retreat back into the house.

Effy senses the blondes helplessness and pulls her hand out from her baggy hoody, wrapping her long slender fingers around the blondes, squeezing her hand in a gesture trying to relay a message that says _'_I'm_ here for you'_ and _'I'm sorry for reminding you but you know your times running out'_

"How was work today?" Effy asks completely changing the subject and to stop the increasing anxious atmosphere.

Naomi laughs "Like it always is. Unexpected and boring"

"How do those two words even go together?"

"You of all people should know that they can"

"touché"

They both laugh.

"I like this version of Naomi" Effy says taking the last drag of the cigarette before chucking it to the ground.

Naomi furrows her brows in confusion "What version?"

"The fearless version"

"I'm not fearless"

Effy smirks and Naomi takes in a deep breath.

"Not yet, but you will be. I can already see her" Effy turns and begins walking away allowing her words to sink into the blondes mind "It's been a long day, wine is definitely on the agenda" she says and Naomi watches the brunette get swallowed by the house.

She sees the finished fag still burning on the grass floor, tries to prevent her pathetic mind from picturing herself in the same position, used and abused by one Emily fucking Fitch. She releases the breath she was holding shaking her head making sure she stamps to fag completely out as she makes her way back inside the house

;;

Two more weeks pass. Two whole weeks and they don't even seem to drag. She knows why, because she's thrown herself into her work. She does ridiculous shifts, even sometimes overtime then goes to her locker exhausted removing her uniform, stopping halfway through when she notices a text from the red head, her heart speeds up and all her hairs stand on edge. Her thumb hovers over the read button, her mind swirling with thousands of reasons as to why the red head has text so late.

There's always one that makes her feel sick.

The one that says it's over.

Hates how pathetic it makes her.

She clenches her eyes and allows her shaking thumb to open the message. She sighs in relief when she reads the message. It's the usual.

_Meet me at the premier hotel at 10:30. Feel free to stay in your uniform officer; p Exx_

It's enough to cause the heat between her thighs to increase.

Emily fucking Fitch.

;;

She pins the red head up against the hotel room door, the force of the impact causing the door to slam shut. She doesn't even have time to scope out the room, work out the layout so that she can use everything there to her benefit.

Everything's making her feel alive. The red heads scent, the way she pants and moans from every touch. The way her tongue feels as its caresses her bottom lips, the way her teeth dig into her neck as she finds a particular juicy bit. The ways her hands roam every uncovered bit of skin and how they tingle wanting to feel more.

Fuck she's a drug, one that Naomi knows she needs to stop.

_Don't think, don't think, don't think._

She pulls the red heads knickers down, sees the lacy black material of the girls thong. Instantly wishes she didn't remove them now, wishes she had hoisted up the girls dress, turned her around and admired the perky little ass on view. Instead she smirks at the red head, already noticing the way she breathing heavily with a slight coating of sweat on her forehead and chest. See's the way her cleverage is nicely put on show, wonders if Emily planned her outfit tonight.

She pulls the girls top down, grabbing at her bra as well. Smiles and feels her cunt scream when she sees the perky nipple of the red heads tit. She takes it in her mouth, biting and licking it. Emily tilts her head back, scratching at the fabric of Naomi's police shirt that is covering her back.

Emily wishes it wasn't there but can't help but feel turned on every time she sees the girl in her commanding uniform.

"You taste so good" Naomi hisses as she kisses up the girl's chest, past her shoulder blades and onto her bare neck.

"I can think of something that will probably taste better" Emily moans as Naomi enters her with one finger. She lifts one of her legs wrapping it around the blonde's waist; Naomi takes her free hand and wraps it around the raised leg helping support it so Emily can focus all her attention on her working fingers.

Naomi kisses at her neck, thrusting her hips in sync with her fingers.

"I want to make sure your wet enough for me to taste"

Naomi sure that Emily couldn't have growled any more even if she tried, the sight itself was fucking sexy. It made everything in her body come alive, every fucking nerve sat idle upon her skin, each and every one of them needed to feel the hot sweaty skin of the panting red head in front of her.

Her body just _begged_ to be touched by the red head, _needed _to be touched by her. Even if it was just through a simple caress. She'd allowed herself to fall, fall so fucking far and so fucking hard.

Was this love then? Is this what it did to you? Is it supposed to make you crazy?

_Don't think, don't think, don't think, don't think._

_Just fuck her._

She removed her hand from between the girl's legs, grabbing at her ass hoisting her up, glad when the red head got the jest of her actions and wrapped her legs around the blondes waist. Naomi could feel her trousers getting soaked from Emily's wet centre. It made her tongue tingle, it was ready, ready to taste pure Emily.

She threw the girl down on the hotel bed, its cliché white sheets were a complete contrast to Emily's brave red hair.

If only Emily could match her hair.

The thought only lasts for a moment, its vanishes along with the guilt and worry. It had to, especially since Emily is laid across the bed resting her weight on her bent arms as she holds herself in such a position that allows Naomi to see all of her. Everything. She can see the wet glint of her juices, she licks her lips feeling her own pussy twitch.

Emily eyes are glistened, they look evil. Her lips are holding a smirk because they can see the effect her body is having on the blonde.

Naomi wants to wipe that smirk off her lips.

Make her become mercy to her fingers and tongue.

Even if it is in this dingy hotel room, the walls shielding this affair away from the world creating a bubble for them, away from prying eyes, away from Emily's fiancés eyes.

She moves slowly, knows how much the red head just wants her to dive in, but she won't. Wants her to feel every step she takes, feel every breath she takes.

Emily's eyes rake up her body until they focus on her eyes. She wants to say the three little words that are sitting just on the edge of her lips. She won't though, knows she won't. It would change everything. Make everything worse.

_I wish I could hate you Emily Fitch._

She gets down onto her knees and caresses the red heads inner thigh, sees the red head close her eyes and tilt her head back at the sensation.

_I'm going to make love to you Emily Fitch._

Her mind says.

"I'm going to fuck you Emily Fitch"

Her lips say.

She ignores the way her heart hurts.

;;

Naomi comes through the front door, her foot instinctively coming out to shut the door behind her. Her tired limbs begin to carry her through the house, her mind instantly set on the one task that will help her make it through the evening. Her feet begin to take the few steps towards the kitchen when they falter making her slightly stumbled.

The sound of unfamiliar voices waft into her ears; She cranes her neck trying to eavesdrop more into the conversation but fails miserably. She surrenders and makes her way into the living room, her tired limbs arguing with the added bit of journey.

"Naomi!" Effy's drunken form greets her. She stumbles over to the blonde wrapping her arms around Naomi's neck trying to keep herself balanced "Your home just in time!"

She would laugh if she had the energy. She wraps her arm around the drunken brunette trying to keep her up right as her eyes wander trying to seek out the culprits of the unfamiliar voices. Her eyes rest upon a slightly familiar form, not because they've ever met before but because he holds the same characteristics as the girl swaying in her arms. He's a slim built boy, short smartly cut hair, in a suit with a tie, His legs crossed in a manly manner and a classic stonem smirk held upon his lips.

Tony Stonem, Naomi thinks as her mind replays all the stories Effy has drunkenly told her since she moved in. He's a very interesting boy to hear about.

"You must be Naomi" He says, standing making his way over to her with an extended hand. She takes it willingly, looking into his eyes noticing he holds the same mysterious glint that Effy does. It's that same 'give a fuck' attitude that just seems to spill from both the Stonems and they don't even try to put it on.

Maybe that's the attitude Naomi should try and use. The 'I don't give a fuck if Emily texts me or not' or 'I don't give a fuck if Emily marries JJ or not'

It would be a good way to be, Emily wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore, even if she was doing it unintentionally.

"I'm Chris!" Another boys suddenly says from just in front of her but off to the side. Naomi's eyes widen as she tries to take in his outrageous clothes, a bright yellow top with black writing and green jeans with bright orange trainers. Its goes against every rule of colours, it brilliant Naomi notes as she takes his out stretched hand firmly. She smiles as she spies his messy brown hair and slightly chapped lips, the way his shoulders seem slightly tensed causing him to look like he has no neck.

"Its nice to meet you" Naomi politely reponds, feeling slightly stupid because of course she said something typical in these kind of exchanges. Not something the 'give a fuck' self would say.

Effy loses her balance slightly going into her, Naomi grabs her laughing.

Tony looks at his younger sister fondly "She used to be able to handle her alcohol better when she was younger" He jokes.

"Fuck you Tone" she spits playfully.

"And she use to talk less" Naomi adds finding the odd banter between her and the older Stonem to be fun and free. All the stress from the past three weeks just seems to leave her as they all begin to tease each other, mainly Effy, but it's a change from Effy being the intuitive one and making all the punch lines that just seem to spin the blondes world around.

She sits in the chair opposite Effy but beside Chris; She didn't realise that it was possible to get on with two people after only knowing them for less than an hour. Effy did say that they were all really friendly when they let people in, looks like they didn't even question allowing her into their small friendship.

"So I use to play a prank on our dad while Effy snuck back into the house. It was all fucking brilliant and he was always such a useless prick he didn't realise that I did the same thing to him almost every morning" Tony laughed shaking his head.

They both clearly got their mysteriousness and intuitiveness from their mother because by the sounds of it their father was a useless prick Naomi thinks.

Chris laughs along, Naomi almost can't see him through the cloud of smoke hovering over him from his lit fag "He was an alright geeza" he said pointing with his fag "Me and him use to chat about the footy sometimes. That's about all we had in common"

"I miss though days" Effy says, Naomi's sure she can see the slight glint of sadness in her eyes. She's never really sat down and thought about how their parent's divorce must really be affecting the brunette, always presumed that it was Freddie's job to be the listener rather than herself.

Naomi takes in the way Tony glances at Chris after Effy's admission; can feel her police mind begin to work when she can see the silent conversation they are having with their eyes. He wants to say something, something that may be taken okay or not. As if right on que he speaks and Naomi's thoughts are answered.

He shuffled forward so he's perched on the edge of the chair causing his trousers to rise up resulting in ankle swingers. He's wearing odd socks, clearly not as suave as Naomi first thought.

"Well there's actually a reason we came back. See I know I've been gone a long time sis but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me moving back in?" he holds a sideways smile. Naomi can see why he has an effect on the ladies.

Effy looks at him "Tone, this is your home too. You don't need to ask. There's plenty of room for us all" Effy makes a point of looking at Naomi, she knows it's to say that she isn't going to be thrown out just because her brother has suddenly turned up. Naomi knows Effy isn't like that.

"Can I stay too?" Chris suddenly asks and Naomi can't help but laugh at the cheeky look on his face. How can you say no to that?

"Sure" she and Effy both say at the same time.

And that's how their unconventional relationship begun.

;;

"Chris you fucking feet stink!" Naomi shrieks as he puts one of his feet just that little bit too close to her face.

He looks confused for a second, bringing his foot to his own nose. Naomi waits for the confirmation from him "Yeah okay, that is pretty bad" he laughs.

It had been a week since Chris and Tony had moved in, Naomi was surprised at how well she adapted to the new housemates. Didn't realise how lonely she was until suddenly she was surrounded by all these new people that she just got on with so well.

She was surprised at how quickly them being there was making this house feel more like home.

It reminded her of the phase her mother went through when she was 16; allowing all the strays of London in their home for weeks and weeks without lifting a finger towards the rent.

Chris reminded her of the naked man with the tap cassette strapped to his waist; she's had the unfortunate experiences of watching him make his way to the bathroom with the most hungover expression ever. The funniest bit was the raging hard on his was experiencing at that point due to the Viagra he had taken the night before, apparently the pills also make you hyper and he'd run out of anything else to take.

That's what she loved about him, his carefree nature. It reminded her of Cook.

Her heart sunk at the thought. She hadn't heard from Cook since she had left, wonders what he's doing and what he's up to. Isnt sure whether she should call him and see how he is or leave him to get in contact with her.

Fuck it. The new 'give a fuck' Naomi doesn't care. He can get in contact with her.

A sensation in her pocket interrupts her. She reaches for the offending object pulling out her phone. Her heart begins to thump away in her chest and her mouth goes dry when she spies who the message is from. Emily.

Her mind instantly sends a picture of Emily behind her eyes; she's wearing an anxious expression with a few bangles of hair just slightly covering one of her eyes. She looks adorable, Naomi notes, and she wishes that the red head was sat right in front of her so she could remove the rebelling bangles and look deeply into her beautiful brown eyes. Try and get the courage she needs just to tell the girl how she really feels.

She lets out a sigh and opens the message.

_I'm thinking about you Ex_

It's barely a sentence but its enough to make her stomach flip and the hairs on the back of her neck stand tall. Enough for her hand to tighten on the phone and her legs begin to tingle. Hates the affect the girl has on her. She doesn't even notice the shit eating grin that's spread across her face; not until Chris question it.

"Wow, I don't think ive seen you smile that bright since we've been here. Who is it?"

Naomi suddenly feels vulnerable and hides the phone out of show.

"Oh come on don't be like that" He says lighting a fag between his lips and carried on talking with it there "I'm the last person to judge"

She knows he's talking the truth; he's the least judgemental person she knows. Thinks that's probably why he's grown on her so much from just a small amount of time. She goes to reply but Effy's entering form beats her too it.

"She's fucking her ex-boyfriends best mates fiancée"

B.I.T.C.H

Naomi turns slightly from her position on the floor leaning up against the couch Chris is sprawled across. Sees him wearing a glazed expression as he tries to work out who it must be, sees the light go off on his head "Whooooaaaa, that's impressive babe"

"I'm not proud of it" she says turning back around holding the phone back up to her eyes.

"I bloody would be" he states through a puff of smoke.

Effy laughs as she retrieves what she came into the front room for "That's because you're a cock"

He laughs "You got a picture of her?"

Naomi suddenly perks up at this because no she hasn't. That's something she should actually think about getting, that way she can reply all the images she has in her head with a bit of persuasion from glancing at her beautiful image.

"Here" Effy says handing him her mobile. Naomi eyes try to see the image before she hands it to him; all she can see is red.

He squints trying to see the image "Nice. Oh and she's a twin!"

Naomi laughs at his typical boyish reaction.

"Is her twin single?"

She nods.

"Cool, what's she like?" He asks, Naomi turns in her seated position. Catches Effy's smirking face as she turns before looking at Chris's excited expression.

She thinks for a solid minute. At first she was going to say something mean but really, Katie hasn't done anything really wrong to her. Finally a sentence she thinks would completely sum her up comes into her mind.

"Katie's the type of girl that would fuck you, then steal your last fag and you'd love her for it"

Chris leans back resting his head on the arm rest of the sofa; he seemed pleased with her description.

It matched Katie completely.

Her phone vibrated again. She looked at it confused, she hadn't even replied yet. Excitement fills her again when she sees the sender.

_I want to feel you inside me Ex_

It made her cunt twitch, her body fill with desire. She licked her lips already desperate to taste her.

She stands up abruptly startling Chris.

"Right I'm off"

"Haha, enjoy" He yells after her retreating form.

;;

Naomi's surprised when Emily texts her informing her to meet her at her flat. Usually they tend to stay away from each other's places of abode; keeps this whole affair thing separate to their every day lives. She's slightly anxious but also excited at the prospect of it being dirty and completely wrong.

She gets to the front door and knocks. Only has to wait a few moments before the doors flung open to reveal her red headed goddess.

"Naomi" just the way her husky voice says her name is enough for her to quiver in pleasure. She quickly moves forward owning the red heads lips; hears the girl moan into the kiss as she pushes her up against the wall, kicking the front door closed behind her.

They wrestle with each others lips, from every kiss, suck and lick Naomi can feel her centre getting wetter and wetter. The fabric of her knickers sticking to her pussy.

Two hands push at her shoulders breaking them apart "Someone's pleased to see me" Emily teases.

"Always" she murmurs bringing their lips back together before being pushed back again. She groans and Emily slips away from between her and the wall.

She sees the playful smirk on the girls lips, it turns her on, sees the girl walking away backwards "I'm not that easy Campbell"

Oh so she wants to play this game?

"You don't want me to fuck you?"

Naomi see's the way her eyes go black, the pure desire that erupts through the red heads body, the smile doesn't falter "No, I want to fuck you"

She groans at the retreating girl "Come here then"

Emily shakes her head taking steps backwards before she's walked through the threshold into the kitchen, stopping just before the table "I want to fuck you in here, right on top of this table, so when I'm next bored cooking I can imagine your panting hot wet body being their"

She gulps feeling her body tremble, her fingers twitching wanting to feel the girls skin beneath them. Just the thought of Emily fucking her on that table is enough for her to come, knows it will only take one hard brush against her clit for her to fall over the edge. Instead she tries to compose herself; taking a step forward.

Naomi raises an eyebrow challengingly as she slowly and seductively begins to remove her outer layers before a thought comes into her head "I hate to kill the mood but…..where's your fiancée?"

The red head doesn't even waver before answering "He's away for the night. Now come here"

She doesn't need to be told twice. She closes the gap between them, letting out an involuntary moan when she feels the red heads soft lips against hers. She discards her coat on the floor and starts trying to unbutton her shirt, she allows it to hang loosely as her hands are drawn to the curves of Emily's body. She's sure she can feel her harden nipples brushing against her bra clad body. She pulls away glancing down just noticing how thin the fabric to Emily's top is, to a point where she can see the beautiful outline of the girls breasts and nipples.

She just stands there gawping for a few minutes as Emily undoes her flies "You're not wearing a bra" she states dumbly.

Emily smirks "No, I'm not" she says grabbing the girls waist and turning her round so she's got her back to the table. She leans forward kissing Naomi hard, putting all her weight into the kiss so Naomi leans back lifting her legs up wrapping them around the petite girl. She uses her hands to push her onto the table, the hard wood coming into contact with the skin on show because of her raised open shirt. It's cold and makes her skin tingle but it's a fucking welcoming sensation, just makes her centre seem all the more hot.

She groans when she feels Emily's hips rock into her centre, just the feeling of the fabric of her jeans on her cunt sends jolts of electricity through her body. She loves this feeling, feels it every time they fuck. She's fucking alive and doesn't want this to ever stop.

"These need to go" Emily growls into her neck as she furiously tries to remove the girl's trousers. She pulls them down with both hands, Naomi hates the lack of contact because of this tedious task, sees her arm flinging forward grabbing the fabric of Emily's shirt bringing her back to her begging lips but Emily hesitates, her playful smirk back "Not so easy Campbell"

"You're killing me" she moans, shifting herself onto the table more securely, her legs wide open showing off her damp knickers. Emily licks her lips as she takes a few steps back, her eyes not leaving the blondes as her hands roam around in a bag perched on the edge of the kitchen side "What's in the bag little girl?" Naomi teases.

"My little bag of tricks" Naomi raises an eyebrow at Emily's admission "Don't worry, you're the first person to be introduced to it"

It's nice, Naomi notes, the feeling that floods her knowing that she isn't about to experience something others have. This is just for her, all her.

Emily's eyes, if possible, darken even more and Naomi's sure it's because she's found what her hands were looking for. She doesn't say a word; Naomi can feel her thighs shaking at the suspense until she sees what the red head was searching for.

A long ribbed purple dildo.

Her breathing quickens as her mind imagines the sensation of it deep inside her. Her cunt craves it.

Emily takes slow long agonising steps back towards the blonde with her fingers playing idly with the toy. Naomi's eyes rake over the girl's body, the way her hips sway and her tits bounce. The light is just perfect in this room because its produces shadow's outlining her perky boobs. She licks her lips wanting them in her mouth, knows what her next move is.

Once the red head is close enough she grabs her shirt, her body completely overcome with pure desire as she rips the buttons open. Emily gasps at the sudden force but bites her lips and tilts her head back when she feels the blondes hands covering her hard nipples "mmmmm" she moans.

Naomi uses her stomach muscles to raise her back up, her lips instantly taking one of the porcelain skinned girls nipples in her mouth. Her tongue teasing it, swirling circles around it. She brings the girl closer to her, her pussy craving to be touched, feel's the red heads hand ghostly touch it. It fucking drives her mad.

Emily grabs at the blondes moist knickers, pulling them down her legs, stepping out from between her thighs so she can completely remove them. She sees Naomi's wetness glinting in the light, its fucking hot and sexy.

The blondes looks at the red head panting, those three fucking words at the tip of her tongue again.

She forces them back down of course.

They just stare into each others eyes. Naomi can see how far they have come, yet how far they haven't come. How far they could go if Emily would just be brave, as brave as she is in the bedroom….or kitchen….or club toilets.

"You're beautiful" Emily says and it just sounds so fucking sincere that it actually fucking hurts the blonde because its got that tragic tone to it and Naomi knows theres not anything she can do to stop it. She smiles and bites her lip, she's not going to think as per usual and take on that wanted 'give a fuck' persona.

"Fuck me Emily fucking Fitch"

And she does.

Naomi is pushed back down on the table, she doesn't even feel the impact because Emily's tongue is licking her just how she likes it, creating circles around her clit that is just making her body go into a spasm. She's moaning so loud and clawing at the wooden table, Emily's being hard but gentle at the same time, it's so fucking hot and its making her go crazy.

She enters her with one finger, Naomi arches her back, feels the red head curl her finger as her tongue continues to lick her wet folds. She grabs her own tit, roughly massaging it. Feels another finger enter before their pumping in and out of her.

Shit, she knows it won't take long, this whole scenario of her being fucked on the kitchen table where Emily play's happy fiancée is enough to turn her on. Feels like she's rubbing it in JJ's face. Fuck him, take this bitch.

"Are you ready?" Emily says and Naomi only then realises that she's raised herself so she's straddling the blonde, her face is only millimetres away and Naomi can smell her juices all over the red heads mouth. She wraps her arm around the girl, bringing her down for a passionate kiss, when she pulls back and starts to lick her own juices off of the red heads lips. Emily bites her lips as she raises her hand, her two fingers extended that she used to pleasure Naomi, she puts them in the blonde's mouth watching her lick them clean as well.

They pant at each other before Emily begins to descend again, placing kisses all over the blondes face, neck, chest and stomach before picking up the dildo and stroking it against the blonde's clit. The sensation of the hard toy is putting just enough force on her folds, she's sure it's not possible for her to be any wetter.

Emily gives her one final lick before plunging the dildo deep inside her. She moans out loud her hand flinging down towards her cunt grabbing at the red heads hair "Fuck me"

She moves her hips in time to the thrusting of the dildo. Her body becoming so fucking alive she can feel every flick and lick from the red heads tongue even with the big dildo pumping away inside of her "Emily, fuck"

"You're so fucking wet" she responds.

Naomi can't think of herself being any other way.

"Harder" she moans so turned on that she needs the dildo to be forced inside her harder. She arches her back again as a particular wave of desire flows through her body. Emily's free hand wracks up her body, her nails scratching down the length of Naomi's torso before she gets to her cunt. Naomi knows there's a very red raw mark on her stomach, a fucking sex wound that's going to remind her of this erotic fuck for days.

"mmm fuck, Emily" she moans as she feels herself becoming closer and closer. She knows she's only a few flicks away, can feel her legs shaking and her heart thumping away in her chest.

The three words are back on the edge of her lips but she swallows them back down.

Emily licks her clit again as she thrusts the dildo in one final time.

She doesn't fall over the edge she fucking runs and dives over the edge. Naomi moans out, she's never felt an orgasm as fucking powerful as this. She feels as if she's fucking hovering yet falling at the same time. Her pussy is clamping around the dildo as her hips ride it out.

She falls back against the table; her hand comes up to wipe the sweat and few strands of hair that are stuck to her forehead. Emily comes up, removing the dildo letting it lie on the table. She kisses her entire journey.

"You. Are. Fucking. Sexy. When. You. Scream" she says between kisses.

;;

It's later when they've fucked in every room of the house and are wrapped up in Emily's bed sheets that her mind finally starts to wonder. Her arms are protectively wrapped around the sleeping red head; she knows that there is a potential threat that this could be the last time she has Emily in her arms. She has no idea what tomorrow will bring.

She actually wishes she could talk to Effy or even fucking Chris for that matter. Anything to stop her mind from racing and her heart from breaking out of her chest.

A hand raise's from her chest removing some stray hairs, her heart stops when she hears the husky voice "You okay babe?"

"Yeah" she lies. Emily suddenly looks guilty; the brownness to her eyes having returned after Naomi had returned the favour on the stairs. The moonlight is shining through the open window, illuminating her beautiful scarlet hair in such a way that her skin looks even paler in the light. She looks stunning "You're beautiful" she says kissing the red heads forehead.

A lone tear falls from the red heads eye; Naomi swats it away with her thumb.

"I wish things had happened differently Naoms; I wish I'd met you sooner" the desperation in her voice is enough to make the blonde just completely melt. Fuck, there's so much more she doesn't know.

And she's not sure she wants to know. Its just all so fucking tragic, as is her life.

;;

Later that night when Emily's fast asleep she takes a picture of herself and the sleeping beauty in her arms remembering the conversation earlier in the day when Chris asked her if she had one. She wasn't going to show this, it was hers and hers only.

She dropped her phone and arm onto the bed letting out a sigh.

Her heart hurt.

"I love you" she whispered to the ceiling.

;;

Naomi runs to the parked car a few metres away from the station gates. She quickly opens the driver's door and does some weird kind of gone wrong 007 entrance.

"Now THAT was special" Effy says through her hysterics.

Naomi scowls at her "Piss off knob-head"

"How long does it take to get your warrant card?" Effy says once she's finished and Naomi has pulled away from the side of the curb.

"I couldn't remember where I left it"

"Nice to know your one of the people protecting our capital"

"I'm still human Ef, I'm not a machine"

Effy raises an eyebrow "Tell yourself that"

"What?"

"Well, you've been working none stop lately"

Naomi sighs "It keeps me busy"

"Is it even possible for you to work anymore?" Effy asks.

The blonde laughs as she takes a left at the junction "Yeah"

"Good" Effy says as she begins to shuffled through her bag "Because you might need to"

Naomi comes to a stop at the traffic lights "What? Why?"

Effy shoots back up from her crammed hunting position, her hair waves in front of her face from every breath she takes "Because we received this today"

Naomi takes in the white envelope perched at the end of the brunettes hand. She looks at Effy confused; maybe it was a letter from the government? Or a letter from her dad? Her heart sped up. She snatched the envelop, quickly glancing at the traffic lights before pulling out a laminated bit of paper.

_INVITATION _

_To the wedding of_

_Jeremiah Jones and Emily Fitch_

_On June 24__th__ 2011_

Naomi's eyes fall upon the picture of the apparent happy couple on the bottom. Her stomach drops, her heart stops and her world ends.

Fuck.

Cunt.

Shit.

**Gulp. Review? **


	13. Chapter 13

**So slap me sideways I'm truly sorry that this has taken me so long to write and even then It isn't much HOWEVER it does explain a few things.**

**I've had a bit of a hectic few weeks, work have up my hours so I'm working like crazy and then I went through the worst fucking patch with my girlfriend **_**ever**_** and I really thought we weren't going to come out the other end together but thankfully we did. Just makes me treasure all the small moments all the more **

**So yeah im really sorry; id rather not have experienced these past few weeks and of updated every day, really. **

**In the great words of Naomi Campbell why cant things ever be simple?**

**It's not much but at least its something, I'm just trying to get back into the swing of things. Here's Emily POV part 1…Enjoy **

**All mistakes are mine because im useless.**

It's when she watches the bright coloured red hair dye wash around the bath before plummeting through the drain that she really believes she's completely changed. Its almost like dying her hair the brighter shade of red is signalling something in her life; a drastic change like she's finally putting her middle finger up to the world – only she isn't, not really.

It's a subtle change and probably one that no one else will really take into consideration, but for her its massive, it makes her stand out fully from Katie. She's the twin that's daring, going against the norm of hair colours.

The feeling of annoyance fills her when her first thought when looking into the mirror and seeing the difference in colour even with her hair wet is 'I hope Naomi will like it'

There not even together, no matter how much her heart tries to argue ways in which they technically are and her mind tries to conjure up logic to explain that they are in a type of affair but the one main piece of evidence that her eyes fall upon is the ring that's resting on her engagement finger. The one that bounds her to someone else, that someone not being Naomi but her long term boyfriend JJ.

She should be happy, ecstatic that the man she's been with for about two years has asked her to be his wife, the love and to cherish him until death do them apart, only she says that line with a gag and as if she's being forced to say it.

Fuck. How does she even expect to say 'I fucking do'?

"Jesus you've been fucking ages in here – what the fuck have you done to your hair?"

She can't help the way her lips twitch into a smirk when she see's her sisters shocked expression. That's the reaction she was hoping for.

She shrugs her shoulders "Fancied a change"

"A fucking change? Your hairs bright red!"

"Fuck sake Katie its just a hair colour, it's not like I've just gotten my nose pieced or a tattoo across my face" she huffs, folding her arms across her chest. The adrenaline she got from the hair dye draining through her toes with every look of disgust she gets from Katie. Maybe this isn't change.

;;

"Your hair looks nice" Naomi comments as she shifts around in the bed fumbling with the covers to keep her breasts covered, which Emily finds ridiculous because it was only about half an hour ago that she had them between her lips.

She smiles watching Naomi open the window beside the bed, her heart thumping as she watches the way her muscles clench as she pulls down the handle "Thanks, you're the first person to really say that"

"What that your hairs nice?" Naomi frowns as she lights a cigarette.

"No, that _you _think it's nice. I think everyone else has just been polite about it"

Naomi just smiles her perfect fucking infectious smile that just makes her cunt ache all over again because its just so utterly her that she just wishes she didn't have herself in such a fucked up situation.

It would have been easier to just say no, well with anyone else it would have been, but not when you're surrounded by family members all with puppy dog eyes 'aww'ing and making those sickening sweet faces to the boy kneeled down at your feet. Saying no would have just created an explosion.

She couldn't bare the thought of her mothers disapproving look falling upon her face, or the disappointment in her twins eyes.

No one understands that kind of pressure. The pressure to be perfect and normal.

Naomi shuffles in her seated position resulting in the duvet to ride up her bare legs slightly. Emily's hand reaches out almost instinctively and starts tracing patterns on the bare flesh of her leg as she rests her head in her hand, her eyes never leaving the curves of the blonds body.

Normally she'd hate the smell of smoke in the bedroom, if JJ ever thought about lighting up a cigarette (which in itself would be a shock) and smoking it with the bed sheets covering him, she probably gag and scream at him to wash them.

Not Naomi though. Right now she just look gorgeous, with the morning sunshine coming through the window lighting up her face making her blue eyes all that more fucking blue. She looks fearless, exactly how she wants to be.

Maybe that's why she's so attracted to her. She's everything her parents would hate. Independent, opinionated, strong and fearless.

The blonde takes a deep drag, her chest rising and falling as she breaths out the smoke.

"Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if we had never met?" it's out before she even has time to comprehend what she's asking.

The blond brings her slender fingers holding the fag back to her mouth, her eyes staring out through the window. _She looks mesmerising _Emily thinks as she waits for the blonde to answer.

Naomi turns and looks at her "All the time" she smiles.

_I could get lost in your eyes_

"What about you?"

She swallows hating the feeling of the love she has for the blonde over taking her every nerve and fibre "Every moment"

She hates how tragic that just sounded, reminds her of one of the trashy romantic films Katie forces her to watch. Wishes it was really because then she could just turn it off and roll back over to her fiancé and kiss him good night without feeling like a thousand knives are stabbing her heart.

Naomi's hand brushes against her cheek bringing her out of her silent rant.

If only things could be simple, fucking straight forward, if only she could be brave enough to stand up for her feelings and scream to the world that she loved Naomi fucking Campbell.

"Hey" she cooes "Come back to me"

Her heart hurts and her stomach flips. She wants to cry at how tragic it all is.

;;

Everything seems so mundane; she use to enjoy going food shopping. Seeing all the different types of food teasing her hungry stomach. She was constantly hungry, always wanting to eat random foods like gerkins or onions. She even made a gerkin and onion sandwich the other day to JJ's disgust. Only now food was making her feel sick.

But food shopping was always better when you were on your own.

"Right as soon as we get home we've got to discuss the bridesmaid dresses and what colours your want the roses in the church" Katie banters on, recklessly throwing food into the trolley.

She scoffs "Who says I wanted roses?"

Katie comes to an abrupt halt in front of her and she has to swerve the trolley from hitting the back of her ridiculously high heels "What? Everyone has fucking roses at a wedding its like, tradition yeah?"

"Right" she answers defeated and goes to push the trolley when she notices Katie hasn't moved and has a waiting expression across her face "What?"

"Well, what colour do you want?"

She shrugs and shakes her head before blurting out a random colour "Oh, red?"

Her twin scoffs "Not red, that's far too common"

"But you just said that everyone has roses for their weddings yet the colour I picked is common?" she asks incredulously.

Katie just shrugs her shoulders as if it makes total sense her thinking even though it completely fucking doesn't and Emily is left wondering why Katie even asked her when its clear that she has already decided what colour the roses are going to be for _her _wedding.

She doesn't even feel like she's getting married. She should be excited and hysterical showing off her ring and making sappy comments to all her friends about how happy she is, but she isn't like that at all, instead at work she takes her ring off. It's the only time she can do it and the only time she can get away with it.

"oi you fucking short dick moron, mind my heels!" Katie squeals and Emily pulls the trolley back out of reflex only to find that Katie for once isn't aiming the insult at her but at a sandy haired, outrageously dressed man.

He pulls his hands out of his pocket holding them up between them, Emily wonders if its more for defence from Katies insults than to try and give his apology more emphasis "Sorry love, I wasn't looking where I was going"

"Clearly"

Emily rolls her eyes "I'm sorry about her. Due on" she signals with her eyes to Katie. He laughs and she takes in his chapped lips yet genuine smile; she smiles back. She can already tell he's a nice lad.

He turns his attention back to Katie's shoes "Seriously though, you go shopping in them daggers?" he jokes. Emily spits out a laugh as she takes in Katies unimpressed expression.

"They're designer" she retorts.

He holds out his arms either side of him "Yeah but we're in sainsbury's"

Katie looks at him as if he's stupid, Emily bites her lip to suppress a giggle because of course Katie never follows the norm when it comes to clothes. A bit like Naomi only she knows Katie would never be seen dead in half of the blondes stuff "You never know when they might come in handy" she lisps making a suggestive look at the boy, a flirty glint in her eyes.

The boy smiles cheekily "Well can I make it up to you then? I think this place has a café, can I make amends with a coffee? I really don't want those daggers anywhere private"

Katie turns to Emily, she already knows Katie's answer even though she's asking Emily for an one. She lets out a sigh and nods and Katie turns her head back round to him and nods her head with a giggle.

"Great" he beams "Let me just go grab my housemate and we'll go. I lost her somewhere in here"

She rolls her eyes suddenly finding the idea of having to put up with another stranger and being polite really draining. She's already irritated by talks about the wedding with Katie she can't bare another girl to agree with all her sisters crazy idea's.

He walks off a short distance and Emily takes the opportunity to try and come up with an excuse.

"Don't even think about making an excuse Emily" Katies hand shuts her up.

She sighs "Why do I have to be there?"

"Because if he's good material ill have to make him an invitation"

She rolls her eyes "Katie you cant just invite randomers to my wedding and there are also plenty for me to fill in"

Katie turns to her with a smirk "I've already sent off the invitations"

Her eyes bug out of her eyes "What?"

"Yeah me and mum did it the other day, you've got enough on your plate so appreciate it yeah!"

Emily takes in a lungful of air ready to spit abuse at her sister when she hears the boys voice that causes her to stop.

"Ah Naomi there you are!" He shouts happily.

Fuck.

"Fuck sake Chris, thought I was gonna have to put out an announcement for you" the fucking beautiful Naomi says as she walks over to them clearly not noticing the twins standing mere inches away from him.

He laughs "Sorry, Just got talking to these beautiful woman" he says gesturing between Emily and Katie.

Emily see's the way her eyes bug out of her sockets, how she takes a nervous gulp and gives a small smile her way when she see her. Her hearts thumping so loud in her chest she's surprised no one has asked what that incisive thumping is.

"You two know each other?" Katie asks shocked.

Chris wraps his arm around the shocked blondes, Emily clenches the trolley preventing herself from launching at him and removing his arm with her teeth "Yeah me and Campbell are roomies"

"Roomies?"

"Yeah he moved in the other day with Tony" Naomi explains as if that makes sense.

Emily steps around the trolley closing the distance between them all, her mind completely confused "Really? Your flat isn't that big?"

She tries to stop the blush creeping its way up her neck when the reason behind her knowing the blondes flat isn't very big is because of the way they crashed and banged all the way into her bedroom because they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Naomi seems hesistant, wont even look her in the eye "I erm don't live their any more"

"What?" she blurts out, covering her mouth seconds later when Katie gives her an incredulous look asking her what the fuck the big deal was.

"Oh Jesus who gives a fuck" Katie interrupts turning her attention back to the grinning boy "Now, where's my coffee?"

It's almost like a blessing in disgust the distraction, it gives her time to try and process the information she's just received. She hates the way her legs shake, like there struggling to keep her standing, hates the way her eyes are probably looking so vulnerable to the blonde because if Naomi doesn't live at her flat anymore (and she didn't say anything about her and Cook moving) that it can only mean one thing.

She isn't with Cook any more.

Which begs the question and it's the most frightening. Why?

;;

It easier to get away, Emily thinks, despite her newly dyed hair. Katies too engrossed in her new shag to even notice her excuse herself for a fag, which is hilarious in its self because she never smokes unless under pressure or completely nervous, Katie would have picked up on that had she not of been so obviously flirting with Chris.

She walks outside sucking in the cool air, its refreshing but it doesn't help much. She's not even sure what would help in this moment.

Knows for sure that the voice that just called her name could only contribute to making her mixing feelings even worse.

She turns and faces the blonde, her eyes only travelling over her body for a short moment before plummeting to the floor.

"Hey" she says sounding so small.

She tries to lift her eyes, tries to allow her mind to match the small voice with the fearless woman she knows Naomi to be but she cant.

"Cant even look at me?" Naomi continues, its not spiteful and Emily cant think whether that's worse the fact that she sound so fucking defeated.

"Why didn't you tell me that you split up with Cook?" She knows she making a judgement before really knowing whether it's a solid fact, but she knows that Naomi would have played the scene before differently. It just didn't add up.

Theres silent apart from the hum of traffic in the car park.

"Why didn't you tell me I was going to receive and invitation to your wedding?"

_Touché _she thinks, becauseshe's right, had she of fucking known the invitations had been sent out but really? What does it matter whether she told her or not, the wedding is going ahead.

"I'm sorry"

"Emily look at me"

She doesn't.

The traffic in the car park seems louder and fiercer. She wants to cover her ears and tell everyone just to fuck off because this is a significant moment in her life because finally she's breaking. The pressure of this whole fucking wedding to a man she sometimes can't even tolerate is becoming too much especially when the women she's completely infatuated with is breaking too.

When did this all be okay?

When did she brain wash herself into believing _she _was okay?

"Can we go somewhere?" she blurts out knowing she can't go back in there. Not with Katie.

"Where?"

"Anywhere"

Naomi just nods and begins to walk, she follows idly not really registering what she's doing herself just working on auto pilot. She suddenly feels exhausted, knows it probably something to do with the constant worrying and guilt.

;;

she rests her head on Naomi's lap; her muscles becoming far to tired to even hold her up. Its ridiculous really how pathetic she's being; she's just completely exhausted, exhauted with everything that is aparently her life.

it would be so simple to just walk away, say to her family that she's gay and completely in love with a girl that just takes a breath away but if it was that simple she would have done that a long time ago. Its not that simple, her mum would completely cripple her, not by violent but purely through her words. she would say things that no mother should say to a daughter. she remembers the time back in school when she accidently left her lunch box in the cloak room, her mother had practically roared at her and grounded her for a week, for a fucking lunch box!

in reality she's terrified of her mother, is always constantly wanting her approval. Its pathetic and she hates herself for it. Which is why she's trying to change. Hence the hair colour that shes almost certain her mother will discredic and make her feel like completely shit. she can hear the moaning already...

_how on earth will that go with the dress?_

_what colour are we going to put the bridesmaids in?_

_it wil clash with everything!_

Even JJ's reaction was typical, _its nice darling._

"You okay?" the angelic voice asks and Emily remembers why she asked for them to go somewhere. With Naomi everythings okay, everything _is _simple and her life feels like _hers._

she sighs and lifts her arm up, giggling internally when her eyes take in Naomi's upside down face "I'll be okay"

Naomi smiles kissing her fingers "Anything i can do to help?"

"Just hold me for a moment"

her heart screams because all she wants is just pause this moment in the sunshine laying in the grass with the women that holds her heart but has no idea she does. She know's she's hurting her, can see it in her blue orbs every time she glances into them but its just too hard and she's fucking terrified.

terrified of what would happen if she did follow her heart. It would be too strange, so completely different to every norm and rules she's grown up too.

Naomi kisses her on the finger "Yeah i can, for a moment"

**Sorry im exhausted. Will update Emily part 2 asap!**

**Ive been through hell, give me some loving! inspire me with your words :)**

**Snogs all around.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Had some free time today, I don't really know where this chapter came from, hopefully updates will be quicker. I'm thinking that there are only about 2 chapters left to this story, I'm still pretty shocked that this even turned out to be a **_**story **_**at all lol Thank you for all the reviews for last chapter, they helped put a smile back on my face! **

**All is good back in Emily world; I celebrated my birthday the other day it was brilliant apart from my sister and her bf having an argument.**

**This isn't a ploy for more reviews but something went wrong with my account and its still saying that for the last chapter I had no hits? Which is slightly depressing but I know its not right because people had to look at the chapter to review? But it hasn't helped with my inspiration so if you could like last time just take a few secs to just put 'im reading this' or 'update now!' if you have a bit more time for a proper review I look forward to what you've got to say **** that way ill get into my head that people are actually reading this abomination and actually update lol**

**I dedicate this chapter to Chino14 because she let me rant out all my frustration about all the shit that's happened over the past few weeks in my life and its actually really helped! So thanks girl!**

**I haven't had a chance to spell check this so try not to get too frustrated.**

**Much love and peace out.**

"Christ, when did it get dark?" Naomi's voice cuts across the quiet atmosphere, the vibrations from her voice sending chills down Emily's body.

She looks around, the crystal clear night sky with the moon and stars shinning just enough light on them to see each other. Emily wonders about the future; how even just the simple task of sitting in an empty field with the blonde is enough for her to feel content, just so fucking at peace with herself and the world and how soon everything will change and her world will become wrong and depressing "I'd say around the time the sun went down" she jokes trying to lighten the mood, mostly for herself.

Naomi prods her playfully in the arm, she can feel the blondes stomach muscles tense as her arms are distracted from supporting her weight. She can't remember at what point she moved to rest on top of the blonde, it must have been reflex, even the slight distance between them both felt like a gaping hole. She hates how desperately she needs Naomi close; wishes she has a bit more stamina.

"Has Katie not been in contact? I'm sure she's not impressed about being stranded at Sainsbury's with Chris" Naomi giggles and the red head tries to ignore the way her skin gets goosebumps just at the sound.

She sits up slightly to face the blonde "He's a nice guy no?"

"He's awesome"

"Then she's fine"

It's ironic really, Emily thinks, as she calmly sits up without worrying about her leaving her sister with a complete stranger. Had this of been years ago she would have had a complete fit, stomped her feet balling her eyes out until Katie had been found. She never knew what it was, why she reacted that way. It was ridiculous really, it even got to a point where she wouldn't allow Katie to stray too far away from them.

"_Mum! Dad! Slow down, Katies fallen behind" A young Emily begged as she tried to keep her balance while __trying to walk over the cobbled road and keep an eye on Katie and her parents._

"_It's alright dear she's still in my view" Jenna reassured her._

_It didn't reassure her at all, Katie was too far behind. She couldn't explain why but it just didn't sit right with her, made her nervous "Please Mummy just slow down slightly"_

_The exasperated faces of her parents didn't go unnoticed by the younger twin, she knew they were worried about this over protective nature she had over her sister, especially when it got to a point where Katie couldn't be a certain distance away from them._

"_Honey its okay, I've got my eye on her" Her father's slightly raised soft voice says. She can see the tired lines under his eyes, the way his hair has a slightly grey tinge too it, far to early for a man of his age to have. She feels guilty but she cant help it, she's sure Katie plays on it, she's forever blackmailing her stating that if she doesn't do as she wants she'll run away and never come back. _

_The thought itself almost cripples her._

_She tops walking and waits for her sister to catch up. See's her parents in the corner of her eye stop talls, its not just Katie she's afraid will get lost, its herself too. She's just terrified of being lost, alone._

_Its not something a ten year old should be worrying about, which is probably why her parents are so confused about what to do._

_Katie strolls up to her, her face content and relaxed. "Katie please will you keep up!"_

"_Emily calm down, they're no rush" She says scuffing her kitten heels on the cobble floor "Beside's I can't walk in these too fast I'll fall over"_

"_You know I don't like it when you are too far behind"_

"_You're weird, I'm fine"_

_She cant stand it, the horrible feeling in her stomach. She glances at her parents and see's them begin to walk off. They're not a close enough distance to them for her to feel comfortable for them to walk off. She panic's and grabs Katie's hand, ignores all the protests and tugs on her arm._

_She has to get them both closer, otherwise they'll get lost._

They tease her about it today, how possessive she use to be. Almost every Sunday when her and JJ go over for dinner, one of them will make a joke and usually she prays it's James, that way she can get some pleasure out of the yelp of pain he'll make.

She doesn't have that feeling any more; isn't sure when it stopped with Kaite but she's sure its what started the life she's in now. She feels guilty, guilty for the tired looks on her parents faces, sorry about all the countless money they had to put in for therapists who merely told her that being alone is never a permanent thing, well that it doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be.

She's not convinced. She's alone right now, well, as soon as she gets home again, even though she has a loving boyfriend, fiancé.

No one knows her, no one knows how it felt to be terrified of being left behind, loosing a twin sisters and getting lost in the process.

"Hey" a soft hands strokes her face as a chin rests on the top of her head "Come back to me"

She smiles, the warm fuzzy feeling filling her body as she remembers Naomi's with her "Sorry"

"Where did you go?"

"No where important" she lies; can feel the faint feeling that she use to get when Katie tried to run away. When she played with her weaknesses, story of their relationship really. Katie probably knows she isn't happy in her relationship but its envious that she has something she's sure the chubbier twin wants, a loving a relationship with a faithful man, she probably knows she doesn't want any of this but wants to keep her in the relationship to spite her because she got this first.

The apparent perfect life. Perfect boyfriend, perfect marriage and perfect kids.

Only thing not making this perfect is her.

"Don't think Emily" The blondes worried voice says, her arms tightening around her small frame.

She sighs "Cant help it"

She feels Naomi's chin move from her forehead, looks up to see her glancing at the stars "Suppose this is the perfect moment for it"

"It's just nice to be sitting still for a moment" she releases, biting her lip wondering how that sounded to the blonde.

Naomi tenses below her "I'm sure it is, especially with all the wedding arrangement's and everything…."

It makes her stiffen, it is wrong that when someone mentions your wedding you think of it as your twin sisters wedding? Almost as if your playing a part in a show?

She sits up and turns around, her eyes meeting the crystal blue orbs, catches her breath every time. She smiles before her lips straighten when she remembers an important factor she needs to mention.

"I didn't send you the invite"

"Oh"

"It was Katie; she sent out all the invites behind my back"

Naomi nods as she intently watches her reaction "Makes sense why you didn't give me a heads up" she pauses before bringing her gaze back to the red head "Would I have gotten an invite if you had sent them out?"

The question catches her off guard, she hadnt actually thought about it "I dunno" she blurts out. She can see the way each syllable hits Naomi, wishes she could of reached out and caught each blow. But she's already bubble wrapped her life in lies, there is really no point in throwing a load more onto the pile.

"Its okay" Naomi says sitting up slightly "I wouldn't be too sure myself, if it was the other way around"

She doesn't question the blonde, knows its probably a subject neither of them wants to discuss especially when there is no easy answer. No easy way to explain to the blonde why she doesn't just jump out of this fake relationship, fake marriage, fake life.

It probably wouldn't even be enough for her just to say she's doing it for her family, for putting them through hell in her younger years and just _because_. She knows they wont react nicely, will most likely lock her up in some mental institution like they use to in the old days.

Naomi shifts into a crossed legged seated position, her body completely parallel to Emily's. she mimics her position.

"Tell me about your family" she asks and its probably the one question Emily didn't want to have to answer. It makes her nervous, reminds her of what a smoke screen her life has become.

She sighs and diverts her attention to the grass, pulling out a massive clump, she knows the shifty behaviour hasn't gone unnoticed "What do you want to know exactly, I've already told you about them"

"You've told me who's in your family, given me a plain outline but nothing more. What's your relationship with your mother like?"

That's a loaded question; one that probably could fill a book. Its never been easy between them; they have very different opinions. All through her childhood her mums always had that disappointed look when she refused to wear a summer dress or when she did compromised by saying only if she got to wear her brand new converse. She always thought she looked cool, almost like a rock chick her mother on the other hand thought she looked scruffy and ruined the whole out fit. Katie always wore the correct clothes.

She never liked going to the spa with her mother, Katie did.

She never liked the forced family meals on a Sunday when she could be out playing, Katie however did.

She never liked going shopping with her mother, Katie did.

She never liked watching the cliché soaps on tv when she could read a book instead, Katie did.

She didn't want her mother to revamp the garden, putting a patio set over her little patch of flowers, Katie did.

She didn't like the dance lessons her mother use to make her go to, Katie did.

She never wanted to watch the same movie as her mother, Katie did.

All those small things just seemed to push them both further and further apart.

"We're just that really, Mother and Daughter. There's no special bond"

"Why not?"

"Suppose that's one of the downsides to being a twin, one will always outshine the other. There will always be a favourite"

Naomi shifts "Do you feel like Katie is the better twin?"

She can feel the tears scratching the edges of her eyes "yeah" she croaks.

"I don't believe that" she says shifting forward "I think that you allow yourself to believe that Katie is better than you when really she isn't at all"

"She's herself" Emily blurts out before scrunching her face up; knowing that Naomi Is going to cling onto that.

"What does that mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything" she says, her body becoming tired and stiff. The blonde stands in front of her; her heart skips and her stomach flips _she's leaving me._

"Come on" Naomi says with her hand out stretched.

She grabs onto her hand and uses it to hoist her tired body up "Where are we going?"

Naomi smiles as she begins to walk off, dragging her long with their joined hands "This conversation is getting far too deep to continue sober. I'll show you a little game Effy and my mother taught me"

She falls into step beside the blonde "There's a 24 hour shop just around the corner" Naomi continues "It's saved me, Ef and mum plenty of times when we've been caught out by the time"

Emily nods "Come on then, tell me about your relationship with your mum"

Naomi swings their joined arms behind them, she wonders if she's doing it to try and keep the mood between them light "Oh well, its not always been easy. I blamed her for years about my father leaving, thought maybe she drove him away. Turns out he wanted to leave"

She scoffs "What could have provoked him to leave such a beautiful daughter?"

Naomi smiles one of her beautiful full smiles and it just makes her insides ache "I guess we'll never know"

"Do you reckon he'll come back?"

She shrugs.

Emily continues "Then maybe you will know"

Naomi raises her eyebrows playfully, their joined hands still swaying beside them. Emily is surprised when she see's the lights of the 24 hour shop come into the view; it hadn't even felt like they'd been walking. The insight into Naomi's life completely taking up her whole focus.

They obtain a bottle of vodka; both of them making a beeline for the alcohol section. Usually it Emily would try and play it as if she wasn't, have a walk around the different isles picking up a couple of items that she knows she doesn't need before trying to bury the huge bottle of Vodka beneath them.

Right now she doesn't care, she needs to feel the burning liquid, needs it to take her away for a while, away with Naomi.

After a little fight at the check out over who should pay, she finds herself walking back to the park, they're hands joined again, almost through instinct. They walk over to their little patch of grass; and take their seated crossed legged positions opposite one another. The bottle of Vodka placed in front of them.

She feels slightly nervous about the up coming game "What's this game then?"

Naomi smiles taking the bottle of Vodka, removing the cap before placing it back down equal distance between them both "Believe it or not I'm not very good at expressing how I feel"

She raises her eye brow mockingly receiving a small punch in return.

Naomi continues "So to overcome this problem my genius mother came up with this game. The rules are simple; we each take it in turns to say something about the person opposite, if what we each say is true about the opposition they have to take a shot"

She nods "That way the person doesn't actually have to openly admit anything" she continues on from Naomi seeing her nod "That's a very clever game, what's it called?"

Naomi giggles shaking her head, bringing her hand up to brush some hair out of her face, Emily sure her heart swells just at the action "She once called it Avoidance because the person isn't actually openly admitting it, they're kind of avoiding the answer by taking a shot"

"You mum's a clever lady"

"She's a cliché"

"A nice cliché" she laughs as Naomi raises an eyebrow challengingly "How often do you play this game?"

Naomi looks at the bottle of Vodka "Lately its been quite often"

She nods, her heart thumping in her chest; that was a stupid question. Wishes she had been shown this game, anything that would allow her to vent out everything she's feeling, this game however sounds perfect, admitting the truth just not directly. Sounds perfect.

In fact everything tonight so far with Naomi has been perfect; the weather, her feelings and Naomi herself.

It makes her feel slightly better knowing that Naomi isn't completely on her own during this that she does have someone to talk to.

"Right come on then, all this waiting is making me nervous. Plus I need a drink" Emily encourages, Naomi shuffles in her seat getting ready.

"Shall I go first then?" She nods a yes, taking an audible gulp "Okay unlike my mother we'll start off light" she laughs "You want to go to New Zealand"

Its lame that a warm feeling fills her, its probably just down to the fact that Naomi has remembered her little dream to visit the country from their talk all those months ago. JJ forgot about her dream almost as soon as she mentioned it, rambling on about how the percentages were against them during the long haul flight, it'd pissed her off royally.

She grabs the bottle with shaking hands, its heavier than she anticipated, bringing it to her lips and cringing when the strong liquor goes down her throat. She makes a horrible wretching noise, slightly embarrassed as Naomi giggles and takes the bottle from her hands before she drops them "Who would of thought you'd be such a light weight Ems" Naomi jokes.

She sticks her middle finger up in retaliation "I just forgot how disgusting it tasted that's all, anyway my go"

It doesn't go unnoticed the way Naomi visibly tenses. She wants to reach out and give her a reassuring squeeze of the hand but decides against it; knows this is something they have to do. Wishes she'd noticed before that this was going to end up like this.

"You want to join the CO-19 Unit in the Police" she says noticing the surprised look on Naomi's face as she takes a swig.

She coughs slightly as she puts the bottle down "You remember?"

"Of course, did you apply?"

"Handed my application in the other day"

She nods a proud feeling filling her from the toes upwards "Good, otherwise we would be having words right now" she jokes loving the way Naomi's eyes lit up when she told her.

Naomi suddenly becomes serious "Thank you, by the way"

She looks at the blonde confused, her fingers playing with the top of the Vodka bottle "What for?"

"Well you were kind of the final push I needed to apply. Cook wasn't very keen on the idea"

She hates the way her body flinches at the sound of the boys name, knows its completely selfish of her. She quickly picks up the game "Your not with Cook anymore"

"Wha? It's not your go" Naomi says childishly, it causes her to laugh.

"You never said anything about taking it in turns"

"i- well- okay fair point" she grabs the bottle and takes a swig, wiping her mouth rather aggressively. Before plonking it back down, her little bottom lip stuck out, it's fucking adorable and she has to tense all her muscles to prevent herself from launching at the blonde.

The silent envelopes them as they both try to process the information, Naomi breaks it "Your still with JJ"

It hurts when she says it; knows she's trying to make a point. It's a cruel point to make but she doesn't blame Naomi for doing it. Knows she deserves an explanation. She just sighs and grabs the bottle, taking a large gulp then before, completely ignores the way it burns down her throat, her mind racing with all the moments in her life she spent with JJ. She doesn't despise the boy; he's a fucking fantastic loyal friend. She enjoys his company, remembers the moment they met, how he was so nervous and just adorable.

_She grits her teeth and lets out a frustrated moan; it's the third book she's dropped in the short distance its taken her to get_ _an empty computer in the four storey library. She knew she should of left her student house earlier, stupid housemates and their stupid hilarious conversations. The latest one was about one of their housemates horrible poncho he seemed adamant about wearing in the blistering heat. They were all trying to conjure up ways to get it off him and in the washing machine, it literally stunk._

_She kicked the computer chair, her eyes sending glares at the arrogant students that seemed to fail seeing her struggle. Completely wound up in their assignments, surely they should all be looking out for one another?_

_Her books made a louder noise than she anticipated causing the curly haired boy next to her computer to scream which resulted in her jumping, then completely breaking down in hysterics at the girlish tint to his scream_

"_Haha I'm so sorry, I didn't realise they would be that loud" she said gasping for breath._

_The boy bolts from his chair, her brows furrow in confusion as she watches him fumble along the floor, his arse high in the air as he mumbles "I didn't realise you were struggling that much, I thought those books were positioned in such a way that they weren't going to fall, my calculations must have been wrong" he finishes the last bit with her fallen books standing in front of her with the shyest of smiles she's ever seen._

"_Please don't apologise; its not as if you're the only one in this room that didn't help" she tries to reassure the nervous boy in front of her "Beside by the looks of it I scared you half to death" she says pointing out his shaking hand._

"_Oh no, its not you, well it is you its just not. Shit, I'm just not very good with social interaction"_

"_Well your doing a good job so far" she smiles trying to reassure him, surprised by how much this interaction is affecting him. Its adorable really._

_He looks down sheepishly "Thanks, so your studying psychiatry?" _

_She looks down at the books in her hands, all of them with similar titles "Oh no, its more of a hobby really"_

"_What? Over what your studying already?"_

_It's__ her turn to nod sheepishly "That's rather impressive, I haven't met anyone else that actually branches off into different areas that don't evolve around their primary study. I thought students here would be more into education that the brochure let on….sorry I'm rambling" he blushes._

_She giggles "No it's rather interesting to watch and I agree with you. All my housemates think I'm mad"_

"_I don't think you're mad, it's admirable"_

He use to make her feel good about herself back then; wishes he still did now rather then assume that she knows. But then again it was probably her mistake yet again; mistaking the attraction for something more than friendship. That all it is now and all it probably was back then. She was naïve.

She let out a sigh, her eyes not meeting Naomi's. She grabs the bottle separating them, taking another long swig, ignoring the way Naomi's looking at her with that broken tint.

She doesn't know what to say, thinks that saying sorry again will only rub salt in the wound. Decides to try and think of another sentence that will get them off this subject.

"You're scared" Naomi beats her too it "I think you're scared to have me want you, not only because I'm a girl, but because for once you'll actually be happy and you're scared you'll loose that"

She wanted to be angry at the blonde, wanted to stand up and just walk away but she just couldn't because really she'd just hit the nail on the head. Although that wasn't just it; it was a factor, one she tried her hardest not to admit, the one factor that was shielded behind her family and their images she had to adhere too. She didn't know how to reply; so she simple took a sip, actually took three long sips.

"It's not just that" she weakly added, the burning liquid constantly going down her throat was making her voice even huskier than before.

Naomi shrugs her eyes defeated "What else is there?"

"My family" she adds, her voice slightly harder "They will never allow this" she says gesturing between them "I'd destroy them"

She expected an explosion; instead she was met with a nodding blonde who was taking a swig from the bottle. It did add up.

"Katie mentioned something like that"

"What?"

"Lets just say when I found out about your engagement she also mentioned something along the lines of what you just said, only slightly more aggressively" Naomi scoffed at the end, shaking her head.

Shit, that made things slightly worse. But then again she wasn't surprised that Katie knew everything; she always had a sly way of reading her to find out the truth. She probably knew as soon as she saw her and Naomi in a room together, only the blind couldn't see the reaction they had together. They lit up a fucking room for gods sake.

"It doesn't surprise me" she said tiredly.

"I'm scared too" those three simple words coming from the blondes weak voice was almost enough for her to completely break down, instead she moved forwards pressing her body against the blondes, her mind thankful for the blondes quick thinking moving the bottle of vodka from between them. She just needed to feel her, feel her close. Feel her in her arms, she hated the thought of Naomi feeling scared but its not surprising; of course she's scared.

She pulled away after a few moments, her eyes not meeting Naomi's.

"What are you scared off?" she asks, it seems so trivial because inside she knows what they blonde is scared of, she just needs to hear it.

She notices the way the blondes eyes look shiner "I'm scared that everything that's happened these past few months have been for nothing, that everything I'm feeling right now is pointless because you're going to make the wrong choice"

"What's that?"

Naomi tilts her head to the side, her eyes disbelieving that she could ask an even trivia question "Marrying JJ"

She breaks then, just allows the tears to fall from her eyes "Its not that easy Naomi. It seems so fucking easy to just say that I'm making a wrong decision when this decision will affect everything! My entire fucking life and I'm just not strong enough to make it"

Naomi cries "If I can make it then so can you, I know you don't want to be with him"

"Of course I don't, I want to be with _you_. Its easier for you. You have the support system to deal with this! I have no one!"

It's true and Naomi knew it, she had Effy and her mum. She had no one, no one she could confide in without them blowing up in her face. She wiped the fallen tears from her cheeks, her hand wrapping itself around the vodka bottle, her eyes watching the blonde as she brought it to her lips. Naomi looked broken, just utterly fucking broken and it hurt to see her like that. But she could also see some realisation in her eyes.

She took four large gulps before handing the bottle over to Naomi watching her do the same. Noticing that over half of the bottle was now finished, in their bodies probably making this situation ten times more dramatic.

This was something they needed to do though, they couldn't keep not thinking any longer. People were going to get hurt, and by the looks of it, it was going to be them.

"Emily" Naomi started standing up "I know its easy for me to just stand here and say that you marrying JJ is a complete mistake because I think you know that already and obviously I only have a rough idea of what your family life is like and by the sounds of it, no offence, its shit" she started causing Emily to raise to her feet to be parallel "But _you've_ created this smoky mirror around yourself that your hiding behind Emily, there's only one person that's done this regardless of me being in the picture and being a girl, _you're_ still the person that's created this fake life, one that _you've_ painted for your family"

She didn't say anything, just nodded. Naomi was right, so fucking right. It had been her all along that's created this picture she's hiding behind. The perfect boyfriend and girlfriend madly in love about the take the plunge into married life together. That what's everyone saw when really, it was a confused sad girl saying yes because she was terrified what her parents would think if she said no to a loyal guy who's done nothing but love her. She was a bitch, more of one than Katie in the end, it's ironic.

But she's still like that terrified little girl scared about how far Katie's fallen behind. She's still terrified of being alone.

"I know you wont be happy with him Emily so why do that too yourself when you can be happy"

She glances at the blonde as she reaches for her hand, she allows the blonde to take hold of her hands, her mind racing with thoughts as she just lets the tears fall.

"I'll give you everything you've ever wanted" Naomi finishes.

Emily kisses her then, so hard that they almost fall over. She hates the way she's feeling, all the contrasting emotions making her feel like she's in a game of tug of war. Naomi the angel on her right shoulder and Katie the devil on her left.

They kiss for what seems like eternity, she can picture in her mind the images of them kissing at the edge of reason.

She hasn't thought about JJ all evening.

She pulls back from the kiss "I am glad I met you miss Campbell"

Naomi smiles.

"Because if I never _live _again I'll always remember this night"

"Kiss me" the blonde requests.

She doesn't need to be asked twice.

**Review? We've got a hen party to get too!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A qui****ck update for you lovely people (Well its quick for me anyway lol)**

**I thought what Coolbeans17 said was absolutely right; there has NOT been enough****, if any, smut in Emily's chapters – which is just unfair SO as a result I just had to include this completely unplanned chapter into the mix – so the Hen Party has been postponed - I hope you enjoy it.**

**Me and my gf are currently having a battle – the cutest lesbian couple – I am of course arguing Naomi and Emily while she's arguing Brittany and Santana from Glee….i mean come on! The two don't even compare! Pfft fool!**

**Warning: there is some sex in this but a different kind, erm, how do I explain this, its their sex progressed to another level…..you'll understand when you read it, I hope****?…JUST READ IT!**

**Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favourites – they're just ace.**

**All mistakes are mine. If any swear words are blocked out its FFN cause I definitely wouldn't block them out. **

**Emily POV**

"_Kiss me" the blonde requests._

_She doesn't need to be asked twice._

She doesn't really feel herself step forward; she feels completely light, as if she's floating high up in the clouds. All she can feel is Naomi's lips; the way they toy with hers and her tongue steals hers. She really is floating on cloud nine.

It hurts yet it feels so fucking amazing. Her entire body just feels alive, from the tips of her toes to the ends of her hairs.

This _is _what love is; what Katie constantly spat on about when they were young girls sitting crossed legged on one of their single beds. She never understood it; when Katie would enthusiastically go on about some celeb she just couldn't stop thinking about, dream about, Katie even went as far as snogging her pillow imaging it was said celeb.

But this was ten times better not some stupid child crush.

She ghostly brought her hands up from around the blondes waist, feeling Naomi's skin react into goosebumps.

They kissed until they couldn't breath; until oxygen became an annoying necessity. She rested her forehead against the blondes, her warm breath tickling the front of her face.

"Fuck" Naomi said breathlessly. She tried to stop the cheeky grin from forming on her lips but knowing that she has this affect on the blonde was such a turn on.

She was right though; everything Naomi had said was right.

How long could she pretend for? How far could her web of lies carry her before she exploded? How long could she deny Naomi?

"Not here" she smirked before taking the blondes hand, spinning on her heels.

Naomi followed immediately, the throbbing between her legs leading her "Where are we going?"

Emily tried to calm the thoughts trashing about in her mind; she needed clarity, she needed to feel the blonde. Especially if this was going to be the last time. JJ's face kept appearing in her mind; it made her feel uneasy, trapped and fucking fake.

This was _her_. The girl giggling as she runs through a field pulling the woman she loves behind her. This was _her_ happy and content.

"Emily?" Naomi's giggling voice says from behind her.

She smiles as she hears the blonde say her name "Erm I'm not fucking sure" she laughs "Just somewhere I can touch you"

"Then why are we heading away from a perfectly suitable bed?"

Emily turns around confused, her breathing racing as she tries to control her increasing horniness "Where? Or are you talking about a bed of leaves?" she asks an eyebrow raised suggestively.

The blonde laughs "No, my place is just down the road"

"What about Effy? and your new housemate….."

"Chris and Tony. Don't worry about them, plus I'm far too turned on to care" Naomi explains taking Emily's hand pulling her off in the opposite direction.

"Tony?" She asks; Naomi had only mentioned one new housemate.

Naomi laughs "Tony Stonem"

"Effy's brother?"

"The legend himself yes"

"Wow"

"Yeah"

"Is he just as mysterious as her?"

Naomi stops abruptly "Emily, I really couldn't give a fuck right now"

She crashes into the blonde, her feet struggling to keep her up right "Sorry" she murmurs as Naomi turns with a satisfied smile.

Her feet carry her, her entire body going onto auto pilot as her eyes focus on their joined hands. It's amazing really, how such a trivial gesture of them both holding hands creates such a reaction in her core. How her fingers tingle and her arm shakes, her heart thumps and her inner thigh throbs.

It's never been like this with JJ, then again she isn't really surprised.

After what seems like forever in her daydream Naomi comes to an abrupt stop in front of her and of course her auto pilot needs retuning because she doesn't react in time resulting in them almost going completely head first into the pavement "Shit, sorry. Jesus I need to install break lights on you" she jokes.

Naomi raises her eye brow in retaliation which just makes her even more hotter causing Emily to want to nip and bite said eyebrow; her eagerness however doesn't seem to be reciprocated when she notices the blondes eyebrows now furrowed in confusion "Whats wrong?" she moves to stand beside the blonde eyeing the house "What are we waiting for?"

"There's a car there I don't recognise" Naomi explains.

She huffs "So?" internally laughing when Naomi suddenly goes into police mode.

The blonde laughs at her impatience "I just want to make sure you fiancé isn't going to catch us"

Its light the way she says it and probably if it wasn't said with such a sweet voice the lights of guilt and regret would of gone off in her head; instead the single sentence turns her on even more. The secret, the sneaking around, the risk of getting caught. It's the type of thing you watch on tv, not in boring Emily Fitches fake life.

This can't last forever though, every affair has a climax – no pun intended – she knew that. This boat they were floating happily on would come to a waterfall at some point.

"Its not our car" she says squinting through the darkness knowing that their car is probably parked comfortably on their driveway at home "The owner might not even be at your house"

Naomi nods moving towards the house.

It's a relief when the closer they get the more the house appears to be lifeless.

The blonde struggles to get her keys out of her pocket, Emily watches on amused biting her lip as she watches the blonde squint to try and locate the lock. It's frustrating but Naomi's adorableness is enough for her to stand back patiently without any impatient sound affects. Knows that the alcohol they had drunken earlier probably isn't helping the blonde in getting the key in the small key hole.

Relief floods her as the front door swings open; Naomi dives forwards trying to prevent the force of the door slamming the wall and waking up the apparent sleeping house.

"I don't believe that they are all asleep for one second" Naomi says as she walks through the pitch black house.

"Why?"

Naomi checks her watch "Because its half past fucking ten"

She flicks the switch beside her watching the hallway flood with light. Its weird; something about knowing this is where Naomi lives makes her respect everything within it. Naomi almost feels the change in atmosphere, and understanding falls upon her face "Not much of this stuff down here is mine; only really that packet of cigarette" she points to on the table with the house phone and note pad "And the food in the fridge. Chris I swear does not believe in food shopping"

"Erm, Naomi we met you in Sainsbury's today with him"

She laughs her incredible sexy laugh, the one that makes her toes curl "Yeah that was because I'd dragged him there after finding him yet AGAIN eating MY garibaldis" Naomi explains as if it makes complete sense when to her it sounds exactly like how her and Katie use to be when they were younger. When Katie wasn't threatening her with running away.

"Do you want a drink?" Naomi asks breaking the silence "I think we have some vodka"

"Yeah sure" she smiles, turning her focus back to the doorway of the lounge as Naomi wonders into the kitchen. Her eyes are drawn to a yellow laverlamp alight in the corner of the room, its light illuminating the entire wall beside it that appears to be covered in photo graphs.

She walks closer, her feet stepping on some discarded magazines as her eyes finally focus on the smiling faces in the pictures. The majority of them are from the camping trip to Gobblers end; the others are of snap shots taken during Naomi's time at the house. She's only herself in a few; but in the majority of them she's next to the blonde. She almost doesn't recognise herself with the beaming smile on her lips, it's a complete contrast to the picture of her and JJ, the timid polite smile she wears on her lips. It's the same in every photo of her and him.

One photo in particular catches her eye; its her and Naomi sat on the fallen tree. They're both laughing, both unaware of the picture even being taken. They just look so fucking peaceful, so fucking happy in their own world without a care. It must have been when she was teasing Naomi about what job she has; she loves to just keep her guessing, knows its manly because Naomi gives her confidence, can see her doing jobs her parents and Katie could never imagine. Naomi gives her the strength and power to do them, or to even imagine herself doing them. Usually when her ears pick up on a job she likes she closes the thought down immediately knowing that her family would only disapprove.

"Hey" Naomi's calm voice says, it sends a shiver down her spine. She turns taking the glass from her outstretched hand "What you looking at?"

"These" she points at the pictures taking a sip "I didn't realise anyone had a camera"

"Freddie took one" Naomi explains standing beside her, she notices straight away how her blue orbs fall upon the picture of them two together, it warms her heart "I took the liberty of adding coke to our drinks, I thought it would lessen the burn" she joked.

She nods, her hand outstretching to stroke the outline of her smiling face "This one's my favourite, Freddie is good at capturing all the good moments"

Naomi smiles and Emily's sure her eyes are fucking sparkling brighter than the stars outside "Mine too. We look happy together"

She knows the blonde is making a hint, might as well have nudged her in the side just to make sure it got through. She can't get angry though, knows Naomi is just trying, fucking fighting for her and all she can do is just completely let go and give herself entirely to the blonde, only not the way she wants her to. She can lay back with her arms completely outstretched and let Naomi kiss and caress every curve and dimple on her body but she can't allow Naomi to have her all the time. It's the painful tragic truth unless she fights too.

Naomi plucks the photo from the wall, the wall looks completely bare without it almost as if none of the other photos are still upon it "Here, you have it" Naomi says with a smile that you couldn't possibly say no too "Then whatever happens you'll at least have that memory"

She hates the way its hurts but also feels amazing. The gesture itself, Naomi giving up the photo that she's clearly looked at a million times to give to her, she doesn't deserve it, doesn't deserve to be reminded of the smile she wiped of her beautiful face.

"Thanks" Coward she thinks as she blinks rapidly cradling the photo in her hands against her chest.

"Kiss me Emily"

She does so slowly and fucking softly as her eyes struggle to keep the tears at bay.

"Lets" kiss "go" kiss "to" kiss "my room" Naomi says between their kisses grabbing Emily's free hand, dragging her the way up the stairs stopping every few steps to kiss or to help her back onto her feet. She sure Naomi forgets that she has shorter legs than her, she kissed the entire length of them enough times to know.

They walk along the short hallway, well, attack each others lips along the short hallway, crashing into the banister and pictures hanging upon the walls. Ignoring the sound of the glass smashing as one fell to the floor, she tries to ignore the familiar sound the glass makes in comparison to her life and the mess she creates every time she feels the blondes lips against hers.

But there's no time right now, the only thing she wants to focus on is the throbbing in her core and the goddess under her hands.

Her hand reaches along the wall, as she tries to locate the doorway while kissing, biting and nipping at the blondes lips and clothes discarding their cardigans, the whole time her hand still cradles the picture of them, she daren't let it go, won't.

"Not that" Kiss "room. Mines" kiss "Next door" Naomi says again between kisses, the frustration is overwhelming as Emily almost picks Naomi up completely dragging her to the door that's ridiculously far away.

Naomi squeals as she almost loses her footing from the force Emily is using to push her back. They stumble through the threshold and Emily gives her one final push before the back of her knee's finally come into contact with the soft bed. She see's the blondes eyes turn dark; see's the way her face turns serious as the fire burns behind her eyes.

Her heart thumps in her chest, she's surprised that the force of it hasn't shattered her rib cage. Her eyes don't leave the blondes as her mind races.

_I fucking love you Naomi Campbell and I'm going to show you how much._

She slowly begins to move forward, taking each step carefully like a cheater hunting its pray. She watches the blonde take a nervous gulp, she knows how much she wants this can see the way each step sends pulses to the blonde. She leans down to kiss the blonde, watches as Naomi leans forward to meet her halfway. She uses her body weight to push Naomi down onto the bed, helps her to scoot along so her feet aren't dangling off the edge. She loves the way every ghostly touch and caress she does creates a whole reaction out of the blonde, how she moans just from her hand brushing against her torso.

She relaxes her arms allowing herself to completely lay on top of the blonde, moulding their bodies together, just how they should be. She feels her centre get hotter at the feeling of their clothed breasts pressed against one another.

She can already picture her lips on the girls hard nipples, can picture her finger plummeting into the blonde as she gasps and cries. Its all so vivid in her imagination, like a cinema screen playing a sex scene to an audience.

She tugs at the girls trousers, her hands stroking up the length of her stomach causing her crop top to rise with them. She caresses Naomi's bra-clad tits with her hands, kissing from the top of her trousers all the way up, past her belly button to her breast. She lets her hand snake its way round to her back, Naomi arches her back allowing Emily to flick her fingers unclasping the strap. The dark blue bra almost pings into her face, she quickly snakes her hand back around her fingers stretching to feels the skin of her breast; hears Naomi moan when her fingers play with her nipple, feels it get harder as she strokes it. Her mouth begins to twinge as she quickly leans forwards, her lips finding the hardened nipple instantly. Naomi whimpers as her hand grips the back of Emily's head.

"Fuck" Naomi moans as she continues to lick around the hard nipple.

She feels two hands tug at the bottom of her top, she sit up slightly allowing the material to be pulled up her waist and off her shoulders, her lips feeling naked without the touch of the blondes skin.

"I want to feel you Emily" Naomi pants breathlessly "Please"

Hearing Naomi beg for her almost makes her climax; the growl in her voice and the breathlessness on top makes a shiver go up her spine. She undoes the blondes jeans, pulling them down leaving a trail of kisses in her wake.

Her centre throbs at the sight of an almost naked Naomi. The blonde sits up and takes off her top and bra, Emily follows suit taking off her trousers not wanting to post-pone it any longer with getting undressed.

Its different though this time and she's sure they can both feel it. This isn't like all the other times that they have fucked. They both sit up either side of the bed, breathlessly looking at one another. Its definitely different, the atmosphere is so much more intense but not in a rushed sense, its hard to describe. The rest of the world feels like its on pause, like the only things living right now is in this room, looking lovingly and desperately into each other eyes.

They're not going to fuck; they're going to make love.

That's the difference.

They crash together, they're skin burning, they're hands roaming, they're vocal cords exploding.

This is the moment they will always remember, the moment they _knew _that they loved each other.

She tore at Naomi's knickers as the blonde tore at hers, they fell onto the bed recklessly trying to touch, caress and kiss every square inch of each others bodies. The desperation to just claw onto every memoriy they could of one another, each smell, taste and feeling they could get.

She pins the blondes arms either side of her, her lips kissing at her neck, sucking hard enough that she knew she would leave a mark. It was reckless and careless, she knew that. But she was just so fucking tired of hiding, right now she didn't care if anyone asked Naomi how she god those bites, she didn't care if Naomi stumbled over her words and accidently told them everything, she just didn't care, all she cared about was the trembling girl underneath her waiting for her to make her _feel_, make her feel her love.

She slowed her movements right down, her muscles trembling to keep her hovering over Naomi. She left a trail of ghostly kisses as she made her way down the length of the blondes body, the blonde hairs on Naomi's skins fluttered every time she let out a breath, her skin covered with a layer of goosebumps. She stroked the inside of Naomi's inner thigh feeling her open her legs wider to give her access. She knew how much the blonde wanted this, how much she was trembling and begging for Emily to touch her.

Her tongue licked the outer layer of her lips preparing them for the sweet taste she was about to be bless with.

"Please Emily" Naomi begged giving her the last nudge she needed to delve deep.

Each flick of her tongue caused a reaction within the blonde, every time she licked and sucked at her clit Naomi would thrust her cunt further into her mouth. She was so turned on she could feel her own pussy throbbing "Fuck, Em"

Her fingers plummeted into her wet folds, Naomi moaned and arched her back, her hands gripping the bed sheets. She wished she could picture the pure ecstasy in Naomi's eyes, in her fucking body movements.

They pumped harder and harder, her lips attacking her wet folds.

She could feel that she was close, the way her walls clamped around her fingers in regular intervals.

"I love you" she whispered into her centre as she grabbed hold of her with her free hand, wanting to be with her as she felt this, as she experienced her love.

She didn't think it was possible for skin and bones to look so beautiful.

"I love you" she whispered again, an overwhelming feeling taking over her entire body as the thought of this being the last time she'll ever experience such an experience again enters her, the last time she will see Naomi's eyes sparkling and hear her calling her name. She clenched her eyes shut and she thrusted her fingers in one last time, feeling the blonde arch her back and moan.

All that could be heard in the room was Naomi's breathing. She thought the tears wanting to emerge and began kissing her way back up the trembling girls body before pulling her in for a kiss.

She took all the running emotions inside her and put it into that kiss; every feeling she was experiencing of love was put in every massage of the tongue and caress of her hands.

She rested her forehead against hers, panting.

"That was fucking amazing" Naomi breathlessly says, her eyes glinting in the moon light coming through the curtains. Almost like she too was fighting back a whole army of tears.

"You're amazing" she replied kissing the tip of her nose.

Naomi's features softened and she just knew that what ever she was about to say was going to make her entire world come crashing down. She looked away trying to stop Naomi from seeing the tear that just escaped from her eye.

"Emily" she whispered, her soft hand reaching up to turn her head back "Look at me"

She obeyed sniffing.

"i….i lo" she began

"NAOMI!" A loud male voice screamed as he bombarded his way into her room with a massive smile and arms spread out either side of him until he saw the two girls "Oh my god!" he said covering his eyes turning away.

It was the fucking boy from sainsbury's earlier, if looks could kill, Emily thought, he would just be a puddle on the floor right now.

"Chris get the fuck out!" Naomi yelled grabbing the covers that were scrunched up against the wall, wrapping it around them both, trying to save whatever dignity they both had left.

He giggled clearly drunk "I'm sorry yeah I just didn't realise you would have company"

"Chris babe what's all the noise for?" A husky lispy voice said. If looks couldn't kill she's sure the world suddenly went in slow motion as Emily watched the features of her twin sister strut into the room. She's never experience such an inpending doom feeling, ever, not even when Katie discovered her box of fanny or the lesbian porn she had curiously downloaded on their shared laptop. No, this was the worst feeling she'd ever explained because each step Katie took in her stupidly large heels was each tick from the bomb that was about to explode. "Emily?...what are you- fucking hell!" she said mimicking Chris's actions from earlier covering her eyes.

"Shit" she heard Naomi murmur from beside her.

"What the fuck are you doing Emily? Get the fuck up and dressed!"

she glanced to her side feeling the coldness envelope her as Naomi grabbed a hoddy and trackie bottoms shoving them on, she stood up too covering herself with the duvet "Katie" she said helplessly.

"This isn't what It looks like" Naomi tried to intervene helplessly, her eyes horrified.

"Shut the fuck up dyke! Emily fucking get dressed before I drag you out this house how you are!"

She wanted to step in, scream at her sister for talking to Naomi that way but of course she didn't. Just shamelessly held her head down; the pure fear crippling her. Just the complete and utter disgust in Katie's eye's was enough for her knee's to buckle. She couldn't stop the tears, couldn't stop the feeling that this was definitely it now, now Katie knew, she would do anything in her power to stop Emily from making this 'mistake'.

"Fucking get dressed Emily, I'll wait for you downstairs" Katie says leaving, but not without leaving Emily with one more punch to the gut evil.

Chris sheepishly followed after Katie, he didn't need to say sorry, not that it would, his eyes said it all. The room was silent when the tornado of Katie Fitch had left; only it wasn't a thankful silent, it was so fucking uncomfortable.

"Emily" Naomi begun, she closed her eyes sharply at the sound of the blonde saying her name, hating the bolts of electricity that shot up her spine at the sound "It's going to be okay"

She turns sharply towards the blonde "How the fuck did you work that one out?" she knows its harsh, it wasn't Naomi's fault but she cant help it, her sister just caught her in bed with another woman when she's supposed to be marrying her boyfriend of over two years.

Naomi just flinches and looks to the ground, it melts her seeing her look so devastated.

"Shit I'm sorry" she says ringing her hand through her red locks "This is so fucked up"

The blonde takes a hesitant step forward "I know"

"What am I going to do?" she asked, her eyes begging the blonde to give her the answer.

Naomi lets out a deep breath, her hand reaching out to stroke Emily's bare shoulder "That's up to you"

Fuck.

Maybe she was right, maybe this was the moment she could turn everything around, turn her life completely upside down, let everything fall upon the table then put everything back in their rightful places.

Maybe.

But Katie's eyes held such venom, such fucking hate, did she really want to see that look for the rest of her life? Not just from Katie but her whole family?

Did she really want to loose all that?

She looked deeply at Naomi, fuck she just looked beautiful, could she do this for her right? Stay strong for her and love her despite her parents hating their love? Could she stop herself from resenting the blonde when her parents hatred became too much? Could she love her fully when they're would be a part of her missing?

But could she live her life with the constant what ifs? Could she live her life on the sidelines when everyone else was on the pitch? Was she really going to live her life hiding when she's been going that up till now?

Could she really let Naomi go?

Her sweet voice broke her out of her thoughts "I'd go down there right now with you and stand by you; but I'm not sure that's what you want and I don't want to make you do anything you're not comfortable with"

It was tempting; she could just hang up her fake life jacket and put on the t-shit – 'I'm a lesbian and I love Naomi Campbell" – it wasn't going to be that easy though.

She shook her head seeing the blonde deflate "Not right now Naoms; I need to think this through"

If Naomi was upset about what she just said, she didn't show it. Just sucked in a lungful of air and nodded her head. Probably because she's hanging onto hope, its human nature for her to do so, she just doesn't want to pluck her fingers off said hope and watch her fall.

"I'll let you get dressed" Naomi says as she bows her head and walks out of the room, leaving her with nothing but silence and her web of lies.

;;

You know when you've done something naughty when you were younger? And your parents screamed at you to meet them down stairs where you knew the bollocking was going to continue only this time worse?

That's what it felt to Emily as she stood at the top of the unfamiliar stairs. Her knee's shaking and her palms sweating, she knew she'd taken her time getting dressed, even went into the bathroom to splash cold water in her face to try and attempt to wake herself up from this horrible nightmare.

Only it didn't work, obviously.

It was only the raised voices that came from the living room that enabled her feet and legs to move. Her racing when she heart the thump.

She rushed into the living room to find Naomi clutching her cheek and Chris holding Katie back by the fist.

"Katie what the fuck?" she yelled rushing to Naomi's side, resting her hands on her shoulders.

"Bitch doesn't know what she's talking about!"

Her eyes widened as she turned to Naomi, her eyes terrified at what she might of said. Naomi stands straight trying her best to talk with the increasing black eye and cheek "I just said you were confused"

If it was anyone else she would of pounced on them and thrashed her arms and legs until she was black and blue, no one hurts Naomi, but it was Katie and the force that seemed to make Katie all the more powerful than her just prevented her from standing tall.

"You can't just go about hitting people Katie!"

"I can when they're brainwashing MY little sister!"

"She's not your fucking property!" Naomi interjected, she held her back not wanting another punch to be thrown the blondes way.

"Enough! Both of you! First of all Naomi's right I'm not your property second of all you're only six bloody minutes older!" she yelled.

It wasn't much but it actually felt good being able to stand up for herself slightly, Katie must have sense the triumphant feeling because what she did next was classical when she wasn't getting her way.

"Emsy please can we just go? Forget this ever happened?" Katie begs with her classic puppy dog eyes.

She'd be lying if she said that wasn't the most tempting offer she's ever had; it would be so easy to just nod and walk away but she couldn't do that, wouldn't do that to Naomi, not when she was standing right beside her clutching her bruised cheek staring at her with those fucking jaw dropping eyes.

She held her head down "Let's go Katie"

Katie clearly thought she had won the way she strutted out of the room with her nose as high as possible. She hadnt though, well Emily hoped she hadnt.

"Be brave Emily Fitch" Naomi said lowering her hand from her cheek as they both walked towards the front door "I believe you can do this" and with that she simply leaned forward and placed the most ghostly of kisses on her cheek almost as if wanting her to yearn for most. She really didn't even need that to make her crave the blonde.

She nodded her head not trusting her voice not to crack and destroy the blondes hope.

With one last breath she left the house walking down the driveway to a cross armed Katie.

**Review? Unless I decide to add anything else the hen party should be next **


	16. Authors Note

This isn't a chapter; just a quick authors note (Sorry for the disappointment)

I know I haven't updated this story in over a month, some of you may know that I've been having a slightly rough time lately and I've also been working a lot more hours so I just haven't had time to update this. I haven't been in the mood to write anything lovely dovey, so I didn't want to ruin this story by taking my mood out on it, seriously, I didn't want to make them scream at each other or kill one of the characters off because I was in a pissy lol

But the reason for this author's note is just to let you know that I have begun writing the next chapter with the help of someone who has become a very good friend on fanfiction. She's going through my work and inspiring my ass to get typing, as you know I sometimes struggle with the inspiration side of things.

I'm really really sorry, I am getting this back on track! I don't want to give you a set date when the update will be encase I miss it and you guy don't deserve anymore disappointment. We are coming to the end of Feel It so I want the ending to be perfect and more importantly _realistic._

Thank you for your patience

Emily x


	17. Chapter 16

**Again massive apologies for the long delay. On a good note though my little brain was on fire while writing this, I don't know why I thought the hen party would fit into one chapter, I'm a fool. So I've had to split it into two, which means more work for me but more chapters for you. **

**Huge thanks to my little Ranga who has been nothing but amazing going through all my drafts for this chapter, and who is going to be helping me make a fan mix for this story! So stay tuned for that as well. I'm going to attempt making some, I don't know, posters? Or cd covers for the fan mix. If there is anyone out there up for giving that go then please PM me, they'll just be awful if I attempt to do them lol **

**Here you go then my little diamonds, the dreaded day is almost here.**

**All mistakes are mine.**

**Feel it chapter 16**

There's always that one moment, or in Naomi's case moments, where you stand in the middle of your room looking into a full length mirror with the most dumbfounded and speechless expression on your face that you've ever had. An expression that's the result of seeing the mirror image of a person (even though its yourself) that you just don't recognise anymore and this transformation has only really happened over a period of a few months.

It was infuriating for Naomi, the countless numbers of tops, trousers and dresses that laid sprawled across her bed, she was irritating herself because she had _never _spent this amount of time getting ready for _anyone_ before.

Not that she could admit she was getting ready for her, not directly anyway.

Only a few people at the party tonight would know that her subtle attire was meant for Emily, that every stroke of her mascara brush and finger stroke of her foundationed finger was all meant for the satisfaction of the red heads eyes.

If Emily even looked at her tonight.

_Fuck please look at me tonight._

She knew that the closer they got to the wedding the more guilt stricken Emily would become; she was clueless to how the red head would react. Tonight was meant to be a celebration of her Love for her fiancé, for the bounding of two people – god that sounds so – so limiting, so caging. She never believed in marriage, not anymore, years ago it meant something to get down on one knee but now its just a social norm. But no matter how many times she tried to stack the cons against the pro's Naomi's mind didn't stop her from wishing that tonight, Emily was celebrating _their_ marriage.

And that's what made her image in the mirror all that more foreign. With Cook she always had that comforting barrier because she knew that her feelings for him would never stem that deep, not straight to her heart like with Emily.

Not the way just feeling Emily's eyes upon her made her feel like she was melting, melting into a quivering wreck on the floor.

How can feelings that powerful exist in this world? It just doesn't seem real.

"Fuck" she laughs, scratching her head through her blonde locks her eyes bashfully looking anywhere but at the reflection.

Her eyes brave it, her arms falling to her sides, the black skin tight dress clings to her body. Almost like she's challenging herself; its only a few seconds before the absurdity of it fills her.

"How can one fucking night of drunken weakness bring me here" she huffs, before her eyes fill "bring us here"

_How can one night make me so vulnerable? Like she tore down my barriers after one look, after one fucking smile._

She sniffs hard shaking her head as if that's going to stop the inpending tears. They won't help, they won't stop Emily from marrying him. The only thing that may contribute to preventing the worst wedding of the century is turning up looking drop dead gorgeous.

Time for eye liner.

She leans forward grabbing her Max Factor black eye liner, one of her make up possessions that even she protects with her life, its helped her out numerous times when she's spotted Emily in a club and she's been dancing to her little hearts content no doubt sweating every last bit of her make up off, doesn't matter how many times Emily says she's a natural beauty she's a girl at the end of the day, a bit of lippy wont hurt nobody.

Its only the loud bang of her bedroom door that pulls her from her monotone rambling. Its goes a bit like this –

_Emily_

_Lovely Emily_

_I love Emily_

_Emily marry JJ_

_JJ poo_

_Naomi good._

_Naomi and Emily beautiful._

Effy coolly walks into the bedroom a bottle of Vodka perched in her hand, her non existent black skirt is complemented with a grey glittery told that actually only shows a modest amount of cleverage for Effy "Fina-fucking-ly found a dress I see" she smirks.

Naomi can only manage a lifted middle finger through the mirror reflecting in retaliation.

The brunette laughs tilting her head back "Chris she's dressed!"

The sandy haired boy pokes his head around the corner, his pupils wider than the earth covering the moon "Fucking hell Naomi, Gorgeous or what"

She smiles at the complement helping raise her spirits more than she'll let on to Chris "Keep your eyes to yourself you prick" the usual retort comes.

"If it was up to Naomi she'd wear her police uniform to the party, it's about the only thing she feels comfortable in" Tony says as he strolls carelessly into the room, throwing himself down on her made bed behind Effy taking the Vodka bottle from her hands.

She throws her middle finger back up "Only because the stab vest repels your absurd suggestions"

_Why the fuck did I agree to move into this place? All I ever get is abuse!_

"I must say though Naomi, your looking bang tidy" Tony finishes laid across her bed in the most suave suit he could find and she's sure if she was still with Cook, well not interest in men then she would have complemented him back saying he looked rather handsome. Not anymore though, everything she see's is compared to the red head and that's almost impossible to beat. _Is_ impossible to beat.

Plus the reference to the 'bang tidy' now makes her cringe. Where as before if Cook crudely joked it would make her slightly hot because she would think about his defined chest and – _its so weird how that doesn't turn me on at all anymore, a nice pair of tits and curvy hips and I'm licking my lips in anticipation. _

"Okay, so what are the plans for tonight then?" Chris begins throwing himself on the bed, just missing the Vodka bottle that Naomi's already tagged as her courage for the night.

She begins to walk towards them "What are you on about? It's a hen party you're not invited!" it sounds trivial but its true.

"Why not? If you haven't noticed I am sort of dating her sister" Chris chimes in, his chapped lips forming into a triumphant smirk.

_As if that's even an excuse_

Effy just smirks holding out the bottle of Vodka reading Naomi like a book "It's a girls only event"

"Sounds just up your street then" Chris jokes; yelping once the blonde had administrated the perfect blow to his head. With a triumphant smirk on her face and the bottle of vodka firmly in her grasp she began to make her way back to her original position, taking a swig from the bottle and turning her head in different directions making sure that her make up and hair was looking 'bang tidy'.

_God I'm even starting to sound like the lads, at least Cook never rubbed off on me this much. Thank god. He was great but to pick up his mannerisms would be a step too far._

"Fuck this" Effy begins jumping off the bed, her skirt raised past dignity levels "Nai if you apply any more make up you're going to give Katie Price a run for her money, now fucking bring that bottle and let's have a smoke in the garden"

She sighs, Effy was right the more she played with her looks the more she got nervous "As long as it doesn't involve drugs"

"Oh behave with that officer persona" The brunette jokes over her shoulder as she walks out the room. Tony and Chris laugh along.

She laughs "No I mean I want a level head tonight"

"Rebel" is the faint reply.

She takes one final breath ignoring the chatting boys in the back ground. No more physical preparation; she could give herself the mental preparation all night but for now she was done trying to make herself look okay.

_Get a grip now Naomi. Its time._

_Emily, Emily, Emily._

;;

The night air feels a lot cooler than she expected, it feels delicate, like even a scream would fracture it making it fall into a pile of pieces.

It fits perfectly with how she feels.

Every thought since she left the bedroom and made her way has been about the red head. Words have been fluttering through her mind, words that could possible change everything, make Emily _realise_ that she doesn't have to be the door mat that she's made herself be, because what she said to her that day was right. It is _she _who has set this life out for herself, made her parents believe that she was happy with JJ.

Kind of like the way she allowed everyone to think that she was okay about her dad leaving. She's never been okay with that, _ever._ Just like she's never been content with being with Cook.

"Jesus you look like your preparing for battle" Effy breaks through her train of thought. She smiles, no doubt she does look a sight.

She laughs realising she's standing in the doorway to the kitchen "Right now I feel like Buffy the Vampire Slayer when she's about to face an apocalypse"

"Well slap on some leather trousers and grab a stake"

She finally gets to the brunette, perching herself on the edge of the fading bench snatching the cigarette from her fingers "That's far too dangerous"

The joking atmosphere changes to a tenser one.

"Feel like you might use it?"

"If I said yes" glances at Effy "Would I regret it?"

"Well you're a copper so I'd hope so" Effy jokes trying to break the atmosphere, seeing it as a lost cause "But if you did, I wouldn't blame you"

It wasn't the fact that she didn't have Emily, realistically Naomi had Emily how she desired her. Its every girls dirty fantasy to have an almost married girl panting beneath her, drawn in by the desires of having what you shouldn't. But for her she didn't have Emily how she _wanted _her, _craved _to have her. She wanted to be able to wake up every morning to the beautiful red head sprawled out next to her either clothed or undressed, as long as she was _next _to her every morning it didn't matter – but that seemed like a faraway dream right now.

She understood why Emily was so reluctant to leave him. She was scared, her whole life based around pleasing the people she loved. Being the daughter that her mother wanted, especially after all the problems she had as a chance, the clinginess she had when her sister would stray too far but it all stemmed from this acceptance. The _need _to please them.

_She's just terrified _

The main question is; could she forgive her?

"Here have a shot, will get into your system quicker than those pathetic sips you keep taking" Effy interrupts again with a shot glass of Vodka.

She doesn't need telling twice, its gone by the time Effy turns to grab the bottle. Her face is surprised when she see's the empty glass, laughs shaking her head as she refills it only for the blonde to consume it a second later.

"Avoidance" Effy states looking at the blonde intently.

She coughs "What?"

"Lets play your mums game"

"Why?" Naomi asks.

Effy sighs "Because I'll feel a lot better tonight if I know how you're feeling"

Naomi fiddles with the empty shot glass in her hands, the setting sun making the atmosphere like a calm one "I feel like tonight is one big show down"

The brunette looks at her confused "That's not how you play"

"I'm fed up with avoiding things; its about time I face the facts"

Effy smiles one of the warmest smiles Naomi has ever seen; she reminds her of a proud mum. The brunette reaches down and takes one of her hands, its nice, not like Emily's but it gives her the strength she needs to continue. Its one of the things she loves about Effy she never pushes her, knows she will probably sit like that forever until she talks, probably why Freddie loves her so much.

"I feel like I'm out of options, like my fucking time Is running out and I'm missing the biggest point I could say to stop her from fucking getting married!" Naomi rants, her grip tightening around the shot glass, her heart rate increasing and her eyes watering. She hates the prospect that tomorrow everything finishes with two fucking words.

"I think you've done all you can"

"Really? Have I really though?" she says letting out a long breath.

Effy tightens her grip "I think it's down to Emily now"

Naomi sighs "I'm tired of being on my knees"

The silence envelopes them, the sound of the humming traffic and the radio playing in the kitchen is all that can be heard, Naomi's internally thankful that the Christmas period is over, no more sappy Christmas tunes to make her want to rip her hair out or smash the fancy radio into pieces. She heard one come on her ipod the other day; it made her heart stop. The one that she and Emily unconsciously begun singing together in her kitchen as they were washing the dishes, Emily's husky sweet voice sent chills down her spine. She knows that Christmas song is going to haunt her every year now.

"Naomi you're strong. You're a completely different girl to the one you were when you were with Cook. You're _you _now. The girl I always knew you would become" Effy explains taking a swig from the bottle followed straight after with an intake off her cigarette both held in the same hand.

Naomi scoffs "You're such a fucking cliché"

"Right back at you" the brunette winks.

Sometimes Effy's verbal punches are the best remedy Naomi thinks, even though she will never admit that to the brunette. Tonight was going to be a fucking long night, she had no idea what was planned only that Katie was in charge and from what Effy had told her cryptically, it was going to be one hell of a night.

So she relishes the quiet moment sat with her best mate under the setting sun. She had no idea how she would be feeling tomorrow morning when the sun raised again, she selfishly hoped that she would be with the red head, but on her own hen party she didn't know if that would be an all time low for Emily. She was scared to even think about advancing on her tonight when Emily could for the first time since this whole affair begun, reject her. She's not sure how she would cope with that.

"Here" Effy says suddenly, nudging the blonde with her hand. She looks down at the object in the brunette's hand, a hair band with springy metal bits sticking up with a picture on the top that she can't make out "Orders from Fitch bitch"

She takes the hair band from the out stretched hand, turning it around in her palms until the picture on top of the springs come into view. A pair of tits "Are they boobs?" she laughs rolling her eyes.

Effy tilts her head back howling with laughter "Well mine have cocks on, I thought that was more up your street for the moment"

She shakes her head allowing herself to laugh at the stupidness for a moment. _Only one pair of tits I'm into at the moment._

That's another things she likes about Effy; even though she's had this life altering experience lately Effy has not once labelled her. Others she knows would instantly call her gay; but Effy just allows her to live in the moment. She may be gay, she might not. She may just be completely smitten with Emily, but if tomorrow it all changed, Effy wouldn't judge her. Just like she wouldn't for her.

"Well yours sums you up perfectly Ef, you really are a cock"

"Touche"

They giggle both taking large swigs from the bottle. If she's going to be wearing that tonight an alcohol coat and goggles were desperately needed.

And if she was going to be able to look Emily in the eye.

"You need to relax; Gina would have a fit seeing you this wound up"

"Rubbish, she would just whip out the litre bottle of vodka the little alcoholic"

"She taught us well" Effy says snorting as she holds up the smaller bottle of Vodka. After a short pause she continues "You should ring her, ever since you turned up a wreck she's been constantly hounding me for answers"

Naomi laughs as she takes the bottle "I told you she was irritating"

"She just cares"

"I know, I will ring her. Not tonight though"

Effy shakes her head "Tonight you need to focus"

"You sound like my hockey teacher or something"

"Fuck you"

"Fuck you right back"

This was nice, the banter. This had become their routine, ever since they first did it before the boys moved in. This was their time, their time to be frank and just fucking say the things that others were too scared too. It was probably an unspoken coping mechanism of theirs, it worked for them. They didn't need to push too hard or prod for answers they knew they weren't going to get. Even if they just sat there the entire time sulking in silence, the others presence was enough to remind them that the world kept turning and every minute that passed they would eventually be okay.

"You do realise that Cook will be at the wedding"

Fucking wedding, just the name of it infuriated her. Then her heart stops when she really thinks about it, not only is she going to have to watch the women she fucking loves walk down the isle to the arms of another human but the man that she once cared for, her other best friend, is also going to be there.

She'd been so wrapped up in everything Emily that she hadn't even had time to consider that of course he would be there. And JJ's best man no less.

His cheeky smile and boisterous characteristics flew into her mind; it made her smile. She would never admit it out loud, but she did miss him. If this wedding did have the ending that she had been seeing every night in her nightmares then at least she could try and savour any kind of relationship with Cook. Even if it was a simple nod every time they passed in the street. That would be enough.

"Yeah, it'll be nice to see him. Do you know where he went?"

"His little brother was up north with one of his aunties; I think he went to spend some time with him for a little while"

It makes her smile, he really had changed since their college days. "He makes a great big brother"

"Let's drink to that

;;

Naomi huffs in frustration as Effy sniggers from beside her "Fuck sake we haven't drunk that much!" she moans referring the fact that she's almost fallen flat on her face for the third time in only a hundred metres.

"We have consumed over a bottle and a half of vodka"

"Yeah but we use to be so much more hardcore than this"

The brunette holds her hand up stalling the blonde "Do not include me in your patheticness; I am walking in a perfect straight line"

"Yeah well maybe it's the heels, they are new after all or these fucking boobs on my head, every time they swing one way I get unbalanced"

Effy howls with laughter before referring to Naomi's shoes, pointing at them "True, I am impressed though, they are fucking nice"

Naomi glances down at her black heels, they really are nice, the type that would make girls stop for a few seconds to picture themselves wearing them then realise that no, only the fit blonde walking in front of them has the legs for them. _Okay maybe a bit big headed but its allowed. Effy's suave is still currently rubbing off on me._

They walk around the corner, Naomi stares at the floor trying to miss the cracks in the pavement. She can hear the murmur of a small crowd, like the sound of a pub garden in the summer. Her eyes glance in front of them past Effy's walking form to a building only a few metres in front of them. Its huge, the brick work is coloured a dark pink colour, the type that she can picture in Katie's bedroom along with her disgusting and cruel leopard print bed clothes. The pathway that runs along the front of the club and up the stairs to the front door is covered with a red carpet, _so fucking cliché,_ and on the carpet is a small crowd of footballers wives waiting patiently but talking a hundred octaves louder than necessary. Naomi's surprised every dog from London hasn't made its way to them howling trying to make conversation.

"What the fuck is this place?" she breathlessly asks. Just from the site of it she knows Emily played no part in the planning.

Katies waiting form catches her eye, she was lucky, Katie blends in so well with the other WAGS.

"Fucking take your time bitches!" Katie moans.

"Blimey that's the warmest welcome I've ever experienced" she says, sarcasm dripping from her lips. Effy smirks taking a cigarette to her lips.

Katie waves her hand in front of her face "Fucking hell, you both stink of alcohol"

"Naomi needed some dutch courage"

Katie fix's her with a stern glare "Naomi needs to behave"

She lifts her hands in front of her body in mock surrender, Katie doesn't scare her but the implications that she might cause to Emily does. Katie will cause Emily distraught and she wants the red heads mind to be clear so she makes the right decision.

_Leave JJ Emily._ She thinks silently as she looks up at the horrendous club once more.

"So Emily and a few others should be arriving soon" Katie looks to Effy "I thought we could go over the last few bits and pieces to make sure the night runs smoothly Ef?"

Naomi's confused eyes focus on Effy "Why do you need Effy's help?"

"I got the strippers in for the night" Effy answers.

The blondes sure that if she was sipping a drink or taking a toke from a fag she would have choked or spat everything accidently in katies face "Strippers?"

Katie steps forward, her hands resting dramatically on her hips "This is a hen party babe, like what fucking hen parties have you been too?"

She wants to say none – because none of her friends have been stupid enough to marry someone they don't love – but she just shrugs instead.

"They better be fucking hot yeah babe" Katie winks, it makes Naomi's stomach churn in the wrong kind of way. Katie turns back to face them both, her stupidly high heels clinking "Right so the plans for tonight so far are as follows, pre drinks to loosen every one up, then a few games to get to know each other, then the fucking grand show of hot six packs and large packages and then the club fully opens and we can dance!"

The idea should riddle her with excitement, but it doesn't. The only thing she can think about is – _Emily _– she hates the way the name has an all over affecton her. Makes her heart jump, her palms sweat and her belly feel like a thousand butterflies have decided to take off.

A couple of girls approach them; each of them have pink feather scarves wrapped around their necks, the hair bands with cocks firmly in place. They look like a good laugh; the types of friends Naomi always thought Emily would have. They are all wearing modest dresses complimented with a light layer of make up, each of their eyes holds excitement and anticipation for the night – she knows instantly that she'll get on with them. It makes her relax.

"Hi Katie" The brunette one politely smiles.

Naomi notices straight away the fake smile that graces Katie's lips "Laura, so glad you guys could make it"

"We wouldn't miss this for the world" The blonde girl in the middle of the trio speaks up, her mousey blonde hair is just above her shoulders, perfectly curled.

The third girl, also brunette, shyly smiles. Naomi politely smiles back, glancing into the girls blue eyes seeing a form full of mystery. The brunette instantly interests her.

"Great. This is Naomi and Effy" Katie introduces.

Naomi waves politely nodding as Effy smirks taking a toke from her fag.

"Naomi, Ef. This is Laura, Chloe and Milly friends of Emily's from her work" _Her work, I never did find out what she did. _"So if you guys want to go inside and mingle, get to know each other, have a drink while I wait for Emily and the others to arrive"

"Sounds like a plan" Naomi voices as the three girls lead the way, giggling and stumbling as they hold onto each other. Naomi glances at Effy just in time to see her roll her eyes, this really isn't her scene, at least she will get some form of entertainment tonight trying to see Effy join in.

;;

They all get to the bar, the girls all order cock tails of cheeky vinto while Effy and Naomi go for something slightly stronger, whisky and coke with a side shot of sambucca. The three girls watch on as they both down their shot then half their drinks. Naomi had no idea what is planned tonight and the waiting anticipation of Emily's arrival is enough to cause her unease.

"Lets play a game of 'I never'" Laura suggests, signalling for them all to move into a circle. Naomi obliges pushing Effy slightly in encouragement. Whats a little game of I never ever done? If anything its helped, just like at gobblers end all those months ago.

;;

The game lasted for about half an hour, Naomi actually had a good laugh, the girls appeared young and innocent on the outside when really they were dirty and up for anything. It was great, even Effy appeared more involved and interested in the conversations and jokes they were having.

A few more people had started to arrive, Katie had introduced them all quickly before rushing back outside to wait for the bride to be.

Everytime someone said that Naomi just wanted to throw her drink in their faces.

It just reminded her that Emily wasnt coming there for her and no matter how many times she tried to trick her mind into thinking she was the reminder came crashing down on her, so did the drinks that kept being thrown down her neck.

"Naomi slow down" Effy scoulded beside her, the worry clear in her voice.

_You calm down when your hearts been fucking ripped from your chest and left for the fucking animals to eat._

The dragons of her reality were back again, bashing at her perfectly fake world that she had created in her mind, the one where Emily would enter the room and look her directly in the eye, smile her fucking perfect warm smile and make everything in the room disappear into a swirl of colours and blurred shapes until it was just them. Naomi and Emily.

"Sorry" she said, realising that Effy was right. Her getting completely hammered and screaming out the truth wasn't going to change any thing. She wanted Emily to make the decision, not force it upon her.

A bag of party poppers were passed around the group, the group that consisted of five more girls, Rachel, Zoe, Lisa, Becky and Eleanor. Friends of Emily's from school, college and university.

"I can't believe our little Emily is getting married" Lisa gushed, it made Naomi's veins boil with anger – _I fucking can._ "and to JJ! She always did find him completely adorable when we all thought he was a complete fool" _I still think he's a complete fool!_

"That's true love for you" Chloe added as the others all nodded.

Becky laughs "Remember that time we found them in the closet at Uni completely stark naked"

"Emily's face was completely priceless but JJ's hour long lock on afterwards I think wins" Eleanor finishes.

Maybe the dragons of her reality were right – she was stupid to ever think this could work. That she could simply have the girl that she loved, her life had never been that simple, had never been that easy. That's why her dad left her, why her mother had always brought her up to see the world for what it truly was.

Effy bumps her shoulder and her mind refocuses on the girls rushing to the entrance of the club "Emily's here Nai" Effys voice says, the tone is enough to almost make her cry. She can make out all the party poppers going off, she throws her one too the ground. There's nothing to celebrate here.

Maybe coming to this wasn't such a good idea, after all, Emily _was_ getting married tomorrow.

"Okay" she whispers, her feet glued to the floor. Her palms getting sweaty, her mouth dry and her heart picking up speed. She can see the slight flash of red hair in front of the crowd of squealing girls, she scoffs, anyone would think she was famous.

It was like slow motion, as the crowd of girls parted and Emily's form came into total view. Her heart was like a ticking bomb, the one waiting to go off, waiting to be detonated and Emily held the trigger firmly in her palm.

She was fucking beautiful, painfully beautiful.

The dragons of her reality were pounding at the walls.

_She isn't yours, she will never be yours._

She was sure that in years to come, she would be sat by the bed of her grandchildren telling them about the love that never was. It was sad, but in this moment seeing Emily's brilliant smile, she matched it with her own, because she was fucking glad that she had met this women, she was brave now.

Lisa started to try and make conversation with Emily and although the red head was trying to interact with the other blonde her eyes struggled to stay connected with Naomi's. There moment was gone so she made her way over to the bar, Effy following close behind.

"Two sambucca shots please" Effy's voice says from beside her, as Naomi turns around just in time to see one of the girls place a white veil on top of Emily's head indicating to everyone in the club that she was the bride to be "How you doing?"

"I'm okay" she answered firmly, tired of still being on her knees.

;;

"Right" Katie said looking around the circle at all the women "This is where the night really gets good, so I thought seeing as the majority of us are still young at heart we could star_t _the games off with a traditional game of truth or dare?"

Naomi's heartbeat sped up, glancing at Effy from across the table. Her eyes screaming danger. Effy smirks.

"We'll go around the table, so ill ask Lisa truth or dare, then afterward she'll go to the next person and so on, going clockwise okay?"

_We're not all completely retarded_ she thought with an eye roll.

The dares start off small, Naomi can tell that a lot of the girls haven't really played a game like this before, or if they did, they never got as dirty or open as this current game was about too.

She chuckled looking at Katies gagging face after having to lick Becky's armpit.

It was difficult for her to feel relaxed, not when Emily's eyes were constantly on her.

"My go, lets make this more interesting" Effy interrupts, turning to face Naomi the cheeky smirk on her lips not going unnoticed by the blonde. She gives the brunette a wary look, the type that says _play nice._

"Ok" she says clearing her throat trying to ignore the way everyone eyes are focussed on her, more importantly the way those brown orbs are focussed on her.

"Truth or dare darling" Effy says with a challenging smirk.

"Dare sweetie"

A couple of the girls giggle and watch on intently. Effy glances around the group until they rest on Milly. When the brunette turns back to face her Naomi is terrified by the spark she finds in them "I dare you to kiss Milly"

Gasps sound from around the table causing Naomi to roll her eyes, to be honest she thought it was going to be something involving Emily so this is nothing, but the way the rest of the girls have reacted she's slightly concerned they may not be very open to the idea of girls kissing.

_Fuck this_ Naomi thinks glancing at Milly.

"Are you actually going to kiss her?" Chloe asks leaning forward.

Naomi glances at Milly, see's the way the timid girl has almost caved into herself "Why not? She's beautiful"

It was the truth, her mousy brunette hair and brown mysterious eyes was enough to finalise the blondes decision. Thank god Effy didn't choose one of the others, she hadnt missed the other girls sly glances her way and she was sure Emily hadn't either.

She leant over the table, her drunken hands sitting either side of her drink keeping her upright. To her surprise Milly met her half way, a race of confidence enveloping the shy girl. The kiss was sweet, Milly tasted nice, it didn't last long but It was enough to cause the affect Naomi was hoping for. When she sat back down on her seat she could feel the brown orbs burning her skin.

Milly looks completely flushed, the reality of what just happened clearly setting across the girls face. Naomi feels for the girl, clearly her true personality is kept in a cage because of the girls surrounding them. If anything Naomi wanted her to be brave, like her.

She gives the small girl a final wink, seeing the faint smile that passes over her lips before refocusing on the game. Katie being dared to kiss Laura, now this Naomi wants to see. Emily too with the way she's shuffled forward in her seat; her eyes almost challenging her twin.

They kiss, it's the most pathetic kiss Naomi has ever seen but she's surprised that Katie hasn't said a snide comment about lesbians or Naomi herself.

_Maybe she's learning._

The dares get a lot dirtier after that.

Throughout the game she had to: kiss Effy's nipple, kiss – lisa and Eleanor, drink a dirty pint and find a man with the bushiest mastosh and have a photo with him.

;;

Effy leans toward her; her hand held beneath the table. A white pill sits idly mocking her.

_You know you shouldn't, but if you don't you always wonder if tonight may have been different._

Kind of like when Morpheus sits in front of Neil with the blue and red pill. Which one would you take?

Naomi takes the pill, its stupid and probably completely irresponsible but the stories of how JJ and Emily met are starting to take its toll. If she doesn't do something soon then the frown currently on her face, and the one thats been living on her face for the past hour, will get permanently stuck, she's sure of it.

Effy smirks; her eyes screaming trouble as Naomi grabs her whisky and coke downing half the drink.

_that ought to do it _she thinks winking at Milly who blushes _lets get this disaster of a party started._

she turns to Katie who glances around the table before allowing her eyes to rest on her, she smiles and Katie knows its a challenge, _time to open your eyes Katiekins, _she thinks as the blood around her body starts to pulse and her heart begins to beat a thousand times a fucking second. Her inner Cook starts to surface.

Naomi looks around the table, ignoring the way Emily's eyes look terrified, her eyes rest on Chloe, she smirks.

"Bar man" she yells behind herself, he meekly comes over "Can we have a table full of sambucca shots"

Katie leans into her "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Getting this fucking party started"

"Hell yeah" Effy yells hitting the table with her fists causing the rest of the girls to jump and look at each other nervously.

The boy trots over minutes later with a tray full to the brim of shots, Naomi doesn't even consider how much it costs, her mouth salvates at the sight and at the thought of how they are going to be taking them. She turns back to Katie "Body shots"

"What the hell are body shots?" Laura asks glancing excitedly at Chloe.

Effy answers "Have you been living in a hole? I thought you guys were at university with Emily?"

"We work with Emily"

"We went to University with her and we don't know what body shots are?" Lisa answers.

If its possible to look shocked its right now. Who goes to university and doesn't do body shots?

_That must have been the tamest university ever..._

Effy laughs "Right Nai on the table!"

Even the pill couldn't prepare her for that. Emily glances at her, her eyes a mix between jealously and anxiety. Its spurs her on. Nothing would prepare Emily for the evil playful grin that fell upon her face.

She stands stripping herself of her jacket, glancing around the still closed club, only those on the guest list allowed in early. _Fuck them, _she thinks as she sits on the edge of the table, Chloe and Milly quickly grab the tray full of shots as she pulls the top of her dress down to her waist, unveiling her worked abs _being a police officer does have its perks. _She tries to ignore the way Emily stares at her stomach, ignore the way she licks her lips and takes in a deep breath just the way she does every time Naomi removes her clothes. She lays back on the table, watches as Effy raises and signals to be passed a shot. She smirks at the blonde, her eyes playful as she tips the shot into her navel. The pill makes every sensation feel ten times greater. She leans her head back waiting to feel the brunettes tongue.

_If she doesn't want me then ill show her whats she's missing._

Effy's tongue is surprisingly sensational, she knows its probably the pill making everything feel fucking ten times more wonderful, but fuck its good. As Effy sucks up the sambucca and licks around her navel, Effy's hands grip the side of her hips. She tilts her back, her hand grabbing the back of Effy's head.

The brunette kisses her navel to signal the end, she smirks knowing its all for show before bringing her chin to her chest laughing at the brunette rimming her mouth with her fingers before taking it in her mouth and sucking it dry.

"That. Was. Hot" Laura laughs as the rest of them look shocked at their own reactions as they nod along.

Naomi rolls off the table signalling to Milly "Your turn"

You know when they say that once you break the seal theres no going back? These girls are exactly like that. It's always the quiet tames ones that turn out the wildest. Each of them have an appreciation for the female form, their tongues lingers longer then they should, their hands travel closer than they expect.

Naomi and Effy sit back like proud teachers as they sip their drinks sneakily stealing the odd shot from the decreasing tray. Emily continues to stare, her brown eyes sucking in every movement of the blondes. She tries to ignore it, the pill making it easier.

"Naomi" The once shy girl Milly says across the table "Let me take a shot from you"

The blonde raises her eyebrow at the mousy blrunette girl.

_Yep its always the quiet ones._

;;

Naomi knows that every sip and shot she takes is probably eating away at her sanity. Her mind races and images of Emily overtakes her senses. She tries to bury the pain with every lick and stroke she caresses against the current 'body' she's taking the shot from. Knows that she's probably creating more problems then she is solutions but with the pills affects the feeling of carelessness is wining the battle against consequences.

;;

Emily's glances have started to become few and far between. It makes her heart sore and her mind go riot but each time she finds herself thinking about the red head she always remembers that no, she hasn't fucking done anything wrong. She's the one getting married.

Milly glances up at her as she takes the shot from her navel, her eyes are sparkling and her stomach is rising and fallings with every breath she takes, if it wasn't for the red head only a few feet from her she would think this was the most beautiful site she's ever seen. But like she said, Emily is hard to beat and even this sweat girl can't do that.

_I'm forever going to be burnt by her, _she thinks as she wipes her mouth holding her hand out for Mily to take as she raises her off the table.

;;

Emily's eyes start to become too much; so does the veil flowing against her red locks.

;;

"Now I thought we could take this moment to say a few toasts" Katie slurs tapping her champagne glass, she's not even sure when the champagne was opened she's sure she wouldn't have drunk it had she of known, Naomi cant tell whether its because of her lisp or the amount of alcohol she's consumed "So I'll go first" she turns to Emily and Naomi grips the edge of the table "I know I never really tell you think but seriously I am so fucking proud of you and I'm so glad that you are my twin. JJ Is fucking lucky to have you and if he wasn't you know I'd hit that nerd up" everyone but Naomi laughs, Emily looks uneasy but smiles anyway shuffling in her seat "I wish you years and years of happiness and love. I'll always be here for you no matter what"

Naomi can't help but scoff at the last bit.

A couple more of the girls stand up and say their piece, even burst out crying at some of the most cheesiest lines that causes Naomi to roll her eyes and Effy to burst out laughing.

Milly stands up next and before she can get a word in Chloe stands shrieking and pointing at the entrance "STRIPPPPERSSSS!"

Effy and Katie smirk until Katie's drops and Naomi can see her harshly whispering to Effy "What the fuck? Why are their female strippers as well?"

Naomi already knows that the brunettes answer is going to be brave and bold, she's already probably consumed the majority of the alcohol behind the bar and Effy feeling oddly braver then normal is definetly something to be worried about if it wasn't for the fact she was feeling brave herself "I thought we might get something you like and something emsy here likes too"

Emily caves into herself, downing the rest of her drink that was three quarters of the way full.

"What?" Katie hisses looking around

"I said" Effy begins before her mouth is covered with Katies hand.

"Alright I fucking heard you and after the way you've two caused a stir im sure these girls wont mind the female strippers"

"Fuck yeah, bring them over" she says hitting her hands against the table signalling for the shy barman to come back over. Her eyes fall upon Emily's; they still make her fucking weak, make her knee's tremble and her heart feel like a ticking bomb.

;;

The strippers get on the table and dance to the most sexy songs you could ever imagine coating themselves with ice allowing the other male or female stripper get it off them.

The girls all shriek and clap as they each take it in turns to lean forward and put money in the strippers underwear.

Naomi's eyes never leave Emily's. She fucking wishes they would but for once her mind and heart are agreeing on something. Not even the dragons of their reality could interrupt this moment.

_I love you Emily Fitch_

;;

The club opens as soon as the strippers leave, Emily gets dragged away with a few of the others. Her eyes roam the dancefloor, her mind racing and her body trembling.

Times running out.

"Here" Effy slurs handing Naomi a shot of tequila.

The blonde looks at her pointedly "you really don't want us to survive tonight do you?" she giggled downing the shot.

Its Effy's turn to look at her pointedly "Do you?"

"Not really" she sighs slipping slightly in her heels.

_Tomorrow everything ends._

She holds herself up by the bar, her eyes skimming over Emily's form. The pressure of not being able to talk to her is starting to get her down. She just needs to hear her voice, touch her skin, one last time.

"Where's Freddie tonight?"

"Him and the boys are at the stag do"

_Fuck, that means Cooks in town._

"You okay Nai?"

She stares at Emily as their eyes connect, an electric pulse goes through her body "Honestly I don't know…..fuck, when did this all happen?"

Effy turns back around form the bar with two new shots "hell this was waiting to happen" she laughs.

Katie catches her eyes in the corner of the room, she currently pushed up against the wall with a familiar looking guy sucking the life out of her face.

_Chris, the little fucker._

"You know Katie seems pretty distracted. You should try talking to her" Effy suggest.

"She'd be on our case in a heart beat" she sighs.

"I have a plan" Effy says downing her shot, winking at the blonde and walking off.

"What?...Ef! EFFY!"

_Fuck._

She nervously downs her shot as the brunette disappears in the crowd of dancing bodies, she feels like a prick stood on her own with her hair band of bouncing boobies wobbling on her head still.

**This took me over a week to write, please review and let me know what you think **

20


	18. Chapter 17

**This story does not want me to let it go! I'm telling you, every**** time I have said that I think it's the last chapter I write and words just flow out of me! So AGAIN I've had to break it into two. Hopefully that's a good thing; I hate to think that you're getting bored with this story.**

**For once I really enjoyed writing this chapter; I do feel like I got their emotions and feelings across okay for once, plus I edited it until I couldn't stand it any longer. I'm sorry it took so long but if I don't feel happy with a chapter and I update, it always makes me loose inspiration leaving my next update taking weeks/months. It kind of got to a point where I yelled at myself just to upload it before I edited it too much.**

**I won't say that the next chapter is the end because I don't want to annoy you all by definitely saying that then telling you again that is isn't so all I will say is i predict it's going to be the last chapter lol **

**(if you see a line halfway through this chapter I tried to get rid of it but it just would not GTFO! So ignore it ****)**

**Again snogs to Christy for editing my chapter, my little Ranga **

**Love to everyone that reviewed, favourite or added my story to their alert list.**

**I do not own Skins****. I have tried to make sure there are no mistakes but there still probably is.**

**p.s. I am ****genially gutted that Stunty won't be writing any more fanfiction, we have lost a talented writer who has helped us all to escape the mundane world for a little while. I hope the persons or person involved is happy…**

**On that sour note….****let's see what Effy has planned the little minx….**

_When your world trembles and quakes_

_And your footing suddenly shifts and shakes_

_Take my hand_

_We'll hide in the corner_

_Take my hand_

_We'll hide till it's over_

Naomi nods at Effy, taking one long deep breath before forcing her legs to begin walking. Quickly snatching the wobbling boobs on the top of her head, throwing them to the ground snaking her way through the dance floor as Effy's voice rings out through the speakers.

"Seeing as we don't have any men here tonight I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for us girls to have a nice slow dance tonight to celebrate Emily's Wedding. That and Katie has been sneaky and managed to get her boyfriend in here and wants a nice dance with him – so girls, grab a friend and enjoy the song" Effy finishes winking at Naomi, ignoring the set of daggers being thrown her way by Katie.

Naomi turns back to look at the back of Emily's head, the small red head even with heels on is currently searching the dance floor, her eyes raking over every one looking for something. Naomi taps her on the shoulder causing the red head to whip round.

Emily smiles the sweetest fucking smile, like her eyes had just been searching for her. It makes her heart thump in her chest, her ribs only just managing to keep the important organ in "Emily" she breaths holding her hand out, seeing it shaking "I was hoping I could have this dance"

The red head gulps looking around for a moment before nodding and taking the blondes hand.

"Just to let you know this dance isn't to celebrate your wedding"

Emily laughs tightening her grip around the blondes neck as Naomi tightens her grasp around the petite girls waist "I know"

It's a horrible thought to think that this might be the last time she ever holds Emily, ever gets to look into her eyes directly, even if the red heads eyes do hold just complete fear.

She looks down not wanting to see into her eyes anymore, taking a deep breath, her mind tries to conjure up everything and anything to say, knowing that the song is only going to last for a few minutes.

"I suppose this dance is just for me to tell you that I want you to be happy and if you being happy involves JJ then that's fine" she says, trying to plaster on a smile to back up her sentence, ignoring the howling dragons trying to bash down her walls.

Emily stiffens "Naomi I'm not going to dance with you if you mean that"

It startles her and confuses her at the same time. Isn't that what she should be doing? Congratulating the bride-to-be on her upcoming wedding? Admitting defeat when all that's happened up till now is her fighting this loosing battle? It infuriates her.

She stiffens too trying to control her boiling anger "What would you like me to say Emily? Don't marry him? Run away with me instead into the sunset?"

"Don't mock me" she says glancing around at the other girls, seeing some of them laughing while others are in an awkward embrace. Naomi doesn't fail to see Katie's glares, they remind her of the ones she threw back at Gobblers End when she first started to realise their was something going on between them. Knowing she has the upper hand gives Naomi a moment of triumph before Emily's eyes pull her back into the forever tension filling discussion.

Emily looks uncomfortable as her eyes finally settle back on the blondes "Stop hiding Emily" Naomi says exasperatedly "When are you going to stop?"

The red head steps back out of her embrace, the cold air on the dance floor surrounds her, she instantly misses the warmth and wishes she could control her fucking anger. This moment wasn't meant to be like this, if this was the last moment she got to spend with Emily she wanted it to be a happy one.

Emily suddenly seems small, completely terrified and Naomi has to do everything in her power not to reach out. That's not her job, to be her knight, Emily won't let it be her job.

"Don't stand there and judge me Naomi" her small husky voice says. She can just make it over the speakers before Emily turns and begins to walk away. Its weird how she can hear the clinking of the tiny girls heel, like each step is making a puncture in her heart.

Her legs twitch begging her to move, just take that first fucking step to catch up with the red head but her hearts beating so fucking hard that she can't.

A blurry of darker red hair comes into her vision "What the fuck did you do?" Katie's angry face bellows, her hand puncturing the sentence shoving her back a few paces.

Effy's form appears behind her, her hand snaking round to pull Katie back as her eyes fall upon the blondes face trying to ask what went so wrong.

Naomi sighs her eyes now focussed on the door Emily just went through, its so tacky in here she's not sure if it's the door to the girls toilets or to go into the gardens "I didn't do anything Katie"

"Like fuck you didn't, I told you to stay away from her"

"And I told you to fuck off!" Naomi booms. She can see how startled it makes Katie, if she wasn't so fucking deflated seeing the surprise in the girls face would have filled her with slight cockiness. Instead it does nothing because the girl holding the key to her feelings has just walked away.

Katie steps forward "If you fuck this up-"

"Why don't you stop trying to rule your sisters life, smothering her and making her something she isn't and focus on your own fucked up tacky life"

She braces for the slap, to be honest it was expected, she was out of line even if it was slightly the truth. She barely even feels it, just the tiny sting from the huge ring as it tears the skin on her cheek.

Effy steps forward grabbing Katie from behind by the shoulders "That's enough, lets get a drink Katie" she says pulling the fuming dark red head away murmuring a small 'fix this' to the blonde as yet again the brunette gives her an opening.

Auto-pilot kicks in and she feels her legs automatically following in the red heads footsteps. Her breathing deep and her nerves returning as the anger drains with every step. Its like the final showdown, Buffy facing her last apocalypse only its Naomi facing Emily, her love.

;;

She bursts through the back door, there are only a few bodies scattered about. Most of the girls from the hen party are in doors either still dancing or trying to calm Katie down. The cool wind makes her cut sting.

Her eyes roam the new unfamiliar area and what she see's surprises her. It's almost as if she's entered Narnia through a wardrobe in the trashy club. The garden just doesn't fit, it doesn't go with the theme of the building. There's a white coloured paved patio with long black street lamps that make you feel like you're in a Sarah Waters novel, fairy lights that hug the tall green tree's. The lawns are such a rich green colour that you can tell they are loved with flowers kissing the edges of all different shades of yellow, red and white. There's no pink in sight.

It's amazingly unbelievable, she thinks, as her eyes catch the slight movement of a small silhouette further into the garden.

Amazingly unbelievable, just like her.

A small smile teases her lips as she begins to walk towards her. Her final battle, she thinks, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of it. Her heels almost bounce on the grass, the long blades tickling her ankles.

Emily physically tenses, Naomi can tell from the way her back muscles tense in the moon light. It makes her gulp nervously. The red head doesn't turn around before she speaks.

"If you've come out here for round two then please just go back inside" her voice husks, Naomi knows it's from her crying, the tears that she caused.

She clears her throat "How did you know it was me?"

Emily shakes her head helplessly as she turns around, her eyes red rimmed and her cheeks stained with mascara "I don't know, I just did"

Its funny how that one sentence just summed up their entire love affair, nothing made sense, why they were so attracted to one another, why their feelings were so strong and why they couldn't do anything to stop it even if they tried. What they had was unexplainable and powerful, Naomi knew that much even if she did feel that they had entered the abyss with no direction.

"I haven't come out here to fight with you Emily"

Emily gives her a small smile and Naomi notices how much her brown orbs sparkle in the night light.

"What happened to your face?"

She doesn't want to alarm her, so she lies "Mad dancer hit me"

The look that passes over Emily's face shows that she isn't fooled but is glad that she wasn't told the truth.

They begin to walk in sync, neither of them decide to go for a walk it just happens, they can still hear the base of the music in the back ground, it gets louder every time one of the occupants decides to leave or enter the building. Naomi can't help but feel like every time the door opens reality comes knocking on their door. She wants to savour this world for a little bit longer, if she could she would drown in it.

The grass is so soft, it's even better without her heels on. It's like walking on a bed of pillows, almost as if the ground is ready to catch her when she falls.

A small bench comes into their eye line, its white, the paint has slightly started to chip, it reminds her of the benches her grandparents use to have in their garden and makes her take a mental note of maybe getting one for her and Effy to sit on in theirs, its wonderful. The white metal links together giving off a lovely pattern, its beautiful but looks rather uncomfortable to sit on. Emily obviously doesn't mind as her bottom hits the cold metal. Naomi follows suit allowing the peacefulness to wash over them, the sound of the club now faint.

"When I was younger and I use to constantly worry over Katie being too far away I always thought it was because I was scared of being on my own, that if I stopped trying to keep her or my parents in my eye line that they would leave me" Naomi takes her hand, she already knows that her talking about this is painful, knows that even Katie probably doesn't realise how much it toyed with the younger twins emotions "But now I know that it wasn't that, I was afraid that no one would ever try that hard to keep me in their lives"

"Your family will always fight for you to be in their lives Ems"

In the moon light she couldn't have looked any smaller, it makes her heart swell and that basic instinct to protect the red head raw up "Will they?"

It didn't seem like a moment to lie, to give the cliché answer instead the answer that comes out is pathetic "They have to their your family"

Emily scoffs "You clearly don't know my parents or Katie"

"Is that what you're afraid of? That if they find out the truth they wont want you in their lives?"

A tear falls from her eye.

Maybe that's what Naomi never understood. Not because she was naïve or too arrogant to but because she's never had to. Her mother had always given her that unconditional love, like a mother should. Emily has always had to fight for that by being perfect. The perfect daughter with the perfect job, perfect family and perfect husband. It must be so difficult for her and she never realised that until now.

Its must be so hard to have a taste of the life you desire so much knowing that if you fully embraced it you'd loose a massive part of your world.

Emily stood quickly startling the blonde, taking a few steps before twirling round

"I wish I could open up my head – no – my fucking heart – no my head and my heart and let you see, feel and hear everything thing that's being going through my body. It may look so simple from the outside Naoms but its not, I know you know that, I can fucking see the trouble and hurt in your eyes. But please don't ever think that I don't care, that I'm a bitch without a heart because I'm not. I never meant to hurt anyone but now I know that in the end someone will get hurt and that's completely out of my control yet at the same time its all my fault" she completely breaks down, her bottom lip quivering uncontrollably with her knee's shaking

Naomi moves forward her eyes leaking with tears, her mind rushing and her thoughts thundering. It all feels so fucking final, so fucking massive like there is a whole orchestra behind them both playing the big final with symbols smashing together and drums hammering.

"It's not all your fault okay? I did this too. Maybe we should have tried harder to stop this, maybe we should have just carried on ignoring what was happening, you know, not thinking. But where would that have gotten us? I don't believe in fate, or that this all happened for a reason, however I do believe in chance. Chance is such a rare and unbelievable thing. We were lucky to meet Emily Fitch, we were lucky to feel these mutual feelings we have for each other and we were lucky to experience this, together" It was beginning to get harder to speak, her grip was so tight on the red heads arms she was worried it may be hurting her.

"Maybe this will be the only chance at love I get" she squeaked.

"Maybe" Naomi said shaking her head "I can't tell you what to do Emily. I don't have any answers and if I did it might not even be the right ones. I can only tell you how _I_ feel and what _I_ want. Maybe we should run off together, maybe you should stay with JJ. What you need to understand Emily is that only you can answer that question, make that decision"

"What if I don't want to make that decision?"

Naomi shook her head with a sad smile squeezing the red heads shoulders "There is no choice in the matter Ems, you need to make the decision. If you don't and you just let you life move forward without any real thought you'll never know whether you wanted your life or not, or whether you just let it happen and missed the biggest opportunity of your life"

"Like be with you, you mean"

She shrugged her shoulder "I don't know. Your biggest opportunity could be marrying JJ. Only you know that because only you truly know who you are"

Emily sobs "I don't know who I am anymore"

Naomi smiles "No, I think you do. I think you've known all along, you've just never allowed yourself to be you"

"How comes you've handled this so well?"

The blonde scoffs shaking her head "I haven't. Ive been a complete mess. These past couple of months I've done things I never thought I would or could. I split up with my boyfriend, I moved in with two boys that can be completely unhygienic and crude, I went to my mother and cried my eyes out, actually applied for a job that I only ever thought I would just look at from the outside and actually been honest about my feelings for once. Some of its bad, others are good but all I know is that I've moved forward and so have you Emily"

"You're beautiful when you talk like this" Emily says reaching out, brushing her hand against her soft cheek, she cringes slightly as her thumb strokes the distressed skin around her cut.

She blushes "Like what?"

"With so much meaning and sense"

"I'm just trying to help" she justifies slightly embarrassed.

"And you are. You have no idea. I can't believe your still here really, I've been a bitch, thrown you into situations no person deserves and run away. Yet your still here"

Emily's eyes in that moment were gorgeous and Naomi knew that this was one of those moments that she would remember for the rest of her life. Like when she retold stories of her life and her grandchildren would ask her if she ever fell in love before the person they knew and she would tell them about Emily's eyes and how they felt amazing yet killed her at the same time. Like this beautiful garden with flowers and green grass being caged with a burning wall of lava.

"I haven't done anything I haven't wanted too"

"I know but I still don't understand why you haven't run to the other side of the world yet" Emily joked but Naomi could sense the relief that she hadn't.

She reached her hand out and mimicked the red heads actions only against the soft pale skin of her cheek "I couldn't. it's obvious why I couldn't"

Emily looked so deep into her eyes "Why?" she croaked fresh tears building at the edges of her brown orbs

Naomi knows that if there was one sentence that would ever hold every last bit of feeling and emotion held in her heart it was going to be the one she was about to say. She looked the red head directly in the eye, sniffing to stop the tears from making the syllables from holding as much meaning as she intended.

"Because I love you Emily Fitch, that's why"

The small girl broke then; Naomi had to catch her as she fell. Thankful for the soft grass beneath her knee's as she brought her into a tight embrace, her small cherry lips were saying words that Naomi couldn't make out. She was sure she was saying things like 'oh god' and 'not fair'.

Naomi kissed the bare shoulder that was in front of her, her lips tingling at the feeling of the girls soft skin, wanting to burn her, make a tattoo on her skin so that Emily never forgot about her love. The love that could have been. Emily instinctively tilted her neck, her red hair falling behind her ears and off her shoulders as Naomi carried on the trail of kisses up her neck, around the rim of her chin before Emily wrapped her arm around the back of Naomi's head bringing their lips crashing together.

She could taste their salty tears, smell their breaths full of alcohol and feel the release of all the tension and despair.

The world could be falling apart all around them but Naomi didn't care. This could be the last kiss she ever receives from the red head. Nothing was going to break them apart too soon, not even oxygen. Just the feel of her tongue against hers was enough to set her body alight. It felt like years since she'd felt Emily so close and her heart screamed that this could be the last.

They broke apart, both panting for air as their eyes focussed on one another. Tears still falling.

"I have never" sniff "Felt so like me" sniff "than I do when I'm with you" Emily cries.

"I like this version of Emily. She's not so different from the one before, only difference is, this Emily is glowing" Naomi smiled as Emily sobbed.

They stayed on their knees on the pillow of grass just staring into each others eyes, their hands resting against each other keeping them connected. The wind blew around them and Emily closed her eyes, inhaling the sweet scent of the flowers. Naomi wondered if she was finally letting herself go; like she said when she first found out about her and JJ, don't let the wind carry you, push you where you don't want to go, instead, ride it. Emily looked in control but she wouldn't allow hope to fill her. It would only hurt so much more if Emily's answer didn't include her.

When Emily opened her eyes again Naomi recognised the fire burning behind them, it was the same fire that drew her towards the red head all those months ago in her flat. She smiled at Emily, leaning forward giving her a kiss on the lips, making sure to linger for a moment before moving back and getting to her feet.

"I'm proud of you Emily, I know this has been really hard on you, on us both. Whatever you decide I'll be happy for you" she says wiping her nose "I'll love you forever, well, until my heart no longer has the strength to beat. Be brave Emily Fitch, it's time to think"

She lent down and kissed her forehead, closing her eyes wishing that she could transfer every ounce of love she had in her body on to the red head. She knew this was the right thing to do, she had played her part, fought her side of the battle.

So she turned, took a deep breath and began the walk back towards reality.

She expected the Dragons of her reality to be up roaring and breathing fire, for the ground to be shaking and for the sky to be falling. Instead everything was silent and calm. Almost as if for the first time things were all in place, like a chess match with the game plan already laid out in front of them.

It was Emily's move now. Decision time.

She'd fought a good battle in favour of her heart.

"Oh" she says whipping around, starling the red head that seemed embarrassed to be caught watching her leave "You never did tell me what you do for a living?"

Emily smiled wiping her nose getting to her feet "I'm a landscape gardener"

It made sense to Naomi, Emily always had a habit of making the mundane things around her beautiful.

Suddenly it clicked.

"Wait, did you do the garden to this dingy club?" she asks.

Emily seems taken back as she nods with a proud smile.

The blonde laughs "It's gorgeous, I felt like I'd entered a different world when I came out here"

"That was the idea"

She smiled, nodding her head "Goodbye Emily" my love she wanted to add before she turned away continuing her walk.

;;

Emily watched her walk away, her love, her world. As she whispered into the wind "I'll always love you too"

;;

Neither of them notices the figure standing behind the bushes watching the whole exchange.

;;

EMILY POV

The dress was beautiful; it was the only thing she had been in control of this entire wedding. It was her, her mother and sister didn't approve but that made it all the more attractive to her. She felt like a princess. It was a strapless white gown, it gave her the right amount of cleverage, hugged her hips perfectly and flowed behind her just the right amount of length. It was her; when she looked into the mirror she could see herself glowing back, just like Naomi had mentioned.

She hadn't seen the blonde again that night, she knew she wouldn't but it didn't stop her eyes from searching or her heart from yearning.

She felt at peace though, the world for the first time seemed calm. It was odd yet so comforting at the same time.

Naomi had saved her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on her door. She sighed hoping it wasn't her mother or Katie coming to argue why more make up would be better for the pictures or that she should at least try and wear higher heels. Then a wild thought entered her mind, what if it was Naomi? Her heart began to race, her mouth going dry. She tried to hide the smile as she ran to the door.

"Naomi?" she unintentionally asked as she opened the door.

Effy smirks "No sorry"

"Shit sorry" she said feeling completely embarrassed and stupid for even saying that at her wedding. What if that had been JJ?

Effy sauntered into the room, she almost didn't hear the brunettes foot steps, probably because her eyes involuntarily looked through the door to see if maybe the blonde was hiding.

"She's not coming Emily"

"What?"

"She's not here. She's not coming to the wedding"

"Oh" she's not sure why she's so shocked by that. She was hoping that the blondes blue eyes would give her strength as she walked down the aisle, it's selfish and she knows that.

Her heart goes numb.

"Do you know where she is?"

"No, she took off this morning saying she was going away for a bit" Emily's heart completely dies in that moment, the thought of not seeing her was horrible "She did give me this though" Effy says stepping forward a small box in her hand, she hadn't noticed it before "She wanted me to stress that it's not a wedding present"

It makes her laugh as her knees give way, she lands on the soft carpeted floor.

"I'll leave you to it" the brunette says as she heads for the door, she doesn't leave before turning around "Everything will be okay Emily, I know it"

_I hope your right._

The door clicks shut and her eyes focus on the small box in her shaking hands. She almost doesn't want to open it, she knows that whatever it holds inside will probably make her completely break down. She can already hear katies bitchy voice when she sees her ruined make up.

_Fucking open it. You can at least do her this honour._

She lifts the lid up, the cardboard holding the box together is pathetic, she wouldn't be shocked if whatever's inside is damaged. She holds one of her hands over the open end of the box as she tips it upside down. A small envelope falls out as a round ornament wrapped in tissue paper lays upon her hand.

Putting the box and the object down she takes the envelop and slowly opens it. The hairs on her body standing on end, she has to keep telling herself to breath as she takes out a small sheet of paper. She instantly recognises the blonde's handwriting.

**Emily,**

**As you probably know by now I'm not coming to your wedding, I hope you understand. I'm sure you look absolutely breath taking in your dress, he's a lucky man. **

**I just wanted to let you know that I got the job. Thank you I probably wouldn't have done it without you.**

**Ive gone away for a while, the job doesn't start for another month so I decided to embrace the opportunity with both hands (plus the police owe me time off) so I've gone to New Zealand. The way you described it made it impossible for me not to, it'll probably make me drown further in my love for you but I'm a willing victim. It sounds phenomenal. I wish I could take you with me so I've settled for second best, inside this package is an open ticket to New Zealand, it lasts for a year. Make sure you use it.**

**I'm so lucky I got the chance to love you Emily Fitch.**

**Naomi x**

**p.s this is not a wedding present!**

She picks up the tissue wrapped object and lets it unfold in her hands. She gasps when she see's what it is. The small round glob rolls in her grasp, the small mountains inside with the little tree's are beautiful. Its night time in the globe, she shakes it and watches as stars rise from the bottom of the globe and float over the mountains and tree's. its almost how she pictured the mountains at night in her dreams.

"New Zealand" she murmurs.

The tears fall then as she lays back, her hand instinctively reaches out and finds her bag, it then snakes its way inside and feels the texture of her passport. She remembers when Naomi found out she carried it with her every where just in case she ever had the leave the country in a hurry, she knew she never would, but now Naomi has given her that chance.

Another knock on the door makes her suddenly realise where she is and how little time she actually had in the first place to give herself the final preparations that she needed, i.e a mental talk with herself.

"Emily its time" Her mother says from the other side of the door.

She quickly shoves the globe and letter into her bag before taking one final look at herself in the mirror. Giving herself a small pep talk.

_Here we go._

Her hand shakily opens the door, she's not sure how the hell she's going to walk in her heels when her knees feel like complete jelly.

"Oh my gosh, you're beautiful" her mother gushes, bringing her into an embrace that she only half heartedly gives back.

Its really hard to stop the tears from falling. Its almost like she's walking down the corridors to the execution room.

"Yeah you look great Ems" Katie says quietly. She doesn't seem herself and the smile plastered on her face seems more faker than usual. Emily ignores it and allows her mother to hand her the bouquet before heading to the cars that will be taking them to the church.

Her dad is crying when she gets to the car, it breaks her heart that he's so proud of her when she doesn't feel proud at all. He mumbles something about her no longer being his little girl before dropping her veil over her face and allowing her to get into the car. She feels like she's in a costume about the go to a Halloween party, its awful, so fucking awful yet all she can picture is JJ's happy face when she utters the words 'I do'.

;;

The drive seems like forever. Every smile from her father chops her heart and every approved gesture from her mother almost makes her break down.

;;

The church is beautiful, and the weather stunning. She couldn't have hoped for anything better, however she could have wished for something better, or someone.

;;

Her dad says some soppy speech as he faces her by the doors to the church, she doesn't really hear it or focus on him. She's glad the veil is over her eyes, she knows that if he could see her eyes searching the church grounds for the blonde he would question what was wrong and she wouldn't be able to tell him.

He holds out his arm for her to take, a massive smile on his face as she glances behind herself. Katie won't meet her eyes.

The music starts and she begins to walk to the end of her life and the start of someone else's.

;;

She almost doesn't look JJ in the eye when she gets to him, she can only just about manage the small smile that to JJ she knows means the world.

They both turn and face the female vicar; she remembers the arguments between Katie and her mother when the vicar was decided.

"_It should be a male vicar not a woman!" her mother roared_

"_What are you talking about?" her sister hissed_

_Her mother huffed "It's traditional for it to be a man"_

"_Only in your stupid world" her sister retorted._

_It made her smile, if only for a while._

"Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to bare witness to the joining of two people, Jonah Jeremiah Jones and Emily Fitch…."

Everything else is a blur, her bodies on auto- pilot. She's gone through so many rehearsals of this very day that she could even do it in her sleep. Nod at the right moment, smile at JJ every so often and make sure not to make eye contact with the vicar for too long, she was sure she would be able to see into her soul.

;;

JJ's holding the ring out in front of her, its glistening in the sun light coming through the church windows, its like its mocking her, teasing her.

Come get the life you apparently want.

He's smiling as he repeats the words the vicar is saying. She glances at the crowd of people that have come to bare witness to their marriage. She can see her proud parents, her grandparents and James. Katie isn't looking at them she's holding Chris's hand. She looks behind JJ at Cook, he seems so proud yet she can still see the hurt in his eyes, probably wishing it was him and her Naomi up here. Her Naomi, fuck.

JJ eyes are looking at her confused, shit she must have zoned out.

He glances worriedly at the crowd, she can sense his embarrassment at her lack of concentration "babe?"

"Sorry" she says trying to rack her mind of what part she's missed, clearly she was meant to say something, nod or maybe smile but she cant remember. Surely it couldn't be the 'I do's yet? But then she remembers the taunting ring held out before him, the only thing separating them.

The church is silent as she stares at it.

Suddenly it all happens so fast as a voice speaks.

"I object!"

The crowd gasp, she whips around trying to find the source. She's shocked when she see's her sister standing up, looking at her.

Her mother stands next "Katie what on earth are you doing?"

Katie stands her ground "I'm stopping this before we ruin her life!"

"I'll never forgive you for this" Jenna hisses.

Everything comes flashing back in that moment, everything.

**She can hear her voice; hear the irony of it all.**

**Her beautiful voice, the ones that makes her heart fucking break through her chest, shattering her rib cage.**

"**If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it"**

"**Be brave Emily Fitch"**

"**You really think I can do it?...well I think you can do anything too"**

"**Its obvious isn't it, I love you Emily Fitch"**

"**I'll give you everything you've ever wanted"**

**Every scent, every kiss, every fucking caress enters the red heads mind. She can feel Naomi on her fingers tips, smell her scent through her nostrils, sense her touch on her skin.**

**She had to do this for herself and Naomi.**

Suddenly she finds her voice "Don't mother" she turns to JJ her voice for the first time since she realised she loved Naomi becomes stronger "I object"

JJ seems confused and completely bewildered. She can see why she almost fell in love with him "I-i-I don't understand"

Everything becomes blurry as her tears begin to fall, she removes the veil from her eyes stepping forward trying to comfort the breaking boy "I'm so sorry JJ, I never meant for this to happen"

"Emily stop this nonsense" Jenna speaks up, a fake smile on her face as she tries to control the crowd as they begin to become more uneasy and worried.

She ignores her.

"What happened?"

She lets go of his hands, her eyes no longer able to meet his. She doesn't want to see him break; she can't take it "I-I-I fell in love with someone else"

"Oh" is all he answers. She knows its going to take him a few moments before he fully understands what it means "So your not going to marry me?"

She shakes her head sobbing.

He leaves then, storms down the isle his lips quivering as he murmurs words that she can't make out. It crushes her, she hurt him and she never wanted to do that. She watches as his mother chases after him and his father follows soon after not before giving her a bewildered look. She turns back around to look at her sister, she can see her mother yelling at her but they keep eye contact.

Thank you she says through her eyes. The dark red head nods as she turns to confront her mother.

Emily gives the vicar small nod, she doesn't really know what to say to a vicar when this kind of thing happens, she's only ever really seen it happen in a movie. The vicar seems slightly disappointed but nods anyway before picking up her bible and leaving the altar.

She looks around the room and see's what her life almost became and she smiles and begins to take her first steps into her new life.

"It's her isn't it?" a voice cuts into her new beginning.

"What?" she asks as she turns to come face to face with Cook.

"The person you fell in love with, its her"

Her heart stops as he takes a step forward; she glances at her family, her mother frozen with her finger pointing at Katie, her father frozen with his hands around his wife and Katie shaking her head as they all glance her way.

She panics "I don't know what you're talking about" she says beginning to walk away, Cook grabs her.

"You're the person she left me for, I knew it, nothing of what she said made sense" he says, his grip tightening as his eyes glazed over with realisation.

Jenna moves forward almost as if she's scared to go near her daughter, each step she takes echo's through the church, everyone's silent, everyone's listening "What is he talking about?"

"Nothing" she cuts in quickly before begging Cook to be quiet with her eyes.

"You're in love with her aren't you?" he says shaking her.

"Who!" Jenna hisses, her face clearly embarrassed as she tries to cover it with her hand, still playing nice with people she doesn't know.

"Naomi" he says with such power Emily's surprised the walls of the church didn't collapse.

Her gaze falls to the floor, she can't look at him and she knows by doing this she's giving him the answer he already knows. His grip on her arm disappears but she cant feel it, all she can feel is the glare she's receiving from her mother.

"Its not true" Jenna says trying to plaster on a fake polite smile, she laughs "Tell everyone it's not true darling"

"Jen" Rob speaks up. She glares at him.

"No she's just going to tell everyone that this is a mistake and we'll schedule the wedding for another day"

"Mum stop it" Katie begs.

"You've done enough young lady" Jenna hisses making her way down the alse towards Emily. Every step she takes makes her feel more nervous as her mothers eyes appear so desperate "Tell them its not true love"

Everyone just watches on, a few of JJ's family have also left she knows the ones that have stayed are the type to be nosey in each others business. This is just free tv for them.

"I can't" she sobs, her knees shaking and her palms sweating.

She wonders whether this is really the appropriate time to reveal to her family that shes in love with someone else, that someone else being a women but she knows her mother, she would never believe her.

So why not now when she's stood at the altar in her wedding dress after breaking her fiancé's heart?

Jenna's stood at the bottom of the steps leading up to the altar, her gaze is stern and angry. This is probably her worst nightmare, one of her children not following the footsteps she painted out for them "Emily stop acting like a child"

"A child? I'm twenty two! I'm a full grown woman!"

"Then behave like one!" Her mother shrieks and it echo's off the church walls.

The sound is so horrible that it even causes some of the remanding family members sat around to leave. She's surprised the church windows didn't smash and fall everywhere like they do in all the music videos.

It almost silences her, like it always does. She can't go back now though, she's stepped too far over the line.

A tear falls from her eye as she takes a step forward, a quick glance at Katie gives her the final bit of strength she needs to say the words.

She looks her mother straight in the eye "I'm in _love_ with her mum"

Jenna looks away almost like she slapped her "I'm in love with a _girl_ mum"

"How can you use that word in such a horrible sentence" the elder Fitch retorts and the sad thing is Emily can't tell whether she's talking about love or mum. It hurts more than she ever thought it would.

The tears won't stop, neither will the quivering of her lip. It frustrates her that even now the woman has such a hold over her life and the decisions she's made but mostly she's frustrated that she ever allowed her mother to have such control.

"Your suppose to love me unconditionally" she blurts out and it scares Jenna slightly the amount of venom that was behind that sentence "That's what mothers do, they support their children no matter what and they accept them for who they are" she sobs her legs finally starting to give way as Katie moves forward coming so she's just slightly behind their mother.

"Then I suppose I'm not a traditional Mother because there is no way I am accepting this lifestyle" Jenna says as a small tear falls from her eyes before she turns and begins to walk out of the church.

The finalness of her statement startles Emily, she hates the way it makes her heart feel like its ready to burst out of her chest and the emptiness it leaves her feeling.

That's it?

"You're just going to turn your back on me then?" the red head calls to the retreating form the anguish and desperateness of it makes her feel sick "I'm still your daughter!" she says falling to her knee's before whispering the last part that seems so pathetic and fucking stupid "I'm still Emily"

Her father follows Jenna as Katie comes up the steps to the altar bringing her into a hug. Emily's so fucking relieved of the embrace she wouldn't of been able to function if Katie had walked out too. She needs her sister more than anything right now, especially when the woman holding her last bit of feeling is thousands of miles away.

It seemed so funny how her life has ended up here, if you had told her this time last year that she would be madly in love with a girl and sat on the altar in her wedding dress crying into her sisters shoulder after breaking JJ's heart she probably would have spat trying to surprise a laugh. Now though it all seems pretty fitting.

She was left surrounded by the pieces of her life. The one she'd been so content on keeping intact.

And the one reason for that was nowhere to be seen. Her blonde bombshell was too far for her to reach and a massive part of her entire world had just walked away.

She sounded pathetic as her sobs echoed off the walls to the church. Her sister tightened her grip on her small frame.

They stayed there until her tears finally dried.

**This took me weeks to write, please let me know what you think.**

**Much Love.**


	19. Chapter 18

***Hides behind hands waving white flag***

**I feel like I should introduce myself again. Hi I'm Emily and the author of Feel It…erm I love you guys?...I KNOW it's been almost two months since my last update, I couldn't believe it when I checked, it's just flown by! But I haven't been doing nothing, I promise! I've been working on some fan art for this story and fan mix which I mentioned about a couple of chapters ago! You will get to see it by the time the story finishes but the art kind of took priority which is why its been ages, I know I'm very backwards!**

**You should thank Miss maraudeur for this update, she did bully me into updating telling me I was unacceptable….she loves me really, I mean she baked me a cake…that's love right? Lol anyway she told me that an update was better than no update so here we are.**

**Thank you to each and every one of you that has reviewed, alerted, favourited and messaged me. You are all amazing and really if it wasn't for you this story wouldn't even exist.**

**So it would probably be a good idea to re-read some of the previous chapters to get a feel for this story again.**

**I will really TRY my hardest not to let the next update take too long, I'm sure Miss Maraudeur will give me words if I do.**

**Looking forward to hearing what you all think If you love it let me know, the more I know are reading the more I know people are waiting for the next update lol**

**All mistakes are mine, although I have spell checked through my wine goggles….**

**xx**

Emily POV

They tell you that in time, things will get easier. Time heals and all that shit. For Emily time is a horrible prospect and it's even more scary when their dad comes back into the church half an hour after leaving seeing both sisters still collapsed by the altar.

She can't even remember how long she'd been crying for or how long it had been since her tears had stopped flowing leaving her cheeks feeling stiff and her eyes red raw.

The one thing she does know is that Katie hadn't even loosened her grip.

She held on to her sister, her breathing increasing as their father walked towards them with an unreadable expression. It reminded her of the suspense she felt when the teacher walked towards her at university to let her know whether she had passed the year. Whatever words were hanging on his lips were either going to destroy her further or make things that little bit easier.

Xoxoxoxox

The atmosphere outside the church is calmer; her eyes search the surrounding roads for her mother's car, it's stupid and she isn't shocked when she sees it isn't there, her heart just fucking hurts but she smiles because its still beating.

Her father sighs as she walks slightly further away his eyes roaming the outside of the church. She feels bad, especially after all the nice loving things he said to her before they got here about being proud and glad that she's finally become a woman. She wonders whether he's regretting that now, whether he agrees with her mother that she's behaving like a child. If so then why is he still here?

"Dad?" she croaks, her throat raw from all the sobbing. She hates how much she's hung on everything he's about to say but she's just lost her mother and she's not really sure how she's going to cope with that.

He looks at her, like _really _looks at her and she feels like an ornament on display. It almost angers her because its as if he doesn't believe that everything she's been doing or saying is the truth. But he just smiles, its small and if you didn't have good eye sight you may have missed it but the relief that fills her is enough.

Katie takes her hand as he walks and sits beside her on the church bench. He has to scrunch up some of her wedding dress but she doesn't care, if it was up to her she would have ripped it off her body at the altar.

He takes her other hand releasing another sigh "How did we end up here aye?"

She knows he's asking for her story. He's never really had any reason to doubt her relationship with JJ. She just wishes that he could feel every fucking feeling that shes experienced on her roller coaster ride with Naomi.

_Naomi _

Just even of the mention of her name makes her smile, the one thing thats been able to make her smile these past few months.

"It just happened dad" its small and pretty much sums up their entire love affair yet she can't help but feel that short sentence didn't do Naomi enough justice "She came out of nowhere, like one moment I was content in my life then the next she was stood in front of me with everything I desired"

"Where is she now?"

The next words to leave her mouth stab her soul.

"She's gone"

He squeezes her hand "She gave up" he sighs.

But that's not right.

"No" she shakes her head sniffing "She thought I gave up" she laughs "and I almost did"

She feels relieved, it's the same feeling she gets when she starts a new book. New beginnings and everything, only there's one thing that's placing a dark cloud over her happiness.

Her mother's gone.

A women that has spent the last 22 years raising her, taking care of her and providing for her. It's only now that she knows that her mother never loved her unconditionally, even though she already suspected that.

"Shouldn't you be with mum?" she asks her father.

"No, my daughter just made one of the biggest decisions of her life. I needed to show you the support you deserve. I might not think it was the place nor the time for such a thing but im proud that you did it. It would have broken my heart more if you got a divorce a few months down the line"

Her hand squeezes his, she feels annoyed at herself. She's always thought of the affect her actions would of had on JJ and Naomi, she's never considered what they may do to her family. Her dads always been very traditional, she's sure he wouldn't mind who she married as long as she didn't do it recklessly. She knows he would never approve a divorce.

"I'm sorry dad"

"Don't be sorry girl, never be sorry"

"What about mum?" she croaks.

He sighs looking down at their joined hands before glimpsing at Katie, then back at Emily. Realising how similar yet different his beautiful daughters have grown, they truly are women he's proud of, if only his wife could see that "I don't know sweetie, your mother has always had a strong opinion of things. She's very stubbon just like the two of you are sometimes"

"Will she come round though?" Emily asks and the look that falls on her fathers face breaks her heart.

"I'm not sure"

It's an awful feeling when you realise that you've lost someone and you have no control over it. With Naomi and JJ it was her choice but with her mother she has no choice, yes she could have carried on pretending to be happy with JJ but she knows that in the end her life would have been miserable with the blondes eyes and laugh haunting her.

Naomi, how could her mother not accept her love for Naomi? How could she deny that she loved Naomi? How could her mother say that its impossible for her to love Naomi?

It angered her yet crushed her.

"But I love her dad" she sobbed feeling Katie rub her shoulder. Scrunching her eyes shut as the blondes smiling face fills her mind.

"I know honey" he said with a tear flowing down his cheek, seeing his daughter so distraught over his wife's actions almost kills him "You a grown woman now Emily, you make your own decisions, Jenna should respect that"

"She should love me for who I am"

"She should" he agrees.

She looks at him "But she won't"

The silence is all the confirmation she needs. She looks across the church grounds, the sunny weather and brightness completely contradicts her mood. She's relieved but she's not happy. Naomi's not here and her mother has deserted her, her life is surrounding her in pieces but the support of Katie and her father is enough to keep her above water.

"All you need to understand is I love you, no matter who you love. You're my daughter and always will be"

They hug, tears spilling and hearts clenching. It's one of the best father daughter moments she thinks her and her father have ever experienced. Katie sits silently, her heart swelling at the sight.

When they part they both smile, it's taken some of the weight off her shoulders that's for sure.

He stands then wiping down his tux, before bringing Katie into a hug whispering things in her ear before turning one final time "Our house is always your home Emily never think you cannot come there, I'll work on your mother. Now go home, get changed, have a nice long bath and think things through. I can see it's like a whirlwind in there" he says tapping her head giving her one final peck before walking away.

She smiles watching her father walk away, he was always her favourite. She would always prefer to play a game of football or sit with a beer watching a game then what ever her mother wanted to do. It gave them a bond she never had with her mother. She knows really that that probably helped to add to the disaster of their relationship now. She should have tried harder perhaps.

"We should get you home" Katie pipes up, her feet shuffling on the ground.

Emily nods, her arms shaking as they try and pull her weight up, her legs still feel like jelly, the same way they did when she was stood at the alter looking into JJ eyes. God his eyes, so full of hope and happiness. She shattered that.

_I hope he's okay_.

A flash brings her out of her thoughts. A lens flickering in the sunlight confuses her before Effy pokes her brunette locks from behind out.

"Effy the last thing I need is a picture to remind me of this disaster" she hisses.

The brunettes lip twitch to the side "What disaster?"

She scrunches her hands together "I just fucking broke JJ's heart" she spits.

"Ems calm, it's not Efs fault"

She's right.

She looks to the ground slightly embarrassed "Sorry" she says pathetically

Effy nods glancing at the screen her smile widening "I just think Naomi would want to see what you look like in a wedding dress"

Katie chuckles taking her twins hand, almost afraid of her breaking "Jesus Ef they've only just started a relationship!"

The words startle Emily "What relationship? She isn't even here" she finishes solemnly.

Her twin squeezes her hand as Effy looks at her with a sad smile. She knows it all her fault, she probably pushed the blonde to the limits, she did escape all the way to New Zealand after all, the other side of the fucking world.

Effy drops the camera letting it swing around her neck "Lets get you home" she says walking forward taking her other hand. She would laugh if she wasn't so exhausted, the way they both almost seem to think she's going to shatter into a million pieces but its also nice, nice for someone else to hold her together, for now.

;;

Time doesn't make things easier, she decides, if anything it makes things harder. Since she got back, took the dress off and was given a cup of tea, her mind has been on over drive.

Everything's different now, her life, the way she use to go about her day to day chores. The simple things like ringing JJ every other lunch time and her mum every other night has changed. She doesn't have anyone she can ring for the simple chats anymore, Katie is always so useless with her phone and her dad would never make it to the phone before her mum.

Her mum, god, is she ever going to speak to her again?

She doubts it. The look on her face in the church was enough to confirm every fear traveling through her body. Her mum hated her, like actually fucking hated her. That hurt, more than anything she's ever had to deal with because she was meant to be one of the constants in her life, something to fall back on every time something didn't go right in her life, like a relationship with a boyfriend or a horrible colleague at work making a horrible comment.

Now she didn't have that safety net.

"You alright Em?" Katie's lisp sounded through the eerie silence. She almost forgot that she was in the same room, sat on the laptop surfing the web. She couldn't understand how Katie could do something so mundane when her whole world was collapsing around her.

She opens her mouth a couple of times trying to think up the right answer so Katie wouldn't worry any more than she already was about her. But 'fine' and 'yeah' seem to be stuck on her tongue so she settles with nodding her head.

Katie doesn't buy it, but she doesn't voice her disagreement. Just closes the laptop screen and makes her way over to the bean bag placed just in front of her twin with her mug of hot tea.

They don't look at one another, both unsure of what to say if they did. It's a comfortable but horrible silence that hovers between them. It causes her heart to thump that little bit harder. She has so many questions she wants to ask Katie, but the main one is why.

Why did she object? What changed her mind?

Katie's fingers play with the non-existent patterns on her cup, the paint on her nails chipped and bitten away. She looks nervous, almost conflicted inside her head, like she's trying to think of the best way to express what she's feeling.

"Em i…" she begins before biting her nail then bringing it down to tap the glass "I….erm…fuck it, I have no idea really what to say"

"It's okay" she smiles "If you did I'd be worried"

Katie smiles and the familiarity of it fills her with slight warmth, until her eyes focus on hers and she looks so intensely almost as if trying to decipher whether she's really sat in front of her and its confuses Emily "What?"

Her twin diverts her eyes "Nothing…..actually no, I'm confused"

"About what?"

"Why the fuck you are still sat here when you have an open ticket sat in your purse to New Zealand"

The question startles her as her eyes dart to the bag sat against the sofa, she's surprised the ticket hasn't burnt a hole in her bag.

Why is she just sat here?

But she knows why.

It's pathetic really but she's fucking terrified. Terrified of the future, of what the consequences of her actions are.

"What made you change your mind?" she decides to defer.

She watches her twin look away with shame "I realised how awful I was being. I took Chris home to meet mum and she completely judged him and I saw how much it crushed him. She didn't even give him a chance to wow her with his personality, his cheeky smile and witty remarks. It really fucking frustrated and hurt me and I realised that that's what I'd done with Naomi. Judged her as a home wrecker before even getting to know her. I felt awful"

"I thought it was just because she was a girl?"

Katie shakes her head "It was to begin with, then I realised that I have loads of gay friends, what does it matter if my twin is one? But you were in a relationship and I thought you were happy. I could see she was trouble, I just felt sorry for JJ"

"Wish mum could see it that way"

"Yeah, me too. But she's always had her old fashioned ways of thinking, it's almost like she's scared of being any different. And if I'm honest it terrified me too, I know mum and I knew how she would react, that's kind of an added factor to why I wasn't so open about the idea. I didn't want to see you hurt"

She sighs "so she'll always hate me"

Katie grabs her hand "She doesn't hate you emsy, she could never do that. She's just lost at the moment, im sure she'll come back soon"

Emily looks at her twin fondly "When did you get so grown up?"

They chuckle "When did _we _get so grown up you mean" she pauses "But seriously though, what are you going to do?"

The question makes her nerves resurface "Honestly? I have no idea"

"Why?"

Katie asks that in such a way that she feels like a completely awful person; why? Why not just run into the sunset with Naomi? Why? Because she's fucking terrified of what it will mean if she does.

Everything was so simple with JJ. She was happy with having the cliché life and doing all the stupid fucking cliché things. Then she got a taste of the forbiddon fruit and it infected her insides and suddenly she was addicted. Her life was and still is fucking real and epic for the first time in twenty two years yet she couldn't just rush and grasp hold of that life straight away, no, she needed to think, otherwise the worst thing possible could happen. She could lose it. She could lose Naomi, then what did she have left?

Maybe that's what was stopping her from jumping on the next plane.

What if she wasn't there?

What if she couldn't find her?

What if she didn't want what she wanted?

What if she couldn't handle the shit her mother was going to undoubtedly throw at them?

"Do you think Naomi loves me?" The question sounds so fucking pathetic and horrible on her lips, but she's desperate. Katie scoffs and looks at her as if she's just grown two heads, it takes her a few seconds to realise that the question was actually genuine.

"Fuck, yes Em. She fucking loves you to bits"

Emily scoffs and hates the noise as soon as it leaves her lips "How can you be so sure?"

Katie looks to the ground, her eyes suddenly full of life "I was there Em, in the garden at your hen party"

"What?" she gasps, her hand hovering in front of her mouth.

"I fucking saw and heard everything, it broke my heart. It was like the most tragic movie I'd ever watched and I hated myself because I was one of the reasons that that whole scene was playing out in front of me. That's when I decided really that I was going to stop your wedding, it's why I couldn't look you in the eye because I felt so fucking guilty"

She grabs her sister's hand when she sees the unshed tears brimming in her eyes.

It was funny, how they'd spent their entire lives together yet in this moment Emily felt the closest she'd ever had to her sister. The one that always felt the need to make her worry by falling far behind her and her parents, or threatening her that she'd run away just cause she knew the effect it would have on Emily. That was all behind them, she was stronger and for once she had her sister right by her side.

It felt good, amazing actually.

"I'm scared, no…I'm terrified" she admitted, the admission making her shoulders feel that little bit lighter.

Katie squeezes her hand "Of what?"

"Everything before was so planned out, now everything's a mess. What if Naomi doesn't want children? What if she doesn't even want to get married? Can we even get married?" Emily blurts out; all her worries and concerns spilling from her mouth before she can even comprehend her audience.

Her twin laughs, it's small and if Emily wasn't staring so intently on the carpet she might of even heard it. Katie squeezes her hand again, a smile forming on her lips "You sound like me"

"What?"

"Wanting all the cliché shit in life, the normal life. Get a perfect husband, have 2 point 4 children, which by the way I don't understand how that's even possible and a house with a pathetic white fence with flowers on all the window sils-"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, it's just not us Em" Katie laughs "Don't look at me like that. When we were fourteen all the other girls were meeting in the park showing off their new nail varnish and accessories, where were we? Up the nearest tree"

"Yeah before you gave in and went down….slut"

Katie thumps her "Shut up!...point is we were never fucking conventional. Yes arguable I became more conventional as we got older but you Em, never did"

"Not anymore Kay"

"Rubbish!"

"No seriously I'm n-"

"Bollocks!"

"Will you stop interrupting me" Emily huffs.

"I'm not going to listen to you talk crap"

"I'm no-"

"You've just split up from your mundane cliché boyfriend to be with a woman that all you've done is fuck….now that sounds the same"

Emily rolls her eyes "Only you could make that relate to climbing a tree"

"You climbed her no?...Ow! Jesus, okay"

She laughs at her twins hurt expression before the reality of her statement hits her. The same nervous feeling erupts in her belly, it makes her feel sick "That's what I mean Kay, we haven't really done anything except that. Before a relationship starts you go on dates, you get to know one another…"

Katie shuffles closer to her on the floor "I'm sure you know things about her, not just the way she moans" her smirk almost makes Emily thump her again.

She raises her eyebrow challengingly "Or when she screams my name"

Katie hand shoots up "Oh god major mental image going on right now!"

"You're picturing me naked? That's disgusting!"

Katie pathetically hits her "Am I fuck! Its Campbell's body I'm picturing!"

"Stop picturing her body!"

"Jealous?"

"With that lisp no? She knows which one of us can give her the ultimate orgasm" she smirks.

Katie wretches "Oh my fuck, imaging her naked is okay but you two at it is a step too far!"

They both laugh until they calm down, both of them loving the feeling of being close again, like sisters up the tree in the park laughing at all the others. They always loved the feeling, being that little bit out of reach from their mother and everyone else. Just them.

"What's her favourite colour?"

"What why?"

Katie huffs grabbing a cution from the couch to put under her bottom "Come on answer"

"Red"

"Like you hair convenient" Katie smirks rolling her eyes.

Emily never thought of it like that.

"Her favourite band?"

She pauses "She said she was really into Mumford and Sons at the moment"

"What's her favourite number?"

"Six"

"Her favourite food?"

Emily shrugs "I have no idea"

"Have a guess"

"I always catch her eating Garibaldis?...Katie why are you asking me all these questions? Thinking of going on a date with her?" the jealousy is clearly evident in her tone, she almost wants to punch herself. She's already so protective over the blonde. The same blonde that in all her dreams she calls _her _blonde.

Katie laughs "Ha! No, but the point of it is to show you that you _do _know her. None of us know her favourite colour or fucking number do we? That's the sort of shit we know when we really like someone"

"Okay what is Chris's favourite number and colour?"

"Ten and Green" Katie flat lines.

Emily holds her hands up in defeat "Okay okay"

She was right, which is rather odd considering Katie has never made as much in her entire life as she is right now. She did know the blonde, well the things that mattered.

The main thing she needed to know was that she loves her.

"Remember when I was ten and I was sitting on the top bunk bed reading a magazine and I cut out that quote that you scoffed at?"

Emily snorts "In my defence I thought it was hilarious coming from you" she says remembering the paper cut out of 'Love conquers all' from the magazine Katie was reading. She also remembers the sincere look on her twins face as she stuck it to her wall, as if those words held all her hope. It made her smile because underneath all the bravado Katie shows off is a fragile heart, one that matches her own.

"Shut up. But it's true, love does conquer all. Fuck mum and everyone else that is probably going to give you a hard time just because you love another girl. Who cares, you'll only regret it. So what if Campbell doesn't want children? Or want to get married? You'll never know what she wants if you don't try"

"But she's gone"

Katie silently shakes her head "She hasn't gone. You know where she is, she fucking brought you a plane ticket to basically follow her Em. Even you can't be that blind?" Emily rapidly looks up, her eye brows raised "Maybe you can be then"

"To follow her?"

"Yes!" Katie answers shocked, she's sure some spit even flew out her mouth.

The letter, the ticket every last smile and look she got from the blonde flashes through her mind. The time they met in the Café and she first told Naomi about her desire to go to New Zealand, the way the blond just looked so fucking interested in every word she said. How could she not see that Naomi wanted to experience that with her?

Fuck.

Just hearing the blondes name made her fucking heart thump so hard in her chest. She needed her here, in her arms, kissing her and telling her everything was going to be okay.

That It doesn't matter if the future is uncertain.

It doesn't matter that her mother might never talk to her again.

None of it matters because they have each other.

"Shit, I'm just so weak" she blurts out, her shoulders slacking.

Katie shuffles onto her knee's taking her sisters shoulders in her hands, shaking them to punctuate it work "Are you fuck, you're the women that stood up in front of all your friends and family and said I object. You're not weak at all, I don't even know if I could do that at my own wedding"

"I had too, it wasn't fair on JJ"

"I'm sure that was one reason but you did It because your strong Emily"

"I- I just wish that she was here"

"It probably no fun in the park for her either, even if she is in a fucking lush country. Think of all the topless men- sorry"

Emily reaches over and checks her phone, nothing. She hasn't heard anything from the blonde since she left. She's not even sure she'd be in New Zealand yet, probably still in the sky. She grabs her bag, her hand instinctively reaching inside to retrieve the ticket. It feels so light yet it has so much meaning.

Katie pats her leg "Look I'm just going to make a phone call, will you be alright?"

"Going to whisper sweet nothings down the phone to Chris?" she jokes, although her hearts hurts a little when she thinks about how much she'd love to do that with Naomi right now. Even if they didn't speak, just listened to each other breath. At least she'd know she was there.

"Something like that" she laughs, kissing her twins head as she leaves.

She lets the silence fall around her, only the small sounds of air escaping from her nose can be heard. She lets her fingers trace over the ticket, her name grabs her attention. She wonders how it would have worked if she had gone through with her marriage? Wouldn't the ticket become invalid because her name would have changed?

Emily Fitch sound much fiercer than Emily Jones.

She is fierce, has always been. Shes stupid to even doubt that. A weak person wouldn't allow themselves to fall? Fall for a women they barely know. No a weak person would have run away, block themselves off.

Naomi knew she was brave, knew she had it in her.

"_Be brave Emily Fitch"_

Her voice rings out through the small room. She closes her eyes and she's sure she can smell the blonde, feel her skin just beneath her finger tip. She can picture her smoking through the hotel bedroom window, the bed clothes scrunched up around her waist, her bare chest reflecting the moon light. She was fucking breath taking.

She knew it was an image she'd take to the grave, now she could make a whole album.

"I am brave"

She quietly says to herself, an imagine of her mother's disapproving glare enters her mind. Her hands tighten around the ticket, her teeth grinding.

"I am fucking brave and I don't need you"

She needs the blonde, needs to feel her again, to fucking kiss her again. She grabs her bag throwing the ticket inside, grabbing her mobile and car keys before she swirls round just in time for Katie to re-enter the room with someone else. Her expression startled.

"Going somewhere?" Katie asks curiously.

Emily glances down at her bag and keys clutched in her hand before nodding her head. She doesn't need to tell her twin where. It's that telepathic twin thing that everyone speculates about passing between them – _"I'm going to her Kay"_

Katie smiles a genuine proud smile, before Effy steps beside her pulling something behind her before Emily realises it's a suitcase "Good cause we packed for you"

She runs up and hugs her twin "Thank you"

"It's okay; you just needed a slight push. You've done all the hard work yourself"

She breaks off from Katie giving Effy a slight nod, she returns it "I have no idea where to even start looking when I get there?"

"Don't worry Ef's got a plan"

She turns to the brunette, her eye brows raised as her heart thumps at the prospect of soon seeing the blonde.

"Yeah, I know just the women who can help us"

"Who?" they both ask in unison.

"The one and only Gina Campbell" Effy smirks.

Emily gulps, her stomach fluttering at the thought of meeting Naomi's mum. Her hands begin to sweat as she glances at her ruffled appearance before Katie grabs her hand and drags her out the room.

"Come on Em, there's a flight tonight, if we're quick you can catch it"

Soon she'll be back in the blondes arms, is the last thought she thinks before the doors close behind them.

Fuck her mum.

Fuck everyone else.

**Please review **

**Quick note, I have removed my previous stories. I just felt like it was time to take them down, they aren't my best pieces of work they were just a starting point to get me into this writing mojo. If you do want a copy of any of them then do let me know, I am willing to give them over on one condition – if you do want to repost them anywhere then please ask first, its just polite. They did take up a lot of time to write and I can then have a look at where you want to post them and come to a conclusion.**

**I will be finishing Finding Beauty cause it is just one chapter away from the end before I send out copies, I've had a few requests already for it.**

**Here's a list of the stories removed:**

**Finding Beauty**

**I See You**

**Refuse To Be Forgotten.**

**PM me if you want any **

**Last note – I do write status's on twitter to let everyone know how I'm getting on with Feel It. Might help you to know why I might be taking a long time to update, so do follow me; Emz3009.**

**Again thank you **


	20. Chapter 19

**Thank Miss Maraudeur for bugging me constantly for this update, I apologise as per usual for my lack in updates but life has really got busy especially with having two jobs and a mad social life. Seriously without her I probably would have left this even longer so go and check out her story Manifolds to say thanks and even leave a review if you can **

**I know that the Kiwi people (New Zealand people) probably sound English in the way I make them speak, I apologise in advance I cant help it so I beg you to just brush this off **

**Snogs to everyone that has reviewed, favourite, mentioned, alerted this story seriously its amazing to know my drunken work is appreciated.**

**My aim is to reply to all your reviews this time round. So drop us one yeah?**

**So Emily has an adventure on her hands yes?**

**All mistakes are mine**

**And I only own skins in my head…**

She wasn't sure what she expected; her mind had been flashing through images in her head of how she pictured Naomi's mum, but now as the elder blonde stepped out onto the front steps of her lawn, the yellow door closing behind her with the biggest, warmest smile she'd ever seen, she realised that every image had been completely wrong.

This woman's smile was like a warm sunset; a happy memory replaying over and over again. Her eyes were so like Naomi's yet they held so much more hope. It made her wonder why, why Naomi eyes didn't shine as bright as her mothers.

"Hello love" the woman's voice spoke, it was so neutral and calming she had to control her eyes from closing "You must be Emily" she continued, her smile genuine and her eyes sparkling as she held out her hand for the red head to take.

She hesitated for a few seconds, her mind tricking her for a moment into thinking that maybe this was a trap and as soon as their hands joined she'd be flipped onto her back and beaten for putting Naomi through so much pain.

Her hand finally embraces the elder Campbell's. Her mind takes note of how warm and soft the elder women's hand feels. They remind her of her own mothers and in that moment a horrible feeling shoots down her spine but its instantly forgotten as Gina releases her grasp allowing her hand to hover for a few minutes before it falls back to her side feeling empty and missing the motherly touch she just experienced.

Effy starts speaking beside her but the words don't seem to form coherent sentences in the red heads mind. Her eyes are too busy focusing on the women's attire. Her flowery top covered with a yellow apron, her red tights finished off with a pair of dark blue cogs. It's bizarre and if it wasn't for the women wearing them they would completely not go but with Gina they just do. She has this free spirit aroma and Emily recognises small aspects of the women's appearance in her Naomi.

She wonders if anyone would be able to see any part of her in her mother, probably not and really she hopes not. Her mother's cold, dishonest and unloving. Nothing like the bright caring women shuffling her inside the house with flowery wall paper and shelves and cuboards with ornaments from all over the world. Lights drape down covering the doorway to what she presumes is the kitchen, she only guesses that because she can smell the sweet taste of Coffee and something baking in the oven. She watches Katie shuffle through, pathetically struggling to get past all the lights without some of them getting stuck in her hair.

The house is warm and it instantly makes her wish that it was hers. She wonders why Naomi never spent more time here or why she hardly ever mentioned her mother during their conversations. She wonders whether it was mainly to prevent her from feeling jealous of the relationship they had or whether Naomi felt more pain and anguish towards her mother because of her father leaving.

She wishes her mother _would _leave. Be selfish and leave them all behind. She wouldn't have anything to worry about then, the fear of never being accepted, of always knowing that she was so close yet so far.

But even then she can't picture her life without Jenna. Can't get rid of the smile on Jenna's face when she stood up for Katie at school or when her and her sister finally climbed down from the tree in the park after half an hour of their mother screaming for them to stop embarrassing her. Or the terrible recipes she would come up with for dinner, she used to make a lot of money through the bets her and the rest of the family use to make. It was nice, warm and just like a typical family. When they were all playing by the rules.

Naomi's house just seemed full of all the unordinary. Like a canvas filled from a spur of the moment feeling. You could be what you wanted here, even if it didn't go or if things shouldn't go together, they just did here.

"Can I get you a cupper love?" Gina's voice broke her wandering gaze.

She smiles "That would be lovely"

"Ef? And….i'm sorry what is your name?"

Katie stands up slightly, it makes Emily snort it's almost like an unconscious reaction to someone asking for the elder twins name "Katie" she lisps.

Gina nods, her eyes dart between the two "This is probably daft but I take it your related? That or Effy is being all mysterious like usual and is somehow tricking my mind into thinking there is two of you?"

"No trick Mrs Campbell, we're twins"

"Gina please Emily. After all you are practically family, anyone is who manages to chizzle their way through to my stubborn daughters heart" she chuckles.

Emily clears her throat her eyes darting to the floor "Actually it was more the other way round"

Gina's eyes shoot up and she's actually surprised they didn't fall from her face "My how things do change" she squints her eyes pointing at Effy with a tea bag "I should have known from that night with the Vodka" Effy laughs nodding her head, clearly surprised that the elder blonde didn't cotton on that it was the other way round and Naomi fighting for once.

It makes Emily smile how the word Vodka was even involved in Gina's sentence. Her mother was always so conservative when it came to alcohol. She wouldn't really talk about it for fear she would be encouraging her children to drink, the fact that Gina was present and even drinking with Effy and Naomi makes the biggest smile form on her lips. If things didn't work out with Naomi she just wanted to know this woman regardless.

It's almost like her mother always wanted to keep that boundary with them, they were her children not her friends. With Gina and Naomi they were on the same level which ultimately gave them a better relationship then she would ever have with her mother. Looking at her sister smiling as well makes her wonder whether Katie feels the same.

"Anyway" Gina continues turning her back to them all to carry on with the tea "I'm sure you didn't all come over here to taste my wacky tea, which by the way I have a new one for you all to try, broccoli flavour which I'm not too sure about, anyway how can I help?"

She doesn't look at the others before speaking, no longer really needing encouragement off them. She's made it this far, broken off her engagement at the alter and stood up to her mother, asking the mother to the women she loves for any idea where she could be in New Zealand doesn't even make her worry.

"I need to know where Naomi is" she says it with so much determination and love. Just hearing the girls name fall from her lips makes her heart do a flip in her chest. She doesn't falter her gaze on the elder women's back. Her mind terrified of the women refusing to help her. She'd still go regardless but a point in the right direction would help.

Gina swings round with four cups of tea in her hand, a small smile on her lips as she places the multi-coloured cups of different designs on the table before sliding one in front of each of them.

Emily recognises her cup straight away, it has a picture of a pig on the side. The same picture Naomi has on her favourite t-shirt. It makes her want to burst out crying as she pictures a small Naomi on her father's shoulders screaming at the mean people for them hurting piglet. She strokes her thumb across the picture as the rest of her fingers bask in the warmth.

They all sit at the table; the steam from their tea's floating into the air as Gina gets comfortable in her chair.

"I wish I could tell you an exact location love but I can't. When she came back she didn't really talk to me or Kieran. Just went to her room with a bag already full of probably junk before packing another one and leaving after about an hour. All she told me was she needed to get away, needed to breath for a bit and think things through. I knew something was wrong" she glances at Emily "I knew things probably hadn't ended to well because she actually gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before she left. Although" Gina stands suddenly from the table, the tea's spilling slightly as Katie darts backwards dramatically to ensure none of it spills on her expensive horrible skirt "She did leave this" she shuffles through the kitchen, passing through the cobweb of lights leaving the girls staring on confused as Katie settles back in her chair.

A muffled sentence passes through the kitchen but none of them can make it out. Emily begins to wonder whether the elder Campbell has gotten herself tangled somewhere in the house by how her voice sounded so strained but Gina appears not a moment later with something in her hand.

"This" she says triumphantly plonking it on the table revealing a purple laptop with various stickers on it.

"A laptop?" Katie asks baffled, Effy sporting a similar expression on her face.

Suddenly a thought enters the red heads mind "Fuck, your brilliant. Maybe we can access her accounts and see what tickets she brought?"

"I knew there was a reason she liked you" Gina says with a proud smile.

She blushes slightly, opening the laptop screen to shield her reddening face. It kind of makes her heart flutter that Gina's eyes held so much happiness and warmth towards her. A look she's always wanted to see in her own mum.

The laptop takes a few moments to load causing her heart to start thumping and her hands to eagerly hover over the computer keys. Her mind furiously praying that Naomi didn't set up some kind of security password to prevent people accessing her files. If she knew the blonde at all that was highly unlikely.

The security blue screen with a small picture of Naomi and Cook comes on the screen. The picture of the couple makes her stomach do a full 180. The jealously isn't a shock she just hates the way Cooks arm wraps so protectively around Naomi's shoulders. She wants to feel sorry for him, she stole the girl he adored but all she can remember is the spiteful comments he made at the alter. It was his fault really that her parents found out about their love, not that she was ashamed, but there are ways of doing it.

She should probably thank him really.

Her heart deflates when she sees the small thin rectangular box waiting for her to type in a password.

"There's a password" she declares even though everyone already knows. She shoves the laptop away slightly allowing her head to loll back through frustration as her mind tries to conjure up any remotely possible passwords.

The air was tense for a few seconds as everyone tried random entries only for the laptop to deny them a second later. It was unbelievably frustrating, how hard her and Naomi always seemed to have to fight just to be together, how all the fucking odds always seemed to wanna stack up against them. Now a shitty profile password was preventing her from finding Naomi.

"Try lesbian" Katie offers with a cheeky grin.

If Emily wasn't so tense she'd probably have laughed "Katie this isn't a joke"

"Calm Emsy" she warns holding up both her hands mockingly "Is there anyone that would know it?"

Effy shuffles in her chair while Gina shakes her head "This might not be what you want to hear Em but Cook might know?" Effy suggests.

"Brilliant" she retorts sarcastically.

"Hold on" Gina pipes up suddenly slamming her tea on the table "Why don't you try Emily?"

"I'm sure she's had this laptop a lot longer than she's known me"

"You can change these things no?"

Effy shifts the laptop round as Katie howls with laughter and Emily shakes her head still trying to think of different combinations until Effy squeaks triumphantly.

"No way" the red head exclaims.

Katie howls again "Campbell is one cliché sap!"

It just makes Emily's heart swell; she's sure that in that moment she fell in love with Naomi all over again. It also makes her blush as Gina stares at her intently with some intense stare that she knows is full of complete adoration. Like pussy in boots from Shrek when he wants to get something done his way. She shifts in her seat slightly uncomfortable waiting for the elder women to break from her cooing state. She's almost surprised she hasn't melted into a puddle on the floor yet. Emily gets it, Naomi doesn't seem the sort to dedicate passwords to someone.

This was strange.

"Go to her inbox" Effy interrupts before shuffling her chair back noisily "I need some Vodka that almost made me vom"

Gina darts to slap her arm "Stop it Effy" she giggles turning back to the laptop "I can be a proud mother finally"

"Vodka? its only- shit, Em its three!"

"Why's that bad?"

"The flight leaves at Seven"

Effy grabs the laptop.

She sits straight in her chair "Arent you meant to be at the airport three hours before the flight?"

"Conventional flights yes" Gina answers.

Katie scoffs "What other kind of flights are their?"

"Gina's dodgy ones" Effy throws in before hitting the computer "Shit Em the flights fully booked. Next one is tomorrow at 12:47"

The deflation she feels is overwhelming, her eyes almost swell with tears at the thought of yet another night without the blonde. Without Naomi with her, breathing the same air as her. Its ridiculous how needy she's become but she wants to remember her smell, to look into her eyes and see the hope radiating within them like Gina's. She wants to restore that hope because she knows that her eyes are completely empty right now, where ever she is.

Gina must notice because she places her hand on Emily's shoulder giving it a reassuring squeeze "She'll still be there when you arrive a day later"

"I just hate not having her close. She thinks I married JJ for god sake. She doesn't know I'm coming"

"If I know my daughter at all I know she's waiting for you. Probably trying her hardest not too but I know she is"

"She's just amazing" she chokes as a tear falls from her eye. The hatred she has towards herself for ever even contemplating not being with the blonde. She can't bear the thought of the heart ache Naomi must be going through. She can't even tolerate the picture of her and Cook when they were clearly together and happy let along Naomi marrying him. She must be broken.

"Might as well grab the Vodka then Ef" Katie sighs, turning the laptop to face her.

"Yes" Gina pipes up with an infectious smile "May as well make a night of it, your all welcome to stay"

Emily's eyes dart to the elder blonde.

Her eyes soften as they look at the red head "I'm sorry dear, Naomi mentioned that your parents weren't quite as accepting or unconventional as me, those were her words, so I gathered you wouldn't really want to go home" she smiles.

If Emily could she would have switched the switch to change her mother to Gina right then. This women truly was amazing. She didn't care what Naomi said, she could put up with the twenty one useless questions that Gina would no doubt ask about Naomi's day like what was the weather like? Or were you warm? And stay calm unlike Naomi. It's what a mother was supposed to ask, its what her mum was supposed to ask. And it hurt that she fucking didn't.

It also startled her how much sadness she felt when she realise that she no longer had a 'home'. Her flat with JJ would obviously be sold or if not she would probably allow JJ to continue living there. But that was her safety net, her home that she could go back to and throw off her shoes and slump on the sofa to watch crap on TV. She didn't have her own space anymore and that worried her more than she thought. 22 and homeless, brilliant.

But it doesn't take long for the thoughts of a home with Naomi to flood her mind. It makes her smile as she tries to picture the living room with cliché pictures of them both sitting on the mantel piece, candles resting on the table while they both sit on the couch with glasses of red wine in their hands. Its seems perfect. Seeing as red wine seems to be the catalyst of their relationship together.

Effy stands, casually making her way through the kitchen grabbing glasses and bottles before turning back round to place them in front of each of them. Emily made note of how familiar she seemed with the kitchen, made her question how often Effy stayed here with Naomi.

Emily thought of Naomi, thoughts of where she could be, what she could be doing. She closes her eyes, taking a breath picturing Naomi by a cliff looking over at the beautiful scenery that she always yearned to see with her own eyes. It was her dream, has always been, and Naomi didn't even hesitate to make that dream come true.

Why she didn't leave JJ there and then was beyond her.

"Let's play a game of avoidance?" Gina suggests.

Emily scoffs "No offence Gina but today I stood at the altar and told my whole family that I'm not in love with the person that proposed to me but a _woman_ that I've only known for a few months"

Effy and Katie snigger.

"Does seem rather ridiculous now doesn't it. But understand this" she points "it was the only way sometimes to get Naomi to talk" Gina explains.

"Tell me the rules" Emily quips in suddenly wanting any helping hand at getting into the blondes mind encase she ever switched off and kept things from her. As horrible as that sounded she had no idea what Naomi would be like when she arrived in New Zealand. If she ever found her.

;;

A bottle of vodka and an hour later and Emily finds herself feeling suitable relaxed. Her mind flies from different memories she shared with Naomi as the others laugh and joke in the back ground completely obvious to the red heads obvious loss of interest.

She remembers the first time they met, the way her heart sored and her skin tingles, the first time they kissed and Naomi almost enlightened this darkened part within her, how the first time Naomi caressed her skin she had never been so turned on before.

When they met in the Café and Naomi had her police uniform on, she's never wanted so much to pounce over the table and do things to her she never thought about doing to JJ.

But the other things she made her feel were valued. Naomi remembered things about her that JJ took months to realise. Like New Zealand and here she was bags packed waiting for the next flight. Only she was going to New Zealand before to find herself, now she was going there to find her.

;;

The night in Naomi's room was surreal. She can imagine a young teenage Naomi growing up here.

The sheets still smell of her, its such a distinct smell that it makes her heart flip and images play out in her mind of seeing her again.

It makes her feel like a giddy school girl receiving a text from her crush.

She cant wait to see the blonde again, to touch her, to fucking kiss her and tell her that she was a stupid selfish girl who was weak.

But she's not weak anymore and she was going to show Naomi that.

;;

The airport is crowded when they arrive and everyone is filled with apprehension at how this whole trip is going to turn out. Effy walks off almost straight away to check the plane they booked online is on time as Katie stares at her with this small smile, her eyes say everything.

"Ready Ems?"

"I'm fucking trembling" she replies holding out her hands for emphasis.

Katie laughs "I fucking would be too"

"Can you do me a favour Katie?"

"Anything"

She shifts her gaze before taking Katies hand "Keep an eye on JJ? I know you and JJ got on really well near the end, he's going to need all the support he can get"

"Sure babe. Now give me a fucking hug"

They hug as Effy comes back into view.

"Flights on time" the brunette says taking a place beside them all "You better go check in and get to the gate"

She nods turning to all three women stood just as nervous as her. She feels like she about to trek through the Alps or go into a warzone. The only person she wishes was here is her family, she knows that will never happen so she turns to Gina first, the only women that has ever even remotely reminded her of a mother and she hugs her first.

"You go find my daughter and kick her ass all the way back here and while you're doing it tell her I love her okay?" Gina sobs.

"I will" she sniffs in reply.

Effy's next and all the brunette does is nod and it almost makes Emily crumble at how fantastic she has been throughout this whole ordeal, especially to Naomi. She knows Effy has pulled the blonde through some really tough times "Thank you Ef, for looking after her" the brunette squeezes her in reply.

She shifts to her right slightly to face Katie. The elder twin has unshed tears in her eyes and Emily thinks in that moment how far they have both come as sisters. She's not sure how she would have coped If Katie had let her go at that alter. Really Katie saved her and kicked her ass in the right direction, the direction of the airport.

"I couldn't have done this without you Kay"

Katie shoves her shoulder playfully "Bullshit, I should have done this a long time ago"

"I'll send you a card"

"Give Campbell a thump from me" she says playfully before bringing Emily into a tight hug, not really ever wanting to let her twin go but knowing that she had too.

Emily smiles at them all as she break from her twin. Knowing that there wasn't anymore she could possible say.

So she turns and starts to take her first steps towards a new life.

Hopefully with Naomi.

;;

The heat hits her as soon as her first toe exits the plane, then the sun. She smiles struggling to keep her eyes open as she relishes the heat, especially since the freezing cold temperatures in England.

The weather beautiful and she can't help but picture the sight before her as a fresh start.

Everything was left behind her now, JJ, the failed marriage and her mother's opinion.

All that was stood in front of her was a hot country, Naomi and new beginnings.

All she needed to do was find her. She wasn't going to allow her tired body to stop her from beginning her search. Even if she hadn't slept properly for two days.

She walks down the steps, her brow starting to sweat as she curses her attire and enters the airport bus waiting to take them all to the terminal. It only take a few minutes in the bus before their all being bundled out and shoved into a cue for passport control, then bustled through two big doors before they all begin to crowd around the luggage belt waiting, hoping and praying that their luggage made it onto the right plane and is in the same condition they last saw it in.

Glancing around the airport Emily takes in everyone's excited expressions, she can tell the tourists from the returning citizens. She smiles knowing that she probably looks just as out of place as she grabs a map from a tourist information leaflet holder.

Her eyes dart over the names of each place, her heart racing as she reads the title.

New Zealand.

Finally. After all these years of dreaming she was finally here and all thanks to Naomi. She'd spoken this dream to everyone she'd known for years and Naomi comes a long and makes her dream come true after only knowing her for a while.

This woman truly was marvellous.

She almost misses her rucksack, embarrassing herself as she does some mad dive to grab it.

Her tired body almost falls backwards when she puts the bag on her back, cursing herself for ignoring her dad all those years when he pestered her to go to the gym. She grabs a redbull from the airport restaurant, almost mimicking the women's accent behind to till before realising that the women would probably take offence then see the funny side.

She shuffles outside grabbing the leaflet she found in Naomi's room with the address of the hotel she's praying the blonde is staying at before following the signs for a taxi.

Its not long before she gets one, is relieved when the driver accepts the leaflet claiming that the hotel is only an hours drive away. She uses the time wisely to obviously think of the blonde and catch up on some well needed sleep.

;;

The hotel is fucking beautiful. It reminds her of an old country pub back in England. The windows have flowers surrounding them, the gardens are all filled with flowers except the grass is a more yellowy colour and the tree's appear more exotic. It fills her with ideas for some of her own.

It makes her smile. She can picture Naomi here.

Suddenly her nerves overwhelm her. What if Naomi isn't pleased to see her? Secretly hoped she did get married?

No.

Not after what she said in the gardens that day.

She takes a deep breath and begins to make her way. Each step causes her knee's to shake more and her hands to sweat.

;;

The door has a little bell that alerts the owners to someone entering. She walks towards the reception desk, or what she presumes to be the reception and waits as patiently as she can for someone to notice her. Its not until she hears someone humming that she notices someone bent over behind the desk. She almost laughs at the sight when white hair engulfs her vision.

An old lady smiles politely at her.

"Sorry love didn't see you there. Welcome to Olive hotel, are you wishing to stay with us?"

She smiles, just like she does every time she hears the accent "Well I was actually wondering if you could help me?"

"Oh?"

She begins to ruffle around in her pockets looking for a photo "This is going to sound bizarre but I'm actually looking for someone"

The old lady smiles "You're British aren't you?"

"Yeah" she answers before showing the lady the photo she has of Naomi "I'm looking for this woman"

"Though so" she smiles "I thought it wasn't just coincidence to have two young British women come to stay in one week. We only usually get one Brit every few months"

Her heart starts to race at the admission "She's here?"

The old lady gives her a small smile "Sorry love she left about two days ago"

She deflates instantly. Of course things weren't going to be that easy for her.

"Do you have any idea where she was heading?"

"No love"

A shuffle comes from behind the reception door "Hold on" an elder grey haired man says and if Emily had a moment to stop and think about anything other then the blonde she would probably swoon at how cute this elderly couple seem to be in their secluded hotel "I found this in her room dear" he says smiling, his eyes so warm as he holds out a small card.

She eyes the card trying to focus on the writing as much as her jet lagged eyes will let her.

_Cars4rent _

Brilliant.

"Do you know where this place is?"

The elderly man walks to the window as if he could point it out in the distance "Just over that hill love. I could give you a lift?"

The notion almost melts her "Really?"

"Of course" his wife answers.

"Thank you"

If she had enough energy she would cry.

;;

It doesn't take them long to get to the airport. Not from the elderly man, who she learnt to be called Franks, driving but because it was literally just over the hill. Or as they went, around the hill.

The pebbles in the Cars4rent drive rock them uncomfortable until Frank pulls the car to a stop.

"Seriously I can't thank you enough"

He smiles warmly "Its okay love, you remind me a lot of my daughter, I had to help"

It seems like one of those moments in a TV series where she should ask about where his daughter is and learn some insightful words of wisdom but she doesn't ask him that question and simple nods her head before getting out of the car. Her mind completely focus on the blonde and the hope that the rental place knows where she is planning on going.

"Stay safe" Frank calls as she stumbles on the pebbles her tired legs almost giving way as she wrestles with her bag through the double doors. She smiles, a warm feeling filling her. Her dad always use to say the same thing to her whenever he would catch her sneaking out at night. She misses him.

The store is smaller than she imagines, from the card it looked like some big franchise. It's not until she spots the spotty teenage boy with a horrible yellow uniform on that she realises her predictions were right. She can only imagine what Naomi thought.

"Hey, I was wondering if you could help me?" she asks

He smiles brightly "Tis what I'm here for miss" he says in his New Zealand accent. It makes her cringe.

She sighs going through her pockets for the photo of Naomi, her thumb graces the photo as she looks at it. A smile breaking out on her aching face "Do you remember this women coming in to rent a car?"

He shakes his head "Sorry"

She deflates, gripping the picture extra hard as her hand falls. She's exhausted and this is proving to be a lot harder then she thinks.

"Hold on, let me just get my manager. She's been in all day. Providing she did come in today?"

Shit. She's no idea when Naomi could have come in.

"Possibly?" she offers and the acne boy just nods before going through a door.

She waits, impatiently at that. Looking around the formal room at that plastic seats that she assesses whether would be able to make her feel comfortable enough to sleep but dismisses the idea when her eyes land on the various rental cars parked outside. She's actually kind of excited at the prospect of driving one, her and JJ only ever had average cards. The ones parked outside were actually way above average.

The cost was the next thing to finally worry her. Bit backwards.

She doesn't even here the boy come back accompanied by his manager.

"Hello, I was told you're looking for someone? Do they work here?" she asks, her accent very strong and her attire matching the boys except this time her uniform is red.

"Yes and No. Did this women come into the shop and rent a vehicle today?" she says showing the picture.

"No"

She deflates again, she's sure shes going to collapse soon. This card was just a loose limb really. Now she wasn't sure what she was going to do with Frank gone.

"But she was in the other day, rented one of our BMW's"

If it's possible to jump for joy without actually jumping for joy, she just did that.

"Do you know where she was heading?" she almost screams.

She laughs "Yeah, asked us for a map and everything. I can get you the same thing. Are you looking for her then?"

If things could be more perfect she's sure she would have fainted.

"You know where she was going seriously?" she almost squeals.

"Yeah" the women answers slightly taken back, before slowly placing a A4 map in front of them on the counter "She wanted to drop her car off at our store here" she says pointing on the map.

She gets closes taking in the map, the names completely foreign to her apart from the main cities that she learnt by heart "How long will it take me to get there?"

"Not long" the boy answers "I remember her saying she was going to be taking a pit stop on the way so you could potentially catch up with her"

"Fantastic! How much is it to rent a car there?"

;;

It's not until she's been driving for about an hour with the windows down and the heat from the New Zealand weather with Radical Face's Welcome Home playing through the radio that it really hits her how surreal this whole thing is.

It makes her smile as she reaches for her sun glasses, placing them on her nose as she taps and sings along to the song.

Naomi isn't far, she's just out of reach but at least they are both in the same small part of the world. It's enough to comfort her as she takes in the beautiful scenery. It's only every so often that she has a slight scare thinking she's driving on the wrong side of the road before she remembers its right and settles back in her chair.

Its nice to have no worries, the only one she does have is getting to Naomi but for the first time In her life she feels like she's fighting for something worth fighting for. Even if her mother doesn't approve, she'll fight that battle when she gets home.

No, for now she'll just allow her mind to think all things Naomi.

And that makes her smile like a stupid school girl.

;;

After a few pit stops on the hard shoulder for a piss (which was extremely difficult with all the lorry drivers beeping) and two stops at fast food restaurants she pulls into the rental car place. It looks almost identical to the one she was at earlier in the morning. The sun has set now making the lights at the rental place almost blind her. Its still mildly hot yet she's shaking terribly because what ever the person behind the desk says to her could determine whether that long drive was worth it or not.

She doesn't have much of an idea what to do next if they cant help her or if they refuse to give her any information on the blonde. Shes not surprised that it must be suspicious asking them about another customer who is due to drop their car off at any point in the next few hours, but she's beyond caring what other people think of her now, since Naomi its like all her mother's influences have just seeped from her body and she can already tell its relieved her of so much stress.

The door creaks just like the other one did, she smiles through the exhaustion as the girl behind the counter gives her a fake smile and after a long breath she blasts off the same conversation she's had for the past day. Shes looking for a blonde and it's a matter of live or death, seriously, her heart surely cant keep beating this fast all the time?

"A blonde women about mid twenties, English with blue eyes?" the women repeats to her and Emily curses herself for holding her breath. "Hey Derek!" she calls behind herself and the noise startles the red head "Sorry but if theres anyone here to remember a young women its him. He's a bit of a pig"

This makes her laugh, the first pure chuckle she's made in a while. He reminds her slightly of Cook, even though she didn't know him all that well or _want _to really know him due to the fact he was with the women she fucking adored but even so. She's sure he was just as much a pig as this Derek in his prime.

He doesn't look a thing like Cook when he waddles out.

"Yeah I remember her, she dropped off the BMW"

"Where is she now? Did she tell you where she was heading?" she almost screams holding onto the counter. They both seem slightly startled by her behaviour "Sorry" she says stepping back slightly embarrassed "Its just I've been travelling for almost 3 days straight, I'm exhausted. I just really need to see her so please if you have any information on where she's staying or whether she rented another car, please tell me"

If there's one thing Katie ever taught her it was the puppy dog eyes, seriously you can't say no to a puppy dog eyed Fitch, or so her dad always said.

The boy clears his throat "Yeah sure, she picked up a few of these leaflets asking about where was good nearby to stay. Then I ordered her a cab and she left about two and a half hours ago"

"Which leaflets?"

He walks around the counter towards the leaflet stand, her nostrils flare at his clearly unwashed clothes smell. Maybe he was more like Cook than she thought "I think they were these ones, theres not many nearby only two"

_Thank god there's only two!_

He turns to her handing the leaflets over, all his festival bands almost cover his wrists as he gives her a small smile "Look keep the car overnight it could take us a while to get you a cab and you look knackered"

"Oh my god thank you"

"Just out of curiosity how far have you come?"

"From England"

He laughs astonished "Wow she must mean a lot for you to chase her all the way over here"

She smiles looking at the hotels thinking _these are totally Naomi_ before looking at him "You have no idea"

;;

She drove straight past the first one, she knew just from the look of it Naomi would have done the same. Remember those kinds of advertisements that make the place, item or holiday look so perfect yet when you receive it or go there it looks nothing like the picture? Well that was one of them. It was horrible, the flowers surrounding the windows were dead, the white paint chipped and the windows you couldn't even see through.

It looked like something out of a horror movie and unless Naomi was really that depressed she was certain she didn't stay there.

God, she hoped she wasn't that depressed.

It made her heart hurt, and she doesn't care how cheesy that fucking sounds either.

The second hotel is along the same road only a few miles down and the road towards it is along the coast. The moon light is shining off the sea creating a lovely glow over the fields with sleeping animals. Its beautiful.

She almost doesn't see the sign to the hotel she's too engrossed in the scenery but its soon focussed on everything Naomi as her heart thumps in her chest and threatens to break through her chest.

Naomi is here she must be.

If she isn't then she literally has no more energy to keep hunting for her tonight.

If there is a god she's praying for him right now to for once make things go the right way for her.

The road leading up to the hotel is small and the branches from the low tree's brush against the car. Her head lights come across a number of small animals as she slows down in fear of running them over, after two foxes and a rabbit she finally pulls into the small car park in front of the hotel.

Its beautiful only this time the picture in the leaflet didn't do it justice. The walls are covered in stones and the window sils are wooden with flower pots kissing the edges. It reminds her of an old country cottage back in England which feels her with warmth.

She lets herself take pictures in her mind until she remembers that the women she loves is potentially inside.

She wonders how she feels, whether she feels as lost as she does. As weak as she fucking does just because she hasn't been able to glance into her eyes for the past week. Its torture and all that's separating them is a few doors and walls.

After a deep breath and a motivational speech she gets out of the car leaving her bags inside.

The door is bright red (which reminds her of Gina's bright yellow one) as it creaks open. It alerts her presence almost immediately, she doesn't even have a chance to breath before a young man welcomes her.

"Hello, are you looking for somewhere to stay for the evening?" he's looks in his early thirties, with the cliché father look about him, cream shorts and a stripy sports top on.

She bites back a sarcastic retort (well taught by Naomi) before she nods tiredly shifting over to the desk they have set up in the corner.

"We have two spare rooms available tonight, one is a single and the other is a double. Obviously the double will cost slightly more-"

She holds up her hand to silence him.

"is everything okay?"

"Sorry" she says slightly embarrassed, retracting her hand. He smiles trying to show he's listening and she's thankful that he didn't go off about her obvious rudeness "I need your help actually"

"Is everything okay?" he asks genially as he walks around offering the chair he was just sat on. She gladly takes it allowing herself a moment to look around the room. Its small yet comfortable, a room she always allowed herself to imagine her and Naomi having if they ever lived together, if she ever grew fucking guts and left JJ.

"Yeah I'm fine its just I'm actually looking for someone"

He smiles "I thought you might be, my names Anthony"

She looks up shocked "I'm sorry?"

"We tend to enjoy a meal with all our guests when they first arrive, depends on the time obviously, but this evening we had a meal with a very interesting young women"

"Naomi" she whispers and he nods.

"You must be Emily. She talked about you none stop this evening, I don't even think she realised it" he sits on the table edge beside her seeing how the young girl has suddenly begun to tremble "not many red heads come through our doors so I knew as soon as you came through you must be her. Sorry I didn't say anything sooner, I've had my head ripped off before for assuming"

She doesn't really hear the last bit all she can concentrate on is the face that "Naomi is here?"

"Yes dear"

_Shit._

This is all so real now.

"God you must think I'm awful"

He shakes his head smiling "she only spoke fondly of you love"

A tear falls from her eye; she's relieved, exhausted, full of fucking love and scared out of her mind. So many emotions you just dont expect to have all at once.

"Your trembling girl"

She snorts "You have no idea, I put her through so much I just can't bare the thought of her not being happy to see me"

"I highly doubt that will be the case"

They both share a moment where they both smile before he shuffles through some papers "she's in room 20, up the stairs and along the hall. I'm sure she'll be excited to see you"

She nods her head quickly standing on her shaking legs, brushing off the imaginary dust as she makes her way over to the stairs.

Its ridiculous how much she feels like shes about to go and perform in front of thousands, but it's the same really isn't it, cause whatever happens in the next few hours is either going to make her life complete or destroy her.

She begins her climb laughing slightly as Anthony calls up that dinner is at ten tomorrow but not to worry If they don't make it down, at least he has faith.

The stairs creak beneath her feet, its subtle but to her it feels like she is causing earthquakes.

The hallway seems to stretch for miles yet she can see the two numbers at the end signalling Naomi's room. Signalling the end of one long fucking struggle of denial.

She stands in front of the wooden door, her hand hovering in front of her face in the shape of a fist waiting to knock the standard three times and wait for the door to open.

_Naomi._

_Naomi is in there._

_My love_

She knocks without even registering it.

Her heart thumps and her throat becomes restricted.

She doesn't even really see the door open or feel the rush of air.

Then shes staring into pale blue eyes with a shocked expression.

She says the first thing that comes to her mind.

"Hi….I'm ridiculously in love with you"

"Emily?"

Just hearing Naomi say her name sets off a replay of their entire love affair.

How the fuck did she ever deny this woman?

**I know I know kill me now. The next part has already begun being typed and I have Miss Maraudeur to bitch slap me as soon as ive taken too long**

**Review?**


	21. Chapter 20 Final

**It's been one heck of a ride and all I can say is thank you for joining me on it, it's been emotional.**

**I've made you wait long enough for this so a more detailed A/N will be posted at the end so if you fancy hearing me rant then have a read, ill also say a little something about the collab that's planned.**

**Ive been over this a thousand times but no doubt there are still some mistakes.**

**I send you all Love, Hope and Peace.**

**Enjoy xx**

Final Chapter

Feel It

_"Hi….I'm ridiculously in love with you"_

_"Emily?"_

They stand only a few feet apart but to Emily it could have felt like they were on other sides of the world. Naomi still hadn't said anything, her expression still the same, shocked. It was almost impossible to read whether she was actually at all happy to see her standing on the other side of the door and that scared her more than anything.

A few moments feels like a life time before Emily breaks the silence, no longer being able to handle the suspense any longer.

She closes her eyes "Please say something Naomi" she opens her eyes slowly just in time to see Naomi shake herself out of her daze.

"W-What are you doing here?"

She fights not to close her eyes again when Naomi speaks; her voice is something she's been longing to hear since the moment she walked away from her in that garden.

She lets out a small chuckle "Why do you think I'm here Naomi?" she doesn't know why she keeps saying the girls name but hearing it roll from her lips gives her butterflies and make her want to reach out and just close the remaining distance between them. But she can't because Naomi isn't saying much or doing much and each passing second is killing her slowly.

The red head goes to speak again but is quickly stopped "No" the blonde says quickly and it startles her, she even takes a few steps back. The blonde grabs something off the table beside her before shuffling through the door "Not here" she continues.

"What?"

"Whatever you've got to say I don't want it said in some room. This whole thing started behind closed doors and whatever you've got to say I want it said outside, in the open" its frantic the way Naomi says it so she doesn't even think of protesting, she feels quite the opposite actually, its fucking sweet and romantic and probably sums up the many reasons why she's so in love with the blonde.

"Okay" she whispers following the blondes lead through the house.

They pass by Anthony on the way through; he gives her a sly wink before pretending to be reading some papers. She continues to follow Naomi through the house; it's so warm and inviting with pictures of different places within New Zealand that she can't wait to visit. They walk down a small hallway before going through the kitchen and out the back door

She can smell the ocean before she hears or sees it, it smells the same as it does back home, she isn't sure why she thought it would smell any different. The wind is blowing in off the ocean, it's warm and soft. She glances at Naomi seeing the breeze brushing past her causing her blonde locks to flow in the wind revealing her pale neck. She looks breath taking; she could watch her forever.

She takes the last few steps until she's standing beside Naomi looking out at the ocean, watching each wave as it crashes against the shore. It makes her smile, the ocean always did that too her. The stars are shining brightly and its making her slightly dizzy looking at them all because of her constant travelling and the fact she hasn't slept yet at all, yet being stood here next to Naomi finally, knowing that she is living and breathing in the same small part of the world makes her eyes almost want to shut and allow herself to enjoy this moment. It's a shame the blonde has other ideas.

"What are you doing here Emily?" she asks, her voice cracking making her sound almost as vulnerable as she did when the red head last saw her at her hen party.

She doesn't answer straight away; it's an ordinary question yet it deserves so much more than just a simple answer, _she _deserves so much more.

She remembers how Naomi completely poured her heart out to her; let all her walls completely down at her hen party. How vulnerable Naomi looked, the blonde didn't even need to utter any words because her eyes screamed every single one.

How she still said 'no' was beyond her but she remembers what she said, how her voice sounded completely defeated. Now her fears and her demons seem so trivial, especially now she's stood next to the woman she loves who thinks she wasn't strong enough to be proud and accept their love.

She clears her throat taking a step forward so she's parallel to the blonde; she stares out at the ocean allowing the calm atmosphere to wash over her.

Her mind races; sentences flow in front of her eyes. The words blur into each other: Sorry, forgiveness, love. Yet when it comes to it no words seem to form coherent sentences that can possibly explain the full extent of how she feels to the blonde; no words would truly do her justice. So she turns to face the blonde, relieved when Naomi mimics her a second later. She knows her eyes will probably portray a thousand words.

She smiles at Naomi, watching her blonde fringe flutter slightly in Naomi's eyes. Her hand reaches forward before her brain has comprehended the movement. The blonde flinches when their skin comes into contact, it's almost like Naomi didn't believe she was truly stood right there only a few centimetres in front of her.

Her palm rests flat against Naomi's cheek; the blonde's eye flutter shut for only a second until that intense stare is back on her demanding answers.

She knows Naomi's mind is probably battling with different thoughts.

It's time now, she knows, it's not fair to make Naomi wait any longer despite the fact she just wants to allow the feeling of the blonde so close for a few more seconds.

She clears her throat.

"I've never been brave" She starts "Never in my entire life if you can believe that. I've always been one of those individuals that stand on the line and watch everyone else cross it; Katie even bloody James. I suppose I never liked the idea of being exposed like that, have people expect things from me that I might struggle to do. So I stayed put and watched everyone else be brave. Maybe it's because of Katie, I always knew she was next to me so I didn't have to worry about standing out or maybe it's because I'm terrified of what people would think of me if they found out I'm not so much like Katie as they first thought" she clears her throat "So when I met JJ and everyone seemed to like him I mixed up love with approval. I didn't realise I had until I met you and from one fucking glance I realised I had no idea what love was or how it feels. What I had with JJ was friendship not a relationship and definitely not a marriage"

She can see Naomi's discomfort when talking about JJ. Still unsure whether her words are giving the desired effect she continues.

"Naomi you made me feel things I didn't even know existed, it's like you set me alight the first time you touched me and I've been burning ever since. I thought the flames would burn out but they haven't. I love you and I know I do because my heart beats a thousand times a second, my stomach does flips every time I look into your eyes and all I want to do is be with you"

Naomi eyes look away for a second and it almost makes her knee's give way "But you knew you this before yet you still went to the alter, you still got in your wedding dress"

It's a fair point and it almost cripples her when Naomi's voice breaks at the end.

"I know Nai but I was scared, I'm not scared anymore. I was terrified of what it meant if I allowed myself to be with you, that the perfect little life I had created for myself would be destroyed and I would be left with nothing but an infatuation, but I was wrong because I wasn't living nor is what I feel an infatuation. I _love _you Naomi Campbell and I'm ready to take the risk with you, I'm ready to cross the line"

As soon as the last word passes through her lips she feels like a new woman; it's a huge moment in her life. She's finally admitted that she's different; different from Katie and the image her parents have of her without an audience. She believes it herself now and despite her mother's disapproval she's ready to embrace her new life, the only downfall would be if Naomi wasn't ready to do that with her.

A tear streaks down her cheek and she's relieved when she sees the same on the blondes. They share a moment before giggling slightly "Wow, that speech was almost as good as mine" Naomi jokes.

"Cheeky, but also true, yours deserved an Oscar"

They giggle for a few more seconds before they quieten down and Naomi looks at her in such a way that it makes her heart flip and her mouth go dry.

Then a thought dawns on her.

"Hold on how did you know I went to the wedding?"

Naomi sighs "I got a pleasant text from Cook telling me that he knows the truth"

She remembers the defeated look in his eyes and JJ's, it haunts her "Shit I forgot about that"

The blonde shrugs "its okay, I should have been honest with him"

Naomi feeling guilty doesn't seem right to the red head "You were, you left him instead of dragging him into our mess"

"Mess?"

"You know what I mean" she says nudging the blonde who smirks "I on the other hand did the dishonourable thing and dragged a sweet guy all the way through it then left him at the alter"

Naomi grabs her shoulder, she tries to ignore the bolts of electricity shooting through her arm "Hold on I thought you just didn't turn up?"

Shit.

"No…I…I went"

She seems confused "When did you tell him the truth?"

Shit.

"After I said 'I object'" she braces herself closing her eyes, yet when she doesn't hear anything for a few moments she cracks and eye open to see Naomi burst out laughing. She lets out the breath she didn't think she was holding to join in.

The blonde struggles to get the words out "Christ were you auditioning to be in Eastenders?"

"I know, probably the most dramatic way to do it" she answers embarrassed.

Naomi seems to think for a moment "Wow so you really did leave it to the last minute"

She places her hand on Naomi's shoulder "I know that sounds awful but it had to happen the way it did Naoms"

The blonde sighs "I know. You're too sweet of a person to intentionally hurt anyone"

"Yet I did" she says ashamed remember JJ's face as the words fell from her lips.

"We both did" Naomi reassures.

Its feels strange being stood in front of the blonde with the warm sea air brushing past them on a foreign island; an island she's only ever dreamt of visiting. Naomi brought every bit of strength out of her, made her believe in herself.

She owes everything to the blonde but she knows she's already repaid her in the best way possible. By admitting her love and being brave enough to come after her.

The exhaustion from over two days of travelling finally hits her; she can feel her eyes getting heavier. She knows it's because she feels content, she's within an arm's reach of Naomi and despite knowing that everything Is okay, it's enough for her to relax for the first time in days.

Naomi seems to sense the change and turns to face Emily "Are you okay? You must have been travelling for days?"

She smiles lazily "You're a hard one to catch"

The blonde smiles "Come on, let's go to my room"

It didn't take them long to reach Naomi's room. It wasn't a very big room; it matched the rest of the house. It had a small bathroom with a bath and toilet; the bed was king size. It was the first thing her eyes landed on and she's sure Naomi saw. She hadn't thought about the sleeping arrangements, despite wanting to jump on Naomi and show her in a more physical way how she was hers and hers only but it did seem a bit too soon, too fragile. Yet at the same time the thought of the blonde being away from her wasn't even an option.

"Why don't you take a bath? Freshen up then we can watch some TV in bed?" Naomi suggested as she placed her mobile and room key on the bed side table.

"That sounds fantastic"

Naomi smiled "I'll start running it for you"

She watched as Naomi left the room, her eyes roamed around noticing Naomi's perfectly folded clothes in the corner sat on a chair beside her suitcase that had what she presumed an organised mess laying within. She heard the blonde humming in the bath room as she run the bath and it made her close her eyes and pretend that they were living together back in Bristol. The whole domesticity of it all seemed overwhelming, she almost wanted to cry with joy but didn't knowing it would probably look a bit full on in front of the blonde which reminded her of the doubt she felt when she was still with her fiancé and thought of Naomi.

What if she didn't want that? To eventually live with her and share their lives? What if this was all just a fun experiment? Did she still love Cook? What if she decided that this was all nonsense and she went back to men? Did this mean they were gay? Was she gay? Was Naomi gay?

Fucking hell.

"Stop thinking" a voice shot across the room, it wasn't harsh but it was firm.

"Sorry"

Naomi walks across the room and perches herself on the edge of the bed before patting the area beside her for Emily to sit. As the red head sits Naomi places her hand upon hers.

"I know everything seems so crazy at the moment but let's just be us tonight yeah? Despite it feeling like the beginning let's just sit in our bubble for tonight until we figure this all out?"

"Sounds perfect"

"Good" Naomi says before standing "Now no more thinking otherwise I'll be forced to thump you Fitch"

She laughs "I swear that's called assault? You're meant to be an officer of the law"

"Meh, I'm in a different country it should be alright. No one has to know"

"Domestic abuse then"

She calls from the bathroom "You wish Fitch"

And she did. Just the thought of living with the blonde gave her butterflies. Without thinking of all the negative things, waking up next to Naomi every morning was definitely something she couldn't see herself getting bored of ever.

She relaxed in the bath for a while, allowing her body to soak in the water and soap. She tried not to think about the blonde on the other side; she didn't want to worry herself over what Naomi was thinking. The uncertainty was definitely something that she hated; despised in fact and the sooner they talked thoroughly the better.

It wasn't long before she was walking back into the bedroom with only a towel wrapped around her small frame. She noticed the way the blondes eyes danced up her body, how they sucked her all in before resting on her own eyes. She loved the effect she had on the blonde, the way it made her core burn and her heart race. These were the feelings Naomi had sparked from deep within her.

Fuck the world, fuck her parents.

She was stupid to ever think she could withstand this. Withstand Naomi.

"Like what you see?" she purred with confidence watching as Naomi takes a large gulp.

Naomi smiles "You're beautiful"

It takes her off guard. Her confidence is suddenly gone and the nerves and anxiety are back. That sentence has always been said to Katie, despite the fact that her fiancé tried his hardest to tell her every day hearing it from the blonde hits home.

"You don't believe me when I say that do you?" Naomi asks as she stands from the bed closing the distance between them.

Words won't form so she shakes her head feeling her mouth go dry and her stomach flutter from the decreasing distance between them.

"You're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen" Naomi finishes just as her eyes fall to the floor. She's never been good with accepting compliments. Naomi gently touches her chin bringing her eyes back to her level "I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you realise that"

Naomi has made her feel like the most wanted woman in the world when they were fucking; the way her eyes drank her in and her hands clawed at her skin as if she needed it to survive but right now when she's got nothing but a towel protecting her it's hard to believe her and hearing the blonde declare that she wants to live the rest of her life trying to make her see that is overwhelming.

She fights the tears threatening to fall; now is not a time to be weak.

"I love you Naomi" she says with such determination.

Naomi smiles and nods "I know"

"Do you? I mean I haven't shown you much reason to believe it"

"Emily you're here, you followed me to the other side of the world! You need to stop doubting yourself"

She stands looking into the blue oceans before her; See's the way the bedroom light flickers off them.

"I love you too" Naomi responds.

She doesn't think when she does it, just steps forward and locks her lips with the blonde. It's like an electrical currently flows between them because before long she lets go of her towel and wraps her arms around Naomi. She squeezes her tight ignoring the need for air or the fact that she is now standing completely naked.

She's brave, Naomi has made her brave.

Naomi drags her tongue slowly across her lips; she doesn't even hesitate before granting her access. Their tongues make love as her arms try to bring the blonde impossibly closer. It's like they are trying to ignore all logic, like she can almost make them become one.

Naomi moans into the kiss causing her centre to almost flood with desire. She's missed feeling Naomi so close, having her in her arms and allowing her to make her whole world seem to trivial.

It isn't long before air becomes an up most need and it's like they've been stung as they both take a step back panting, their eyes never leaving the others.

All that can be heard is their heavy breathing and the waves crashing outside.

It's almost like they are back in their bubble only despite being in a small secluded room they aren't. It's just them now, no boyfriends, and no other lovers. Just Naomi and Emily at the edge of all reason.

She realises how vulnerable she is as she glances down at her naked flesh. Her breasts and vagina are completely on show yet she doesn't attempt to hide them because it would seem like a backwards step.

So she stands strong, her back straight daring the blonde to do otherwise.

Her breathing finally starts to even. Naomi smirks and Emily has to fight not to walk straight over there are wipe the smirk off with her lips. It's like a statement her standing their right now completely naked and fragile. It's a fresh start and her wearing nothing screams that she has nothing left to hide.

This is_ me. _

Naomi takes a step forward and gives her a small kiss upon the lips, her hand rests upon the red heads cheek as they both take a deep breath through their noses.

The blonde steps back allowing some distance between them before starting on the buttons to her cardigan. Once open she lets it fall to the floor before removing her tank top revealing her bright red bra. As its thrown she begins to unbutton her jeans, each button is opened and its almost agonising for Emily as her heart beats a thousand thumps a minute and her legs try to control the burning between them.

She watches as Naomi steps out of her jeans throwing them to the side knocking over her neatly pilled clothes.

Naomi is just in her bra and pants now, they're a matching set. She looks breath taking.

It's not enough though; and Naomi knows that.

There's something beautiful about watching the person you love strip their layers right in front of you. She wants so badly to reach out but she knows it would defeat the meaning of what is happening right now.

She knows what Naomi is saying.

That's_ you _and this is_ me. There is nothing left to hide, either love me completely or leave me._

She watches as the blonde removes her knickers agonisingly slowly, her muscles tense as she stops herself from moving closer. Naomi smirks and licks her lips as they fall to the floor before snaking her arm round the back and unleashing her bra with one flick of the wrist. She holds it there for a moment teasing the red head before allowing her arms to throw it to the floor.

They then both stood there, naked, vulnerable and in love.

Nothing else mattered, no threat of others, no threat of diseases or other factors that could tear them apart. It's just them, against the edge of reason, in love and together.

"Naomi…" begins but the blonde shakes her head taking a step forward.

"Don't say anything Em"

It brings a tear to her eyes because there is no more pressure, no more hopelessness making her feel guilty for the way her heart swoon for the blonde.

Naomi steps forward caressing her cheek causing her eyes to involuntarily close "Just show me babe"

That was all it took before the gap was gone between them. Caresses, kisses, licks, bites and moans.

It wasn't about sex this time, a release. It was so much more, this time they were making love, exploring each other's bodies as lovers. With all the unanswered questions floating around the room trying to drive them apart they fought on for their love and devotion for one another.

She could feel every touch, it was like Naomi was setting fire to her skin and leaving burn marks. It was devastating yet absolutely beautiful because she knew that Naomi would be the death of her. Her heart was completely held by the blonde and if Naomi chose not to adore and cherish it she'd give up on love because it wouldn't exist. It couldn't possibly exist.

She could feel her arousal getting stronger with every nip and tug the blonde did, every brush of Naomi's thigh against her throbbing centre.

"I need you Naomi" she begged, tightening her hold on the blonde, allowing her fingernails to graze her pale toned skin.

Naomi kissed the length of her neck rocking against her "I want you so bad Emily" she moaned and it was almost enough for her to climax.

"Show me how bad" she whispered.

"No" Naomi suddenly said causing Emily to whip her head round to look in her eyes, her heart beating as the nerves began to erupt.

"Wwhat?"

"Sorry" she said shaking her head "It just sounded like all the other times. Emily I don't want to show you how bad I want you, I want to show you how much I love you"

If there were moments in your life you wish you could just collect together and throw into your jewellery box, now was that moment for Emily. She knew then why she loved the blonde so much, why her heart sent out signals for her or why her hands always seemed to linger in the air waiting for the blonde to touch her.

"Then show me" she whispered, feeling a lone tear roll down her cheek and land on the blondes hand just above her heart.

And she did, show her.

Every touch was magnifying, every kiss sent an electric pulse to her heart.

It was devastatingly beautiful.

And in the moment the blonde took her over the edge she knew that she was completely in love with her.

She fell asleep that night hearing her lover whisper sweet nothings.

;;

The next morning she woke up in a bit of a daze but content. She could still hear the waves crashing at the shore signalling a new day. She stretched in the bed yawning before reaching over to seek the blonde, trying to be careful not to wake her.

Her hand reached over as her eyes remain closed, it isn't until they come into contact with cool fabric that they shot open. She looks over to see Naomi's side of the bed empty, that's when everything hits her at once, the doubt, the hopelessness and uncertainty. It's too much and before she knows it she's sat up in bed crying in the middle of a country she doesn't know on her own.

Had last night not meant anything to the blonde? Was it Naomi's way of saying good bye your too late?

"Naomi" she whispered into the empty room. It looked so different in the morning light, the sun shone through the window lighting a part of the bed and Naomi's now complete mess of clothes. She looked around the room noticing their attire from last night thrown in different place, it was like a painting, the clothes the paint and the floor its canvas. It marked an epic point in history for them last night and she was terrified to think that the blonde may have not felt the same.

All the un answered question that were floating around them last night as they were making love came crashing down around her.

They laid spawn across the bed in front of her, the only problem was she had no one to answer them for her because Naomi was gone.

Her silence promises seemed unjustified now. That was until she heard the door click open causing her to cover her naked flesh.

Naomi.

She shuffles into the room seemingly unaware of the shaken red head on the bed. She starts to take off her clothes leaving a thin inner layer on before sitting on the bed, it isn't until she turns around after removing her socks that she yelps at the two eyes intently staring at her.

"Fuck Emily, I didn't realise you were awake" she tries to explain but it doesn't stop the words that pore out of Emily's mouth.

"Are you already regretting what happened last night?"

Naomi eye brows raise "Blimey" she chokes suddenly "No, shit I didn't mean to scare you it's just nicotine was demanding my attention"

"You smoke?"

The blonde shrugs "Apparently I do now"

"Well that won't do" she mocks.

Naomi smirks shifting onto all fours on the bed before crawling towards her "Oh really?"

Emily nods "Yes that will be the first thing to go" it seems dangerous to suggest such a thing but the relief of her being close again was giving her confidence.

"Fitch are you trying to put me under the thumb?" Naomi smiles raising her eye brows.

"Scared?" she raises an challenging eye brow in return.

"Terrified"

;;

They eat breakfast outside on a crooked picnic bench by the beach. Anthony saw them outside just sitting enjoying each other's silent company both too scared to begin firing unanswered questions; so to give them the strength for the day he brought them both a good old fashioned English fry up. They both laughed making comments about how English tradition still followed them all the way out here.

"My god that was lovely, definitely what the doctor ordered" Emily said slapping her now full stomach.

Naomi giggles drinking through the straw of her orange juice "I doubt the doctor would suggest such an unhealthy breakfast"

"True but don't ruin my moment Naoms" she says leaning forward wiping her mouth with the napkin.

The suns beating down against her skin; she didn't even think to put sun cream on and she can already feel her bare shoulders and back in her tank top burning. She touches the skin on her arm seeing her hand print left behind as her skin slowly turns from white to a slight shade of red.

Naomi seems to notice her shuffling around and looks at her concerned.

"You okay? You ate your food pretty quick so I'm not surprised if you're feeling sick" she says turning slightly in her chair.

"Cheeky, no I just didn't think to put any sun cream on, have you?"

She laughs "Yeah I put some on after my shower"

"Thanks for the heads up"

"Sorry hun I just thought it was common sense, yano different country, hotter climate" Naomi jokes nudging her slightly.

She tries to glance at her shoulders seeing the redder tinge to them "Christ I didn't bloody think, JJ was always the one to remember these kinds of things"

It just spills from her mouth before she thinks; she feels Naomi tense beside her. She doesn't turn her head until she feels Naomi relax slightly. She turns around bracing herself "Sorry, it's probably still too fresh to mention their names"

Their names being the two men that they once loved.

Naomi shakes her head "No, don't be silly. They were both a big part of our lives, it's stupid to try and pretend we never had feelings for them. I'm not going to deny that it doesn't turn me slightly into the green eyed monster though"

"It's adorable to think of you all jealous"

"pfft, it's not the most pleasant way to be"

The guilt fills her again when she imagines what she must have put the blonde through still being with JJ all that time "I'm sure it wasn't. But if it makes you feel better I was feeling the same way about you and Cook"

"I suppose we can only see that as a good sign" Naomi finishes and the silence falls upon them again. They don't move, just stare contently at each other, the unanswered questions banging against their perfect bubble. It was nice but the lack of actual conversation about what they really needed to discuss was starting to bother the red head.

They needed to make things clear, simple.

It was starting to drive her crazy.

"Fancy a dip in the sea?"

Yet the idea of Naomi in a bikini seemed to overcome all her worries.

"Yes please, if just to cool down!"

Naomi laughs "Let's get you some sun cream first"

;;

It isn't until later on in the evening when their walking along the beach after dinner that Emily finds herself in the perfect situation to ask all her questions. The day had been perfect, they'd enjoyed each other's company, kissed almost a million times (which never got boring, she felt like a little teenager again) and even spoken slightly about how to spend their next week and a bit together. Yet the pressure of _knowing _what they were or what they both _wanted_ was becoming too agonisingly painful for her.

The pressure was building and she knew if she didn't ask she would lose it. She needed to know that the blonde wanted what she did, that everything she had thrown away had been worth it (despite the fact she knows this would have all climaxed eventually with or without Naomi no doubt)

It was too much and she swung around trying to say something but it came out all bundled together and she's sure she almost choked on her own spit it was that desperate. Naomi looks at her slightly startled yet sporting a smirk at Emily's expense so she clears her throat and starts again.

"Sorry; I just can't keep not thinking anymore Nai. I need to know what this is, what _we _are" she says signalling between them.

Naomi smiles and signals for them to keep walking "I've been trying to conjure up the best way to start this conversation since we started walking but I couldn't think of the right thing to say"

"I'm sure whatever way you chose would have had a better result than mine" she jokes trying to lighten the mood yet wishes she hadn't because this was a serious subject they were about to tackle.

They walk for a few more minutes, she knows Naomi is probably still wondering how she's going to explain all the thoughts going through her head.

She's nervous.

"Emily" Naomi begins softly as usual her eyes close at the sound of her own name upon the blonde's lips "I know you want me to stand here and declare to you that I will love you forever…" she says.

Emily's sure her heart almost stops "But" she croaks

"I can't do that. I'm not stupid enough to make a promise like that"

"That's not very optimistic of you" she says feeling deflated.

Naomi shrugs "I suppose it's just the cynic inside of me"

It all seems so pointless now she's starting to get her answer. Naomi doesn't want the same things as her.

"Okay well I'm glad it's clear now that I've travelled across the world for you to tell me that what we have is just a bit of fun" she says, trying to prevent her voice from breaking as her fragile heart struggles to stay together.

"Shit no Emily I didn't mean it like _that_" Naomi says making them stop, she looks around her feet kicking the sand slightly before sitting down. Emily's thankful because she isn't sure her knee would have kept her upright for much longer as her world seems to tumble around her.

Emily sniffs, her head running a mantra through it.

_Your brave now, don't cry, brave, don't cry"_

Yet she can't help but wish Katie was here, or even worse her mum. She'll never get that kind of maternal comfort anymore, not while she chooses to live this way. Yet with the blonde breaking her heart beside her she's can't help but feel it was all for nothing.

Looks like she wasn't going to get her fairy tale ending after all.

"I don't want to promise you that because I'd hate to think that there'd come a day I'd break it"

It's then that Emily realised how silly she was being. She was acting like a teenage girl on a first date with a boy trying to get him to declare his denying love for her.

"Christ I'm sorry. This has all been so new and overwhelming I'm turning into a bunny boiler" she laughs feeling embarrassed.

Naomi shifts closer, feeling the blonde leaning into her is enough to comfort her "Don't be sorry. If anything hearing you be so optimistic about us is comforting and a relief. Whatever you're thinking or feeling just be reassured I'm probably feeling the same. I mean where do_ you_ see this going?"

It's an easy question yet she doesn't have an answer. She now sees where Naomi is coming from.

"I don't know Nai. All I know is I want you in my life and hopefully for a very long time"

"I want that too" Naomi almost whispers and it sends chills down her spine.

They share a delicate kiss, no longer being able to stand being so far apart.

Everything seems to fall into place then.

Maybe they'll last forever, maybe they'll argue over who does the washing up or who puts the rubbish out early in the morning before the bin men arrive. Maybe they'll both love trashy TV or share salted popcorn over a movie. Maybe they'll have children or become lost in their old fashioned ways. Maybe they'll get married and divorce at 40 or dance like loony's on their 70th wedding anniversary. Maybe her mother will attend her wedding or maybe she'll be by her mother's death bed and still watch as she disapproves her life style.

What she does know is she's happy right now and having the blonde besides her looking at her with such love and devotion is enough to put her nerves at ease.

"You know yesterday was the first time you told me you loved me?" the blonde says looking directly into her eyes.

It shocks her because in her mind she said it almost every day since she realised.

Emily smiles "I think I've loved you from the moment you told me or maybe even a little bit before" She looks at the sea quickly before looking back "I should have told your sooner"

Naomi shakes her head "No, it was actually sort of perfect opening my door and hearing you say it. When I left I guess I just came to the conclusion that I'd never get to hear it"

"We should write a novel!" Emily jokes resting her head on Naomi's shoulder, allowing her eyes to close and feel the heat of the lowering sun upon her skin.

Naomi chuckles "It would be a good read. Two young girls in committed relationships take one look at each other and throw their entire lives upside down and it takes a trip around the world and an almost wedding for them to realise that they belong to each other"

"I think you've chosen the wrong career Nai. Oh which reminds me" she begins lifting her head from the crook of Naomi's neck to give the blonde a deep kiss.

"What was that for?"

"Just to say congratulations on your promotion and also I told you so"

Naomi squeezes her "I suppose I owe you then Fitch"

She kisses the blonde "and I can think of a few ways in which you can repay me"

"If you suggesting what I think your suggestion then that's just part of my girlfriend duties"

_Girlfriend, _how perfect that word sounds coming from the blonde. It makes her beam and Naomi almost blushes at being so open without actually asking. But that's the point, Emily thinks, they're at that age where saying 'will you be my girlfriend' is too trivial. When two people love each other that's enough to declare their upmost devotion to one another.

Whether that lasts their entire lives or not.

"That's true" she answers trying to show that what the blonde just said was normal "I will have to think of something else"

It's almost dark as the last few rays of sunshine light up the horizon; they both sit in silence watching it slowly fall. It's beautiful and it makes them feel like its signalling the end of what has been a very emotional couple of months.

How one person can have such an effect on another is beyond her yet she doesn't regret one moment of it.

Naomi stands brushing the sand off her clothes as she turns to Emily, her hand out stretched "Come on, we have a bottle of wine and a double bed waiting for us in our bedroom"

_Our bedroom _Emily thinks as she takes the blondes out stretched hand.

"Plus I'm starting to grow on the idea of using sexual favours as a good way to repay you"

Emily laughs brushing herself down "Well you're going to have to go beyond the usual girlfriend sexual favours"

"I think we've experimented quite a bit over the last few months wouldn't you say Ems?" Naomi winks.

_Ems _she could definitely get used to hearing the blonde say her name like that.

She doesn't even blush at the suggestion; she just winks back taking the blondes hand.

She takes a moment to look at the beauty in front of her, the woman that currently holds her heart. She hates the fact that because Naomi is a girl her mother will never get the chance to get to know her, it's beyond her how someone could throw the chance of getting to know Naomi.

It's her mother's loss yet it still completely pains her to know that right now she doesn't really have a mum anymore.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Naomi says just above a whisper allowing her free hand to stroke her cheek.

She shakes her head "It's nothing really; just my mother didn't really take too well to the idea of me loving a girl"

"She's probably just startled love, besides she hasn't even met me yet, it's hard not to love me" she says with the cheesiest and most adorable smile ever.

Emily laughs "Who are you and what have you done with the pessimist that was here before?"

Naomi tilts her head back laughing and its beautiful, she brings her head back down and allows a small smile to dance across her lips before bringing both her hands up to the red heads cheeks "I promise you that when we get back we'll tackle this problem, together. I don't care what shit we have to go through for people to see that we love each other"

She would have melted into a puddle there and then if she could. She just wished Naomi realised the unstoppable force that was Jenna Fitch, but just knowing that Naomi knew how much this was hurting her was enough for her to fall in love all over again.

"I love you Naomi Campbell"

"I love you Emily Fitch, now come on. I need a drink and to show you just _how _much I love you"

And that she did, for the whole two weeks they spent in New Zealand.

;;

It wasn't until their toes touched British soil that Emily really started to panic. She'd made a promise to herself that she wasn't going to shy away from the truth, that when someone asked why her relationship with JJ failed she would simply reply 'because I fell in love with someone else' and when they said who she would proudly announce 'Naomi'

She's relieved when she sees Katie standing at the airport arrivals. She's ecstatic when Katie runs up to her and envelops her in a hug and twirls her around like she's been gone for months "I've fucking missed you! Next time take me with you"

They hug for a little bit longer until an uncomfortable cough sounds beside them reminding them of the presence of the blonde. Katie looks a bit uncomfortable to begin with and Naomi struggles to find something to say, she swears right now her heart is in her throat.

The two most important people in her life standing right beside one another.

Katie laughs first breaking the tension "Fucking hell, give us a hug slapper"

And Naomi does.

That's when she knows that everything's going to be okay as she smiles at her lover and sister hugging.

-x- The End –x-

…**.I actually can't believe it's over. I posted the first chapter of what I presumed was just a silly one shot on the 25****th**** November 2010 and didn't expect to receive the response I did. So really guys, every single one of you that reviewed, alerted or favourted my story should pat yourselves on the back because without that encouragement this would not have happened. I see authors all the time say that the number of reviews they get doesn't affect them but if im honest for me the more of you that reviewed the more inspired I got! **

**I was going to attempt to write everyone's usernames on here to say thank you for the reviews but after a few seconds i realised how crazy that would have been but I just wanted to high light that even if you weren't a regular reviewer the fact you took the time to review really made my day. **

**So all I ask is if you have time to give me a few words to explain how the end was? Whether you enjoyed It or even hated it? What you liked that happened during the story or what you wish I hadn't done? Or PM me if you'd like to discuss it, I don't mind.**

**There are a few people id also like to thank! First off is my good old ranga Christy! Now she does have a FFN username but she bloody hardly ever uses it anymore so im not even sure she will read this but girl! You've become a very good friend over the year or so that we have been talking and you even became my part time Beta at one point and without your encouragement and excitement for each chapter I doubt I would have continued this! So thanks! Love your English Muff!**

**Then of course there is the beautiful Miss Marauduer ! without her bitch slaps and constant questions of 'hows the writing going?' I really would not have got this ending out! She bugged my ass to get the last few chapters out like I mentioned in my A/Ns and now we've formed this great friendship that I hope we never loose, we like talk every single day without fail. We always say that she's the clever one and im the funny one, so hopefully this collab we have planned will be ace and an enjoyment for you all. Love you Kaz you're the best cyber gf ever!**

**This story has made me talk to a lot of lovely people over the year and a bit that its been published so im happy to keep writing just for that fact **

**Now on the collab; I promise you that it is coming. Me and Kaz always said that we didn't want both our stories running when we published it so now mine has finished we can start focussing on it properly and even start writing it! Weve done a lot of planning and have a very solid story line set out, weve done like tables and everything! Ahaha we just want this to be perfect with no mistakes! We'll even have our hand at doing some fan art for the story! So stay tuned!**

**Add me on twitter if you haven't already because we will be putting up statuses about how we are getting on Emz3009 and Mmekeek (Kaz). Also read Kaz's story manifolds because its ace and because she may put a few mentions on her authors notes there!**

**Once again thank you! I will be replying to each of your reviews just to say a personal thank you and to answer any questions you may have.**

**I will now leave this story up for you all to enjoy over and over again. If you wish to use it anywhere please get my permission first, that's all I ask.**

**Now don't stray too far, I won't ;)**

**Love and peace.**

**Emz2009**


	22. epilogue

**This picks up 6 years later. I had no plan for this, I had an idea and just went with it. I wanted to tackle something that I thought may go well with this storyline, you'll see what I mean when you start reading.**

**I still get reviews, favs and alerts for this story even after so long so I decided to write another chapter rather than a whole new one shot. Thank you for all the support and love. Enjoy!**

**If you're on tumblr follow me! Emz3009. **

"So how long have you and your boyfriend been together?"

Naomi sighs "I haven't got a boyfriend"

"Oh but you said you were in a relationship?" her new partner for the day asks. A middle aged man with a stomach the size of the earth and a beard that hasn't been touched or brushed in years. It's not that she is ashamed of her long term relationship with Emily it's just that trying to explain to the old dragon that she is in a relationship with a girl and yes that does technically make her a lesbian but she doesn't really consider herself a lesbian and why that makes sense to her but not to anyone else, well, is just too tiring.

So she goes with another tactic "Have you got that ticket for the Asian guy we fined earlier today? I still need to file it on the system"

He jolts quickly retrieving his note book and handing her the ticket "Yeah, let's run his name in the system to see if anything flags up. There was something off about him"

Awkward situation averted.

"Are you one of those women who's married to her job then?"

Or not

She huffs turning quickly, scanning the crowd to make sure no one is too close to hear what she's about to say "No, I'm married to my vibrator"

He steps back hands raised, the buttons to his shirt almost popping open. She tugs at her stab vest, shuffling to try and distract her from that fact his gut is almost bursting out. She can hear Emily in her head telling her off for being too abrupt and short tempered. She reaches out her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Okay, I know my place. Just thought that seeing as we are going to be working together for the next few days we could at least try to let the time pass quicker with some conversation"

_Damn Jack and his wife for having a baby and leaving me here to work with such a dragon._

It wasn't him that annoyed her really; he wasn't the first person to ask her the typical questions you would ask anyone you were trying to get to know. It just annoyed her because she knew what was to come "I'm sorry, shit, I'm just a bit stressed"

"It's okay; I've been married for 40 years I know how it feels. He that bad?"

"She" she whispers. She can see Emily shaking her head behind her closed eye lids, _speak up, be proud woman._

His eyes almost pop out of his skull, his shirt almost breaks open as he breathes out "Oh, wow. She must be very beautiful"

Naomi looks at him; she tries to read what exactly he meant by that "Why do you say that?"

"Well you're a very attractive woman yourself"

"Please do not try and picture me and my girlfriend together" she laughs squinting up at the burning sun.

He looks shocked "I'm a gentleman and old enough to be your father"

She looks at him "Well dad I think you need a bigger shirt"

He looks down, shaking his head smiling "Tell that to my wife. She makes the best dinners you could ever hope for, only they aren't the healthiest"

They walk towards the car parked down the road, she feels lighter somehow. Wishes it wasn't because of the fact she's dating a woman is now out in the open. She never knew that dating Emily would put such a strain on normal social situations. The inevitable fact that she is dating another woman always rears its ugly head in every social situation she encountered. It wasn't that she was ashamed she was just fed up with the same results. They either equalled gobsmacked faces, rude comments or disbelief and every now and then, just like Ted her partner, hardly any reaction at all. She preferred them.

"How long have you been with her?"

Naomi smiles; she can remember the first time she ever laid eyes on Emily. The pull she felt, the instant attraction. There was nothing she could do but fall for the red head.

"Six years" she answers.

Six wonderful years. She remembers every moment shared, every kiss, every caress. Being with Emily was like tumbling down the rabbit hole, she never knew what to expect or how to really react. Emily is beautiful, witty, lovable and exhilarating. She's taught Naomi how to love and live, how to always make the best of bad situations. Things haven't exactly been easy for them both, when they got back from New Zealand they had to try and sort out the mess they had left behind. Emily felt some weird sort of obligation to help JJ and Naomi the same with Cook. Emily's mother also became the biggest witch in the universe ever to live and really did test their boundaries. Naomi shudders remembering the fights, the tense conversations and even the pretending that they weren't together at family gatherings. But it wasn't just everyone around them that had to adjust, so did they.

Emily was the first woman Naomi had ever found sexually attractive, no the _only _woman Naomi had ever found sexually attractive. Emily had sucked her in without even letting her know, what she felt for Emily wasn't something she could ever feel for anyone else. It was uniquely theirs. Trying to explain that to Emily was difficult and she hadn't really spoken to the red head since. That was three days ago, it was a surprise really, that it had taken six years for this conversation even to come up.

_She can see the hurt in Emily's eyes._

"_What are you saying Naomi? How can you be with me, a woman, then tell me you're not a lesbian?" she croaks._

_She doesn't answer straight away, she knows that every letter she pronounces is going to be stripped down and evaluated by the red head "Because calling me a lesbian suggests I find women sexually attractive, I don't, I just find _YOU _attractive"_

_Emily rolls her eyes "That doesn't make any sense"_

_Naomi tries to control her frustration "It makes every bit of sense. You are the only woman I have ever been with. I find men attractive NOT women. You are different though, with you I don't seem to have any control over what I feel, do or want. With you it is what it is, I don't want to have to justify it by saying that I am a lesbian when I'm not"_

_The red head scoffs, her hands flapping up in exaggeration "Well let me get out of your way then so you can go back to guyville and drown yourself in cock!"_

"_That is the most immature thing you could have said!"_

_She can see the frustration and confusion in her eyes, she wishes she could explain it, wishes there was a way to make Emily understand but she doesn't really herself. Emily _is _the only woman she has ever found sexually attractive and only woman she's pretty sure she ever will. She hates the fact that this alone makes the red head doubt their relationship, that she has to lie to her to make her believe that the love she has for her is real and pure. _

_She won't do that though, not for the fact that it isn't true but because she simple can't lie to the red head. After denying her feelings for her for so long she's vowed never to do that again. It never solves anything just makes it so much worse._

_She doesn't want to fight with Emily, all she wants to do is hug her and kiss her and tell her everything is going to be okay._

"_Look please love, we don't even need to be arguing about this"_

_Emily looks at her with a stone expression "You're right, if you're not going to admit and accept who you are, there really isn't anything to argue about"_

_She groans, her heads starting to ache and her heart is racing. She knows that where ever this conversation is heading now it's not going to end well "The fact that I'm not just going to label myself something that you feel reflects you and every other woman that finds other woman sexually attractive does not mean I am not accepting who I am. If anything by not doing that is accepting who I am"_

"_Then your bisexual"_

"_Why do I have to be anything?! Why can't I just be Naomi who loves Emily?! Why are you trying to push and shove me into this category when I'm telling you that I'm not? You're starting to sound like your mother!"_

_She regrets it as soon as the words leave her mouth but at the same time it's true. They had to fight Emily's mother for years to prove that what they felt for each other wasn't just a phase nor a ploy for attention. Yet here Emily was trying to label her and justify the way they felt for each other, it infuriated her. _

"_Fuck you!" Emily snarls, turning heading for the door._

_Naomi knows she shouldn't but her short temper takes over "How can you fuck me if I don't call myself a lesbian?! It's impossible!"_

_That was three days ago._

"That's a long time. Still going strong?" he asks entering the car.

Her heart aches, she hasn't spoken to the red head properly in three days. Everything was strained and forced, a dark cloud hovering over them ready to turn into a storm at any moment. She didn't know how to fix it, yet at the same time she didn't want to because she was so frustrated that she was being forced to pick a side almost when all she wanted to do was be herself, be Naomi.

It wasn't Emily's fault though; her family had pushed her to the limit. All Emily wanted to do was enjoy her time with the blonde but every time her family questioned her she had to fight and justify their relationship. The only good thing out of that was Emily was able to come to terms with the change, whereas Naomi clearly hadn't fully comprehended it.

Or she didn't feel the need to.

"Yeah, well we were. We kind of had a bit of an argument the other day and haven't spoken properly since"

He turns on the engine and starts driving as she starts to go through her notes from the day. It's been a slow day.

"Tell her you're sorry?" he says meekly.

She laughs; she's actually starting to get use to Ted "I wish it were that simple"

"Our shifts over now just go home and try and talk to her" he says as they pull up at the station "I'll write up all the reports.

She lies "Thanks Ted, sorry for being such a monster. I'll see you tomorrow"

;;

"So she's calling you a lesbian and you're running for the hills?" the brunette says, cigarette between her fingers and vodka perched between her thighs. Effy always had a way with words.

Naomi takes the cigarette from her fingers and takes a drag, she takes a deep breath she hasn't smokes in years, Emily always hated it "She's frustrated that I won't accept the fact that she is calling me it"

"That's because it isn't true"

"Yes"

"It terrifies her"

This makes her look up, it startles her "What? Why?!"

Effy does her smirk, the one that makes you feel like you have learnt absolutely nothing from life "Because she thinks that by you not calling yourself a lesbian will mean that eventually you'll fall in love with someone else and not just the fact that that someone else will be a man but It just makes her feel a bit vulnerable"

"What about the fact I have been with her for six years , am living with her and madly in love with her?"

She blows out a puff of smoke "Has this ever come up before?"

Naomi shakes her head.

"How does all of this make you feel?"

It's nice to be asked, Naomi thinks "Frustrated. I'm so tired of having to justify myself to everyone and the one person who should understand and support me isn't talking to me because I won't do what everyone wants and label myself something I don't fully accept and believe I am"

"Emily's a reasonable girl, I'm sure this time of silence has given her time to think everything over and calm down" Effy reasons "I'm sure it's given you time to think over Emily's reasons for getting so upset over it"

She hasn't though, Naomi realises. All this time she's been so het up on defending herself and justifying why she won't allow society to label her that she hasn't just stopped and thought about how Emily might be feeling. It then dawns on her.

"Do you think she's worried I'm not willing to commit to her?"

Effy smiles "As much as I don't want to say this – she's a woman. We all have our moments of vulnerability and doubt. She probably didn't see this conversation ever coming to light and the fact that it has and you're adamantly denying the fact that you are a lesbian has probably terrified and rattled her. She just needs a bit of reassuring, that the foundations of your relationship are still solid"

Naomi sighs "I've been a prat haven't I"

"No" the brunette answers strongly "You've done nothing wrong. This is something I think needed to happen. You just need to go home and talk to her, she's probably worried"

The blonde shoots up checking her watch "Shit Ef its half eleven!"

"I thought you knew?"

"I should have been home four hours ago" she screeched rushing towards the car "Where's my fucking phone?!"

"I thought you left it in the car on purpose?"

"FUCK! I've got missed calls, oh shit…ones from Katie" she yells, running around to the drivers side "Get in Ef ill drive you home"

The brunette holds up her hands "Ha! Don't worry I'll walk, you get home and suck up!"

"You sure?"

"Go woman!"

;;

She skids to a halt outside the house, glancing at the windows to see if she can see Emily inside as she quickly gathers her things. She's nervous and slightly terrified that Emily is going to be angry, also the fact that Katie's jeep is parked in the drive.

"Fuck right, stay calm and just explain how you feel"

The walk up to the door seems so quick, she almost wishes she had to climb a mounting of stairs just so she could get her thoughts and feeling all together. Before she can even get her key in the lock the door flies open revealing a slightly miffed Katie.

She stands at the door with a slight slant and her right hand resting on her hip; her face does not look impressed "Well it's nice of you to come home"

"Overtime at work" she lies.

"I call bullshit, Emily's already rung up your work to see where you were"

Fuck, that's just made her look ten times worse. She goes to apologise but Katie just raises her hand silencing her.

"Whatever the fuck you've done just sort it, she's a mess"

With that she stalks out of the house and into her jeep. Naomi lets out the breath she's been holding, six years earlier and Katie would have probably rugby tackled her and beaten her to death. They seem to have reached some common ground and put up with each other now, that and she reckons Katie secretly fancies her.

She closes the door slowly, dropping her keys and warrant card on the table. She wipes her clammy hands on her trousers and loosens her tie. She's nervous and tired, all she wants is to go into the room, say sorry and kiss her. But she knows this is something they need to discuss otherwise it will only eat away at them. She can hear shuffling in the kitchen, knows Emily is probably just trying to busy herself.

She walks slowly, blinking slightly at the bright light coming from the kitchen. She catches the red locks and her heart skips a beat, the same way it did when she first laid eyes on the red head.

She clears her throat awkwardly as she enters the kitchen; Emily's stood by the bin emptying a plate of food, her eyes are puffy and red. She realises that it must have been her dinner.

"It got cold, you can't re-heat chicken" Emily croaks as she takes the plate over to the sink and almost throws it in.

"I'm sorry I got caught up"

Emily spins round her arms resting on the counter top to keep her balance "Where have you been?"

She clears her throat "Just with Ef"

"You could have let me know, I've been worried"

She feels guilty "I know, I'm sorry"

Emily shakes her head sniffing "I'm going to bed" she says as she makes her way out the room.

Naomi catches her arm before she can leave and pulls her in for a fierce kiss. She misses the red head, misses her taste and the feel of her close. They pull apart but Naomi doesn't let them get too far apart "I'm so sorry Emily, I never meant for you to doubt our relationship"

The red head pulls back "That's not right, _**I **_don't doubt our relationship, I'm very sure of it. I'm worried that you do"

"How could I ever doubt this? Just because I won't adhere to the social norm of labelling myself does not mean that my love, the six years we have spent together loses its worth. If you want to label me then call me Emilyism because I'm nothing else. I am totally in love with you Fitch, I don't want to be with anyone else. I get where you're coming from, where everyone is coming from but I'm just not any of those things and I never will be but please do not let that make you doubt the love I have for you"

Emily blushes "I've been a bit childish"

Naomi walks up to her brushing some of the hair out of the red heads face "Don't be silly, I get it love, I really do. I'm sorry my short temper got in the way. Plus if I didn't love you I wouldn't have allowed you to get that bog brush of a cat would i?" as soon as she said it the ball of grey fluff starts brushing up against her feet.

"Please babe, Alfie can hear you"

"He's not coming in the room tonight" she says kissing the red head on the nose hugging her tightly "I'll piss on you if I have too"

Emily giggles "That's disgusting"

"You love it"

They kiss again, long and slow. It seems ridiculous to think that they had been arguing and ignoring each other for almost three days yet at the same time it's nice to know that they have tackled yet another obstacle together. Society has a way of wanting to label something so that it is easier to understand, but really all that does is simplify it and contain it when really what they each are is something unique. They realise that now, they are Emily and Naomi, nothing more and nothing less with a love that is different, earth shattering and beautiful. That's all they need.

As they break the kiss Naomi smiles and Emily raises an eyebrow.

"Have you been smoking?"

Shit.


End file.
